Ugh!

I got through yesterday and even FORCED myself onto the treadmill. 15 minutes is better then nothing, EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS! At the time the 15 minutes lasted for ever, and I didn't feel any better afterwards, but today I am SO glad I did it. I'm on my way to doing the treadmill every day no matter what :) If I make it to this Thursday, it will be the first week I did it EVERY day since a weigh in. I have to make sure things that come up in life don't keep me from walking. ALSO that they don't make me head to the fridge and pig out... I didn't make the best choices yesterday but today is another day!  :)

I want to thank you Jenny and Tessa for your comments, and for officially "following" my journey :) This blog really is helping me. I don't know what it is, I think a lot of it is knowing that someone is reading it and I have to pick myself up and keep going so I don't fail and let anyone down!!! The first weight loss blog I ever read was Stacy's... and she gave excuse after excuse until eventually quiting- letting us all down... I don't ever want to be looked at like that. (but she really has inspired me and I wish nothing but good things for her) Well whatever it is, this blog is helping me, and I'm back up and ready!!!
To answer your question Tessa: No I don't count my calories. I have tried before, and it was just to much for me. Maybe I get overwhelmed easily, I don't know... but concentrating on smaller portions and trying to add healthier foods to my diet is all I can handle right now. Once I feel that is more under control, I want to try to count calories again... even if just to see how many I'm consuming, because I have NO IDEA.
Yes, I think I will check out a food scale. If they are not to expensive and look like something I will actually use- then sure, why not! It will help me measure stuff that doesn't fit so well in my measuring cups and spoons LOL.
I have never been a breakfast person, but I have been trying to eat it lately. On the weekends we have been making breakfast more (not the healthiest breakfasts I guess) but I will start trying to eat SOMETHING even if it's just a granola bar and milk.

I have decided to follow what the packaging on the food says for a portions. TWICE yesterday I over did it. If I would have followed instructions I would have only had 1/4 cup of trail mix and that would have been enough. I would have had HALF of what I ate for dinner and I wouldn't have been so full and mad at myself!!! So I'm going to try really hard to follow the serving size suggestions from now on.
Yesterday I bought the trail mix thinking it would be a nice snack, but I think it's giving me heart burn, which I don't get often at all- and i don't like it!!! In the last few years I realized peanut butter gives me heartburn, but had never had a problem with just peanuts- till now. So guess I'm done with the trail mix! that's ok, fruits would probably be a better choice anyway  :)
Here's My Day:
Breakfast: 2 apple pancakes with about 1 tbs of light syrup. 1/2 an apple. 1/2 a frappuccino (about 5 oz)
Lunch: 1/2 cup of leftover sweet and sour chicken over 1/2 cup of white rice. water
Snack: 1/4 cup of trail mix (peanuts, raisins, very few m&ms) the rest of the frappuccino (4.5 oz)
Dinner: Ordered In- 3 med/large slices of pizza. :(  6oz of Pepsi. Water
Total Water Today: about 36 oz
Treadmill: 32 minutes (1 mile)
Crunches: 100 (5 sets of 20)
As you can see I did not make the best choices today. I really messed up for dinner AGAIN. I started off the day so positive, and ready to get back on track... I don't know what happened.
You want to know what I said when he wanted to order pizza this time? I said "NO! Then I will have to write on my blog that I ordered pizza AGAIN!!!" He said- "You didn't order it I did," and picked up the phone!!!! UGH.... I don't think he is trying to sabotage me, he is just addicted to the food as much (if not more) as I am... It is still my fault that I ate THREE slices. That is my fault and my fault alone. No matter what food is around I have to stick to my JUST ONE rule when it's something like that, that I pig out on. Once again I am full, and mad at myself. I'm going to have to really put my foot down and stop this ordering food all the time!!!!! It is out of control! and I guess I'm not as in-control as I thought, when it comes to temptations...
Ugh! I just can't believe I did that!!! I am so happy with my weigh-in the other day, so I should be MORE motivated!!!!!
I'm pretty tired, going to bed early. I'm going to go get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. So at least I won't ruin my goal of getting on it everyday.
Tomorrow is Monday. The weekend (which is so much harder for some reason) will be over and I will get back on track.
Ugh.

Blah

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: 1 pancake with about 1/8 cup of light syrup. 1 sausage Patty. 1 cup of Fat Free Skim Milk
Lunch: the other half of the turkey bacon club sub with 1 packet of mayo. 1 small cheese stick. water.
Snack: 1/4 cup of trail mix (Bulk- peanuts, raisins, m&ms, 1 almond) 1 cup of Fat Free Skim milk.
Dinner: 1 cup of sweet and sour chicken with pineapple&water chestnuts over 1 cup of white rice.
Total Water about 24oz
I've had some stress today... I don't know if it's that or the hungry howies, but I just feel so... blah. I felt tired and sluggish all day. Then for dinner I measured it out, and 1 cup of rice and 1 cup of the chicken stuff looked like ALOT. Did i put it back? Only get 1/2 a cup? no... I just kept it and ate it, even though I was full half way through! Ugh... It's just not my day today. I really don't want to get on the treadmill AT ALL :(  I wanted to get on it everyday now, even if only for 15 minutes... but i really feel like crap. We will see. I also haven't drank enough water today... Going to go watch Oh Brother Where Art Thou, maybe that will cheer me up.

I'm back :) It is Sunday and I feel better. I got another 12 oz of water in me last night and FORCED myself to do the treadmill for 15 minutes... ugh that 15 minutes seemed so long! but I did it. So I wanted to update My Day :) I'll be back later for today's post.
New Water Total: 36 oz
Treadmill: 15 minutes (.45 miles) 5 minutes of that with 2 LB weights.
See you later!

The Weigh In...

Today is Friday, Weigh Day!
The other day I was so exited to be right at 300, that I completely forgot I was in winter clothes and NOT my weigh-in shorts and a t-shirt!!!! So that must have helped, because today when I stepped on the scale, I was down 4 pounds for the week!!! It said... 298...298!!!!! I AM UNDER 300 POUNDS!!!! Woooooo Hoooooo!!!!!
Do you know what that means? That means, that no longer will I be looking past the 300 (which is the limit) on my scale!!! That also means I am now within the weight limit of my treadmill!!!! I am so exited!!!! I don't want to ever weigh 300 pounds again. I hope that I never see a 3 in front of my weight ever ever EVER again!
Soooo.... what is my fiance doing right now??? Ordering Hungry Howie's.... ugh, I LOVE Hungry Howie's. What I usually have is a whole calzone sub, 2 pieces of pizza, about 5 cheese sticks, almost the whole sauce, and a glass or 2 of pop. That was before, but now I will do much better... It's not what I SHOULD be eating, but I'm going to eat SLOW, enjoy my meal, eat LESS, and I'm ok with that today.

A little note: We got his income tax 2 days ago, and this is why we have been eating so much junk :( It is So hard not to order food when we have extra money... but the extra money COULD be going to much more important things. This is something I really have stop doing!!!! But like I said, for tonight I'm not going to worry about that, but from now on I really have to make sure we don't keep ordering out like this. It would be SO easy for me to blame my fiance, but I won't be doing that- because as soon as he said it, i didn't say "No we shouldn't" I said "Ok, get me a Turkey Club Sub!!!" 

Well, anyway- today is a GREAT day for me :) So I'm not going to beat myself up over the Hungry Howies's.....
Here's My Day:
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich (1 can of tuna, 1 tbs miracle whip, 1/4 cup cheddar, 4 hot banana pepper rings). 8 carrots with 1 tbs light ranch. Water
Snack: 2 chocolate chip cookies with 1 cup of Fat Free Milk (uhhh...yeah, you read that right. I bought fat free milk... and drank it with cookies LOL)
Dinner Ordered In: 1/2 turkey club calzone sub with one packet of mayo. 2 cheese sticks with about a tbs of sauce. 3 bites of pepperoni pizza. 6 oz Pepsi. Water.
Snack: 2 slices of an orange
Total Water for Today: 50 oz

Treadmill: 30 minutes (1 mile) 10 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Crunches: 100 (40, 20, 20, 20)
Exercise: 50 bend/reaches (25 for each side)

This is the first time in my LIFE that I didn't finish a slice of pizza!

Hi. My name is Tina... and I'm a fast food addict.

 My fiance and I are both addicted to fast food. We very rarely go out to eat as a family, because we know we can't afford it. Yet we order in way more then we should. Or stop at a drive through on impulse. See, we don't plan and go out, or plan to order food... but in the moment when we want fast food we just do it! It is really ridiculous, because we can't afford it and I know it's bad for us. I guess that's what addiction is right? You do it because you want it at that moment and you don't care about the consequences. It taste so good, and your having a good time, Not to mention how convenient it is!!!
So today as we were leaving he grabbed some Burger King coupons and after the store, that's where we went.
Let me explain what I would have gotten BEFORE January 1st- the coupons are for "buy a value meal and get a sandwich free" So we get a whopper meal and a whopper free, AND a chicken sandwich meal and chicken sandwich free. So I would usually have a chicken sandwich, a whopper, a medium order of fries, ketchup, and a pop. When we went to burger king, this was what we always did. BUT not today, Same coupons- different ME... I had the free whopper, and 2 french fries. I took a bite of one of his double stackers but that's it! Since I ruined the normal plan he had the whole whopper meal, and a buy one get one double stackers. he wanted me to eat one of the double stackers, but I refused. I joked with him that he is going to get really fat, because he is eating all the stuff I normally would have. (He also ate the rest of that pizza yesterday since i didn't eat anymore of it, and our son had one piece)

Now, even though I joked about it, and I am proud of the improvement I have made... It doesn't change the fact that I shouldn't have had it at all. I mean, of course I am going to have burger king once in a while, but I shouldn't have today :(  I had a late breakfast and wasn't hungry!!! And I had been so exited about being right at 300, and now I am afraid I ruined that. Then I went and had dessert that I wasn't even hungry for!!! :(  I really don't know what got into me... I will try and take it out on the treadmill and hope for the best on the scale tomorrow...

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: about 1 1/2 cups of Wheaties with about 3/4 cup of 2% milk, 1/8 tsp sugar.
Lunch: 1 Whopper, 2 fries, 1 bite of a double stacker, Water
Dessert: small chocolate chip muffin
Snack: Spinach salad with 1/4 cup of mozzarella cheese, 2 tbs light Italian dressing, about 10 croutons, 5 baby carrots
Dinner: Stouffer's Tuna noodle casserole. 1 cup of 2% milk
Total Water Today: 46 oz

Treadmill: 1 Hour (1.9 miles)
Crunches: 100 (50, 25, 25)

Well, I am feeling so much better. I didn't want to get on the treadmill at all, but I decided to get on it and do a little walking during Survivor... and I did a whole hour!!! Wooo Hooo!!! I was sweating and my muscles hurt now, but I am very happy. I just got out of the shower and I feel great.
I look back at today, and while it is FAR from perfect... it isn't as bad as I thought it was... but the fact that I ate all that without even being hungry is really bad... I have to make sure I don't fall into old habits.

This blog will keep me honest, with anyone who is reading, and with myself. That will help me make the changes I need to make... and I will make more mistakes, even worse ones I'm sure!!! I'm hoping that the more I change and the longer I stick with it... the fewer mistakes I will make!

300!

SO. I weighed myself today, even though it's not weigh Day, and I'm right at 300!!! You know, being under 300 will be a huge milestone for me, but I have tried not to think about it. When I saw that though... I was so happy!!!! If I can just hold that till I weigh in Friday that would be fine, and then next week I could be in the 200s!!!! I'm excited  :o)

Of course, me and my fiance had ordered some food before I weighed myself- it was actually on the way when I stepped on the scale! And I got my favorite: pizza. I had ordered a 10 inch (a first for me, never before have I ordered anything under a 14) and being so happy about my 300, I kept myself under control. I would consider the pieces to be small, and I only had 2 slices. Only 2 and NO bread sticks. I did have a little pop, but as of now it still goes with pizza, but even that was only 6 oz.

I know some people could read this and think I'm crazy for being so happy about weighing 300 pounds, but that's ok. I completely understand how crazy that sounds. But for me it is HUGE!!! No pun intended LOL!!!
Here's My Day:
4am: 1 cup of 2% milk
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: 2 small slices of ham pizza. 6 oz of Pepsi. 5 french fries
Snack: an apple
Dinner: WW Smart Ones meal- Creamy rigatoni with broccoli and chicken. 1 cup of 2% milk
Snack: 1 cup of MultiGrain Cheerios with 1/2 cup of 2% milk
Total Water Today: 42 oz
(I'm pretty proud of myself for not eating the leftover pizza for dinner)

Treadmill: 36 minutes (1.20 miles)
Crunches: 100 (5 sets of 20)

Days of Our Lives Walking Plan

I didn't blog last night. I woke up with a headache yesterday, it got worse all day so I went to bed early.
You didn't miss much. I made a salad for the first time in probably a year. I used spinach and romaine lettuce which is a first, all previous salads in my life have been iceberg lettuce.
 My fiance made breakfast again, but this time I was VERY proud of myself. JUST ONE pancake, JUST ONE scrambled egg and a glass of orange juice :) woo hoo! So that's the good part. I am not against having more then one if you need to, but I really am not hungry in the morning, so I don't need more then one. Also I had a chocolate pie for snack, but only half of it!!! That's another first for me, only eating half of something I love just because i know its bad for me.
The bad part of yesterday is that I didn't get any exercise. I mean NONE, not even housework. I did absolutely nothing. I'm bummed out about that, I wanted this week to be the first week I did the treadmill EVERY day, but it's ok. I'm not mad at myself, it's not like I wanted a headache... As long as I do the treadmill the rest of the week I'll be happy. Next week hopefully will be my first week doing it everyday!

I plan on walking during Days of Our Lives. That is my soap for the last 13 years or so... I'm not addicted, I could stop at any time!!! LOL! So any way, that would be every week day. I'll walk as long as I can, and eventually be able to walk the whole hour its on! That's my Days of Our Lives Walking Plan :) That goes along with things I can get used to and do for the rest of my life, slowly but surely I will make these positive changes till they are just a natural part of everyday life....

Now to today. I'm trying to measure my food out. I don't have a scale so just measuring cups and tablespoons for me lol. Measuring out what I put in my tuna sandwich shows me I should probably cut everything in half. So next time I'm going to try that. 1/2 the can of tuna, 1/2 the miracle whip, 1/2 the cheese. I love my tuna sandwiches, lately I crave them. Don't know whats up with that, but I eat them all the time. So cutting everything in half will be a big deal for me, and will also help me I'm sure!
Here's My Day:
Breakfast: 8 oz of Orange Juice
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich (1 5 oz can packed in water, 1 1/2 tbs miracle whip, 1/4 cup cheddar, 2 slices white bread, hot banana peppers), 8 baby carrots with 1 tbs ranch, Water
Snack: Apple Fruit Pie
Snack: 1 cup of MultiGrain Cheerios with 1/2 cup 2% milk
Dinner: Spinach and romaine salad with 1 tbs light ranch, 8 croutons, 1/8 cup of cheese. 9 tortilla chips topped with a little cheese and leftover taco soup.
Total Water Today: 36 oz
Treadmill: 31 minutes (1 mile), 10 minutes of that carrying 2 LB weights
Crunches: 100 (5 sets of 20)

Tessa mentioned I should watch my carbs, I definitely agree.
I'm really trying to take baby steps so I don't get overwhelmed, and right now I'm eating what I want- just LESS of it. And trying to add healthier items (veggies and salad were pretty much non-existent before January 1st 2010) Now I'm trying to measure also. So my cereal will be 1 cup instead of how ever much I can cram into a bowl LOL.
And EXERCISE. This is also a big change for me. I think I can handle my Days of Our Lives Plan though :)These are the things I've changed for now, but I will try to start changing more and more. And of course ALL suggetions are welcome!

I have to get back to JUST ONE

Today was a little better, but still not where I want to be as far as eating. I just can't seem to make the best choices ever since I fell off the wagon last week! I don't think I did TOOO bad, but I definatly didn't follow my own "JUST ONE" rule with the breakfast...
I am feeling a lot better and was able to get in more exercise than usual. I'm happy about that. Even my aching muscles are happy about that :)
Here's My Day:

Breakfast: 3 small pancakes with Light Syrup, 2 scrambled eggs, 1/2 glass of 2% milk.
Snack: an Apple Fruit Pie (those empenada shaped pies in a little box), 1/2 glass of 2% milk
Dinner: 1 bowl of Taco Soup with a little shredded sharp cheddar, 1 flour tortilla, 1/2 glass of 2% milk
Dessert: And apple with 1/2 of a single serving caramel fruit dip
Snack: Bowl of MultiGrain Cheerios with 2% milk
TOTAL WATER TODAY: 2 glasses (32 ounces)

Treadmill: 32 minutes (1 mile) 10 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Crunches: 100 (5 sets of 20)
Other Exersices: 40 of my 'not-jumping'jacks, 40 side arm stretches(40 on each side)

I'm not good with taking the time to measure my food, but I will try to more often. I measured my water today, thats a start LOL.

Human Garbage Disposal

Well, today is the first day I post what I eat, and I made some Bad choices. I noticed lately that I will eat what is in the fridge- just so it doesn't go bad! Whether I want it or not, that's what I will eat because I don't want it to go to waste. Does anyone else have this problem? I guess that goes with the "Clean your plate" syndrome huh. I always cleaned my plate when I was a kid (and adult). If I didn't like it, I would eat it first to get it over with. This is a horrible habit I think a lot of us must have... and have to break!
I gotta say, I have only been STUFFED a couple times since January first. And today is one of those times- and I HATE it. I used to eat till I was stuffed all the time! Now I just feel so horrible!!!
My mother in law (well- fiance's mom) took us all out to eat at Long John Silver's, which is rare for us. We don't go out to eat much. It is only the third time in my life going there. I was bad and had pop :( on top of stuffing myself! Then we were gone most of the day, so my eating did not get better. (even though it's still way less then I used to eat)
After going to my mom's, my lungs are full of smoke and I feel sick again. I think it affected me more than usual because of still hanging on to whatever I had all week. BUT I did 15 minutes on the treadmill anyway :)
Along with the treadmill, I will try to do crunches every day too.
Here's my day:

Snack@4am:
a bowl of MultiGrain Cheerios with 2% milk
Breakfast:
Medium piece of leftover mexican pizza with 1 packet of taco sauce
Water
Lunch:
2 pieces of fried fish with tarter sauce
2 hush puppies
fries ( I think a medium size)with ketchup
medium Dr. Pepper with lots of ice
Dinner:
Large piece of leftover mexican pizza with 2 packets of taco sauce
Water
Total Water for the Day: about 3 glasses

TREADMILL: 15 minutes (half mile)
CRUNCHES: 100 (5 sets of 20)

4am snack explanation, LOL: I have to get up to bring fiance to work at 3:30 am. SOMETIMES before I go back to bed, I have a snack. I TRY not to, but I can't sleep if I'm hungry so once in a while you might see that 4am snack... Just didn't want you to worry that I get up special just to eat at 4am :)
Goodnight for now. Tomorrow will be much better!

Getting You All Caught Up...

I figure since I didn't get up the nerve to start this in the beginning of the year, I might as well catch you up!

I have been doing pretty good until last week. I was sick and fell right off the wagon onto my ass! I ate a lot and didn't even care about my portions. I think that's what really got me to do this, because I'm scared of giving up... and I guess writing what I eat everyday just for myself wasn't enough anymore!!! It had worked up until now, but I guess I need a little more to motivate me...
As of yesterday I am feeling pretty good. My voice isn't back to normal, but other then that I feel great. Even though I ate horrible all week, only got on the treadmill twice early in the week, did nothing else as far as physical activity, drank pop and hardly no water... I lost a pound!!! I was sure I would gain 4! I can't explain that at all, but it really helped me want to get back at it, and not give up!

For 2 weeks before i got sick I was on the treadmill almost every day. Usually about 30 minutes, but I did work my way up to a whole HOUR once while watching Biggest Looser!!! I was so proud of myself!!! Now that I feel better I really want to do the treadmill everyday. Even if it's only for 15 minutes sometimes, I have to at least get on it.
A note about the treadmill: I got it in April of 2008. I had this whole plan about walking while I watched TV, but that was shattered when it came and I was to short to see the TV over the console LOL. So it was facing the other way. Oh I had my times when I was dedicated to walking on it, but they were all short lived and it became a blanket rack. But now I AM dedicated to it, and it will no longer be collecting dust! My fiance turned it around for me, because he thought the TV and stand we got last summer is higher... and he was RIGHT! So watching TV and walking has already made it so much easier to do. Now it doesn't feel like such a chore! So back on it today!!!

Physical Activity is something I really lacked my whole life. It is going to be very important to my weight loss and getting healthy. So I will be keeping track of that.
Also what I eat everyday, most important HOW MUCH of it I eat.

I am making changes that I feel I could get used to and keep up with for the rest of my life. SO there is no use in trying to deprive myself. I will eat what I want, but ONLY a little :) Except for pop, I am trying to cut that out completely since I get horrible caffeine withdraw head aches and it is ALWAYS in the house. Nothing else has worked for me, so I have to JUST SAY NO. I am trying to like fruits and vegetables, so far baby carrots and apples are the only ones that I can say are REALLY part of my diet (and not as many apples as there should be)

While I am getting healthy, I am trying to also change my son's eating habits. This all is hard work but I KNOW it is all worth it.

Last but not least, I'm sure you want to know the dreaded details for the NUMBERS. Well, I said this was going to be the whole truth and nothing but!!! So here you go:
My highest weight EVER was 12/23/2009. I weighed in at 317 pounds. Here is a copy of the chart I have been keeping for myself:

Date- Weight- Weight Lost- TOTAL Weight Lost

01/01/2010---310----7---------7 pounds
01/08/2010---308----2---------9 pounds
01/15/2010---308----0---------9 pounds
01/22/2010---309---+1---------8 pounds
01/29/2010---307----2--------10 pounds
02/05/2010---303----4--------14 pounds
02/11/2010---303----0--------14 pounds
02/19/2010---302----1--------15 pounds

So now we are all caught up! I have lost 15 pounds in the last 8 weeks! While it may not be a lot, I am VERY PROUD of it! Weigh In Day is on Friday, just because the 1st happened to fall on one. And weighing in on Sundays never worked before so Fridays it is! lol. See you then, for some more loss!!!!

So You've Started a Blog- what's next?

Well, I did it! I started my own Blog. I'm not sure how this will go, I might just be writing it for myself, and that would be just fine :) I really enjoy reading the blogs I am subscribed to, and if anyone enjoys reading mine that would be great! I would love to inspire others like others have inspired me. Otherwise it will just be a record of my weight loss and whatever else I feel like writing about...

I guess I should introduce myself in case anyone is reading lol. My name is Tina. I am 28 and have been over weight my whole life. After I had my son I steadily gained every year and have been "obese" for sometime now. I have tried dieting and nothing ever worked. This time is different though. While I have always been over weight, now I FEEL very unhealthy. It is hard to do simple things with out my back killing me and running out of breath. I never go to the doctor. Honestly I don't want to know... if I have diabetes or anything else like that I don't even want to know. I don't want to be on all kinds of drugs and I don't need to pay a doctor to tell me how fat I am. I NEED to loose this weight.

It makes me sick to think of all the things I have missed out on, and mostly that my son has missed out on because of my weight. I need to loose the weight to be the best mother I can be, and make sure I'm around a while! I also want to be the woman my fiance deserves. I want him to be proud of me. Last but not least, I would finally be happy and comfortable in my own skin!!!

I am not on a diet. Since January 1st I am trying to change my life. For good. I have been eating smaller portions and getting more exercise. I know i need to do better, and I will. I am no expert and will do the best I can. (Any suggestions are welcome and appreciated.) Slowly but steady.

This blog is going to be nothing but the truth, whether it's pretty or not!!! I am not perfect, but one thing I am, is Honest.
So if anyone is reading this- thank you!!! I can use all the support I can get.
And if not, then it's just us 3! Me myself and I! Either way, here we go!!!