"Will you pee for me?"

That's the question my Aunt asked me one day.
I was 10 or 11 years old. She had called my Mom, who then sent me over to her house. I walked over, and went in. We visited for only a few minutes and she asked "Will you pee for me?" I laughed. And said "yeah." This is something my Grandma would always say too, when she had to use the bathroom but didn't want to get up.
But my Aunt said "No really, I need you to pee in this cup for me."
And that's all I remember. I knew it was because she needed clean pee for a job, but did she tell me that??? I don't remember. I knew it was because she smoked weed... but I doubt she told me that... Maybe I just assumed that was it, since I knew my Mom did??? I remember thinking how dark my pee looked, and wondering if that was normal! Since I had never seen it out of the toilet before (remember, I was a kid) but that's all I remember...

Over the years, I have heard that question quite a bit since that day. From family, mostly my mom. Mostly for jobs, but once for my cousin who had to pee for child protective services... (I now have a lot of guilt over that one, but that's a story for another time...) That's just what happens when everyone you know is on drugs except you. I didn't mind at the time, I kind of thought it was funny.
Of course NOW, I have conflicting emotions about it. First I wonder- how did they all know I wasn't on drugs anyway? What if I was on crack, or even just smoked some weed, and didn't want to tell??? And just peed for them anyway? You know how stupid kids can be... that is definitely something that could have happened!!! But most of all- Being a parent now, I just can NOT picture asking my son to do that for me. OR letting my brothers ask him. And have to explain why? Umm... No.
But I grew up a lot different then he is... Which is good :)

Why this little trip down memory lane you ask?

WELL, today reminded me of that first day that I was deemed the designated family clean pee-er.
Ray's brother called today, and asked him to pee for him! Unlike me, Ray had NEVER in his life been asked this favor. On one hand, I could think of it as depressing... that after all these years, no one in either of our families can pee for themselves...
BUT I am looking at it in a positive way. When he got off the phone and told me what his brother wanted, we both smiled like 'wow can you believe it!?!?!'

So today he peed for his brother for the first time... and since his brothers can't stay off drugs, and can't keep the same job for long, I'm sure it won't be the last!
As for Ray? He was never addicted to hard drugs or anything, hasn't touched ANYTHING like that since he's lived with me. But he's been a pot head since he was about 14. He smoked it DAILY for at least the last 10 years.

But today marks his 114th day- weed free.
His brothers test came back, and he is officially, CLEAN :)
I am so proud of him :)

Now to get our food addictions under control...

What I ate Today:
Lunch: 348
Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat with 1 tbs miracle whip, pepper jack cheese, jalapenos. 6 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch. water
Iced Coffee: 105
large glass with 3 tbs hazelnut liquid creamer
Snack: 165
2 pieces (1/2) WFC Almond Chocolate bar
Dinner: 675?
2 cups macaroni&cheese + hot dogs, 1/2 cup leftover green bean/corn mixture, water
Snack: 165
2 pieces (1/2) WFC Almond Chocolate bar
Snack: 140
1/2 cup cottage cheese and 1/4 cup fruit cocktail. Water
Total Water: 30 oz
Total Calories: 1598
Macaroni and hot dogs is my son's favorite meal, but I hardly EVER make it for him anymore. I'm going to guess 3 times since February? I don't like hot dogs like I used to, but I do like these Hebrew National all beef, all natural ones ok. 150 calories each.
Those dang candy bars! Ray called his nephew over and bought more of them! I told myself only 2 pieces a day won't hurt, but I already messed that up. But tomorrow I'll have my last 2 pieces.
It's not great, but I think I'm doing a little better everyday...

Last night pizza was avoided. Ray said he was ordering some after our son was in bed, after we had already eaten dinner! I told him "go ahead, but I'm not having any!" and I wouldn't have either. I was determined not to. He must have known it, because he didn't get any.
Today we took a nap, and he wanted up at 11am. Because he wanted to go eat at Florentine's... I told him I didn't want to, I have to weigh in tomorrow. But it sounded like he really was planning on it... when the alarm went off, and he didn't hear it... I didn't wake him up! lol, it felt very sneaky, but I REALLY didn't want to go. I know I would do BAD if I went to a buffet today.
So when he did get up, he was going to order pizza! He asked what bills where due before he gets paid again, I told him. And that we really can't afford to be spending money on fast food... So he actually got a little pissy about it! I acted like I didn't know, and asked him what was wrong after a while... he let it go and all was well... but that shows me that he is just as addicted to fast food as I am... I think even more... I just always go along with it (eagerly), until now.
I'm sure I'll be faced with it again soon, and I can't say how I'll handle it... but I feel good about how I did today and last night. One day at a time...

BUT If he can kick his other habit, I know we can get through our food addiction. :)

I am still feeling pretty good... even the weekend task of putting up Christmas crap isn't overwhelming me... so that's a good sign.
I will see you tomorrow for my weekly weigh in, I hope it's good! I'm still weighing in daily at my Weight Loss Tracker, so I feel good about it :)

Well, I hope you enjoyed today's post and my little trip down Dysfunctional Family Avenue lol. I hope someone tells me they are also a designated pee-er so I don't feel so alone!!!! Ha! A girl can hope can't she? Don't worry, I know this shit isn't normal... but what can I do but laugh? It's better to laugh than cry right? :)

Have a great night everyone :) See you tomorrow!

A Day to Remember

One thing that happened while I was away, was on Halloween. I had my family over, and it was nice. My brother weighed himself on my scale, and was 279. He thinks that is a lot (which it is) but has NO IDEA I weighed that much too! I was at the same weight as him on that day. Now I am more, but that's not the point lol. The point is, someday after I loose a LOT of weight, I will tell him that "back on Halloween 2010, when you weighed yourself and was 279? I was 279 too!!!" Hopefully that will be soon, like maybe Halloween of next year I could tell him that??? :)

I plan on doing my post in the mornings again. That was working well and getting me to bed earlier. These last 2 weeks have been so off, and my sleep has been horrible. Now that I have my car back (I am so thankful for) I am bringing Ray to work again at 3:45am. Oh how I loved to get a nice chunk of sleep in with no interruptions... I have to get used to this all over again now lol. Maybe lack of sleep was contributing to my horrible depression. Well... there is no maybe about it, I know it didn't help anything!!! I HAVE to get back on some kind of schedule! I am going to try and get to bed at a decent time tonight!

Yesterday when I woke up to bring Ray, I felt really sick. I was afraid I was going to throw up. When I got back later that was gone but I had a head ache all day. ALL day. I didn't do the treadmill, but I am allowed 2 days off. I don't plan on taking them, but I'm ok with it if I do... I didn't write down what I ate for the second half of the day till now.
Today I feel so much better, just a slight headache. So hopefully I won't get sick like I was afraid of!

Yesterday:
Breakfast: 110
Slice on cinnamon raisin toast with 1/2 tbs Country Crock
Lunch: 515
Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat, 1 1/2 tbs miracle whip(well, store brand), 1/4 cup cheddar, jalapenos. some veggie chips, 5 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch. water
Snack: 245
Cereal- 1 1/2 cup frosted wheat puffs with 1 cup ff skim milk
Iced Coffee: 140
with 4 tbs hazelnut creamer
Dinner: 910
2 servings of General Tso's Chicken (Frozen) and 1 egg role. 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: 185
bowl of Veggie chips with a little cheddar
Snack: 280
2 slices of cinnamon raisin toast- 1 with cc, one with cc and honey peanut butter
Total Water: 36 oz
Total Calories: 2385

Can you believe I thought I did ok until I just wrote and added it all up??? Obviously I was wrong. Even without the amount of calories, I over ate and snacked WAY to much.

I'm not beating myself up though, I'm down another 1.2 pounds this morning... I guess that shows just HOW bad my eating was the last 2 weeks! But more important, I feel great. I mean GREAT.

I had a long night, and this morning had one of those dreams that goes on forever... It started with someone shooting me through my bedroom window. I was so scared, I was pretending to be dead so he wouldn't shoot me again. I got up and my clothing was so bloody. I was terrified. But Ray didn't care. AT ALL.  It was in my side, and it wasn't going to kill me... I go down stairs and my Mom and brothers are here, they didn't care either! I'm walking around all bloody and I ask "Shouldn't we call 911?" and eventually I did, but no one was worried or cared. they actually were annoyed that I was making such a big deal out of being SHOT.
Anyway, the dream lasted hours I think.
I woke up when Ray came in at about 11 to wake me. (I didn't hear him get up or anything! Which is weird!) I was exhausted from the dream, and mad at Ray because he hadn't cared about me. But he cuddled with me a little bit, I tell him I love him and thank him for being so patient with me this last week and dealing with my mood swings. Of course he says "you don't' have to thank me." I got up and followed him downstairs. My son is pretending to sleep on the couch lol. I go to the kitchen and Ray has almost all the dishes done!!! I love him so much. He can't realize how happy that made me, how much that helped. Now I feel like I can do the other things that need to be done, get this house back in order...

So now I feel great. I'm having my coffee, and will get on the treadmill and take a shower (which I desperately need!) and will feel even better. It's a LATE start to the day, but no matter. Tomorrow I'll get back on schedule, and get back to keeping the house up (which I was doing so good with before Halloween!) and all will be well :)

Now that I wrote that... I am a little worried at how happy I am! Does that sound insane or what? But I know that this is what happened 2 weeks ago... I was on top of the world, and then it all came crashing down. This would be what my Mom would call her 'manic' phase... I just have to make sure I pace myself, and don't try and take on the whole world I guess! And not let it come crashing down again... I really do feel so good though, that I don't think that will happen. :)