Just popping in...

I don't have much to report, I really want to get back in the habit though!

Today I didn't do so well, it was an average day I guess (my new average that is). Hardly any water :( NOT good. Also ordered a burrito, but I can say that I got full and only ate half of it. It was still way to much food, but better than I've been doing... I didn't eat the rest of it.

Even though I didn't do so well, I feel great today :) The snow is melting, and it might get up to 60 degrees tomorrow! Woo Hoo!!! ALL the snow should be gone by tomorrow night :) I think the weather has a lot to do with how depressed I have been. The sun really did me good today. Oh, and I saw my first robin today! That means spring is here right!

Tomorrow I get serious. Slow and steady is still the plan. I'm going to concentrate on drinking enough and JUST ONE. I'll allow myself a cookie in the morning, but only ONE... not 4 like today...

Weigh in is Monday as usual, I don't expect any big loss, but if I do well for the next 4 days... I think 1 pound is a reasonable amount to hope for! lol, slow and steady :)

I hope everyone had a good day!

Wednesday's Food

Dinner

Made Chicken Taco Soup

Ray's New Year's resolution

was to stop eating beef...

more on that later....

So I made it with chicken. It was good,

but I like it with extra lean beef better.

The calories for using chicken,

Only 1.1 less per serving!

Since I used 1 1/2 pounds though, It came out to a little more.

You can find the recipe for Taco Soup here :)

K, here's what I ate:

Coffee: 55

with 1 1/2 tbs DMC

Breakfast: 130

Fit&Active Apple Cinnamon Fruit and Cereal Bar

Snack: 820

Chocolate covered strawberry shake from Steak N Shake

Lunch: 360

Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat with pepper jack cheese, 1 tbs miracle whip. 6 baby carrots and 1 tbs light ranch. water

Snack: 23

Werther's

Dinner: 1078

2 cups of chicken taco soup. about 20 tortilla chips and 1/2 cup shredded cheese

Total Water: 44 oz

Total Calories: 2336

Ugh! You can't tell, but I actually planned today out. I knew I would be eating a fairly healthy dinner of Chicken Taco Soup, so when Ray wanted to get a buy 1 get one free shake... I thought that was ok. I'd just watch what I ate for the rest of the day. Now, that was a HIGH calorie shake, and it was a regular not a large. I'm not mad about that. It's only the 3rd time in my whole life I've had a shake from there, and it was delicious!

What I'm mad about, is my dinner. I took a fairly low calorie dinner and had 2 helpings, but REALLY ruined it by adding chips and cheese. Why? I don't know... I didn't need it. I just wanted it. Even so, I could have had LESS... 7 chips is a serving, so why 20? I really can't tell you. Stupidity I guess.

Treadmill: 10 minutes/ .37 miles

I really did not want to do this at all. And didn't feel better after I did either! But I did it, as I will everyday no matter what! Gotta stick to my New Year's resolution at least!

Bleh

All Caught Up!

A quick thank you to ~Layla~, for joining me in my day!

Also, go and visit the review blog by Happy Fun Pants HERE for your last chance to win $150! All you have to do is comment, I think it's until the 28th... If you remember, that's how I won $150 and could afford my camera on Black Friday, and external hard drive I needed :) It's the biggest prize I've ever won in my life!!! It was awesome, so go! Good luck!

I just got all caught up on blogs... it must have taken me 2 hours lol. I took a break in between! Even if I don't write, I really am going to come read at least once per day. I miss out on so much good stuff when I'm gone!!! (and bad stuff... that I could have tried to be supportive about)

I have been writing down everything I eat, but since it hasn't been good, I dreaded writing it here... so I put it off, and now it's almost a week later! How did that even happen? I look at it though, and it's really not a bad as I thought. I had pizza one day, but only 2 slices! I did have a sandwich last night, I stayed up all night and got hungry... and a turkey sandwich was what I really wanted... so I had it. 220 calories... in the middle of the night. The worst thing though, was chips. I bought a bag of multigrain onion chips (Aldi's brand Sunchips) and snacked on them like crazy. Over 2 days, I ate almost the whole bag by myself! Not good, and my body felt like CRAP. Water was doing pretty well, until yesterday and today. I HAVE to get my water in! I really feel it when I don't :(
With the season and having so much trouble keeping up with blogworld, I'm going to give myself a break. I'm not going to worry about recording everything I eat until January first. Actually, I will still write it down (I'm afraid if I stop I won't start again!) but not record it here. Maybe just the highlights :)

A good thing? Besides candy canes, I have resisted Christmas candy in the house. The usual chocolates are not in a dish on the table. Tomorrow I will be buying some though, for the kids stocking... but I will do my best not to go overboard! Not buy BAGS of candy and snack on it all by myself at night like previous years! It's almost Christmas... so all month, without the candy? I'm already ahead :)

I haven't weighed myself since Friday either... so I have NO IDEA...

I've been pretty busy, but after I was done being sick, I have been doing pretty well. Not stressed out too bad. Just remembering that Serenity Prayer!

I am so thankful, we have money to buy presents this year. We always manage, but this year I really wasn't sure... but with Ray's extra hours, christmas money from my Dad, and some luck, we did pretty good! I think my son may have a little less presents than most years, but he has plenty. And I know he'll be happy :) Tomorrow we have to get a few more things (for 2 of my brothers and Mom and Step Dad) and we'll be done shopping :) I'm very thankful. It's going to be a great Christmas :)

I already made sure that my brother understands I expect it to be family friendly over there when my son is around. So no weed, and I'm very relieved that he handled it fine and that I don't have to worry about it.
My Mom actually said how nice it was to have us over for Thanksgiving, and that maybe we could come over more often since it went well with the "no weed" rule... So she actually noticed we hadn't been there in 4 months... I said "Yeah, you make sure everything is put away and everyone understands that we're comming over so NO weed. Then call me." I also told her "It really sucks we have to make an appointment to come over, but whatever..." She said "ok, sounds good." She doesn't get how ridiculous it all is. It makes me sick.... BUT no more of that. I'm in a good mood remember? :) It won't happen anyway. She will NOT make the effort, I already know that... In fact, she was just over at her cousins yesterday and didn't even stop here (she lives 2 minutes down the street) I only know she was there because my son saw them when he was walking home from school and figured they had been here... she pretends she can't come visit here because she can't visit ANYWHERE... but I know she goes over there all the time. WHY you ask? Well because her cousin will get her high for free of course! So OF COURSE she can go over there and visit! But not visit her grandson.... oops... I've got to stay in a good mood, so enough of that!
We'll just go on holidays. I'm fine with that. I pretty much have no family to go visit anymore... but whatever. I can't deal with the stress, it's just not worth it to me. (We'll go into how weird my Stepmom is acting, and how I don't feel welcome there now either- just not today) I don't care... I'm fine being a hermit lol... but I really worry about my son :(
Enough of that!

It will be a great Christmas. As long as I'm not thinking of all this, and just enjoying my family's company, all will be well :)

I will really try and post more often now. I miss posting everyday... having that routine!

I'll leave you with a picture of VanGogh, our youngest. (But not the smallest!)

He can't wait for Christmas either!!!! 

Must... Have... COFFEE!

Hey everybody :)

Let's get the last few days out of the way shall we?
Since Friday, I have been getting little sleep. I have been snacking way to much. And have been feeling very guilty over spending money on fast food. I have been ok, just a little stressed, but not really depressed or anything. Just a lot of little things all together weighing down on me...
I did write down what I ate... but didn't record it here. Which was a HUGE mistake, and I already know better! The minute I decide I'm not writing it here, I start eating worse...
It didn't get to bad, no complete binging... but a lot of snacking, and giving in to things I just didn't need... things I didn't even really want! Like chips and cheese, a sandwich in the middle of the night... Other than that the food was pretty normal for me, no over eating really, just EXTRA snacking. Mostly to much snacking at night when I'm up till 4 in the morning. The low point? Ray and I actually got Taco Bell at 1:30am Sunday Morning (Sat. night). That is SO BAD, to actually leave the house to go get it too? An old habit I hoped to never see again!

BUT all that is over. Except the fast food problem... But that will be over soon I hope...
Back to normal, and back to recording it!

Yesterday was a busy day. I didn't eat much, but we did have pizza for dinner. We had a quick dinner, I had 2 peices and it was my lunch and dinner.

Then off to my son's first band concert!
I know it makes no sense, but doing anything like that really stresses me out. So that too was weighing on me all week... but once I was there of course I was fine.
I was a little annoyed when my son told me that they weren't going to be doing Christmas songs, even though the other grades were... why you ask? Well, because there are so many bad kids always disrupting the class so they didn't have time to learn everything they were supposed to. WTF? That's F'ing ridiculous if you ask me!!!! The teachers need to grow a pair and take care of these kids... kick them out of the class!!! When I was in school, Band was... well... full of band nerds. lol no offense to any band nerds out there! But they really pushed band last year, EVERY kid had a meeting with the band teachers to see what instrument they would be best for ect. I was putting him in band before they did all that... I guess that made other kids that normally wouldn't do it, go ahead and do it. Maybe thinking it would be an easy class??? I don't know, but this is the largest band class they have ever had- and I hope they don't wonder why! To me it doesn't matter, kick the little trouble makers out of band so the ones that WANT to be there can learn! Damnit!

Count to 10...

Ok :) I'm back.
Back to the concert. It ended up really nice :) I enjoyed myself, and I could tell my son did also. My Mom and Step Dad came too, so that was nice. Here is a little fun piece they did. It was cute lol.

He's in the middle, the kid that looks like he could be my son lol. 

After we got home, I had a very little piece of this crazy "s'mores pizza." Not long after, I started getting pains in my stomach. They really hurt! I don't know if they were from that weird s'mores thing, or what. All I know is, I am soo glad that it waited until AFTER I got home. Without being too graphic, I spent a lot of time on the toilet... 

This morning wasn't any better. By the time I went and picked up Ray, I felt a lot better though. He wanted a frappe from McDonald's, so we stopped on the way home... and I ended up with 2 egg McMuffins also... I know, great nourishment for sick people right? Bleh... it sure was good though! But that's the last time I will have fast food for a while. I just feel so guilty over spending the money! Ray is getting so many more hours since it's the holidays, so bigger checks, and it's hard for me to say no when he wants to spend it on... shit. He worked for it... but we have IMPORTANT stuff to spend it on... anyway, even if he does get fast food, that doesn't mean I have to. And I am not going to!!!

I forgot to weigh in this morning before I ate. So AFTER I had 2 egg McMuffins, some water and a whole LARGE Frappe, I weighed almost a pound less than yesterday. I wonder what I weighed before I ate! But I know that it's only because I was probably severely dehydrated from my stomach thing, and not drinking enough water lately! But mostly the sick stomach.

I'm getting in my water today though. It's not hard because I am actually thirsty today!

Ray's birthday is Tomorrow. The big 30 :) We're having family over Friday for dinner and cake and everything. Probably some drinking, we'll see. None for me if my stomach still feels like this.. and Ray is actually comming down with something different than mine. Him and the boy have soar throats and aren't feeling great :(

So anyway, I have to get this house cleaned. We got the tree up and decorated, but I have to get the rest of the Christmas stuff put out too. Even though I feel a little weak, I feel good other than that. AND I've rested up. I went to bed at 10 last night! So even though I wasn't feeling well, I got a lot of sleep, about 8 hours total. So I am awake, and now just have to pry myself away from the computer! And get at it!!! And keep drinking coffee!!!!

Because...

At least that's what my paper towel says!!! :)

And paper towel never lies!!!

I don't know WHAT happened...

Honestly, I don't :(

I really felt GREAT, especially after meeting that goal last week! I felt like I was motivated as much as I was back in January. For the first time in a LONG time.

The weekend wasn't great, but it didn't ruin my mood or my determination.

Monday morning I started off with more BBQ chips. I realized, there weren't many left at all. I finished them. Meaning, I had eaten the WHOLE bag by myself over 3 days. I said to myself: What the hell are you doing?!?! And I did GREAT the rest of the day. I stuck to the plan, did housework, ate a sandwich for lunch on the 'sandwich thins' with baby carrots. Did the treadmill at 1pm which worked out so well! I stayed on it a little longer: 30 minutes/ 1.18 miles, Incline 1 with 2 ob weights for 5 minutes and I felt so good. I really love having it done and out of the way too! I only had ONE cookie. I did good with dinner, eating only one portion. And I snacked on measured out almonds. I got in 51 oz of water! The day was great.
Then... I don't know what happened.
It was 10:30pm, and Ray was hungry... we... ordered pizza. I know I have a pizza problem, but we haven't ordered it in the middle of the night for a snack since before I started this Jan 2010!!! (And even though it was his idea, if I would have said no- he wouldn't have. I was totally all for it.) Medium 12 inch. I had 5 pieces. FIVE. :( I found comfort in the fact they were small... but later? When I was done? I felt like SHIT. I couldn't believe I did that!!!!! 5 pieces of pizza in the middle of the night!?!?!?! OMG!!!  I still can't believe I did that.
Today wasn't any better. I was depressed. I'm sure mostly because I had eaten the pizza.
Let me be clear: I didn't eat because I was depressed, I was in a GREAT mood Monday. Even when we ordered it! I honestly don't know why I did it! I sure wasn't hungry... ugh.

So today I was depressed. I went to bed after sending the boy off to school, and I didn't get up till 11:30. I snacked all day. Not a lot at a time, but all through the day. And again, when I wasn't really even hungry. I didn't have lunch, and had a small portion of chicken with red beans and rice for dinner. I didn't want food, because I felt really sick. I had snacked all day on almonds, a trail mix bar, cereal and sun chips... and now I feel sick. I don't get sick often. Hardly EVER. But today I got pains in my stomach, that really hurt. That turned into a sick feeling. Without getting to graphic, I've spent a lot of the evening on the toilet.
That's what I get for filling my body with a bunch of crap.
I am so embarrassed.
I wasn't even going to write at all. I figured I'll come back when I'm feeling better and all will be well. BUT you know me. I would have felt guilty. On top of that, over at Jo's blog yesterday, she happened to ask: What is our responsibility, as bloggers, to our followers? I answered, that the only 'responsibility' I feel I have to my followers is to always be HONEST.
Well, I've always been and always will be. Even though I had a horrible couple days, I HAVE to share that, because it's part of my journey and I can't leave it out just because it sucks. Or because I am so ashamed of it. Which I am.
I'm still feeling depressed, now along with sick to my stomach. BUT I don't want to snack anymore. I don't want to eat ANYTHING. I can't change what I did the last 2 days, but I can do better tomorrow.

I REALLY was feeling so great and so motivated. I just want that back. I'm going to get up tomorrow and do my best. No matter my mood, I won't eat like I did today. I won't eat unless I'm hungry, no mindless snacking. I hope I don't feel sick tomorrow, but if I do it's my own fault!

I did weigh myself for my weight loss tracker, and it wasn't pretty.
I also got on the treadmill during The Biggest Looser. Ugh, I didn't want to. I put it off till the last 15 minutes of the show. My heart wasn't in it and I hated it the whole time. But I did it.
20 minutes/ .77 mile, Incline 1
I think I'm done with The Biggest Looser. I've watched since the beginning, except for one season. But I am having issues with this season, big time. It's not inspiring me this time, but only pissing me off. Which is crazy, I never would have thought I'd stop watching.

Anyway. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

I hope you all are doing well. Better than me at least!

I Got a Medal!!!

WELL.
First I have to tell you, I was very disappointed in myself for my eating yesterday. Oh, it wasn't even close to my worst, but since I have a goal set for Friday- I should have used some self control!!!
I had a plan. It was taco night so I was going to eat VERY light during the day. But that didn't happen. I did only have ONE taco :) That's something to be proud of.

Here's where I was REALLY disappointed. The Cookies.
Yep, I made some of those cookies after school when my son got home. My plan was to bake 8 of them. That way I would be able to have ONE and not see a whole mountain of them all day or anything. Well, I had a bite of cookie dough while making them. I had one, but they were kind of burnt so I made another 8. I had one of those, and they were SOOO delicious! Probably the best cookie I ever had! SO I had another one. Then I put them away and left them alone... until after dinner. Then I had another one... then ANOTHER one. Ugh. I really don't know what happened! SO all together I had 5 1/2 cookies. And these little things are 120 calories EACH. I really thought I would be ok, keeping my goal in mind. But I failed miserably! Ugh.

Here's What I ate yesterday:
Coffee: 61
Breakfast: 450
1 waffle, 2 fried eggs, lite syrup, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: 23
Werther's
Snack: 112
1 String cheese with 10 Special K crackers
Lunch: 402
Leftovers- about 1 cup rice, 3/4 cup stir fried veggies, 1 buttered whole wheat toast, 1 cup ff skim milk
Bite: 60
Cookie dough
Snack: 360
1 cookie, then 2 cookies
Dinner: 802
1 'double decker' style taco, 1 cup spanish rice (just white rice with tomatoes, jalapenos and seasoning), 1/2 cup beans, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: 240
2 cookies
Total Calories: 2510
Total Water: 54 oz

Knowing how many calories worth I had eaten in cookies, did keep me on the treadmill longer. :)
26 minutes/ 1.02 miles on incline 1, with 2 LB weights for 5 minutes of it
Days in a row: 5

Now today.
I actually had a bad head ache and ended up going right back to bed after sending the boy to school. When I got up at 11am I weighed in right away. I figured it would be a gain for sure. I just hoped I didn't do TOOOO much damage. The numbers popped up: 277.8. What?!?! So I tried again. YEP, 277.8! UNDER 278! I know that sleeping in might have had something to do with that, using the bathroom an extra time or whatever lol. BUT I'm still happy with it. Now all I have to do is keep it off for tomorrows weigh in!
So I went to my Weight Loss Tracker, and put in the numbers for today...

Do you see that???

Here, how about now:

It's a Medal!! For reaching my goal!!!

How cool is THAT!?!?!?! Obviously this just made my whole day :) I am still disappointed with my eating yesterday.Especially having NO control with the cookies, for sure. But yesterday is gone, and I can do great today! I'm just so relieved I didn't screw everything up. AND I reached my goal. The real test is getting to record it here for my Friday weigh in though. So I am going to do well today :) VERY well :) 

Car still isn't fixed. I still have a headache.

BUT, it is a beautiful sunny day, might even get to 70! AND... I got a Medal!!!!! Woo Hoo!!! :)

I hope you all have a great day :)

A Slut... A PIZZA Slut that is!

Did that get your attention??? ;)
I just wanted to stop in and say Hi :)
I am SOOO tired so I'll keep this short... well shorter lol.
Have had a busy couple days. Baby sat Ray's neice tonight. She's almost 6, and it wore me out.

I drank and had fun last night. Just Ray and I, we took advantage of our son being off at camp :) So we were drunk, even though it was a Wednesday night lol :) It was a good time.
My eating hasn't been great. No excuses, especially for last night... I feel like a drunk... pizza slut!!!
Haha, let me explain:
You know those girls that get wasted, and have sex with people and pretend it was the alcohol? WELL alcohol (in most cases*) "lets" you do what you really want to do, what you feel you shouldn't do but deep down want too... (take Mel Gibson for example) so these girls are just doing what they want to! Blame it on the alcohol all you want honey, but your still just a slut :)
Well that was me last night. I knew I shouldn't order pizza, but I did it anyway. BUT I knew better, and now it's the next day and I could pretend to regret it, and blame it on drinking... but I won't. I gave into what I really wanted... and I'm admitting: I'm just a pizza slut. LOL :)
I hope that cracked you up like it did me. :)
I do regret eating more than 2 slices though. I need to stick to one, 2 at the MOST. I do regret spending the money! But what's done is done, now I just have to make sure it doesn't happen again anytime soon!!!

Weigh day is tomorrow, and I stepped on the scale today. I fully expect a gain for tomorrow. I'm hoping all the water I drank today and small portions will help keep that gain to a small number. It's ok, I did it to myself and will except the numbers. Then move on and do better!

My son gets home tomorrow afternoon. I hope he had a good time!!! I can't wait to see him!

I hope you all have a great night.  :)

*Please don't be offended, I'm talking from experience, and what I see on these "reality shows." I'm not talking about girls who get taken advantage of, or really can't control themselves their first time drinking, or things like that! I'm not dumb, I know there are very real cases where this happens. I'm talking about the majority of girls who use drinking as an excuse for thier behavior.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I've been soooo tired. Right now, I am sooo tired.
I don't like not blogging though, then I feel behind when I do come back! Even though it's only been a few days, it just seems like forever.

I'll give you the good, bad and ugly of the last few days. Since I like to end on a good note, we'll mix it up a bit :)

The Bad
The last 2 days have been filled with cake, ice cream and Ray's chicken wraps. All good, and all fine once, and for one day. But no... it's been more than once, for over 2 days.
Still having lots of stress. The car is ok, so that helps a LOT. But now I'm starting to think I got ripped off, and what I replaced that was 'so important', wasn't important at all... if this is the case I will be pissed. I do not have that kind of money! Now we are BROKE and it better be for a good reason...
You know that tetanus shot? Did you know they hurt for days??? LOL, probably, but I didn't!!! And no one told me! So on top of all my muscles hurting from extra cleaning and extra laundry, my arm has been killing me! It's worst at night when I'm trying to sleep. So another reason I've been extra tired.

The Ugly
I had cake for BREAKFAST today.... and yesterday.... I know, not good. Small pieces, but still. That's 2 pieces for 2 days in a row, and now one today. I really thought I had more self control, but obviously I don't.
POP, I have been drinking Pepsi 0 for the last few days, but I also drank 2 orange pops at 170 calories each. Not drinking pop is one thing I was doing well with, and now I ruined it.
I am addicted to stupid facebook games... mainly the Happy Animal type ones. Ugh, I told everyone I would NOT be playing any games on there... but of course I gave into one, which leads to another.... you know how it goes. If you know of a good game rehab clinic, let me know.

Ok, I that's pretty much the worst of it. I won't go into money problems, just knowing I am broke is enough lol.

The Good
I am done with all that. NO MORE POP. There is still a lot of cake left, but I don't even want any. IF I do crave it and can't control myself, I will have one small bite THAT'S IT. But really? I don't think that will be a problem.
Even though I have been eating chicken wraps cake and ice cream, that's pretty much all I've been eating... Maybe that should be in the bad category... but my point is: while I've had a lot of calories, I haven't been stuffing myself full or over eating, which is good. I have written down everything I ate like always, just don't really want to take the time to type all 4 days worth. If you really want to see it of course I will though :)
(I like writing what I eat, because I like seeing what others eat. I'm going to try to blog every night again, then it is easier to include that)
The chicken wraps are gone, that's good.

I don't think I'll gain this week as long as I do well for the rest of the week. As I mentioned, cleaned a lot Saturday and Sunday. I had a lot of laundry to haul to and from the laundromat Friday, and I know have burned a lot of calories.

My house is nice and clean :) I'm not the best house keeper, but right now the house looks great. It always makes me happier when the house is nice. I just have to make sure I keep it this way. It will help me stay happy AND cleaning is work! It will help me burn those extra calories!!!!

I have stayed on the treadmill. Sunday night after the party, I was exhausted. I fell asleep in the chair and woke up and headed to bed. Then I realized I hadn't done the treadmill! Ugh... I did NOT want to, I just wanted to go to bed. But then it would ruin the streak I have going :( I couldn't do that!!!! So I got my shoes and socks on and my water bottle and got to it. I was sooo tired, and ended up giving up on it after 7 minutes. Maybe you think that is cheating, but I don't :) I got on it, maybe not long at all, but I didn't break my habit. 

Here's what the treadmill looked like the last 4 days
Friday: 16 minutes/.61 miles, Saturday: 7 minutes/ .26 miles, Sunday: 16 minutes/.62 miles, Monday: 16 minutes/.62 miles
Total Days in a Row: 35
Because of my 7 minute walk, I now have to do at least .62 miles per day to tie last weeks total. I can and I will :)

So I've been staying positive, even though I'm still stressed. My son's Bday was good for a little time to forget all that, but I have to be able to forget all the stress while NOT forgetting to keep my eating in check. It's hard, but I'll get there.
For now it's back to normal. I'm going to concentrate on what I'm eating, eat slow and make better choices. I may have started the day out wrong with the cake... but it's only 9:48am. I'm not throwing the whole day away, another way I WILL be able to loose the weight this time. No more "Well I already ruined today, or this week, or this month even!" That was what I used to do EVERY time before this year. This isn't every time, this is the last time. So I won't beat myself up over the last few days, I'll just move forward. now that summer is over, I won't be faced with all the family gatherings. (that I FAILED at all summer!) I hope I can be strong and make better decisions the next time.
In fact, my birthday is next... so I'll have to give that some thought.

I hope you all had a great weekend, and here's to a great week ahead!!!

Sound of Music?

First let me thank a new 'follower.' Tomas, Thank you so much for joining me in My Day! Like it reads at the top, it's about my life, my weight loss journey, and whatever else I feel like rambling about :) Speaking of rambling...

I have never seen The Sound of Music. I always just thought it was all signing, some happy little movie... I was flipping trough channels and was surprised. There were Nazis marching in the street... Whaaa??? Not at all what I expected! The father got an order, and it looked like they were going to... well, I don't want to ruin if for anyone LOL. I didn't watch long, because I had no idea what was going on (I hate watching a movie from the middle) but now I'm curious what this movie is all about. Have you seen it? Without giving away anything, was it good? Did you like it? Hate it? I'm just curious :) It looks long, and wondering if I should watch lol.

My day was pretty blah. You know from my last post I'm getting a little depressed, but I'm ok. Ray took the boy out to the park this morning, they had fun. He did much better throwing discs I hear. He fed the ducks, they had a good morning. They came home and Ray made breakfast :) He is being so sweet, he knows I'm having a hard time with it being 'Treat Tina Like Shit Week'. In fact, it's a new week, I hope this isn't a month long event!!! haha.
No matter, I love Ray and our son so much. As long as I have them it will all be ok. And of course my lovely blogger friends :)

Here's what I ate today:
Brunch: 1/2 a ham and cheese omelet, 1 sausage patty, 6 oz orange juice
Dinner: 1 piece left over lasagna, 1 garlic bread, 2 bites of peas, 10 oz ff skim milk
Snack: 10 chips with 3 tbs salsa con queso
Snack: 1 1/2 cracker with crab salad
Snack: bowl of Homey Nut Cheerios w ff skim milk
Total Water: 30 oz
Not enough water in the last few days... I didn't get a second helping, I waited 10 minutes. It worked again :) I don't know what happened with all that snacking though! At least one of those should have been a fruit :(

Treadmill today: 17 minutes/ .65 mile
Total Days in a row: 27

A Better Day... if you ignore the food part...

I had a better day today. I have been having such a hard time staying positive... With the dryer, the car, the end of summer, just everything I guess. Now it's the last week of my son's vacation and we are stuck at home doing nothing with the car all messed up. BUT I tried to stay positive, and I did feel better today. Ray is going to take him up to the park to practice throwing discs. After they can feed the ducks too. So that will be nice for them :) Ray's Mom is going to take him school shopping Saturday, which is SUCH a huge relief to me. We were doing that this week, until the car decided we aren't... but now she wants to take him and buy his stuff!!! She is the greatest Mother in Law ever. I am so thankful for her.

Ray and I are doing great, we are getting along better than ever. I mean, we always are lol... but the last few days have been really good. Even though I've been having a hard time, he is being so sweet. And he's not irritable at all, and it's just good.
We had a GREAT time at the MMA fights Saturday. The mic was to loud or something, and we couldn't understand a word the announcer said... but other than that it was good :) We never go out, so we didn't even mind that it started over an hour late!!!! LOL. I'm sure the guy said why, but we couldn't understand him! haha :)
I'm not sure who cares anything about MMA, most of you probably couldn't care less lol. So I won't bore you with a bunch of fight videos. Here's one though so you can see how close we are :)
I joked with Ray that I have a new goal. To loose enough weight to be a ring girl!!!! Do you see where they are sitting!!!!! Wow, now THOSE are good seats lol. I would only have to loose about 179 more pounds and that could be me. Haha :)

They were free tickets, and we were in the first row behind the gate. They didn't get the turn out they expected I guess, so they moved us beyond the gate :) So we had a waitress and everything, the only people in front of us was one row and the VIP tables you see in the pic. By the end of the night we were even closer!!! All night the fighters walked right past us, we were in the end too. You really can't get any better for free! :) You couldn't get much better for $$$, not sure how much those tables costed. Someone said $75 per seat... haha, wonder what they would think if they knew that us, 8 feet away were free hahaha :)



There was a live band, before the fights, they were good I thought. The best part of the night is when Ray and I looked at each other, both realizing what he was singing at the same time... Keep in mind it's more like a Metal Band... when we realized what he was saying we laughed and laughed :) It was soooo funny. They were LOUD, but for some reason it came out pretty quiet... can you tell what he's singing????
It's a chorus from another song, that is NOT metal, or rock or even close lol. Wonder if anyone will get it... :)

Another good thing, my brother had the fights from UFC that night, so we didn't miss those either :) They were good :)

Here's What I ate Today:
Breakfast: (221) Coffee, 1 slice of peanut butter toast
Snack: (23) 1 Werther's
Lunch: (800?) 1 tostada, about 10 tortilla chips w cheese, tomato, sour cream and taco meat. Water
Snack: (380) 1 1/2 cup of Capn Crunch w 1 1/2 cup ff skim milk
Total Calories: 1424 (624 + Dinner)
Total Water: 44 oz
Another mess up day with the food.... I really can't explain it. I know I'm a little stressed, but I don't feel depressed. I am not giving up, I start off the day with the best intentions... I KNOW I need to do better, no question about it. I hope seeing this isn't getting anyone discouraged, or thinking I have given up... because I haven't. I know some of you will understand, and some won't. Some will think "Why doesn't she just stop eating that crap!" and that makes sense of course. It's just not been that easy... I wish it was that easy, then NO ONE would be fat!
I did pass up pizza buns for dinner, so that's something right? I knew I had really messed up for lunch, and wasn't really hungry. Of course Ray kept asking "Are you sure." I knew what would happen, he would make me a few just in case i changed my mind. So I said "No I'm sure. I am not hungry, PLEASE do NOT make me any." and he didn't :) and I was fine.
It might sound crazy, but I'm not worried about gaining this week. Even though I ate crap, I haven't been doing bad on the calories because I haven't been binging, or eating much else besides the crap... but that said, this is NOT how I want to loose weight. I want to follow my original plan, and get healthier in the process. I know I can and will do it... Just having a hard time right now...

But like I said, my mood has been better, and I will try harder.

Today's Treadmill: 15 minutes/ .51 mile
Total Days in a row: 22
I'm sure that has helped me with my mood. Otherwise I might be much worse off with the way things have been going lol. But I'm good :) Things will get better.
Have a good night!

Becasue I'm OCD like that???

Haha, let me explain.
Some of you may know that I don't ever go to the doctor (just once a year for my female junk) so I am NOT diagnosed with OCD. I'm not diagnosed with anything. My mother diagnosing me with bi-polar doesn't count lol. My worry that I could be diabetic doesn't count either... NOTHING official.

But over the years I have seen things on tv about people with OCD, and just have been wowed by how I do alot of the same stuff. Not severe like some I've seen! No, I would say very minor. In fact, I have gotten better as I've gotten older. It was way worse when I was a kid I think. (I used to do weird stuff, most to do with counting... I only catch myself sometimes now though)

Well, I was reading a blog the other day, and she said that because of her Obsessive Compulsive personality, she has to comment on EVERY blog she reads. It made me smile, because I have the same thing... but I didn't think it was because of that. I also didn't think it was a problem, until now that I follow more and more blogs!!! lol :) I am going to try not to comment on EVER SINGLE blog post I read though... but I can't make you any promises!!!!!

Another thing I guess I am obsessive about, it recording what I eat. Yesterday I was in a hurry and decided that one day without telling you what I eat won't hurt anything. I figure some of you couldn't care less hehe :) BUT it did hurt something, me!!! I couldn't stop thinking about it! Now All morning I have been running through what I ate yesterday in my mind, so if I don't write it down it's not going to leave me alone!!! Maybe it's OCD, or maybe it's guilt. Because I didn't do well yesterday, and not writing it would make me feel guilty? Well anyway, my brain really needs a rest, so here you go :)

What I ate Friday:
Drink: (104) Iced Coffee w 2 tsp hazelnut coffee mate, 1 1/2 tsp sugar, 1/4 cup ff skim milk, ice
Lunch: (398) Sandwich (2 oz turkey, 8 pepperonis, hot pepper rings, 1 tbs mw on whole what), 5 grape tomatoes, 5 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch, water

This is where it goes down hill fast....
Snack: (360) McDonalds- chicken sandwich
Snack: (180) eclair ice cream bar
Dinner: (444) 1 1/2 cups broccoli tuna helper. 1 1/2 cups peas, 1 slice buttered whole wheat toast, water
Snack: (210) s'mores pop tart
Snack: (360) Hot S'mores poptart with vanilla ice cream and chocolate (see pic)
Snack: (70) 3 Werther's through out the day
Total Water: 67 oz
Total Calories: 2126
There you have it. Lots of snacking and none of it healthy.
I started off good, then Ray called and asked what I wanted from McDonald's. Nothing I already ate (yay me!) But he brought me a chicken sandwich, sat it in my lap... and instead of giving it back, I ate it (boo me). I over ate for dinner and then snacked on what ever I wanted... but now that I look at it, it isn't as bad as I thought. BUT it is bad, because I ate when I wasn't hungry, a few times!!! There is NO excuse for all that unhealthy snacking...
That s'mores concoction is something I dreamed up and used to snack on, but this is the first time this year I've had it... and at 360 calories probably the last lol.

It's a new day, and now this is off my chest and I can move on :)

Talked to Jeff, he said he can do everything on the list from the mechanic. BUT he doesn't sound like he's in a hurry... I told him that school starts soon, so I hoped to have it all done with next week... he still doesn't seem to be in a hurry. I will call him again Monday morning, and if he doesn't sound like it's going to get done soon, I'll call someone else. I would just rather save money with him doing it, and give him money because they need it over there... he's not working so I hope he decides to make this a priority. We'll see. I love him, but just don't get him sometimes... haha sound familiar? In the meantime, I will drive it as little as possible. And be waking up the whole neighborhood with all the grinding noises it's making, when Ray has to be to work at 4am... ugh.

Going to do the treadmill early today, since I'll be gone tonight. I'm a little worried about what we'll be eating tonight... but I'll do fine :)  I'll probably be home pretty late, so I'll be back tomorrow!!!
Have a good day!!!

My Squirrel Made Me Do It!!!

I just love my squirrel :) He's the best.

Here's a picture of him from May (when my camera worked right!)

Here's one of him coming to take his treat from me at the door another day

This is my Squirrel :) He started coming around the end of last winter. He eventually started taking the food from my fingers and would take it to the edge of the porch and eat it. He came more and more. Then it was EVERY DAY. As soon as I would open the door he would come running to get his treat (a big glob of peanut butter on bread or a cracker). He even started scratching at the door! If he came and I didn't see it, he would scratch, just to say "Hey it's me! I'm hear, come feed me please!"

WELL, he stopped coming one day. 2 months went by and I was pretty sad. I thought he must have been hit by a car :(

Then about 3 weeks ago he came back!!! I knew it was him because he is pretty scruffy looking with a weird patch at the base of his tail. He came right up to the door, but I didn't have any peanut butter! So I got him some bread... he is spoiled I guess, because he thinks he's to good for plain ole bread lol. He sniffed it, and even grabbed my hand! Then he turned around and left and didn't come back for another 2 weeks!!!! I bought peanut butter, and when he finally did come back a couple days ago, HE IGNORED ME! I think he was mad at me! LOL! I threw it to him, and he took it and ate it.

He was back out there today. I got him his treat and went to the door, I didn't even have to open it. I called him (a click-click-click noise with my mouth) and he came running :) He came right up to me like old times and got his treat and ate it at the corner of the porch :)

It's the little things that make me happy I guess :)

It may not seem like it... but this rambling story about my squirrel is leading up to another point :)

While I was getting his treat, I had way to much peanut butter on the spoon. I automatically ate it! As soon as it was in my mouth I had a "oh crap" moment. How many calories did I just mindlessly shove in my mouth!?!?! I'll tell you how many: 95. It may not seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but to just shove in my mouth? Without even thinking or wanting it??? THAT adds up!

How many times do I do that without even thinking??? I do it a LOT. And I swear, sometimes when I come and write down what I eat, I don't even remember it! It is just SO automatic. I mean, I remember if I do it with ice cream, or today's peanut butter, because it's not something I do all the time... but Cheese, that is the worst one. If I am making something and using shredded cheese I automatically take a pinch and eat it! A good size little pinch is 55 calories! I probably do that every other day, if I'm eating tuna sandwiches all week, then maybe EVERY DAY!

That has to stop. Instead of remembering what I ate at the end of the day, I am going to write it all down on paper as I eat it. That way NOTHING will be missed, and maybe I will think twice before eating it!

All of my crazy snacking and over eating also HAS to stop. I don't know if I can call the treadmill habit yet, but I am confident I won't stop doing it anytime soon. So I need to concentrate on my eating. I HAVE to do better.

What I ate Today:

Brunch: (455) 1/2 a ham and cheese omelet, 1 sausage patty, 8 oz orange juice

Snack: (95) 1 tbs peanut butter- Mindless Bite

Snack: (45) 1 bite of Heavenly Hash ice cream

Snack: (23) 1 werther's

Snack: (35) 1 bite of Mint ice cream (this was another of those mindless bites, while getting my sons ice cream)

Drink: (100?) Iced coffee with hazelnut coffee mate, milk, and sugar

Snack: (210) about 20 sunchips

Snack while making dinner: (55) pinch of cheddar- Mindless Bite

Dinner: (910) Asparagus stuffed chicken, 1 1/2 cups of chicken rice w/ cheddar, 1 cup ff skim milk

Snack: (200) Bowl of frosted puffed wheat cereal with 1 cup ff skim milk

Total Water: 42 oz

Total Calories: 2128

Ray made breakfast, it was very good.

I liked my iced coffee today, but I didn't remember how much of everything I used! So I'm guessing it was about 100 because I used more sugar today... Tomorrow I plan on trying liquid creamer and see how that goes :) Lots of mindless snacking today. I'm not against bites of things... IF after I thought about it, I really want that bite. These are just 'Shove it in my mouth without thinking bites' and they have to go. From now on, I hope you never see "mindless bite" next to anything again!!!

The sunchips? I wasn't even hungry for them, they were on the table and I was making dinner and grabbed them. Ugh.. I've done worse as far as calories and fast food ect. But today I feel like it's so bad because it was just so much mindless eating! It really feels like a step back :(

But it's ok, tomorrow is Friday. My weigh in and a new week. A great day to start really trying harder!

Treadmill: 15 minutes/ .58 mile

10 days in a row on it! :)

My back hurt all day, but I took something and it felt great while I was on the treadmill. Hopefully it will start to feel better.

I have done pretty bad with my eating this week. I'm hoping the extra exercise with bike training, and doing the treadmill ALL WEEK will help me out on the scale :) Also I have to get up early and do laundry and go dry it at the laundry mat. That might help too. Wish me Luck!!!!

See you tomorrow!

Out of Control Snacking

We ALWAYS have tortilla chips in the house, a lot of times Sunchips too. It's usually not a problem. BUT lately I have been snacking like CRAZY! And just craving chips and salty snacks. Why? I really don't know! I do know I have to get it under control though.

I had a head ache all day yesterday, and was hungry. On top of just wanting to snack, I was genuinely hungry all day.
Monday just started off bad. Those fritos were on the table (instead of out of site in the cupboard) and I grabbed them. So that's my breakfast... ugh. Then I tried to do well. And I did for the rest of the day until dinner, and I made Taco Soup. Very yummy and low in calories... NOT when I got done with it!
Then Ray and I stayed up all night catching up on the last season of Breaking Bad. What did I do? Eat chips! I don't know what's going on... or why I can't seem to control myself. There is NO excuse... Especially with the fruits and better choices in the house.

What I ate Monday:
Snack: fritos
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat (cheddar, miracle whip, hot pepper rings), 10 baby carrots, 1 1/2 tbs light ranch
Snack: 3 cookies and 1/2 cup ff skim milk
Dinner: 2 Cups of Taco soup with tortilla chips and cheddar, water
Snack: couple bites of pear
Snack LATE: fritos and Sunchips
Total Water: 55 oz

I have to get back to eating less at a time too. I know that I have stretched my stomach out, and that's why I am so hungry all the time. BUT there is still no excuse, I could be eating fruit and other healthier choices.

I did get on the treadmill. So glad I did, I have to make sure I get on it EVERYDAY!
Treadmill: 15 minutes/ .56 mile (5 minutes with 2 LB weights)
7 days in a row on it