Something in the Air?

I'm all caught up on my blog roll, I have read everyday even though I wasn't writing mine.
Is there something in the air??? There seems to be a lot of negativity and Fat on Fat crime :) Yeah, I just made that up. That JUST happened Haha :)

It's weighing on my mind, so I'll just put my 2 cents in real quick so I can move on...

Loosing weight is hard. I recently had someone say very mean and hurtful things to me in a comment, but I'm over that. She's never 'been there' and I will just have to accept that some people don't understand. What's worse though, is all this I see now! Where it's people that KNOW how hard it is to loose weight coming down so hard on others that are struggling... hence my new term Fat on Fat Crime ;)

It's very hard for me to understand. These people have been there, know how hard it is, and still some how thing it's ok to look down and tell people "It's Easy."

If it was easy, NO ONE WOULD BE FAT. If it was easy, these people wouldn't have been fat all their lives either...

If you have lost a lot of weight, you should be proud! If you want to help others, that is AWESOME, and we love you for it. But please don't pretend that just because (after years, or even decades of being fat) you have done well now, that it is easy. It's just not. We should support each other, not hurt each other. If you see someone struggling (even if that person is me!), and it is hurting your progress or to hard to watch... wish them well and move on.

I am not picking out any one person either, I've seen it all over and really do think it might just be in the air. Fall is coming and maybe those warm summer days leaving, have some of us a little... irritable??? I know I have been... maybe more depressed than irritable... but no more!!!! :) I am going to try my best to stay positive!
I've lost 42 pounds, I never thought that would be possible. I am proud, but am still obese. I have a long way to go. Even when I get to 100 pounds lost, I can not imagine ever telling ANYONE that this is easy, or beating them up when they fall. I just can't. I guess that's why I don't understand, because I know I couldn't do that to some one that is struggling...

I'm not only writing it to get it out of my brain, but to show what I expect from you on my blog. Haha, not to sound high and mighty, I'm just being honest here...
Maybe that's part of the reason people do this? They don't know what the blogger is looking for, and think tough love is what some people need??? So Just like any relationship in my real life, I'll be clear: I don't need it. I need support, honesty, suggestions, constructive criticism, and just to know I'm not alone. I have a sense of humor, and I can take criticism. No problem! That's why I don't filter my 'comments.'
I don't need my ass kissed, but at the same time I DO NOT NEED someone to leave me sarcastic bitchy comments, or someone to tell me that 'it's easy' and 'just do it.' If you like to write these things, don't bother on my blog.
If you are someone trying to do well and my struggles are not good for your journey, I really hope you would wish me well and find blogs that ARE good for you. I would feel HORRIBLE if I was negatively affecting anyone. But I would feel great to know that you are moving on, but still have the best hope for my journey too :) That's what I would do for you.
Just remember that golden rule, treat others as you would want to be treated. Share your experiences without belittling someone else's. Share your knowledge but never forget where you came from. Keep it real, but remember it's really hard. Tell the truth but no need to be a jerk about it. That's how I hope I come across, anyway. Always honest... but not a bitch :)

And there's my 2 cents! I'd like to think it's worth a little more... maybe even 56 cents lol :)

*The term 'Fat on Fat Crime' has been copy written by TinaM. Any violation or use of this phrase by unauthorized individuals will result in a $50,000 fine and/or the possibility of prison time.
Just kidding :)

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I've been soooo tired. Right now, I am sooo tired.
I don't like not blogging though, then I feel behind when I do come back! Even though it's only been a few days, it just seems like forever.

I'll give you the good, bad and ugly of the last few days. Since I like to end on a good note, we'll mix it up a bit :)

The Bad
The last 2 days have been filled with cake, ice cream and Ray's chicken wraps. All good, and all fine once, and for one day. But no... it's been more than once, for over 2 days.
Still having lots of stress. The car is ok, so that helps a LOT. But now I'm starting to think I got ripped off, and what I replaced that was 'so important', wasn't important at all... if this is the case I will be pissed. I do not have that kind of money! Now we are BROKE and it better be for a good reason...
You know that tetanus shot? Did you know they hurt for days??? LOL, probably, but I didn't!!! And no one told me! So on top of all my muscles hurting from extra cleaning and extra laundry, my arm has been killing me! It's worst at night when I'm trying to sleep. So another reason I've been extra tired.

The Ugly
I had cake for BREAKFAST today.... and yesterday.... I know, not good. Small pieces, but still. That's 2 pieces for 2 days in a row, and now one today. I really thought I had more self control, but obviously I don't.
POP, I have been drinking Pepsi 0 for the last few days, but I also drank 2 orange pops at 170 calories each. Not drinking pop is one thing I was doing well with, and now I ruined it.
I am addicted to stupid facebook games... mainly the Happy Animal type ones. Ugh, I told everyone I would NOT be playing any games on there... but of course I gave into one, which leads to another.... you know how it goes. If you know of a good game rehab clinic, let me know.

Ok, I that's pretty much the worst of it. I won't go into money problems, just knowing I am broke is enough lol.

The Good
I am done with all that. NO MORE POP. There is still a lot of cake left, but I don't even want any. IF I do crave it and can't control myself, I will have one small bite THAT'S IT. But really? I don't think that will be a problem.
Even though I have been eating chicken wraps cake and ice cream, that's pretty much all I've been eating... Maybe that should be in the bad category... but my point is: while I've had a lot of calories, I haven't been stuffing myself full or over eating, which is good. I have written down everything I ate like always, just don't really want to take the time to type all 4 days worth. If you really want to see it of course I will though :)
(I like writing what I eat, because I like seeing what others eat. I'm going to try to blog every night again, then it is easier to include that)
The chicken wraps are gone, that's good.

I don't think I'll gain this week as long as I do well for the rest of the week. As I mentioned, cleaned a lot Saturday and Sunday. I had a lot of laundry to haul to and from the laundromat Friday, and I know have burned a lot of calories.

My house is nice and clean :) I'm not the best house keeper, but right now the house looks great. It always makes me happier when the house is nice. I just have to make sure I keep it this way. It will help me stay happy AND cleaning is work! It will help me burn those extra calories!!!!

I have stayed on the treadmill. Sunday night after the party, I was exhausted. I fell asleep in the chair and woke up and headed to bed. Then I realized I hadn't done the treadmill! Ugh... I did NOT want to, I just wanted to go to bed. But then it would ruin the streak I have going :( I couldn't do that!!!! So I got my shoes and socks on and my water bottle and got to it. I was sooo tired, and ended up giving up on it after 7 minutes. Maybe you think that is cheating, but I don't :) I got on it, maybe not long at all, but I didn't break my habit. 

Here's what the treadmill looked like the last 4 days
Friday: 16 minutes/.61 miles, Saturday: 7 minutes/ .26 miles, Sunday: 16 minutes/.62 miles, Monday: 16 minutes/.62 miles
Total Days in a Row: 35
Because of my 7 minute walk, I now have to do at least .62 miles per day to tie last weeks total. I can and I will :)

So I've been staying positive, even though I'm still stressed. My son's Bday was good for a little time to forget all that, but I have to be able to forget all the stress while NOT forgetting to keep my eating in check. It's hard, but I'll get there.
For now it's back to normal. I'm going to concentrate on what I'm eating, eat slow and make better choices. I may have started the day out wrong with the cake... but it's only 9:48am. I'm not throwing the whole day away, another way I WILL be able to loose the weight this time. No more "Well I already ruined today, or this week, or this month even!" That was what I used to do EVERY time before this year. This isn't every time, this is the last time. So I won't beat myself up over the last few days, I'll just move forward. now that summer is over, I won't be faced with all the family gatherings. (that I FAILED at all summer!) I hope I can be strong and make better decisions the next time.
In fact, my birthday is next... so I'll have to give that some thought.

I hope you all had a great weekend, and here's to a great week ahead!!!

Birthday

My baby boy turned 12 yesterday.... how did this happen? Where did the time go?

This is the lovely cake he picked out :) It is DELICIOUS, but we'll get back to that...

We had a get together Sunday for him. Ray's Mom, brother, niece. My Mom, step dad, 2 of my brothers. We had a good time. He picked out Ray's chicken wraps for his Bday dinner and Ray made them for everyone.
Food still plays a big part in our celebrations as you can see. I don't really think there's so much wrong with that, if it is only for that day, if I controlled my portions, and moved on... and that's a big IF.

Well, now I officially feel old lol. 12, in middle school, he's growing up on me!!! Isn't there some kind of potion to stop that????

Happy Birthday, to the best son a mother could hope for.

Weigh Day

And the scale says...

278

Gotta love those even numbers lol.

So that's a 1 pound loss

making my Total lost: 42 pounds

WOO HOO!

Back in the green :) Yeah!

I was on the treadmill every day,

making my totals:

1 hour 47 minutes/ 4 miles

That's .35 mile more that last week.

In order to pass that next week,

I have to make sure to do

at least .57 every day :)

I can do that :)

I'm so happy to be back 'in the green' as I call it. I'm now at my lowest weight since starting this journey. I just have to keep loosing. I know it would have been more if I hadn't messed up with my eating the last few days... but that's ok. I messed up, now it's on to the future!

Sunday is in the future... it's going to be my sons 12th birthday! I can't believe it!

I am a little scared, it's the first time we've had a birthday here since I've started this weight loss journey. I thought I would be smart and just order the 1/4 sheet of cake... so I wouldn't have a bunch left over like always.... smart right?

Well after I got home I realized it might not be enough!!!! So I'll have to call them I guess...

Today is the start to new week. A new chance to do a great job :) I hope you all are doing well! Thanks for visiting!!!

Catch up

Thank you again for all of your comments :)
I also have to thank 2 new followers! Anne h and Sheilah thank you so much for joining me in My Day :) It's been hectic lately, but it should calm down any day now hehe :)

I've only been gone a couple days, but I'm so used to blogging every day that it feels like for ever!!! I will try and keep this short and sweet :) Well, short and sour? LOL.

The Car
The place returned the new alternator that I didn't need and didn't charge me for it or all the labor. They found what was wrong in the engine. 2 things, I fixed the most important one for TWICE what the alternator was going to cost me. I have about $15 in the bank right now... But I have a car, things are much better now that I don't have to worry about that! Step Dad is still supposed to do the sway bar links, but like I said- everything in his own sweet time... but I'm broke so I have no other option.

Middle School
My baby survived his first week on middle school :) I think he likes it more than he thought he would, so far it's going great! It's a lot more walking than he's used too, he has 2 blisters. :( Even though he did the treadmill all summer, walking home (and to school Wednesday when car was in the shop) AND up and down stairs all day is a lot. He's on the 3rd floor, and has to walk up and down the stairs at least 5 times. He'll get used to it I know :)

Stress
I have been very stressed all week, and I have been exhausted. I've been getting up so early and staying up all day. Going to bed at midnight every night (which is good for me) except tonight. I try to read my blog roll, but at midnight I have to go to bed no matter what, so I don't ever get to all of it and haven't had time to do mine :(
 Ray had a few days off this week, and got a ride the others. So I didn't have to get up at 3:35am on top of it all which was nice. But that ends tonight. I'll be bringing him to work... which is better than not having a car! Over all I've tried to stay positive, that little break down I had really did help I guess.

Joy of Being a Woman Appointment
As I mentioned, the one good thing about this was that I would be weighed and have on record that I was loosing. Woo Hoo!!!! Woo Hoo???? NO?
It didn't go well at all. That was Wednesday and my sanity was already hanging by a thread if you remember. I waited 45 minutes to even get in a room!!! Then another 45 till the 'doctor' came in! I was there a total of 2 hours 15 minutes... everyone was new except the receptionist, and it seemed no one knew what they were doing! To make a long story short, I did not get the 'good job' I expected for loosing 41 pounds. The nurse kind of said good job, along with drilling me about not being obsessed and I don't have to be a size 2... uh... look at me- NEVER going to be a size 8 even, and I'm fine with that. BUT she said she was anorexic at one point and I know she really did mean well.
The doctor on the other hand... It was the first time meeting her and I don't like her at all. She didn't even look at the chart. She says "Well I know the main health problem you have is your weight. You need to start thinking about that. You may feel fine now but in a few years it is going to start taking a tole on your body. You have to see how much you eat every day and start burning those calories blah blah blah blah blah blah." I did everything short of rolling my eyes. I stopped looking at her, Mmmhmm ing along, and I know she just thought I didn't care. That's not the case, if she would have took a second to check the chart, she would have seen that I HAVE lost weight. That I AM trying. So I said "Look bitch. You see that chart right there??? Why don't you take the stick out of your ass and walk on over and take a look at it! I'm sure you can read, so go ahead and do that. That's what your paid for isn't it???"
Haha!!! Did you believe me??? Holy Crap, that would have been good huh??? If you know me, you know that if pushed that isn't far from realistic :) BUT I was covered in nothing but a big napkin and she had yet to invade my... lady parts lol. So no, I wasn't going to say all that. What I said after she stopped yapping is "Yeah, I know all that. I don't know if you looked at my chart, but I have been loosing. I've actually lost 41 pounds since the beginning of the year." Her response? Did I get an enthusiastic That's Great! NO, I got a piddly, couldn't care less "Well. That's a good start." What a bitch.
Sorry, that got long... but it completely ruined an already messed up day.

Eating
Me eating hasn't been good. I'll start off the day ok, then over eat for dinner (NOT follow my 'wait 10 minutes for another serving' rule.) It's been bad... After my doctor appointment I even ordered pizza :( yeah... I know. Not good. At All. I had 5 pieces :( I had some Pepsi 0 too. It had no calories, but it has also made me crave pop :( I want some so bad right now! I might have a tiny but of the Pepsi 0, and will try to stay away from the rest. I shouldn't have ever had any at all!!!!
I also had a piece of 410 calorie chocolate silk pie Wednesday and Thursday. Soooo goood, but definitly a once a year type thing.
I have come to the conclusion that I can NOT have Salsa con Queso in the house, because I can't stop eating it. SO we'll add that to the chex mix for not allowed in the house. Pizza? I need to just stay away from it!!!! I was doing so well, only having one or 2 slices. Now all summer I have had no self control... no more of that!
I just realized tonight that I have only lost 5 pounds ALL summer... Which is good if I tried and that's what I lost. I'd be fine with it. BUT it's because I fell off the wagon so many times. No matter, I'm back on it RIGHT NOW.

Tetanus
I went and had my cut (more like scrape) checked out today. It was withing 72 hours of it happening and they gave me a tetanus shot immediately. Even though it was urgent care/ walk in, I was in and out very quickly. The shot hurt a little lol. It's been 13 years since I had a shot. They put ointment and a bandage on my leg. Got a prescription to fill if it starts getting redder or looks infected. It DID look and feel fine... but now after they messed with it, it hurts and is very red. I'll wait and see. Anyway, I'm not going to die of tetanus so that's good :)

I think that about covers it.
I write everything I eat down on paper now, so I can remember. So I have it if you want to know exactly what I had. That was the worst of it though. I have had a little more veggies than usual, so that's good. I found that I really like stir fried veggies with a little soy sauce.

Even though I have been having a hard time, I stayed with the treadmill :) I'm so glad I did!!! Wednesday: 15 minutes/ .56 miles, Thursday: 15 minutes/ .55 miles, I managed to do more that .52 every day. Guaranteeing a increase in the total weekly miles :)
Today (Friday): 16 minutes/ .61 miles. 
Days in a row: 32 :)

Today was also my weigh in... coming right up!!!!

Ummm... Did you remember to cross your fingers???

Ahhh... I kid of course. You all help keep me going. It's not your fault the universe is caving in on me!

As I wrote yesterday, it was a beautiful day. The car was getting the new alternator, everything was good.
It didn't last long... I swear one thing after another just started going wrong. I won't go into all the crazy details of the stupid shit that happened during the day at home... just ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER.

The most important thing was that my son came home and had a good day!!! I was so happy! None of the other things mattered :)

Then I called about the car, it was almost done (3 hours late) and I went to get it. My Mom picked me up, when I went in they were still working on it. He told me a belt was bad and they JUST saw that, it would only be a little longer and $18 more. That's fine. I went and told my Mom to go, but ended up back in the truck just talking. Mostly about her and her appointments with her counselor and how she's doing better. It was nice. I'm glad she's making progress. She commented that it looks like I've been loosing, so I told her yes- I've lost 41 pounds :) "Tina REALLY! WOW, that's great!!!" she went on to say that that gives her hope that maybe she could loose weight and just being really nice and supportive. :) ( she weighs a little less them me i think, but she's got at least 5 inches on me)

Then the guy comes over, wants to show me something with the car. That's fine, I figured it was the other things wrong that I already know about. Nope, he shows me that it's still making the noise, and that the alternator wasn't the problem. He says "I wondered why you wanted an alternator in it... I didn't diagnose it, I just put it in cause they told me too" BULL SHIT!!! The guy had came in and said the bearings are bad in the alternator and that they could fix it. I said "Well yeah I wanted an alternator if that was the problem!" He explained that it's something in the motor and then said that he had thought it was the alternator also, but they would have to get in the motor to see what the real problem is, because even with the new alternator it was still making the noise. I told him my main concern right now is paying for an alternator I don't even need! It all ended up like this: He would take out the new alternator and send it back, he doesn't want to rip me off "We're not here to bend you over a post." were is exact words... yes, very tactful... and they would keep it and get in the motor and call me this morning and tell me what the problem is.
UUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, did I mention that when I got out of Mom's truck to go in the place- I cut the back of my leg on a bunch of rusted metal??? Yeah, just to top it all off I guess. Don't you get tetanus from that? I had a tetanus shot... hmmm... about 13 years go. I should be good right??? *dry laugh* I'll have to look it up online and see if I should go get a shot or what. I don't even know what tetanus is.... but with my luck you know I'll get it!

I tried to stay positive anyway. Once I got home to Ray and our son, it was better :) Ray was really pissed off, but after a while he was better too. I stayed positive, I got dinner ready, only had one serving. I did the treadmill. AND I forced myself to get off the computer and go to bed at midnight...

What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast: (244) coffee, 1 slice peanut butter toast, 1/2 an apple (48 grams)
Snack: (23) 1 Werther's
Lunch: (283) tuna sandwich (1 can tuna, 1 tbs miracle whip, hot pepper rings, 1/8 cup cheddar on NEW Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thins), 7 baby carrots, 1/2 tbs light ranch, water
Dinner: (640) 3 bites of peas, left over broccoli chicken Alfredo (about 1 cup and 3/4 cup of pasta), 1 slice of toast w a little country crock and parmesan, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: (205) 1 1/2 cup Special K Vanilla Almond w about 1/2 cup ff skim milk (cats got the rest)
Total Water: 42 oz
Total Calories: 1395
The calories have been pretty good. Low for me!
I found those Arnold's sandwich thins, I really like them. I was a little disappointed to see they were 100 calories, but that is 40 less than my 2 slices of bread. So it's good.

Yesterday's Treadmill: 15 minutes/ .55 mile
Total Days in a row: 29

Today the boy had to walk to school, since the car is still at the shop. He wasn't happy but he'll live. He left, Ray is still at work, I'm alone. I completely broke down. I'm glad he didn't come home, he would have found me with my head in my arms sobbing, like someone died. Completely broken.

Of course now that I've got all that out, I feel a little better. Not good really. Still down, but I know it's not the end of the world. Even without a car we will be ok. No one died, nothing horrible has happened, my problems are NOT the end of the world. Other people have it far worse... I know all this, and I tried so hard to stay positive, but I just can't today... maybe when Ray comes home I'll feel better. Of course when my son does I will.

Oh, on top of all that? I find out I have to report to jury duty October 1st. :(

AND I have my Joy of Being a Woman appointment today... UUUGGGHHHHH! The only good thing about that is I will get weighed... it's actually the first of a few goal dates I have. I wanted to loose as much as I could by the time I had to do this again. I've been at it a little over 8 months, have lost 41 pounds. Since the weight they have will be from last summer, I'm not sure what it is exactly... It won't be as big of a loss. But it will be a loss :) I just jumped on the scale to prepare myself for how I'm doing. I'm at 278.6 right now. My lowest I've seen so far, so that's cool. I wish I was in a better mood for the news, but it does help :) That's down .4 so far this week, and I already had 'breakfast.' All I have to do is be good and it will be a loss Friday for sure. I can do it!

I'm off to deal with the car, completely deplete my bank account I'm sure, and have my exam. Just a day full of fun.

A Good Day... So Far (cross your fingers please!)

I didn't blog last night. I had another horrible stressful day. Another day sitting at my mothers when I can't stand her at the moment. Another day of car stress and people pissing me off. Another day of waisting my time and getting NOTHING done with the car.
I figured you've been hearing me whine enough lately lol. We all have problems, and I know mine aren't the end of the world, and I'm going to try and just be positive. :)

Last night when I got home, everything was better of course. But still stressed and exhausted. My son was in bed at 9:30, I went out and got the last of the items he needed for school work, all was ready for this morning :) I also was in bed by midnight, awesome!

What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast: Coffee and an oatmeal cream pie
Lunch: 1 left over piece of lasagna, 1/2 cup ff skim milk
Dinner: 2 servings broccoli chicken Alfredo over penne noodles, 1 piece of garlic cheese toast, 1 cup ff skim milk
Total Water: 28 oz
We had Ray's mom over for dinner. It was nice :) His niece too. Talking and visiting and I got up and got another helping without even thinking! If I would have stuck to my new rule, and waited 10 minutes before getting a second helping- I KNOW I wouldn't have got it. I have to make sure to do that all the time. I'm sure it will be habit before to long :)

Treadmill 15 minutes/ .56 mile
Total days in a row on the treadmill: 28

This morning he started MIDDLE SCHOOL... how did he get so old???? I just can't believe it. I hope he had a good time!!! I can't wait for him to get home :)
After I dropped him off at school, we brought the car in. It's still at the shop, getting a new alternator. I'm just so glad it's getting done that I don't care they said it would be ready a hour and a half ago. I just want it done, and done right. It's costing us about $75 more than it would have if Step Dad would have done it, but having it done right and not waiting 2 more weeks for it is worth it to me. Now we need one more thing, the sway bar links. Step Dad says he can do it, but I know that means waiting till when ever he feels like it- when he's not busy doing nothing... but what can ya do. I can't afford to have that done right now, so I'll be waiting either way. Just wish me luck that nothing else goes wrong!!!!!

I think I have been doing a good job with my food today :) We were so busy that I will be doing the treadmill tonight as usual, but now that I will be getting up so early I really want to start doing it the morning.

I feel so much better today, and I think the weather has helped that too. It is so beautiful today! It's about 74, sunny and windy. A little to windy, but that makes it feel cooler... I really wish we had more days like this! Like EVERY day would be good hehe :)
I think we'll have to switch it up a bit, and I will post during the morning/afternoon about the day before. Instead of posting at night. I need to start going to bed at a decent hour now :) I think it will work out well. So see you tomorrow!!! I hope everyone had a great day, and holiday weekend. I hope all your kids enjoyed their first day of school, if they have started :)

My son will be home in about 20 minutes. I hope he liked it!!!! I hope the transition wasn't to hard... I hope he had a good day!!!