My Luck has Changed (and Happy Fun Pants is Awesome! lol)

As you know, life has been a little stressful lately. BUT, it seemed like Sunday night, my luck changed, FOR THE BETTER!
We sold all the cookie dough needed to send the boy to school camp. YAY. Then I decided to check my email, and got a message from Happy Fun Pants- I have won $150 visa gift card from her review blog!!!! Whaaat!?!?!? ME??!?!?! I never win ANYTHING! That really picked me up lol. After writing about my cousin and the month I've had, that was just the greatest surprise! :)

I didn't really even do anything! Just left a comment of about 3 sentences, and that's it. Most of you have probably read her blog Smaller Fun Pants, and if not you should check it out. It's one of my favorites. (I'm not just saying that because I won lol, It really is one of the first blogs I started following, and I LOVE it) She is so honest about her struggles and her life, it just really inspires me.

Her review blog is fairly new, and I suggest you check that one out too! I mean, if I could win it with 3 sentences about setting my toaster on fire... anyone can LOL! So go to Reviews by Happy Fun Pants, you could win!!! AND it's always a fun read :)

Happy Fun Pants will not take any credit for my random win, but for real- if it weren't for her I wouldn't have visited and I wouldn't have won.
SO THANK YOU HAPPY FUN PANTS!!!! :)
(also, thank you for "following" my blog!)

Wow, I wasn't planning on dedicating this post haha :) Maybe I should change the title...

In other news: There was a sever storm tonight, my brother and one of my cousins have no power. They are about 7 minutes away. There is a huge branch in my yard and someones chair on the side of my house.  Nothing broken, still have power, the bird feeder didn't even fly away! I really don't know how it didn't with the crazy wind!!!! SO I feel even more lucky! So I won't even mention that the stupid news cut into The Biggest Looser about 5 fricken times to let us know about the storm..... lol

I'm not going to lie, I have also been feeling pretty down these last few days... and I don't know why! I feel so lucky, and yet I feel like I'm getting depressed anyway.... But I really DO feel like my luck is changing :) And I know everything will be ok!

I made it to day 40 with the treadmill, and then I was SO tired Sunday night by the time I decided to do it... that I ended up deciding NOT to do it. The next day I was regretting it a little... but instead of starting all over in my counting the days, I'm going to stop. 40 days, and it's definitely habit, but you want to know something??? Keeping track of how far, and then trying to beat that number every week actually kept me from going farther... that probably makes NO sense. Here's the best way I can explain: I was thinking to far ahead, when I would figure out how far I would have to go each day to beat the last week, I wouldn't do more even though I could. You may remember I mentioned I haven't even been sweating the last few days. But if I go to much farther, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to top that the next week.... So anyway, I'm still going to keep track of what I do each day, but I'm not going to obsess about what number day I'm at, or beating it next week. I think this will make it easier for me to stay on it longer! K :) hope that made sense lol.

My food hasn't been to bad. I have been snacking more than I should. Maybe not the BEST choices, but my portions have been really good :) Yesterday I had a really bad head ache and didn't eat very much at all. I did have one can of pepsi though :( and I haven't been drinking nearly enough water, but I'll do better tomorrow.

Today I walked while watching The Biggest Looser
Treadmill: 20 minutes/ .75 mile 5 minutes with 2 LB weights
If you were here last season, you might remember that I always did my Biggest Looser Walks. This was back when I had got up to a mile per day, and would just stay on it as long as I could during the show. I got up to 3.20 miles the last time. Well, my plan is to do that again this season. If I'm going to sit and watch a 2 hour show, I might as well walk instead :)

I'll update you on the family drama, and how the stress is really weighing me down tomorrow :(
For now I just want to concentrate on how lucky I am, and how everything will all work out fine. Have a good night everyone!!!

It Could Always be Worse

(This post really has nothing to do with loosing weight or any of that)

I feel like the last month was one big test. To see how stressed out I could get without pulling all my hair out and jumping out the nearest window... but now I feel like I passed...
Oh, I still have stress of course. But some of it has been relieved :) And the rest? I know it isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I will have to just do my best to cope with it. And I will try and remember these words that bring me comfort:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Also, I have to remember that it could ALWAYS be worse. I feel that today for sure...

My Mom and Step Dad are living with my little brother, they are struggling and I know they can't afford it, yet they came over today and gave me $20. They said for the cookies OR just towards the price if I wasn't able to sell them and had to pay... that was so nice of them. My middle brother came and also spent $20 on cookies on top of giving my son money for his birthday. He may be better off money wise, but he still didn't have to do that. He doens't even have an oven hooked up right now lol! My youngest brother was going to spend $20, but we had all we needed by the time he got out of work. My family really came through for us today. It was really such a surprise... it was really nice. Even though they are struggling, they went out of their way for their family. I know my other brother would have too if he could have.
Lots of people came through for us today :)

One of those is my cousin K. She came over and also bought $20 worth!
K is a single mother of 3 little girls. Ages 3, 5, and 9. She has been having trouble with her middle child's Dad, always getting back with him and breaking up over and over. He is a worthless piece of trash... On top of that he is a drug addict, and physically abusive to her. Even in front of the kids. I'm always real with her, she knows she will get no bull shit from me, I've told her time and time again that she needs to stay away from him. It's not just her but the kids she has to worry about. I also tell her that I know it's hard, but she has to do whats right for them. That I love her, and will always be there for her, but she knows how I feel about it all.

She is still on and off with him, but more off lately. She just got a part time job last week, after being unemployed for... 8 years? It is hard to get a job around here, so things were looking up. She is also going to school part time.
Well last night she had to go to work, and he came over to babysit. He was high as a kite, on who knows what. He's mostly into pills and his methadone, so he was messed up. Got dropped off and couldn't even keep his head up. She made him leave and then I'm not sure what happened. I guess she must have stayed home from work, because she was having dinner with her daughters when her 9 year old started to imitate how her boyfriend had been acting. She was slurring and rolling her eyes up in her head. Her head was rolling around like she couldn't keep it up... K got really mad, she yelled at her to STOP IT, THAT'S NOT FUNNY! But no one was laughing. It wasn't an act.
She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, it was too late to pump her stomach, but they gave her something to help it go through her system faster... she came out of it alright...
She had swallowed 3 white pills. The test couldn't tell what they were... they could have been ANYTHING. When they asked why she took them, she said because she thought they were candy... but when asked HOW she took them, she said with a glass of water. "Do you usually swallow candy with water?" They asked. "No..." So you can read into that what you will...

She is home today, last I knew she was still unsteady on her feet and running into things. But she can talk, and everything else is ok. Child Protective Services will be paying a visit to K's house this week. Of course she doesn't know when, and doesn't know what will happen. She called her 'boyfriend' and told him that was it. That she finally decided her children were more important than him, and it's over. God I hope she is serious this time... I KNOW she is right now, but I hope she is in a month when he begs to come back...

And what if it's to late? What if CPS comes and takes her kids tomorrow? What if they decide to test her, and see that she has a little something in her system from a party she went to a few weeks ago??? What then???
I feel so bad for her, I know she is sick with worry. I also know that she should have stopped this along time ago... so it's hard to know how to feel...

All I know, is that all my money trouble, my weight struggles, all my horrible luck lately... it just seems so... unimportant. This last month my dryer quit, my car broke down, I had to get a tetanus shot when I hurt myself, both my phones quit working the other day, my air conditioner broke last month and we just got the bill for the electric. It's $100 more than usual because the air was on and not working for about 15 hours straight. That bill is now a shut off notice. The neighborhood I live in just seems to get worse and worse... there is more, but you get the point... all this sucks. But really? It's all just inconvenient compared to some peoples problems. It could ALWAYS be worse. My problems are not the end of the world. FAR from it.
If I lost my child? THAT would be the end of the world.

4 Pound Bucket of Cookie Dough...

Ha! That got your attention didn't it!!!
Don't worry, I didn't eat 4 lbs of cookie dough :) I'm kidding around, but underneath it all I'm kind of stressed... and all over cookie dough!
My son started school on the 7th. Not only did we have to get used to him being in middle school and all the new things that come with that, we had to worry about this fundraiser for 6th grade camp that is due Monday, the 20th. WELL, I forgot the first few days, and only told my Mom and 2 of my brothers about it. But then Ray said don't worry about it anyway, his Mom can sell anything at work for sure. So she took it to sell last week, money due this Monday. She came over tonight and he reminded her to bring the paperwork back... she did. Empty. She forgot to sell the cookie dough!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!
I know it's not her fault, it's not like she did it on purpose or anything. But it sucks. So here we are Saturday night, and I have tomorrow to sell 15 4 LB buckets of cookie dough.... UGH. Everyone I know is poor, not to mention giving them less than a days notice. We were already a little stressed about what we have to buy for him to bring when he goes... now we will have to pay for the trip if we can't sell the cookies... Did I mention we have a shut off notice from the electric company in due in 9 days??? Ugh... I could go on, but I won't.

You know what? I feel a lot better just getting all that off my chest. Honestly, all of a sudden I feel much calmer... I will try my hardest to sell as much as I can tomorrow, and that's all I can do. Ray will bring it to work if he has to, and I'll bring it to school Monday after he gets out... it will all be ok. If we have to pay that's ok, we'll work it out!

Well, that's just how my luck is going lately, why am I even surprised? lol. I can say that this stress didn't make me binge or anything, and it didn't make me go out and buy cookies either :) I did have chips and cheese with my taco soup, that was because of deliciousness not stress ;) but I ok the rest of the day.

What I ate today:
Iced Coffee: (75) about 12 oz with 3 tbs liquid creamer
Breakfast: (90) Special K vanilla crisp bar, and the coffee
Lunch: (665) 1 1/2 cup leftover taco soup over chips and cheese, water
Iced coffee: (75)
Dinner: (460) 6 oz chicken, 1 cup red beans and rice, 1 cup ff skim milk
Total Water: 46 oz
Total Calories: 1365
I waited 10 minutes after dinner to see if I REALLY wanted that second plate, and of course I didn't :)
I had another cup of coffee today, the first I've had 2 in one day. I don't want to make it a habit, but my head ache went away soon after so that's good! I will try using a little less creamer, see how low I can get the calories and still love it.

Treadmill: 16 minutes/ .62 mile 7 minutes with 2 LB weights
Total days in a row: 40 Wooo Hooo! :)
I stepped it up a little to make sure I at least worked up a little sweat :) I had the weights for 7 minutes, and worked those arms! I figure, I'm on the treadmill in my own home, no one is watching... I might as well take advantage of it!!! So I worked it, I looked like those skinny women you see in the mall speed walking with there arms doing all the work lol. If felt good :)

My son was waiting for Saturday Night Live, but he fell asleep on the couch. So I might turn in at a descent time tonight. Ray has the morning off, so we'll see! If he doesn't have anything he wants to watch, and I can stay away from facebook, I have a good chance! lol :) Goodnight everyone!

Good Morning!

I'm back just to finish up my Friday :)

What I ate:
Iced Coffee (91) with french vanilla liquid creamer, 1 tsp sugar
Lunch: (399) Tuna Sandwich, 5 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: (435) 2 1/2 large crackers with 1/2 cup crab salad
Dinner: (676) 2 cups Taco soup with 12 tortilla chips and 1/4 cup cheddar, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: (250) 1 cup milk 1 Oatmeal Creme pie
Total Water: 42 oz
Total Calories: 1852

Wow, some of that stuff is more calories than I thought! I kept it under 2000 and I'm always happy with that. I could have done better especially with dinner, I took a good 213 dinner and turned it into 676 by adding the chips and cheese, and having a second cup...

I finally remembered to look for liquid creamer at Aldi's! I found some fat free french vanilla, and it is pretty good! Thanks Colenic! (if I remember right, you told me to go there for it... If not- Thanks who ever did!!! lol) I have been having it hot a lot lately, really like the coffeemate. But for iced I like this better. Still have to tweak it a little, it's sweet and I don't think I need the extra sugar. So today's will be less calories :)

I got on the treadmill as soon as I posted last night.
15 minutes/ .58 mile
39 days in a row
I just did the .58 I have to do to increase the weekly total, but to be honest I have to start doing more than that. The last few days, I haven't really even been sweating!!!! That is good news :) BUT it also means I have to start working harder now that I am able.... yuck! Haha, I know... I won't get the results if I don't put in the work!!!!

Woke up and I still have a head ache, but it's a LOT better. I feel great, and I'm going to have a great day :) I didn't do the laundry yesterday, so I have to today. I won't even let that get me down. I hope you all have a great day too!!!!

A Gain, No Surprise There!

And the scale says...

278.8

that's a gain of .8 pounds.

NOT a surprise.

Not as bad as I thought it would be...

I was on the treadmill everyday,

making my totals for the week:

1 hour 46 minutes/ 4.05 miles

Only a TINY bit farther than last week,

but farther none the less! :)

I woke up today with a horrible head ache. After I dropped my son off I ended up going back to bed. I slept till 1:00! My head was worse, and I still have it. Weighing in so late in the day without eating anything (except coffee) is probably why I didn't gain more! We all know I made some bad choices this week. So I'm ok with my little gain. I was afraid I'd see those 280s again, so I'm glad about that...

A new week, a new chance to do well.

Here it is 1:30 am and I still have to get on the treadmill. I kind of want to just go to bed, but then I would ruin my streak. My head is finally a little better, so I might as well do it!

Today will be day 39 on the treadmill! So I'm going to go do that and I'll be back in the morning to record how long, and what I ate today.

To go farther than last week, I have to do at least .58 miles per day. So that's probably what it will be :) See you tomorrow!

schedule... what schedule?

Now that summer vacation is over, I thought I would be doing BETTER being on a schedule. I think it is helping some... but one thing I have to change is the treadmill. I HAVE to start doing it during the day! Tonight I was ready for bed at 9:30, I fell asleep in the chair again. When I thought I better get up and go to bed when my son does, I realized I had to do the treadmill... and I did it. I'm happy I did, but then of course I was wide awake. Now it's almost 1 am, and I'm up instead of in bed where I should be. I have to be up in 2 1/2 hours to bring Ray to work, then up again 3 hours after that to bring the boy to school... Maybe after I do laundry I'll come home and take a nap? I don't want to get into that habit again either though...

My plan is to do the treadmill in the morning, then I will be awake, shower, and be ready for the day! That's been my plan since school started last Tuesday... Then at night I can get to bed at a decent time, and get some good sleep. (I did all that yesterday, and it was great!)

Tomorrow is weigh day... I don't really know what to expect. I did step on the scale yesterday, and it was a 4 pound gain. That doesn't really tell me much though, it was in the middle of the day and with all my clothes on. I shouldn't have done it at all lol.
I did a lot of extra housework this week, and did the treadmill everyday....
I also had cake FIVE days in a row. Other than that I ate ok except for... pizza.... don't yell at me, well ok you can if you want. I know I should have passed on it, free pizza is hard to pass up, but I could have. I had 2 pieces last night. Tonight I had 1 1/2 pieces. If you have seen my eating lately, you might know that that is pretty good... BUT I also know that with the cake I REALLY should have made a better choice.
I guess that's why I'm hurrying and writing this, so that tomorrow I can have a fresh start. Cakes gone, pizzas gone, I'll weigh in and it will be a whole new week.

My eating has been like this: I had coffee both mornings, tuna sandwich wiht baby carrots both lunches, so the last 2 days where pretty much the same. I had Salad last night with my pizza, cereal last night for snack. I had mozz string cheese and special K crackers today, and cereal tonight. That's what I've been eating. And cake both days...

I know I have been messing up a lot, and I still stick by what I said. I really feel great right now and feel I will be able to do better form now on... but you know how that goes with me :(
I know some of you appreciate the honesty and understand the struggles I have... and some of you might be getting bored/ fed up with all my mess ups. And I understand that. If reading doesn't help you, feel free to move on, because I wish you the best in your journey and if mine isn't good for you I totally understand.

That being said, I do feel great. I feel like I can get back on track and do really well this week :) I've been really motivated by other blogs, seeing others struggle through things and still stick to there plans... I've had a bad month emotionally, but I shouldn't have let that get in my way. Everyone has problems, and mine probably won't stop anytime soon. I need to stop eating for comfert, it's not healthy and it's not an excuse. Before this summer, I was doing so well with that... I really don't know what happened! I'm going to try really hard to get back on track.

I can't wait to get the weigh in over with, because I'm pretty nervous about what the scale will say....

My treadmill time:
Wednesday: 17 minutes/ .65 miles 4 minutes with 2 LB weights
Thursday (today): 18 minutes/ .66 mile
Days in a row: 38
Ok, I'll see you tomorrow for the face off with the scale...

The Cake Monster

I don't know if I'm referring to the urge to eat cake... or to MYSELF!
It's 5:13am Wednesday. The birthday cake is still here, right behind me on the kitchen table in fact. I want to eat some right now... but I won't!

Yesterday I wrote that I didn't think it would be a problem, and I meant it! But only hours after I wrote that, I had a bowl of cake and ice cream... I really am having will power problems. I don't know why, I know it's simple: Don't eat the cake... ugh!

Have to get back to writing what I eat. After 2 days, I decided that when I did come back I wasn't going to type it all... and I think that made me not worry so much about what I was eating... I was still writing it for myself, but not having it on here probably contributed to all the cake and ice cream. NOT an excuse. But I do think recording it for all to see, helps me :)

What I ate Tuesday:
Breakfast: 1/2 coffee(43), piece of cake
Lunch: (600) Asparagus stuffed chicken with broccoli cheese rice, water
Snack: cake and ice cream(360)
Dinner: (420) Garlic Chicken 'Viola', water
Snack: (60) 1 mozz string cheese
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 1483 PLUS the 2 pieces of cake
I have no idea what the calories are in the cake, it isn't listed anywhere on it. I am going to call the bakery and ask!!! I really want to know... you saw the picture lol, any guesses???? I'm going to guess... 450 per piece?!?!? We'll see!
I haven't been getting enough water in, probably because of drinking pop. But today I got in 40 oz, so that's better.
NO POP, I have a bad head ache, and I'm sure that's why. But that's my own fault. I shouldn't have been drinking it. There is some Pepsi 0 left, I'm dumping it as soon as I am done here. I don't think I want it, but as I've shown all weekend I have little to no self control lately. Might as well get rid of it.

Treadmill: 16 minutes/ .63 miles  2 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Total Days in a row: 36
My muscles hurt from extra house work and such, BUT my back has been feeling great. I think it's all better. I'm going to start walking with the weights again, maybe start doing some crunches again too :)

I am hungry, but I won't eat any cake right now. Promise! lol :)