A Blog Award!

I have never gotten one before,
What a great surprise!!!

Thank you, Chubarella for this award!!!!! :)

These Are The Rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

2. Share seven things about yourself.

3. Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs.

4. Let your nominees know about the award.

Seven Things About Myself

1. I have Always been over weight

2. I am the oldest of 4 children

3. I have an 11 year old son, who is my world

4. I am engaged to my son's father Ray,
who I've been with for 13 years

5. I have lived in Michigan all my life

6. I have an unhealthy fear of driving,
and going places I have never been
(In fact, if I could, I would change this even before my weight.
It really makes life hard...)

7. My race is: OTHER
A mix of Native American (Blackfoot and Cherokee),
Jewish, Irish, English, German?... and who KNOWS what else :)

My 15 Blogs

Being Short and Fat

The Next Biggest Looser

A Smile A Day

Dance Like There's No Tomorrow

Donut Therapy

The Middle Side of Life

I Make Soap

My Healthy Living Thru Weight Control

My Life ~ My Journey

Oxygen Masks Will Drop

Scribbling in the Margin

Smaller Fun Pants

Weight On Me at 50+

She's Not Quite Normal; Thank Goodness!

Endurance Isn't Only Physical

15 'newly' discovered blogs???
Well, some of these are very new to me...
Some not as new,
but these are the blogs I follow
and want to nominate for this
awesome Versatile Blog award lol :)


And another big Thank You to Chubarella!
Who would FOR SURE be in my 15,
but I don't think I'm supposed to send the award back :)

Weigh Day

And the scale says...

279.2

That is a .2 pound loss for this week.

I'll take it!!!

That brings the Total lost to 40.8 pounds :)

This week my crunch total is: 220

I can't say I expected a loss. I actually expected a gain and just hoped it would be less than .6 so I didn't have to see the 280s again! So a loss at all is a surprise, and I am SO glad :) I did drink a lot of water this week, and had more fiber in my diet. I had a few romaine salads this week, they seem to help me loose weight. I'm happy, any loss is a loss in my book!!!

Had an unexpected problem today. After I was so relieved to lose, Ray wanted to order food!!! I usually would have given in... in fact I almost did!!! I thought about how happy I was to have lost any weight, and that wasn't enough! I still wanted pizza! I asked "what do you want?" BUT then I thought of how much money trouble we are in, I thought "I JUST wrote about it and how I have to SAVE EVERY PENNY on my blog!!! How will this look!?!?!?!?!?" and that's what did it. That's what stopped me. So when he told me what he wanted, I said "Ok, I'll make some Tuna Helper."

I was actually pretty mad after that. Because now I WANTED pizza :( Why would he even bring it up? Knowing we can't afford it??? Ugh. And I was mad becasue instead of making my tuna sandwich I really wanted for lunch, I was making dinner for lunch, and another dinner for dinner!!! I got over it within about 20 minutes, but I almost let it really get to me... More and more I feel like I am a parent instead of a partner... and I get tired of it...

Here's What I ate today:

Drink: (200) iced coffee

Lunch: (473) 1 cup of tetrazzini tuna helper, 1/2 cup peas, 1 slice parmesan whole wheat toast, 1 cup ff skim milk

Snack: (320) 4 chocolate chop cookies, 1 cup ff skim milk

Dinner: (538) 2 servings of chicken veggie stir fry over white rice(total 1 1/2 cups rice and 1 1/2 cups stir fry), 1 cup ff skim milk

Snack: (380) 5 cookies, 1 cup ff skim milk

Total Water: 40 oz

Total Calories: 1911

I over ate at dinner AND went a little crazy with the cookies and milk. My stomach is paying for it right now... I did get in a lot of veggies though.

My son did end up going fishing yesterday. He had a really good time :) I'm glad, he's been waiting long enough! He plans on going tomorrow too... but I haven't heard anything about it so I don't know. But if he was told they were going again, they BETTER BE.

I have not been on the treadmill in 3 weeks now. My goal is to get on it tomorrow no matter what! Even if only for 10 minutes!

Lotsa Stress, but I Feel Fine :)

Today went ok. I was really worried that my stress level would make me want to eat, but I actually wasn't hungry all day before my appointment. Maybe because it wasn't unexpected? Or being nervous on top of stressed made my stomach funny? Anyway, I couldn't really eat much. The chips and cheese wasn't a lot... but sadly I only had some because Ray was and it smelled SO good...

What I ate today:
Drink: (200) 1 bottle iced coffee
Lunch: (425) about 10 tortilla chips with a little leftover taco meat, spanish rice, cheese and salsa. Water
Dinner: (335) Taco Salad- LOTS of romaine lettuce with 3 chips, taco meat, spanish rice, cheese, salsa and beans. water
Snack: (157) vanilla pudding and 13 grapes (69 grams)
Total Water: 60 oz
Total Calories: 1117
I REALLY hope I don't see 200 again. I know I didn't eat very well today, but I had a lot of romaine lettuce and a lot of water. I am hoping I don't gain. Also, I have to mention I have had NO pop this week. Usually pop goes with tacos, wraps and pizza no matter what lol. But NOT anymore!!!!

Crunches: 120 (50, 25, 25, 20)

I went to see the bankruptcy lawyer today. I have to say, I was a little worried mentioning it yesterday because I figured it would be kind of frowned at and thought for sure I'd catch a little slack lol... but it was on my mind and stressing me out, so I wrote about it.
And got nothing but support! I love you guys :)

To make a long story short, it looks like I will most likely be filing chapter 7 bankruptcy. It sucks and I would have NEVER in my wildest dreams think I would be at this point... but it is what it is. I am to stop paying my credit card bills, and cut them up. I have to call a counselor and see if I can do a payment plan, but according to my income and all the info, he said my best bet is just filing.

Now to the hard part, coming up with $1200!!!!!! Ugh... I knew it would be expensive. Me and Ray have been talking about it, and we will find a way. We won't be paying the credit card bills, but we also won't be using them to pay our other bills either... so we will have very little extra money left. BUT we will save every penny! We will also have to borrow. I HATE borrowing money... SOOOO much. I have only had to borrow money recently (from Ray's Mom) and I really do hate it. But we really don't have any other option. Ray's Mom would give it to us if she had it, but I don't think she has all of that. But we will ask her if we can borrow some, whatever she can afford.
Then we will ask my Dad and then one of my brothers. I don't know how either of them will react lol... I don't talk to my brother but once every month or 2, and my Dad once every 6!!!!! Ugh this sucks!!!! But I have faith that it will all work out :)

So until we get the money, I will be VERY stressed about it. BUT I'm not going to bore you with it everyday lol. Of course you can ask if your curious how it's going, but otherwise I am going to try and stay away from the subject until I get the money together, actually file, or if something changes... unless the stress gets to me and I have to vent haha :) Then LOOK OUT! lol :)

Since we will be doing our best to save, that might mean giving up the internet :( I have a great deal until Aug 24, but then I won't be able to afford it. I am hoping that when I call and tell them I have to cancel it, they will give me another 6 months at this price. Otherwise I'll have to get rid of it :( That would be SO sad for me! What would I do without my blog everyday!?!?! And you guys!?!?! I will go to the library to let you know of course, if something like that happens. Lets just hope it doesn't!!!

See you tomorrow for weigh day. Wish me luck!!!

I might see those 280s again after all...

I haven't gone on a binge or anything, but I could definitely be doing better! After tonight's taco dinner... I might not be able to keep the 280s away! I'm still hoping though.

I have been so tired lately, that once I get done reading blogs I am ready for bed and don't do my own! I really would like to do it earlier instead of waiting so late... I just figure it's easier to put what I ate all day... but I have to figure something else out.

Here's what it's been looking like:
Monday
Lunch: Chicken wrap (cut 110 calories by only having 5 chips and the rest baby carrots, and by substituting 1/2 the cheddar for mozz) iced tea
Dinner: asparagus stuffed chicken, 1/2 cup white rice with a little soy sauce, ff skim milk
Snacks: sun chips, cottage cheese and pineapple, ice cream, a nectarine
Total Water: about 30 oz
Went a little crazy on the snacks today. the portions were good, but didn't need every snack. Not enough water, didn't feel good Tuesday morning.

Tuesday
Lunch: Chicken wrap, 5 sunchips, 5 baby carrots, light ranch, water
Dinner: 2 helpings of chicken alfredo, 1 1/2 cheese stick, water
Snack: ice cream
Total Water: 40 oz
While I didn't eat a lot today, what I DID eat was very heavy. I OVER ate for dinner and was really full, a feeling I now HATE. Totally regret that! I felt like crap!

Today:
Drink: 1/2 bottle of iced coffee
Breakfast: bowl of Fiber Plus- Berry Yogurt Crunch cereal with ff skim milk
Lunch: 1/2 bagel with cream cheese and 1/4 cup pineapple
Dinner: 2 tacos and a taco salad (With a LOT of romaine lettuce, 4 tortilla chips, taco meat, 1/4 cup cheddar, 1/4 cup spanish rice) water
Drink: 1/2 iced coffee
Total Water: 48 oz (so far)
Over ate again for dinner. I had such a good plan... but I didn't stick to it. I did try to eat lighter the rest of the day though, knowing we were having tacos.
Tomorrow is my last day before my weigh in. I hope it's not to late! I REALLY don't want to see the 280s again... but if I do I will NOT wonder why! That's for sure!

A few things going on, I'll try and make it short.

My son and I went to my mother's Monday and Tuesday for about 1 hour and a half each time. It went well, he had a good time. I visited with her and my brothers and it was all good. I told my mother what I had wrote, that I am going to come pick up a fishing pole one of these days and just take him myself. She must have talked to Jeff because she called today saying he would be taking him tonight. I didn't tell my son, and good thing because he DIDN'T.
She did call and say that FOR SURE tomorrow. That they both will be here around 10 to pick him up. I said "OK, I'm going to tell him, have him up and ready at 10 then..." and so he is pretty excited. If they let him down I will be pissed. AND will also take him myself, so he will be going either way!

We got new neighbors... and I don't think we lucked out this time. They are pretty loud already, there are cars outside there door honking through out the day and night. And they smoke... I guess all the ones before didn't smoke, or smoked outside, but I can smell it in my kitchen!!! It sucks.

Last but not least, my horrible financial situation.
I don't talk about it much, because there is just nothing I can do about it... Even though it's on my mind a lot, I just try to ignore it and do what I can. WELL, I have been thinking about filing bankruptcy for sometime now... but didn't know where to start or if I really wanted to. I feel I spent the money, it is MY responsibility to pay it back. So I never really checked into it or anything.
But it's to the point that we can cover our credit card bills, and a couple others and that's IT. Other bills and Anything else is put on a credit card. It's a NEVER ENDING cycle!!
Now all the credit cards are going crazy on me. I had one cancel even though I was NEVER late paying it. Almost all of them the interest has gone up like crazy. It is just ridiculous! I pay my credit card bills every month, and it doesn't matter! They are just making it so hard to keep up. And I just don't know what to do anymore. These last 2 months are the first months that I didn't pay some of them... I just can't afford it.
So I made a call and have an appointment for a free consultation tomorrow. I am pretty nervous. I don't know anything about bankruptcy, not even how much it will cost me... If you have any advise, feel free! Do you think it's a good idea, no? Do you have any experiences with it???

I would NEVER have thought I would be filing bankruptcy, NEVER. But I would also NEVER have thought I would loose my job and not be able to get another one... or that I would still be living HERE... I wish I didn't have to to do it, but I really don't see any other option. I will never be able to climb out of this whole, and if this were to work out, I feel like it would be a brand new start. We might be able to save and get the hell out of this place! That would be a dream come true!

K, you're all caught up on what's been going on. Well mostly lol. I'm a little stressed, but that's ok. I am just praying everything will work out. And as far as food, I will try to do better tomorrow!
It sucks, my appointment is at 4:30, so I'll be stressing all day over it... oh well. I dug my self into this mess, and it's time to start digging my way out. By any means necessary I guess...

Cook Outs are NOT GOOD for Me!

So my Mom had a surprise cookout today... I guess she doesn't get that it is only supposed to be a surprise to the birthday boy... not EVERYBODY. She called us yesterday, and called me at 7:30 last night to get numbers (well to ask ME to call people, but I gave her numbers lol) and invite people for today at 1:30... only a couple people showed up, but that's fine. Since he didn't know about it he was gone till we were all there for about 2 hours, and when he did get home he pretty much stayed in the house with my other brother and Ray... At least Ray came over to say hi to everyone before he went in! Oh well... whatever.

I had a very stressful day. I have been so irritated with my mother I haven't really wanted to be around her. And Jeff was drinking, and he annoys the hell out of me when he's had a few. While my son was in the house he starts talking about taking him fishing. OMGoodness. I really don't even want to hear it. He's taken him ONCE, and it must have been about 6 years ago. EVERY year he tells him he's going to take him and doesn't. I said "Yeah, that sounds great." Like- yeah sure you are... and my Mom actually said "Yeah, just don't mention it to him until you really are going to. Huh Tina." I said yeah, and was surprised to see she DOES realize he always says it and never does it... But she isn't upset about it or anything like I am. You don't tell a child year after year that your going to do something and not do it.

Which reminds me about the last time I was over there (about 2 or 3 weeks ago?) and there was the little cookout with my dad and step mom. Jeff and my Dad are just doing the small talk thing, about kids today and all the video games blah blah blah. And Jeff actually said "Yeah, he needs to be out fishing or something instead of in there playing those games!" Talking about my son!!! I couldn't BELIEVE that came out of his mouth!!!! I said "He WOULD go fishing if someone would take him. He would rather do that than play games any day." but I left it at that. I wanted to go off on him, but I didn't. I bit my tongue harder than I have ever bit it in my life!!! Let my son down EVERY year and then have the nerve to say that! I don't fish. I don't think Ray's ever fished a day in his life. But you know what? If he doesn't take him, I'm going to go over there and get the pole he supposedly got for my son and take him myself!!!! Asshole.

This post has gone on long enough I guess, so I won't go into all the other things stressing me out like the weed, or my cousin showing up high on who KNOWS what.

There were a couple good things about today. We saw a humming bird. I got some more sun without BURNING. I walked down to the little creek with my son, mom and her dog (I got bit up but that's ok as long as I don't catch the new mosquito virus they are finding here in MI). The food was good.
But I ate to much. I still haven't been to a cookout that I am happy with how I did yet. I don't know, being around people you'd think would make me eat less!!! But it's exactly the opposite!!!!

What I ate today:
Drink: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Lunch: (A lot) 2 chili dogs, 1/3 cup macaroni salad, 1 cup baked beans, about 15 cheddar potato chips.
Drink: (83?) about 6 oz red pop
Snack: (260) 1 cup ice cream
Snack: (267) about 20 chips and 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese
Total Water: about 65 oz
Total Calories: about 1700?  -about 710 plus lunch (which was a lot, but I don't think more than 1000)

Lunch was supposed to be at 1:30, but it got to be 2:00 and it wasn't even started. I think we finally ate around 3. So I was STARVING.
I really didn't want the pop, but that's all they had. I picked the only one without caffene so I wouldn't be craving it tomorrow... Almost all of the wate I had was in the last few hours. I was SOOOOO thirsty!
I decided I didn't need anything for dinner, and that led to snacking later (while we were watching a movie I ate those chips out of the bag!!! A NO NO!) I could have made healthy snack choices though, NO excuse for that.

Tomorrow Mom said she was going to get the pool out and have us over. I actually made it clear today that he is not allowed to spend the night there... she didn't realize that. Even though it's been about a month, she just hadn't noticed I guess... She actually told me he could spend the night tonight, KNOWING Jeff was drinking... but now she knows he won't be anymore. She tried to push the subject, but I really didn't want to talk about it. So we didn't. I told her he can come visit, but that she doesn't have any interest in that either. That's when she decided about tomorrow. We'll see. If she calls we'll go over there I guess. Just for a little bit.

I don't feel good. I don't know if it's because I ate crap or because I've been so stressed all day. Probably a combination.

You know, I have actually been quite depressed since last night!!!! I watched a movie called The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (pajamas was spelled different though...) Have you seen this movie??? It was... good I guess... I had NO IDEA what it was about till I started watching it. It made me cry, and I've been kind of down ever since. Ray had fallen asleep so I watched it and cried alone. (He woke up later and wanted to fool around and I couldn't because I just felt like crying! TMI??? Sorry. That's just not like me at all)

Well, I can tell I'm rambling, so I'll go now haha :) Tomorrow will be better.
I didn't give into sacking last night, and I am full now. I will probably not eat anything, but If I do it will be grapes.

Ray's Chicken Wraps... Mmmmm

I still feel great :) Still on a cloud from hitting that 40 pound mark! Thanks again for all of your happy congrats!!!!
I have to warn you, today was a high calorie day, but it just goes that way sometimes. I promise it's not that I have lost my ambition or anything, and it will not turn into an everyday thing. It CAN'T, because as I said: I don't ever want to see the 280s ever again. EVER!

What I ate today:
Drink: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Breakfast: (423) 1 bagel with cream cheese, 6 oz orange juice
Snack: (33) 1 bite of ice cream (low fat french silk)
Lunch: (615) Frozen Tuna Noodle Casserole meal, Romaine Salad with croutons, 2 tbs light ranch and 1/8 cup mozz
Dinner: (1070) Ray's Chicken Wraps- fried chicken, cheddar and jalapeno monterey jack cheese, lettuce and light ranch in a burrito size tortilla, with 15 sunchips, water
Snack: (260) 1 cup of light french silk ice cream
Total Water: 36 oz
Total Calories: 2501
Oh, I could have done SO much better. I should have only had half that bagel, 4 oz of orange juice. I should have had one of the lean frozen entrees instead of the stoufers one. I should have only had 1/2 cup of ice cream, yesterday I was completely satisfied with 1/2 cup.
Now to the dinner, I had no idea the wraps were that many calories! 310 calories in cheese alone!!! We don't have them often, but when ray makes them they are delicious. I wouldn't doubt it if we have them again for lunch tomorrow... I am going to do my best to see how I can cut that 1070 down. It will actually be easy. I'll give him a measuring cup an cut the cheese down, do my own ranch, eat half the chips... and that will help a lot right there! What I should do is just eat half of one... but I don't know if I have that much will power... we'll see lol. I didn't have pop though! The only thing that would have made the wraps better is some pop, and I didn't give in! :)

Crunches: 100 (40, 40, 20)

I am NOT hungry at all. I should be able to go without eating anything till bed. If I do get hungry I will have some grapes. NOT the sunchips that are calling my name...
See you tomorrow!

I have lost 40 pounds!!! 40!!! Yeah, like 4-0, FORTY!!!!!!

Can you believe it?!?!?!? I can't!!!! 40 seems like such huge number, and it was starting to feel like I would bounce around and never hit it!!! BUT I DID!!!!! Woooo Hooooo!!!!!!! I wasn't going to mess with the stupid camera, but this is the first time in... I don't know how long, that the scale has been in the 270s! So I had to take one! Here you go:

Ha! Look at THAT!!!! I still can't believe it!

So that's a 2.2 pound loss this week,

for a total of 40.6 pounds, GONE.

This week I did 200 Crunches

I have been on top of the world since I saw that this morning. Ray came down and saw me smiling, and asked "what?" When I told him I have lost 40 pounds, he was really happy for me. He told me he is proud of me :) 

Later I showed him my ring and asked him if he knew why it was turned like that, he said "because your hands are wet?" (Which they were lol) I said "NO, it's because... I LOST 40 POUNDS!"

I just want to announce it to the world... but I can't, I don't really want my family to know about it... still fear that I won't really do it? Or that I won't keep it off? I don't know... But I WILL keep it off :)
When it's more noticeable, I'm sure they'll say something, and I won't have a problem telling them how much I've lost then :)
I'm so glad I have you all to share it with!!!! You and Ray know my great joy today :) And of course my son is here to hear me gushing LOL.

I made it to the store finally! Got some good stuff, mostly good stuff :) I also went over my budget, which I never do... but we won't talk about that! Let's pretend money doesn't even exist for a while so I can stay happy lol.

What I ate today:
Breakfast: Nothing (picking Ray up then shopping- I did well even with the empty stomach!)
Lunch: (392) Tuna sandwich (1can tuna, 1 tbs mw, 1/8 cup cheddar, Romain lettuce) on whole wheat, 8 baby carrots, 1 1/2 tbs light ranch, 8 sun chips, water
Snack: (130) 1/2 cup ice cream (Edy's light French Silk)
Drink: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Dinner: (538) 1 cup hamburger helper (made with ground sirloin 90/10), 1 slice buttered whole wheat toast, 1/3 cup peas, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: (23) Werther's
Snack: (150) 1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese, 1/2 cup pineapple
Snack: (300) bowl of cereal- corn chex and honey bunches of oats
Total Water: 60 oz
Total Calories: 1633
I am pretty happy with today. I really tried to think about what I was eating.
I LOVE that french silk ice cream, even before I started trying to loose weight. It's one of my favorites. I got a half cup, and sat down and ate it OUT OF the measuring cup lol. I enjoyed every second, and I was satisfied :)
They didn't have my Arnold's bread, but I got another new kind, and I like it just fine.
I also got cottage cheese... I actually love it but hardly ever eat it because it gives me head aches, but I feel fine right now, so we'll see! :)
I'm really hungry right now, about to eat that cereal I included up there. I am up to late again! I only got about 3 1/2 hours last night... so I don't know why I'm not tired. Just wired??? Because... I LOST 40 POUNDS! Haha, maybe...

I hope I'm not sounding obnoxious, I am just happy and want to share it lol :) I know it looked REAL bad for a while there... but thanks for sticking with me, and being so supportive. I feel rededicated :) I can only hope and pray that this feeling lasts.

I have to do well this week, because I am out of the 280s, and I never want to see them again!!!!!!! On to the next 40!!!!!!