Well, it IS a loss...

It's Monday, time to weigh in for Tessa's Challenge...

That's a loss of .2 from last Monday

(I won't say what it is since my Friday weigh in!)

I can't say I'm suprised! With the way I ate last week I am lucky I didn't gain!

I'll be back later for my usual post!

SUNDAY

I'm tired again today. I should be in bed right now, but my schedule is all messed up from spring break. I stay up way to late lately! Tomorrow is Monday and we'll be back into the swing of things (until summer break that is...)

My Honey Crisp Apple

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (260) Bagel THIN with 1/3 less fat cream cheese, 1 cup FF skim milk
Lunch: (300?) 1 1/2 cup of Taco Soup (recipe here)1 flour tortilla, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (150) 1/2 cup of ice cream- Kodiak Island Fudge
Drink: (80) 8 oz Brisk Lemon iced tea
Dinner: (440) 1/8 cup leftover cheese instant potatoes with gravy, 3 chicken strips, 1/4 cup peas, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (150) 1/2 large Apple (above)
Snack: (180) Bagel Thin with 1/3 less fat cream cheese
Snack: (400) 2 cups of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios with 1 cup FF skim milk
Total Water: 41 oz
Total Calories: 1960
I could get used to the 1/3 less cream cheese. It's not to bad I guess. The Bagel THINS are another story though. I don't really like them. I think I would rather have half of a regular bagel then a whole 'THIN.' They don't taste the same. So when I get bagels again (not planning on it being soon lol) I am getting regular. Don't ask me why I had 2 today if I don't like them... because I really don't have an answer for that lol. I guess I just over snacked today. I was hungry all day. I did a lot of extra house work yesterday and today, maybe that's why I'm hungry... and hopefully will help get rid of those calories :)
I put a picture of my taco soup on the taco soup recipe page for you. I will try and do it from now on, if I post anymore recipes. I love to take pictures anyway! Sounds like a good idea to me :)
Treadmill: 28 minutes/1.02 miles 10 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Crunches: 120 (3 sets of 40)
I was so relieved not to have gained weight on Friday that I haven't thought of the scale since. So I have NO idea where I stand for my weigh in for Tessa's challenge tomorrow. Don't have a clue what to expect. I'm hoping the housework will help me :) Wish me luck!

Crap. It's after Midnight!

I'll leave you with a picture of My Son's apple from yesterday :)

Saturday

Here's My Day:
Brunch: (400) 1 egg and 1 slice of 2% kraft cheese on a Bagel "thins" 1 cup 2% milk
Snack: (100) 6 oz cup of yoplait light yogurt
Snack: (15) 2 jelly beans
Dinner: (685) 5 chicken strips, 3/4 cup cheesy instant potatoes with gravy, 1/2 cup of peas, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (150) 1/2 cup ice cream- country fresh Kodiak island fudge
Total Water: 16 oz
Total Calories: 1350 (plus the drink I'm having. just a little of the irish cream, but it's a lot of calories I'm sure...)
I found these "bagel THINS" today, I was so happy! They are 110 calories per whole bagel. I love bagels and cream cheese... but when I had the bagel today I wasn't impressed :(  When I try it with the cream cheese I'll let you know if it's good :)  I also bought 1/3 less fat cream cheese, I was going to go for the fat free, but it had all these extra unidentifiable ingredients, where the 1/3 less has the exact same as regular. I hope I like it!
Treadmill: 22 minutes/.77 mile   8 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Gonna relax a little while and go to bed. I'm pretty tired. Being so stressed out latley really drains me I guess. I didn't want to do the treadmill at all, but I have to have a pretty good streak going for doing it everyday, and I didn't want to ruin that! I'll have to see how long its been tomorrow :)

The Weigh In and Family Life

First things first! I would like to thank Michaela for joining me in My Day! It really has helped me more then I could have ever thought to have people supporting me! You happened to come at a time when I REALLY need it too! So thanks :)
In my title it says this would be "about my weight loss journey, my life and whatever else I feel like rambling about"... I do get to rambling lol. But I haven't really talked about my life to much until lately. ACTUALLY My weight loss is so much of my life right now! Maybe that's part of it. I've always been pretty private, but I realize as I get older, that if I would have talked to someone in other stages of my life, they might have been easier to get through... Back to My Life in a minute.

Now it's time for the weigh in! And the scale says:

A loss of .8 pounds! I really thought I would gain this week. I know it's normal to go up and down a little,

but I really don't think a gain would have been good for my motivation right now!

So I am pretty happy, relieved I guess  :)

Woo Hoo! lol, ever see someone so happy to loose 0.8 pounds? LOL

That brings my grand total to: 29.4 Pounds Lost!

My Totals for this week are:

Treadmill: 3 hours 50 minutes/8.03 miles

(new record distance for me)

Crunches: 240

Trying to get used to the new camera... It's darker then the other one. Not sure how to crop pictures the way I want to either, I'll figure it out though!

So I really fell off the wagon as far as fast food this week. It was spring break, and I had done the 'no fast food' the week before. I think that really messed me up! Not to mention it didn't help with the weight loss... BUT that is no excuse. I shouldn't have eaten so much fast food this week either way!!!!

I am going to go back to the original plan, and not deprive myself of things I want, but really watch my portions. I think I was getting ahead of myself and my baby steps.

I won't be saying "I'm not going to do this all week." Or "no more buffets for me." These things only make me want them even more!!! I think that's why after last week I completely went overboard with the fast food this week. I NEED to cut down on fast food anyway, I know it's not healthy and besides that I don't want to waste the money on it!

Today is the last week day of Spring break, and we went to a buffet for lunch. I did ok, one plate would be excellent, but 2 is ok. I got really small portions and didn't finish anything I didn't want to (in the past I would eat it all, whether I liked it or not). I don't plan on making buffets a habit again, but today that's what we did.

This week I have been going without breakfast a lot. It's not on purpose, I am going to still try and have SOMETHING for breakfast. It's because of spring break, and getting up later. I end up just waiting for lunch. Monday we will be back into a routine!

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: (about 1400) East Garden Buffet(2 plates, small portions) 1/4 cup white rice, pineapple chicken, baked chicken, jalapeno chicken, 3 crab cheese, 1 small egg role, about 1/4 cup sweet and sour sauce, Parmesan chicken, 1/2 piece of garlic bread, crab salad, 1/4 cup chocolate pudding. And a bout a half cup soft serve ice cream. Water.

Dinner: (430) 1 slice of leftover Italian gourmet pizza, small salad with 1/2 tbs light ranch, less then 1/8 cup mozzarella cheese, 1/2 tbs almond accents. Water

Snack: (75) 1/8 cup starburst jelly beans

Total Water: 36 oz

Total Calories: about 1905

Treadmill: 22 minutes/.8 mile  10 minutes of that with 2 LB weights

Crunches: 120

I have to thank everyone that left a comment yesterday, I was actually really upset. Haven't heard from my Mom today, but that's fine. My son of course wants to go over there tomorrow, but I doubt that's going to happen... It would really be less stress on me if he never went over there again... 

Asphyxiated Emancipation said: "Sometimes, the people who are supposed to be our support network just bring despair and anxiety into our lives." That is so true. It doesn't seem fair- but the truth isn't always fair I guess.

To answer a question from the comments, Yes I did grow up in a smoke filled place full of grouchy people. It wasn't a trailer, it was my moms 3 bedroom townhouse, which she was evicted from about 5 years ago when the police raided it (another story for another time). It wasn't very big and it was her, her boy friend, me and my 3 brothers. (For about 2 years my baby also, till we got the hell out of there!)
How did I survive it? Well, I never even smelled the smoke, even when my 6th grade teacher pulled me aside because she thought I had been smoking, from the smell of my clothes. We grew up in it and it was just everyday, we didn't ever know how bad it was. The walls were yellow, my brother had asthma, so I guess that should have given someone a clue!!!

As far as the anger in the house all the time, I survived that by being just as angry as everybody else. I started drinking when I was about 14(not heavy, it could have been a lot worse). I would get depressed a lot, mostly I was just a B****. Not because I wanted to be, because I had to be.

I like to think I was always a good person deep down... I couldn't do the things my brothers did, even though I was the oldest lol. It made me feel bad to steal, so my first time was my last (they made a career of it) I could never do a lot of things they did... (I love my brothers, it wasn't all bad, and wasn't really their fault) I just wanted out of there as soon as possible.

Maybe having my son is how I really survived it... that completely changed me. All of a sudden all I wanted in life was to be a good mother. I calmed down so much, was no longer the B**** I used to be. I didn't want to drink anymore, and once we got out of there everything was SO much better.

So that's how I survived it - the short version lol. BUT as you can see, I am 290.6 pounds, so if I really want to survive it I have to do something about that!!! and I am :)

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's my mom's fault I'm fat... I have ALWAYS been over weight, but it's been the last 10 years I have gained steadily. The last 5 probably the worst... Maybe deep down it starts with her, but I could say that about ANY problem in my life... I'm an adult and I could have fixed this a long time ago. I take full responsibility for my weight and that's why it's my responsibility to change it!

There. Some 'weight loss journey', some 'my life' and some 'rambling'. I hit all three of them! lol.

:) thanks for listening.

ugh... whatever

Well, me and my mom got into it a little today. She is such a trip... it is just crazy the way she sees things. On top of it I ran into my youngest brother at the store and he was mad at me too! Since he is mad at me, the whole trailer is probably mad at me! (my mom, her boy friend, my brother all live with my youngest brother) He texted me to say he was sorry, haven't spoken to my mom though. Whatever, it's better this way because if I did, I would tell her off and it would be even worse then it already is... I'm sorry, I just think my son deserves a grandparent that gives a damn... that's just me I guess.... when she is done being mad, she will call and no matter what day or time I will be expected to drop everything and bring my son to see her... who cares if we have plans or are busy... whatever. And NO WAY she could come over here and see him... my house is to stable and maybe the clean air without all the smoke is just to much for her... ugh WHATEVER.
So I am VERY stressed out. Usually stress makes me just give in to whatever I want, and say "who cares" and I did do that a little... but I controlled my portions ok. Of course it could have been better, but it could have been worse too...

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: (630) stuffed chicken- asparagus, 1 cup of broccoli cheese rice (packaged), 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (230) 3 store brand oreos 1 cup FF skim milk
Dinner: (610) Papa Murphy's- 1 large slice of Italian gourmet, 1 med slice of pepperoni, Water
Snack: (257) 1 cup of lucky charms with 1 cup 2% milk
Total Water: 34 oz
Total Calories: 1727
I had a hard time resisting more pizza, but I did it. I just kept thinking about weighing in tomorrow... I may have gained anyway, it's ok. I'm glad I didn't eat anymore :) I am having a hard time with sugary cereal lately! I was doing so good with that! I really messed up a lot this week, and I fear it will show on the scale... of course I am hoping to luck out yet again... but this time my luck might have really run out!!! Tomorrow is weigh in and marks the new week for me, I have to get back on track!!!
Treadmill: 29 minutes/ 1.03 miles 5 minutes of that with 2 LB weights

Oh Well

My mom is stressing me out... you know, it's so funny how people can be SO different. I mean, sometimes I think I must be adopted.
My family is my life, and there is NOTHING I wouldn't do for my child... and then there's people that just don't see it that way... I know, she's bipolar, but sometimes that just isn't enough of an excuse for me... sometimes I just think it's just plain selfishness... I mean, I'm used to it, and have got pretty desensitised to it I guess... but when she lets my son down, it really pisses me off. I just think, my God- she messed up so bad with her own kids, you'd think she would be grateful to even be in my son's life. But no... that's just not how she thinks i guess...
I'm a phone call away. An email away, a text away, a yahoo messenger away... but she can't take the time for any of that... even though she is sitting there doing absolutely nothing...just let my son wonder... he was counting on visiting today... but obviously he's not going to since it is 11:42pm... and she never did answer my text... oh well.
OH! WAIT! Maybe she is busy! I forgot, she is addicted to playing poker online... yes, now I see what is so important she can't ever call here... yes, very important indeed.
Maybe it's for the best. I'm sure she will expect to make it another day, tomorrow if it's convenient for her... who cares what our plans are... I wouldn't have a problem at all, telling her no, but he will want to go over there... I'd rather he just stay home...
Sorry, rambled a little there. That's just what's on my mind...

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: Ordered out- 1/2 an order of chips and cheese deluxe(about 11 chips, cheese, taco meat- this place ALSO has NO Tomatoes) medium chocolate malt, soft chicken taco
Snack: about 1 1/2 cups of lucky charms with 1 cup of FF skim milk
Snack: half a pop tart- cookies and cream
Dinner LATE: egg salad(1 egg,one egg yoke son didn't like, 1 tbs miracle whip) on 1 slice of white bread
Total Water: about 41 oz
I know, another mess of a day.
Treadmill: 27 minutes/1 mile  6minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Crunches: 120 (2 sets of 60)
I woke up with my ear all clogged up and a head ache. Me ear cleared up after a shower but now it kind of hurts... I hope I don't have a ear infection or something... My head still hurts... I'm in an ok mood, just a little stressed. I don't feel like counting calories tonight.
Tomorrow I need to get back to eating better! Or I will gain for sure! It might already be to late, Friday might be my first gain since I've started this blog... ugh.

A GREAT Day, if you don't count the eating...

Let's get the bad stuff out of the way. We were out and about for a good 5 hours, and I stopped at Burger King. I only got a whopper though. BUT at the next stop I did grab some funyuns... so lunch was pretty unhealthy. For dinner was leftovers from Hungry Howie's, but less then half of what I ate last night... I'm trying to see the positive side, but honestly- I did pretty bad eating again, no doubt about it.

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (140) Fiber One Bar- chocolate Mocha and water
Lunch: (810) Whopper -onion(still have no tomatoes, is this shortage everywhere?), about 1/2 bag of Funyuns, 2 fries, water
Snack: (140) about 1/2 bag of Funyuns
Snack: (42) 1 snickers mini
Dinner: (542) Leftover Hungry Howie's- 1/4 turkey club sub(no mayo), 2 small cheese sticks, iceberg mix salad with 1 tbs light ranch and 1/8 cup mozzarella cheese. Water
Snack: (75) 1/8 cup of starburst jelly beans
Snack: (420) 36 biscuits (1 1/2 servings) of frosted mini wheats with about 1 1/2 cups of FF skim milk
Total Water: 60 oz
Total Calories: 2169
Now to the good parts of the day :)
I got my new camera, and so far I like it! I'm so happy! I LOVE to take pictures, and I had this nice Kodak camera for about 2 years an I just loved it, until it started acting funny about a year ago. Now it just works when it wants to. It is SO stressful to me. I ordered another Kodak, when it came I was so mad. It was a cheap piece of plastic that didn't have near the features it should have for the price, I sent it back- disgusted. (I really don't see why everything cost more and more, and is made cheaper and cheaper... doesn't make sense to me!)
The one I got today is actually a GE, and I don't know anything about their cameras... but so far I really like it :) Now I have a camera that I know will stay on and work when I need it! The old Kodak was twice what I payed for this one, I hope this one last longer though!!!! (I bought a 2 year warranty lol) Wish me luck!

We had to go to JC Penny today, got my sons pictures taken. We are a little late on that, but better late then never! It's his 11 year old pics, he is getting so old...Even though he wanted to dress casual, and NOT get a hair cut, they came out real nice :) So then I had to go pick up the camera from Sears. It is on THE OTHER SIDE of the mall. I mean direct opposites lol. Since I parked right at the JC Penny portrait part, and the pick up was in the back of sears with convenient parking... it would make sense to drive around. BUT, I figured me and my son could use the exercise and we walked it :) It was a LOT of walking, at a good pace too since I didn't stop at any stores, but we did it! I'm proud of myself for that. Just so you know, I NEVER go to the mall. I haven't went and walked around the mall in a few years, because I couldn't walk that much anymore! But now I know I can :) and that feels great.

This is My son, my World  :)

My son didn't put up a fight about walking either, wanna know why? For Easter we got him this new Pokemon game for his Nintendo DS. It comes with a "pokewalker." It's pretty much a pedometer, and it allows him to put a Pokemon from the game in and walk with it. The more time he spends walking with it, the more experience points it earns because of the time he spent with it! When he gets home he transfers the data to his game, so it's like he accomplished something!!! Haha, those of you without children into Pokemon, might not think this is as awesome as I do LOL. But I really think it is SUCH a great idea, especially if you want your child to get some more exercise. I told him he can't bring it to school, so he'll have to walk around outside after he's home or go on the treadmill :) I just love it, if you can't tell LOL. haha, WOW, I should get payed for promoting Nintendo LOL...

All the walking I did today, made me tired. I was a little worried about my biggest looser walk. Usually on Tuesdays I make sure I don't over do it during the day so I can walk a long time at night, NOT today! But I got on the treadmill anyway and hoped for the best! As I was walking, I realized that I would come close to 3 miles if I just did a little more then last week. So that was my goal- 3 miles! During 3 commercial breaks I sped it up and really pushed my self and then walked faster then usual the rest of the time. And I did it!!! 3 miles!!! AND another longest walk record for my biggest looser walks, well ANY walks on the treadmill lol.
Treadmill: 87 minutes/3MILES!
(If may seem to take me a long time, but I am very short- and 291 pounds so cut me some slack LOL)

Ok, now for MORE good news... NOT that anyone cares, but today my period was GONE... I had a 4 day period!!! Maybe that's not a big deal to you, but it is to me! I have NEVER IN MY LIFE had a 4 day period. They are always LONG and HORRIBLE and PAINFULL... with out to much detail- just know that I had a 48 day period in January, and then a 9 day one in February, nothing in March, now this 4 day one... if they actually become normal and 4 days becomes the norm- I will be the happiest person on earth!!!!!!!!!

Ok, that's enough for now. I am exhausted, a good exhausted :)
Being so happy makes me think something bad is about to happen... cause that's how it usually goes for me... but I am going to stay positive and hope that's not the case :)
See you tomorrow!