Something in the Air?

I'm all caught up on my blog roll, I have read everyday even though I wasn't writing mine.
Is there something in the air??? There seems to be a lot of negativity and Fat on Fat crime :) Yeah, I just made that up. That JUST happened Haha :)

It's weighing on my mind, so I'll just put my 2 cents in real quick so I can move on...

Loosing weight is hard. I recently had someone say very mean and hurtful things to me in a comment, but I'm over that. She's never 'been there' and I will just have to accept that some people don't understand. What's worse though, is all this I see now! Where it's people that KNOW how hard it is to loose weight coming down so hard on others that are struggling... hence my new term Fat on Fat Crime ;)

It's very hard for me to understand. These people have been there, know how hard it is, and still some how thing it's ok to look down and tell people "It's Easy."

If it was easy, NO ONE WOULD BE FAT. If it was easy, these people wouldn't have been fat all their lives either...

If you have lost a lot of weight, you should be proud! If you want to help others, that is AWESOME, and we love you for it. But please don't pretend that just because (after years, or even decades of being fat) you have done well now, that it is easy. It's just not. We should support each other, not hurt each other. If you see someone struggling (even if that person is me!), and it is hurting your progress or to hard to watch... wish them well and move on.

I am not picking out any one person either, I've seen it all over and really do think it might just be in the air. Fall is coming and maybe those warm summer days leaving, have some of us a little... irritable??? I know I have been... maybe more depressed than irritable... but no more!!!! :) I am going to try my best to stay positive!
I've lost 42 pounds, I never thought that would be possible. I am proud, but am still obese. I have a long way to go. Even when I get to 100 pounds lost, I can not imagine ever telling ANYONE that this is easy, or beating them up when they fall. I just can't. I guess that's why I don't understand, because I know I couldn't do that to some one that is struggling...

I'm not only writing it to get it out of my brain, but to show what I expect from you on my blog. Haha, not to sound high and mighty, I'm just being honest here...
Maybe that's part of the reason people do this? They don't know what the blogger is looking for, and think tough love is what some people need??? So Just like any relationship in my real life, I'll be clear: I don't need it. I need support, honesty, suggestions, constructive criticism, and just to know I'm not alone. I have a sense of humor, and I can take criticism. No problem! That's why I don't filter my 'comments.'
I don't need my ass kissed, but at the same time I DO NOT NEED someone to leave me sarcastic bitchy comments, or someone to tell me that 'it's easy' and 'just do it.' If you like to write these things, don't bother on my blog.
If you are someone trying to do well and my struggles are not good for your journey, I really hope you would wish me well and find blogs that ARE good for you. I would feel HORRIBLE if I was negatively affecting anyone. But I would feel great to know that you are moving on, but still have the best hope for my journey too :) That's what I would do for you.
Just remember that golden rule, treat others as you would want to be treated. Share your experiences without belittling someone else's. Share your knowledge but never forget where you came from. Keep it real, but remember it's really hard. Tell the truth but no need to be a jerk about it. That's how I hope I come across, anyway. Always honest... but not a bitch :)

And there's my 2 cents! I'd like to think it's worth a little more... maybe even 56 cents lol :)

*The term 'Fat on Fat Crime' has been copy written by TinaM. Any violation or use of this phrase by unauthorized individuals will result in a $50,000 fine and/or the possibility of prison time.
Just kidding :)

Becasue I'm OCD like that???

Haha, let me explain.
Some of you may know that I don't ever go to the doctor (just once a year for my female junk) so I am NOT diagnosed with OCD. I'm not diagnosed with anything. My mother diagnosing me with bi-polar doesn't count lol. My worry that I could be diabetic doesn't count either... NOTHING official.

But over the years I have seen things on tv about people with OCD, and just have been wowed by how I do alot of the same stuff. Not severe like some I've seen! No, I would say very minor. In fact, I have gotten better as I've gotten older. It was way worse when I was a kid I think. (I used to do weird stuff, most to do with counting... I only catch myself sometimes now though)

Well, I was reading a blog the other day, and she said that because of her Obsessive Compulsive personality, she has to comment on EVERY blog she reads. It made me smile, because I have the same thing... but I didn't think it was because of that. I also didn't think it was a problem, until now that I follow more and more blogs!!! lol :) I am going to try not to comment on EVER SINGLE blog post I read though... but I can't make you any promises!!!!!

Another thing I guess I am obsessive about, it recording what I eat. Yesterday I was in a hurry and decided that one day without telling you what I eat won't hurt anything. I figure some of you couldn't care less hehe :) BUT it did hurt something, me!!! I couldn't stop thinking about it! Now All morning I have been running through what I ate yesterday in my mind, so if I don't write it down it's not going to leave me alone!!! Maybe it's OCD, or maybe it's guilt. Because I didn't do well yesterday, and not writing it would make me feel guilty? Well anyway, my brain really needs a rest, so here you go :)

What I ate Friday:
Drink: (104) Iced Coffee w 2 tsp hazelnut coffee mate, 1 1/2 tsp sugar, 1/4 cup ff skim milk, ice
Lunch: (398) Sandwich (2 oz turkey, 8 pepperonis, hot pepper rings, 1 tbs mw on whole what), 5 grape tomatoes, 5 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch, water

This is where it goes down hill fast....
Snack: (360) McDonalds- chicken sandwich
Snack: (180) eclair ice cream bar
Dinner: (444) 1 1/2 cups broccoli tuna helper. 1 1/2 cups peas, 1 slice buttered whole wheat toast, water
Snack: (210) s'mores pop tart
Snack: (360) Hot S'mores poptart with vanilla ice cream and chocolate (see pic)
Snack: (70) 3 Werther's through out the day
Total Water: 67 oz
Total Calories: 2126
There you have it. Lots of snacking and none of it healthy.
I started off good, then Ray called and asked what I wanted from McDonald's. Nothing I already ate (yay me!) But he brought me a chicken sandwich, sat it in my lap... and instead of giving it back, I ate it (boo me). I over ate for dinner and then snacked on what ever I wanted... but now that I look at it, it isn't as bad as I thought. BUT it is bad, because I ate when I wasn't hungry, a few times!!! There is NO excuse for all that unhealthy snacking...
That s'mores concoction is something I dreamed up and used to snack on, but this is the first time this year I've had it... and at 360 calories probably the last lol.

It's a new day, and now this is off my chest and I can move on :)

Talked to Jeff, he said he can do everything on the list from the mechanic. BUT he doesn't sound like he's in a hurry... I told him that school starts soon, so I hoped to have it all done with next week... he still doesn't seem to be in a hurry. I will call him again Monday morning, and if he doesn't sound like it's going to get done soon, I'll call someone else. I would just rather save money with him doing it, and give him money because they need it over there... he's not working so I hope he decides to make this a priority. We'll see. I love him, but just don't get him sometimes... haha sound familiar? In the meantime, I will drive it as little as possible. And be waking up the whole neighborhood with all the grinding noises it's making, when Ray has to be to work at 4am... ugh.

Going to do the treadmill early today, since I'll be gone tonight. I'm a little worried about what we'll be eating tonight... but I'll do fine :)  I'll probably be home pretty late, so I'll be back tomorrow!!!
Have a good day!!!

A Blog Award!

I have never gotten one before,
What a great surprise!!!

Thank you, Chubarella for this award!!!!! :)

These Are The Rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

2. Share seven things about yourself.

3. Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs.

4. Let your nominees know about the award.

Seven Things About Myself

1. I have Always been over weight

2. I am the oldest of 4 children

3. I have an 11 year old son, who is my world

4. I am engaged to my son's father Ray,
who I've been with for 13 years

5. I have lived in Michigan all my life

6. I have an unhealthy fear of driving,
and going places I have never been
(In fact, if I could, I would change this even before my weight.
It really makes life hard...)

7. My race is: OTHER
A mix of Native American (Blackfoot and Cherokee),
Jewish, Irish, English, German?... and who KNOWS what else :)

My 15 Blogs

Being Short and Fat

The Next Biggest Looser

A Smile A Day

Dance Like There's No Tomorrow

Donut Therapy

The Middle Side of Life

I Make Soap

My Healthy Living Thru Weight Control

My Life ~ My Journey

Oxygen Masks Will Drop

Scribbling in the Margin

Smaller Fun Pants

Weight On Me at 50+

She's Not Quite Normal; Thank Goodness!

Endurance Isn't Only Physical

15 'newly' discovered blogs???
Well, some of these are very new to me...
Some not as new,
but these are the blogs I follow
and want to nominate for this
awesome Versatile Blog award lol :)


And another big Thank You to Chubarella!
Who would FOR SURE be in my 15,
but I don't think I'm supposed to send the award back :)

The Question of the Day is...

What's your Native American Indian name?
That's the question I saw on a friends facebook today. I usually don't take these stupid quizzes, knowing that if I am honest I will have the stupidest, dorkiest outcomes imaginable. His was something like Lightning Horse... so I was sure if I bothered, mine would be more along the lines of Slow Worm. BUT today for some reason, I gave in... Maybe my Native American instincts told me too??? LOL, ok maybe not :) But I did it, and answered all the questions honestly. This was my result:

Rain Pebble

You are calm and collective, you are able to see past the troubles life may bring.

You are always prepared and have things planned out.

 

Well... I have to admit that sounds exactly like me. It is so simple, yet I was in shock I have to say. I have been very stressed lately and when I read this, it made me feel better. The second sentence describes me perfectly, but it is the first that made feel good. Those 11 words some how verified for me that I am ok... That even though lately I have become a little detached, it's just my way. It's how I will be able to move on... And even if it is some stupid online quiz... somehow it seemed like someone appreciates these qualities in me, when no one in the real world even notices or cares... I know, I better stop typing before I start to sound CA-RAZY :)

Anyway, Rain Pebble isn't the most awesome Native American name I could dream up... but I kind of like it. I'll take it :) 

If you have a facebook page, I would LOVE to hear what your name turns out to be and why!!!!

 

K, back to the real world I guess ;)

 

Today was Father's day, I told Ray and left a nice little poem I thought up in 15 seconds on facebook :) Our son made him a nice card. He slept in and spent most of the day discing, I think he had a good one :) When I get a job I will surprise him with gifts like I used to... I called my dad and that went well. Haven't talked to him in about 6 months... I told my Mom to tell my 'Stepdad' when she called to talk for a minute this morning...
Happy Father's Day to any fathers that might be reading!!! (or any mothers doing both jobs for that matter ;)

 

Still No Air conditioner, and today wasn't nice like yesterday. It was HOT and sticky. Yuck. On top of that, Ray found 2 fleas on one of our cats. I HATE fleas. I mean with a passion. My house was infested on several occasions when I was growing up, so now any sign and I spring into action!!! My cats are indoor (also because of my hatred of fleas), so it doesn't happen hardly ever. Once when we adopted a kitten (our Gza), I saw one flea on it before we entered the house. So I ran it up to the bathroom and put it in the tub, washed it thoroughly and flea bombed the WHOLE HOUSE... even though she hadn't even set foot in it LOL.

WELL, this time it wasn't as easy. I have 5 grown cats now. Me and Ray chased them all down, had to spray them all and rub it all in. Needless to say, they DID NOT like it. After 10 minutes I had to chase them all down again, and towel them all off. Then I had to chase them all down AGAIN and brush them all. This last part wasn't as hard, only 2 of them hated it but did good, 2 of them sat really good through it, and 1 LOVED it :) So we'll keep our eyes open and fingers crossed, and if they aren't all gone we have to do it all over again next Sunday! I guess that's the joys of having 5 cats LOL (that and the litter.) I was raining sweat when all this was over by the way!!! In all it took about an hour! Not to mention all the laundry and continuous vacuuming I'll be doing this week LOL.

 

Even through the heat and chasing down cats, I was in a good mood all day :)

 

What I ate today:

Breakfast: (300) 1/2 bottle iced coffee, 2 slices of raisin toast w/ a little bit of country crock

Lunch: (390) Tuna Sandwich with 1/8 cup cheddar cheese, 1 tbs miracle whip on whole wheat, 5 big baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch, water

Snack: (300)  sundae nut cone

Drink: (200) 1 9.5 oz iced coffee (spread through out the whole day)

Dinner: (465) General Tso's Chicken (includes rice, carrots and broccoli. An Asian Specialties frozen Family Meal, VERY good)

Snack: (35) orange freeze pop (you know, those little frozen popsicles in the plastic)

Total Water: 40 oz

Total Calories: 1690

 

No treadmill... I know I have to get focused and stick with the plan! I know this is a major part of my weight loss. But instead of telling you how bad I feel about it every time I don't do it, or telling you reasons why (because they just sound like excuses which I don't like) I will just leave it blank. You will know when the Treadmill in red letters isn't there... that means I didn't do it.  I am going to concentrate on the good, and when I DO do it. Not so much on the bad and when I don't... I hope that makes sense and you understand where I'm coming from on that...

 

*I did NOT take that picture, it is from the quiz results for me

Phone Call from Dear Mother... (A little stress, continued)

You get two post in one night! Woo Hoo! (actually, I'm very sorry lol)
Well, I called it didn't I??? I wrote that my mother would expect my son to stay the night this weekend. After my last post, she called. Enjoy:

*RING*
I pick up on the first ring, a little annoyed since everyone knows Ray has to be to work at 4am, and it is now almost midnight.
Me: Hello
Mom: Hi, What you doin? (she is in a very good mood. I can tell she must be really high)
Me: Nothing (I can't help but be annoyed, I just got done writing about her in my blog)
Mom: Does my grandson want to spend the night tomorrow?
Me: I don't know, I...
Mom: (interrupting me) Well, I want him later in the day, no earlier then about 2 or 3...
Me: (interrupting her) What's going on with you?
Mom: What do you mean??????????? (Most likely thinking I'm talking about her calling me all blew out)
Me: Well, have you talked to Jeff? Have you been to the doctor? Are you on a bunch of drugs? What's up? I really didn't plan on him staying the night this weekend.
Mom: Oh! I didn't think of any of that.... Jeff was supposed to come over and talk yesterday, and today........ but hasn't........ Yeah..... maybe your right. Maybe it's NOT a good idea! :) (still VERY CHEERY which only annoys me more) I'll have him on Tuesday! :)...... yeah that will be better....... No I didn't get the xanax... but I had a good talk with the doctor about that!!!!!!! Rhonda (another of her cousins) took me and sat in on my appointment. Oh, I have to go. Love you bye.

Holy Crap. Like anything will be better Tuesday!!!!!! Sometimes I just want to scream "Mom! Get your shit together and give me a frickin break!!!!" ugh... but I don't. And I don't get high because someone in this family has to stay sober. I don't drink hardly ever, because I enjoy it to much and am always afraid I won't want to stop... I'm afraid I could become an alcoholic very easily...  my love for my son is the only reason I'm not wasted every frickin day... I'll take this time to let you know that I feel like an outcast in my family because I don't smoke weed 24 hours a day... if only they knew what it was like to deal with the world and not be high... they have no idea what I go through. Life is hard sober.
And that little comment about her cousin taking her? She wants ME to take her. Even though she knows I HATE driving, especially down town. She wants me to go and have an appointment with her. I have mentioned this before, I don't want to. I will take her if I HAVE to, but me going in there will NOT help her! What would come of it??? Tell her counselor she was a shit mom? And that I disagree with her whole "I can't live without weed, it's good for me" self diagnoses. Some people benefit from it, SHE is not one of them. I can't see ANYTHING good coming out of me going in there with her. I'm not doing it.

Ok, now I'm definitely stressed. I'm very happy that there is NO vodka in the house!

What is GOING ON?

I don't know what is going on... everyday I say tomorrow will be better, and something else happens.
Today I woke up with a horrible head ache. I didn't realize it at first, but it IS my 2nd day without pop. So it was probably a caffeine withdrawal. The MAIN reason I have to stop drinking Mtn Dew. The head ache soon turned into a migraine and I was in bed until about 1pm. (except the one time I had to get up and be sick) So it wasn't the perfect start to my starting over, but I did ok...
I was SO HUNGRY all day, I think by over eating (especially yesterday and Sunday) I stretched my stomach back out. Seriously. I was hungry ALL day. I didn't give in though. I grabbed a bag of chips and literally thought "No! What are you doing!" and put it back after 2. I tried to do good with my portions and have some veggies. I need to do better, but I'm ok with how I did today.

As you saw yesterday, I gained 2.8 pounds. Ugh, depressing. The only good thing is that it wasn't my Friday weigh in, so I still have time to fix it before it goes permanently on my weight record! BUT it was still a bummer :( Big time. When I weighed in last Monday, I knew it wasn't really accurate, because I had been so sick. So I figured I hadn't really lost. BUT if I would have done well this week, I could have lost again, or at least kept it the same!!!!
Now Tessa's challenge only has 3 weeks left!!! I can't believe it has gone by so fast! So to get to my target for the challenge I will have to loose 15.75 pounds!!! That would be 5.25 per week... that's a LOT. I don't loose that much per week. I don't think I can do it, but I want to try my hardest. If I come close to that I will be happy. If I try my hardest and don't make it, I will be ok with that. I can't change how crappy I have done in the past, but I can try harder now :) (oh, I'm not even going to mention I am in competition with Emaciated Asphyxiation, I'm just going to pretend all I have to do is get to 271.85 pounds, and am only against myself LOL!!! Less stress that way haha)

I have actually been getting pretty depressed. Being sick and burnt threw my eating all off, and kept me off the treadmill. Later in the week, some of that was just an excuse, no doubt about it. On top of all that, I haven't been doing anything I have to do. It's like ever since Sunday I have been on autopilot. I was just getting through the days... I can't really explain it, I can't really remember most of the week, I can't believe it has been 9 days because it doesn't seem like it... I'm actually going to read my blog entries because I just can't really remember much... it's weird. Just because I was tired and down I guess... I know I had ZERO ambition, the few days I got on the treadmill were forced, but I'm glad I did. I haven't been keeping up with housework either... my house is trashed and that always depresses me.
OH! Today I realized 3 of my bills are late! I never do that! Last week I just didn't do anything I needed to do! Now I gained, and hate the thought of getting on the treadmill. My house is a mess. On top of all that, 3 $30 late fees on the bills I missed, UGH!!!

I guess I just got overwhelmed and shut down... that's the only way I can explain it. It is times like this that I really fear I am more like my mother then I want to admit. I hate it, and it only depresses me more...  I hate this feeling.
I especially hate that I fell back into old habbits that easily... maybe not as bad as before, but I was getting there- FAST.

All I can do is move forward. Tomorrow get started on all the laundry and dishes that are piled up. Ray did start on the laundry for me today, even did a little dishes. I don't know if he felt bad because I had a migraine, or if my mood scared him into it? lol, either way, it helped a lot and I'll get my butt back in gear tomorrow.

Here's My Day:
Lunch: (437) Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat, 10 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: (9) 2 sunchips
Dinner: (590) 1 1/2 cup hamburger helper(with 96% lean beef), 1/2 cup mixed veggies (canned), 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (100) chocolate sundae cup
Snack: (260) strawberry frosted mini wheats with 1 cup ff skim milk
Total Water: 35 oz
Total Calories: 1396
I am hungry right now, but I know I don't need anything! It's going to be hard, because I can tell my stomach isn't like was before I started over eating again last week :( I know I can't keep eating though. I am pretty sure I will need that 4 am snack that I haven't needed in a while now... if I have to have one, I will make it small, just so I can go back to bed.

Treadmill: 64 minutes/2.5 miles
Tonight was The Biggest Looser. That show is such a motivation to me. I'm sure it gets old for some people, not me! Maybe because the people on it are actually my size, and to see them work so hard makes me realize I can do more. I try to walk a little more every week on Tuesdays while I watch it. WELL that is another thing I ruined this week. I couldn't go farther then my last record of 3.18 miles. In fact I couldn't even go that far. BUT I will next week :)

Today was OK, Tomorrow will be even better!!!

HOW I WILL KEEP IT OFF THIS TIME

Baby Steps, Baby Steps, Baby Steps, Baby Steps,
Baby Steps!

That is why I have lost 33 pounds and will continue to keep loosing. It is the basis of my WHOLE plan. It is what is working for me and what I would recommend to anyone else trying to loose weight for good. (At the same time, I know we are all different and what works for me might not for you)

When I say Baby Steps, I MEAN Baby Steps.

I think I speak for A LOT of us fat people when I say "I have tried to loose weight so many times... I do well at first but then I gain or just loose motivation." And we just keep trying. We say- OK, on 'this' date I am going to stop eating all 'this' stuff, and work out 'this' many hours and only eat 'this' many calories. Right? EVERY time. At least for me, that's how it always went. (except for the calorie counting) I would start it, I would loose a little, then I would eat one of those things I forbid myself from eating. I would get mad at myself, and pick a new date to start since I ruined that whole week anyway.... and the cycle goes over and over and over again. This time is different...

I KNOW I AM NOT GOING TO GAIN ALL MY WEIGHT BACK. I am not even worried about this, AT ALL. Why? Because this time I am doing it smart. Because I refuse to keep doing the same things and expecting different results. Because I will NEVER go on a diet again. This time is so completely different from any other time I have tried to loose weight. It is different in SO many ways. I'll go more into all the differences other posts, but this one is about Baby Steps...

I have a LOT of weight to loose. I didn't gain this weight over night, and I can't change everything over night either. I do not have a goal weight, and this is on purpose. It would take me so long to get to a goal, that I might get discouraged or disappointed in how long it takes. I enjoy the milestones as I get to them. My next one will be getting out of the 280s, and it will take as long as it takes :) I am concentrating on one day at a time. I am trying to improve one week at a time. One of the main ways is the treadmill. I have gone a little longer or farther every week. It has been a slow climb, but that's part of taking baby steps. I am not overwhelming myself. Or making it so I will get to a point that I am bored with it and quit.

I have no delusions about my eating. I know it's FAR from perfect. I also know that without the treadmill I wouldn't have lost 33 pounds so far. I would have lost, but not as fast. In the first 5 weeks I did not exercise or do the treadmill ONCE. I lost 10 pounds anyway. After the 5 weeks I started on the treadmill, about 15 minutes when I could, and it wasn't every day. Then I made the goal of doing it EVERY day even if only for 10 minutes. (Then 15, Then 20, then 22.) Soon after, I started my Biggest Looser Walks, and went as long as I could while watching Biggest Looser once a week. I worked myself up to an hour, then more, till I got to 90 minutes. This took until last week, baby steps. Also this week I have worked my waking up to 1 mile a day. I didn't start there, I took small steps to get there. I think that has made all the difference.

Changing my eating is also happening in baby steps. On January 1st I started writing down everything I ate. For those first 5 weeks I had stopped drinking all pop, started drinking water and concentrated on smaller portions and THATS IT. I knew if I jumped in on the 1st, all gung ho and deprived myself of everything I love (like every other time) I would fail. Since I was doing so well, I then added walking. I made a food change, instead of chips I eat baby carrots. After a while, MORE changes. 'ONLY ONE' is a goal of mine when eating pizza or other foods like that. I don't always follow it, sometimes it's 2, but it's NEVER 5 anymore. Eventually I replaced white bread with 100% natural whole wheat. I started eating salads. I have slowly been adding more fruits and veggies. Very slowly, but surely. I drink only Fat free skim milk (unless I run out for a day, or am somewhere else that doesn't have it). I started keeping track of my calories, I don't have a limit, but it's good for me to know how many I have. These are all changes I have made gradually. I have a lot to work on with my eating, and I will. Slowly. I am over all OK with my eating right now. The main thing I need to work on now is fast food. 

I welcome and appreciate all comments and suggestions. I have taken a lot of them and changed, like the counting calories, eating whole wheat etc. Everything else I might not do right now like cutting out cabs, because I'm just not ready to. 'Why fix it if it ain't broken' is what comes to mind. Everyone that has a LOT to loose like me, seems to hit a point where nothing is working, and they can't loose anymore. I figure I am no different. I continue to improve slowly and continue to loose. When I come to that point, 'Plateau' is what most call it, THEN I might have to make more drastic changes. Such as cutting way down on carbs or quit eating cereal all the time, stop adding the cheese to my salads (and everything else lol). I know that day will come eventually. For now I have to concentrate on cutting back on the fast foods, eat more fruits and make sure I keep those portions in check. When I check those (or some of those) off my mental list, I will add something else and make more improvements. 

So that's the plan! So far so Good! Of COURSE I have bad days, where I eat to much or have fast food. The difference is, even on those bad days, I am conscious of HOW MUCH I'm eating not just mindlessly shoving it in my mouth. Also, one bad day doesn't ruin my whole outlook anymore either. 'Tomorrow is another day' is a good one, but for the first time I'm thinking "Dinner is another meal" and a chance to eat well even if I messed up for lunch. Not only do I not let these mistakes ruin my week, but I TRY not to let it ruin my day either.

One day at a time.

Moral of the Story: I'm not taking giant leaps and risking falling on my ass. I am making sure I don't fall, even if it takes longer- with Baby Steps.

OK, I think I am done rambling now :) So...
Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing (slept in... WAY in lol)
Lunch: (473) Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat, 7 sun chips, 5 baby carrots 1 1/2 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: (450?)1/2 piece of chocolate cake with 1/2 cup ice cream, 6 oz whole milk
Dinner: (248) Large Romaine, carrot and broccoli salad with cheddar, croutons and 2 1/2 tbs light ranch, Water
Snack: (200) 1 cup MultiGrain Cheerios with 1 cup Fat Free Skim milk
Total Water: 24 oz (not enough)
Total Calories: 1371
A little less calories then usual. Not on purpose but it's fine with me! I got up late so I didn't have breakfast. After being at my mom's (where I ate the cake) I actually got into a bad mood, and didn't have an appetite. I ate the salad because I thought I should since I hadn't had much and still had to get on the treadmill. I did get hungry at about midnight and had the cheerios...
Treadmill: 27 minutes/1.01 miles
Tomorrow is Monday Weigh In, as I mentioned last week I am a little worried that my big loss means a little loss this week. Any loss will be fine with me, even a .1! I just hope I don't gain!!!

The Weigh In and Family Life

First things first! I would like to thank Michaela for joining me in My Day! It really has helped me more then I could have ever thought to have people supporting me! You happened to come at a time when I REALLY need it too! So thanks :)
In my title it says this would be "about my weight loss journey, my life and whatever else I feel like rambling about"... I do get to rambling lol. But I haven't really talked about my life to much until lately. ACTUALLY My weight loss is so much of my life right now! Maybe that's part of it. I've always been pretty private, but I realize as I get older, that if I would have talked to someone in other stages of my life, they might have been easier to get through... Back to My Life in a minute.

Now it's time for the weigh in! And the scale says:

A loss of .8 pounds! I really thought I would gain this week. I know it's normal to go up and down a little,

but I really don't think a gain would have been good for my motivation right now!

So I am pretty happy, relieved I guess  :)

Woo Hoo! lol, ever see someone so happy to loose 0.8 pounds? LOL

That brings my grand total to: 29.4 Pounds Lost!

My Totals for this week are:

Treadmill: 3 hours 50 minutes/8.03 miles

(new record distance for me)

Crunches: 240

Trying to get used to the new camera... It's darker then the other one. Not sure how to crop pictures the way I want to either, I'll figure it out though!

So I really fell off the wagon as far as fast food this week. It was spring break, and I had done the 'no fast food' the week before. I think that really messed me up! Not to mention it didn't help with the weight loss... BUT that is no excuse. I shouldn't have eaten so much fast food this week either way!!!!

I am going to go back to the original plan, and not deprive myself of things I want, but really watch my portions. I think I was getting ahead of myself and my baby steps.

I won't be saying "I'm not going to do this all week." Or "no more buffets for me." These things only make me want them even more!!! I think that's why after last week I completely went overboard with the fast food this week. I NEED to cut down on fast food anyway, I know it's not healthy and besides that I don't want to waste the money on it!

Today is the last week day of Spring break, and we went to a buffet for lunch. I did ok, one plate would be excellent, but 2 is ok. I got really small portions and didn't finish anything I didn't want to (in the past I would eat it all, whether I liked it or not). I don't plan on making buffets a habit again, but today that's what we did.

This week I have been going without breakfast a lot. It's not on purpose, I am going to still try and have SOMETHING for breakfast. It's because of spring break, and getting up later. I end up just waiting for lunch. Monday we will be back into a routine!

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: (about 1400) East Garden Buffet(2 plates, small portions) 1/4 cup white rice, pineapple chicken, baked chicken, jalapeno chicken, 3 crab cheese, 1 small egg role, about 1/4 cup sweet and sour sauce, Parmesan chicken, 1/2 piece of garlic bread, crab salad, 1/4 cup chocolate pudding. And a bout a half cup soft serve ice cream. Water.

Dinner: (430) 1 slice of leftover Italian gourmet pizza, small salad with 1/2 tbs light ranch, less then 1/8 cup mozzarella cheese, 1/2 tbs almond accents. Water

Snack: (75) 1/8 cup starburst jelly beans

Total Water: 36 oz

Total Calories: about 1905

Treadmill: 22 minutes/.8 mile  10 minutes of that with 2 LB weights

Crunches: 120

I have to thank everyone that left a comment yesterday, I was actually really upset. Haven't heard from my Mom today, but that's fine. My son of course wants to go over there tomorrow, but I doubt that's going to happen... It would really be less stress on me if he never went over there again... 

Asphyxiated Emancipation said: "Sometimes, the people who are supposed to be our support network just bring despair and anxiety into our lives." That is so true. It doesn't seem fair- but the truth isn't always fair I guess.

To answer a question from the comments, Yes I did grow up in a smoke filled place full of grouchy people. It wasn't a trailer, it was my moms 3 bedroom townhouse, which she was evicted from about 5 years ago when the police raided it (another story for another time). It wasn't very big and it was her, her boy friend, me and my 3 brothers. (For about 2 years my baby also, till we got the hell out of there!)
How did I survive it? Well, I never even smelled the smoke, even when my 6th grade teacher pulled me aside because she thought I had been smoking, from the smell of my clothes. We grew up in it and it was just everyday, we didn't ever know how bad it was. The walls were yellow, my brother had asthma, so I guess that should have given someone a clue!!!

As far as the anger in the house all the time, I survived that by being just as angry as everybody else. I started drinking when I was about 14(not heavy, it could have been a lot worse). I would get depressed a lot, mostly I was just a B****. Not because I wanted to be, because I had to be.

I like to think I was always a good person deep down... I couldn't do the things my brothers did, even though I was the oldest lol. It made me feel bad to steal, so my first time was my last (they made a career of it) I could never do a lot of things they did... (I love my brothers, it wasn't all bad, and wasn't really their fault) I just wanted out of there as soon as possible.

Maybe having my son is how I really survived it... that completely changed me. All of a sudden all I wanted in life was to be a good mother. I calmed down so much, was no longer the B**** I used to be. I didn't want to drink anymore, and once we got out of there everything was SO much better.

So that's how I survived it - the short version lol. BUT as you can see, I am 290.6 pounds, so if I really want to survive it I have to do something about that!!! and I am :)

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's my mom's fault I'm fat... I have ALWAYS been over weight, but it's been the last 10 years I have gained steadily. The last 5 probably the worst... Maybe deep down it starts with her, but I could say that about ANY problem in my life... I'm an adult and I could have fixed this a long time ago. I take full responsibility for my weight and that's why it's my responsibility to change it!

There. Some 'weight loss journey', some 'my life' and some 'rambling'. I hit all three of them! lol.

:) thanks for listening.

Had a HUGE pity party, Hope you missed it!

I have to quick apologize for my pity party I was having for myself yesterday... That was a side of me you will rarely see, I don't do that often...
To be honest, I think I am stressed out by my mother, on top of the job thing, on top of probably gaining, there is also Easter... Every holiday brings up thoughts and memories that I can keep at bay for most of the rest of the year... Without boring you to death, I'll just let you know that we used to have a big happy family, EVERY holiday for my whole life we went to my Grandma and Grampa's house and it was wonderful. Since my Grandfather died things have changed... My Grandmother let her horrible daughter Sherry and her son move in, and Sherry took over her life. She stopped having Easter Dinner in 2007, and by the summer of 2008 she had convinced my Grandmother to disown her whole family... me, my brothers. my mother(her own daughter), my son, even my great aunt(her own sister)... So that was the short version lol. My Grandmother was the one person in my life that I knew I could always count on... and it hit me pretty hard, hit all of us pretty hard... So anyway, it has been almost 2 years, but it still gets to me, mostly just around the holidays.
BUT enough of my pity party lol. I am much better today :) It is a beautiful day, and even when it gets to hot later I will try and remember that LOL.
IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE. That has been my motto for as long as I can remember. It is what has helped me get through life, and somehow I forgot that yesterday.
Sure I have my problems, but so does everybody else! There are bigger problems out there than mine! Even though things seem bad sometimes, it could really always be worse. My life may not be perfect, but I am grateful for the things I do have. I have a fiance that loves me, and is so perfect for me. I have the most wonderful son in the world. I have a lot to be grateful for and am sorry I lost sight of that...
No matter what the scale says today, I am not going to be discouraged and I'm NEVER going to give up and continue to loose this weight... The rest of life will just work itself out :) Thanks for listening.

More of my Monday...

My wonderful fiance's name is Ray :) I am sick of writing 'my fiance' every time. AND this seems more friendly then I ever would have thought, so you can know his name :) I guess I didn't want to use it because of the fear someone I knew would read this and know it was me! But I know now that if anyone I knew read this, they would probably know it was me anyway. Also, I guess the people that know me... well they might already have noticed that I'm fat LOL, so who cares if they came across this :) I'm still not telling anyone though!!! Besides  Ray :)
Ray's mom is doing fine today, thankfully! She is back to normal and went to work and feels good. She better not scare us like that again!!!  :)

I have to tell you what I did last night! I was doing my blog and my fiance was eating some sugary cereal. That sounded really good and I wrote it in and added the calories because I knew I would eat some when I got done. I was all done, got off the computer and thought about it... I wasn't even hungry. SO, instead of just eating it because it sounded good, and because I had already wrote it- I got back on the computer and erased it!!! AND the 290 calories!!! HAHA! Take that Cap'n Crunch!!!!

Here's My Day:
Brunch: (603) Chips N Eggs(my migas- 6 tortilla chips, 2 eggs, 1/4 cup cheese, salsa, pepper, tiny bit of veggie oil), 1 slice of whole wheat toast with 1/2 tbs FF ICBINB, 8 oz Orange Juice
Drink: (200) Beaumont Iced Coffee 9.5 oz- French Vanilla
Snack: (147) 6 oz Yoplait Light FF yogurt (apple turnover) with 1/4 cup of Kashi Crunch. Water
Dinner: (795) 1 soft chicken taco, some chicken and re fried beans on the side. Spinach and Ice burg salad. FF skim milk
Snack: (330) 1 1/2 cups of Honey Bunches of Oats Strawberries with cup FF skim milk
Total Water: 34 oz
Total Calories: 2075
The apple turnover flavor is MUCH better with the crunch :) I am having Honey Bunches of oats cereal for snack, even though ray is heating up pizza rolls....
Treadmill: 21 minutes/.78 mile
Crunches: 100 (5 sets of 20)

I came across this blog entry... I don't know if I have a sick sense of humor or what, but I thought it was hilarious LOL. I was sitting here laughing so I thought I'd share it with you. I showed Ray an it cracked him up too, but he has the same sense of humor as me lol. So if you are a little twisted like us, check it out :) http://peregrination.squarespace.com/journal/2010/3/20/are-you-a-kitten-killer.html

The Biggest Looser (want to be on the show?)

Today is Tuesday, Biggest Looser Day! As you may know, I try to stay on the treadmill as long as I can while I watch The Biggest Looser. For the past 2 weeks I have been on it 78 and 79 minutes- which are the longest times I had EVER been on the treadmill. (Even though I had to take a potty break last week) If I could add a minute every week, I could have a NEW longest time ever EVERY WEEK! So tonight my goal will be to stay on it for 80 minutes :)
Speaking of the Biggest Looser, I ran across this site looking for people to be on the show next season! I won't be filling out an application, I am NOT that brave. And to be honest, I could never hang! I mean those people work sooo hard! I would probably die! Anyway, here is the website if anyone else is interested!!!
http://www.thebiggestlosercasting.com/

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (312) 1/2 bagel with about 1 oz cream cheese, 6 oz orange juice
Lunch: (440) One slice of leftover chicken garlic pizza MINUS the crust, and the other half of the club salad. Water
Dinner: (523?) about 4 oz pot roast, 1/2 small potato, 5 baby carrots, a little bit onion, 1 cup FF Skim Milk
Snack: (154) 14 grapes, 1 large strawberry, 1 tbs fruit dip
Snack: (290) Frosted Mini wheats (24 squares) with 1 cup FF skim milk
Total Water: 58 oz
Total Calories: 1719
Today I used my crock pot for the first time :) I made a pot roast, well me and my fiance that is :) It came out really good. And I did soo good controlling my portions! I threw away the nutrition label before I wrote it down, so I had to use the internet and hopefully I got close...

Treadmill: 80 minutes/2.6 miles  Woooo Hoooo!
Crunches: 100
I feel great today. It's just one of those days :) There is room for improvement, but I look back at today and can see how far I've come.
I have to mention my fiance... I love him everyday, but some days I just look at him and realize I love him so much. He has never ONCE said anything to me about my weight gain, he always makes me feel beautiful even when I feel like the ugliest person in the world. He has loved me at every weight, and I am so thankful for that. I don't have to loose weight for him to love me, and that makes me love him even more, and want to loose it even more, so he can be proud of me.

First a 28...and then THE WORLD!!!!!!

Today I had my son's school conference. He is in 5th grade. He is getting all As and 2 B+s (which he should be able to bring up to As by report card) I have to take this time to tell you what a wonderful son I have, He is the best son in the world... well ok... maybe I'm a little bi-est lol. I'm sure a lot of us think that about our children. I truly have been blessed when it comes to him though... I couldn't ask for anything more.

Now to more good news :) I was getting ready for the conference and I pulled out a pair of khaki pants (chic stretch waste size 28) that I haven't worn them in about 5 months. They were getting to tight and I was afraid they would split if i bent wrong!!! Well, I put them on and they fit perfect!!! They are a little loose even!!!! I couldn't believe it!!! Don't get me wrong, I am SO VERY proud of my 19 pound weight loss, but at my size, I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to see any difference like that for a long time. So any way- Wooo Hoooo! lol. I guess I am in a size 28stretchy then lol. Which is the last size sold in the stores... I have one size 28 in the drawer that is a zipper, button pair of pants. I still can't button those... but soon!!!! I have not worn anything with out a stretchy waist in probably 6 to 8 years! I can't wait till I can fit into those :) I'm exited :) 
I only wish my camera wasn't so stupid, and I would have started taking pictures on Jan 1st... would I be able to see a difference??? Who knows, but it's ok. On to the future!!!  :)

Here's My Day:
Snack4am: about 1 cup of MultiGrain Cheerios with 2% milk
Breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 slices of toast with very little butter, 1 small sausage patty, 8z of orange juice
Lunch: A spinach and Romain salad with 4 grape tomatoes, 1/4 cup cheddar, 1tbs light ranch, 6 croutons. A small serving of left over tomato Parmesan chicken. Water.
Snack: some kind of chocolate cookie with butterscotch chips @ school.... was very good lol.
Dinner: Stuffed Chicken Breast-asparagus, 1/2 cup of broccoli cheese rice, 1 cup of 2% milk
Total Water Today: about 36 oz

Treadmill: 15 minutes (1/2 mile)
I don't know why it's so hard for me to get on the treadmill this week... but I have done it every day even though i didn't want to!
Once again I didn't follow my Just One rule at breakfast... I have been really hungry the last couple days... but I have to cut that out!

Ugh!

I got through yesterday and even FORCED myself onto the treadmill. 15 minutes is better then nothing, EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS! At the time the 15 minutes lasted for ever, and I didn't feel any better afterwards, but today I am SO glad I did it. I'm on my way to doing the treadmill every day no matter what :) If I make it to this Thursday, it will be the first week I did it EVERY day since a weigh in. I have to make sure things that come up in life don't keep me from walking. ALSO that they don't make me head to the fridge and pig out... I didn't make the best choices yesterday but today is another day!  :)

I want to thank you Jenny and Tessa for your comments, and for officially "following" my journey :) This blog really is helping me. I don't know what it is, I think a lot of it is knowing that someone is reading it and I have to pick myself up and keep going so I don't fail and let anyone down!!! The first weight loss blog I ever read was Stacy's... and she gave excuse after excuse until eventually quiting- letting us all down... I don't ever want to be looked at like that. (but she really has inspired me and I wish nothing but good things for her) Well whatever it is, this blog is helping me, and I'm back up and ready!!!
To answer your question Tessa: No I don't count my calories. I have tried before, and it was just to much for me. Maybe I get overwhelmed easily, I don't know... but concentrating on smaller portions and trying to add healthier foods to my diet is all I can handle right now. Once I feel that is more under control, I want to try to count calories again... even if just to see how many I'm consuming, because I have NO IDEA.
Yes, I think I will check out a food scale. If they are not to expensive and look like something I will actually use- then sure, why not! It will help me measure stuff that doesn't fit so well in my measuring cups and spoons LOL.
I have never been a breakfast person, but I have been trying to eat it lately. On the weekends we have been making breakfast more (not the healthiest breakfasts I guess) but I will start trying to eat SOMETHING even if it's just a granola bar and milk.

I have decided to follow what the packaging on the food says for a portions. TWICE yesterday I over did it. If I would have followed instructions I would have only had 1/4 cup of trail mix and that would have been enough. I would have had HALF of what I ate for dinner and I wouldn't have been so full and mad at myself!!! So I'm going to try really hard to follow the serving size suggestions from now on.
Yesterday I bought the trail mix thinking it would be a nice snack, but I think it's giving me heart burn, which I don't get often at all- and i don't like it!!! In the last few years I realized peanut butter gives me heartburn, but had never had a problem with just peanuts- till now. So guess I'm done with the trail mix! that's ok, fruits would probably be a better choice anyway  :)
Here's My Day:
Breakfast: 2 apple pancakes with about 1 tbs of light syrup. 1/2 an apple. 1/2 a frappuccino (about 5 oz)
Lunch: 1/2 cup of leftover sweet and sour chicken over 1/2 cup of white rice. water
Snack: 1/4 cup of trail mix (peanuts, raisins, very few m&ms) the rest of the frappuccino (4.5 oz)
Dinner: Ordered In- 3 med/large slices of pizza. :(  6oz of Pepsi. Water
Total Water Today: about 36 oz
Treadmill: 32 minutes (1 mile)
Crunches: 100 (5 sets of 20)
As you can see I did not make the best choices today. I really messed up for dinner AGAIN. I started off the day so positive, and ready to get back on track... I don't know what happened.
You want to know what I said when he wanted to order pizza this time? I said "NO! Then I will have to write on my blog that I ordered pizza AGAIN!!!" He said- "You didn't order it I did," and picked up the phone!!!! UGH.... I don't think he is trying to sabotage me, he is just addicted to the food as much (if not more) as I am... It is still my fault that I ate THREE slices. That is my fault and my fault alone. No matter what food is around I have to stick to my JUST ONE rule when it's something like that, that I pig out on. Once again I am full, and mad at myself. I'm going to have to really put my foot down and stop this ordering food all the time!!!!! It is out of control! and I guess I'm not as in-control as I thought, when it comes to temptations...
Ugh! I just can't believe I did that!!! I am so happy with my weigh-in the other day, so I should be MORE motivated!!!!!
I'm pretty tired, going to bed early. I'm going to go get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. So at least I won't ruin my goal of getting on it everyday.
Tomorrow is Monday. The weekend (which is so much harder for some reason) will be over and I will get back on track.
Ugh.

Hi. My name is Tina... and I'm a fast food addict.

 My fiance and I are both addicted to fast food. We very rarely go out to eat as a family, because we know we can't afford it. Yet we order in way more then we should. Or stop at a drive through on impulse. See, we don't plan and go out, or plan to order food... but in the moment when we want fast food we just do it! It is really ridiculous, because we can't afford it and I know it's bad for us. I guess that's what addiction is right? You do it because you want it at that moment and you don't care about the consequences. It taste so good, and your having a good time, Not to mention how convenient it is!!!
So today as we were leaving he grabbed some Burger King coupons and after the store, that's where we went.
Let me explain what I would have gotten BEFORE January 1st- the coupons are for "buy a value meal and get a sandwich free" So we get a whopper meal and a whopper free, AND a chicken sandwich meal and chicken sandwich free. So I would usually have a chicken sandwich, a whopper, a medium order of fries, ketchup, and a pop. When we went to burger king, this was what we always did. BUT not today, Same coupons- different ME... I had the free whopper, and 2 french fries. I took a bite of one of his double stackers but that's it! Since I ruined the normal plan he had the whole whopper meal, and a buy one get one double stackers. he wanted me to eat one of the double stackers, but I refused. I joked with him that he is going to get really fat, because he is eating all the stuff I normally would have. (He also ate the rest of that pizza yesterday since i didn't eat anymore of it, and our son had one piece)

Now, even though I joked about it, and I am proud of the improvement I have made... It doesn't change the fact that I shouldn't have had it at all. I mean, of course I am going to have burger king once in a while, but I shouldn't have today :(  I had a late breakfast and wasn't hungry!!! And I had been so exited about being right at 300, and now I am afraid I ruined that. Then I went and had dessert that I wasn't even hungry for!!! :(  I really don't know what got into me... I will try and take it out on the treadmill and hope for the best on the scale tomorrow...

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: about 1 1/2 cups of Wheaties with about 3/4 cup of 2% milk, 1/8 tsp sugar.
Lunch: 1 Whopper, 2 fries, 1 bite of a double stacker, Water
Dessert: small chocolate chip muffin
Snack: Spinach salad with 1/4 cup of mozzarella cheese, 2 tbs light Italian dressing, about 10 croutons, 5 baby carrots
Dinner: Stouffer's Tuna noodle casserole. 1 cup of 2% milk
Total Water Today: 46 oz

Treadmill: 1 Hour (1.9 miles)
Crunches: 100 (50, 25, 25)

Well, I am feeling so much better. I didn't want to get on the treadmill at all, but I decided to get on it and do a little walking during Survivor... and I did a whole hour!!! Wooo Hooo!!! I was sweating and my muscles hurt now, but I am very happy. I just got out of the shower and I feel great.
I look back at today, and while it is FAR from perfect... it isn't as bad as I thought it was... but the fact that I ate all that without even being hungry is really bad... I have to make sure I don't fall into old habits.

This blog will keep me honest, with anyone who is reading, and with myself. That will help me make the changes I need to make... and I will make more mistakes, even worse ones I'm sure!!! I'm hoping that the more I change and the longer I stick with it... the fewer mistakes I will make!

Human Garbage Disposal

Well, today is the first day I post what I eat, and I made some Bad choices. I noticed lately that I will eat what is in the fridge- just so it doesn't go bad! Whether I want it or not, that's what I will eat because I don't want it to go to waste. Does anyone else have this problem? I guess that goes with the "Clean your plate" syndrome huh. I always cleaned my plate when I was a kid (and adult). If I didn't like it, I would eat it first to get it over with. This is a horrible habit I think a lot of us must have... and have to break!
I gotta say, I have only been STUFFED a couple times since January first. And today is one of those times- and I HATE it. I used to eat till I was stuffed all the time! Now I just feel so horrible!!!
My mother in law (well- fiance's mom) took us all out to eat at Long John Silver's, which is rare for us. We don't go out to eat much. It is only the third time in my life going there. I was bad and had pop :( on top of stuffing myself! Then we were gone most of the day, so my eating did not get better. (even though it's still way less then I used to eat)
After going to my mom's, my lungs are full of smoke and I feel sick again. I think it affected me more than usual because of still hanging on to whatever I had all week. BUT I did 15 minutes on the treadmill anyway :)
Along with the treadmill, I will try to do crunches every day too.
Here's my day:

Snack@4am:
a bowl of MultiGrain Cheerios with 2% milk
Breakfast:
Medium piece of leftover mexican pizza with 1 packet of taco sauce
Water
Lunch:
2 pieces of fried fish with tarter sauce
2 hush puppies
fries ( I think a medium size)with ketchup
medium Dr. Pepper with lots of ice
Dinner:
Large piece of leftover mexican pizza with 2 packets of taco sauce
Water
Total Water for the Day: about 3 glasses

TREADMILL: 15 minutes (half mile)
CRUNCHES: 100 (5 sets of 20)

4am snack explanation, LOL: I have to get up to bring fiance to work at 3:30 am. SOMETIMES before I go back to bed, I have a snack. I TRY not to, but I can't sleep if I'm hungry so once in a while you might see that 4am snack... Just didn't want you to worry that I get up special just to eat at 4am :)
Goodnight for now. Tomorrow will be much better!

Getting You All Caught Up...

I figure since I didn't get up the nerve to start this in the beginning of the year, I might as well catch you up!

I have been doing pretty good until last week. I was sick and fell right off the wagon onto my ass! I ate a lot and didn't even care about my portions. I think that's what really got me to do this, because I'm scared of giving up... and I guess writing what I eat everyday just for myself wasn't enough anymore!!! It had worked up until now, but I guess I need a little more to motivate me...
As of yesterday I am feeling pretty good. My voice isn't back to normal, but other then that I feel great. Even though I ate horrible all week, only got on the treadmill twice early in the week, did nothing else as far as physical activity, drank pop and hardly no water... I lost a pound!!! I was sure I would gain 4! I can't explain that at all, but it really helped me want to get back at it, and not give up!

For 2 weeks before i got sick I was on the treadmill almost every day. Usually about 30 minutes, but I did work my way up to a whole HOUR once while watching Biggest Looser!!! I was so proud of myself!!! Now that I feel better I really want to do the treadmill everyday. Even if it's only for 15 minutes sometimes, I have to at least get on it.
A note about the treadmill: I got it in April of 2008. I had this whole plan about walking while I watched TV, but that was shattered when it came and I was to short to see the TV over the console LOL. So it was facing the other way. Oh I had my times when I was dedicated to walking on it, but they were all short lived and it became a blanket rack. But now I AM dedicated to it, and it will no longer be collecting dust! My fiance turned it around for me, because he thought the TV and stand we got last summer is higher... and he was RIGHT! So watching TV and walking has already made it so much easier to do. Now it doesn't feel like such a chore! So back on it today!!!

Physical Activity is something I really lacked my whole life. It is going to be very important to my weight loss and getting healthy. So I will be keeping track of that.
Also what I eat everyday, most important HOW MUCH of it I eat.

I am making changes that I feel I could get used to and keep up with for the rest of my life. SO there is no use in trying to deprive myself. I will eat what I want, but ONLY a little :) Except for pop, I am trying to cut that out completely since I get horrible caffeine withdraw head aches and it is ALWAYS in the house. Nothing else has worked for me, so I have to JUST SAY NO. I am trying to like fruits and vegetables, so far baby carrots and apples are the only ones that I can say are REALLY part of my diet (and not as many apples as there should be)

While I am getting healthy, I am trying to also change my son's eating habits. This all is hard work but I KNOW it is all worth it.

Last but not least, I'm sure you want to know the dreaded details for the NUMBERS. Well, I said this was going to be the whole truth and nothing but!!! So here you go:
My highest weight EVER was 12/23/2009. I weighed in at 317 pounds. Here is a copy of the chart I have been keeping for myself:

Date- Weight- Weight Lost- TOTAL Weight Lost

01/01/2010---310----7---------7 pounds
01/08/2010---308----2---------9 pounds
01/15/2010---308----0---------9 pounds
01/22/2010---309---+1---------8 pounds
01/29/2010---307----2--------10 pounds
02/05/2010---303----4--------14 pounds
02/11/2010---303----0--------14 pounds
02/19/2010---302----1--------15 pounds

So now we are all caught up! I have lost 15 pounds in the last 8 weeks! While it may not be a lot, I am VERY PROUD of it! Weigh In Day is on Friday, just because the 1st happened to fall on one. And weighing in on Sundays never worked before so Fridays it is! lol. See you then, for some more loss!!!!

So You've Started a Blog- what's next?

Well, I did it! I started my own Blog. I'm not sure how this will go, I might just be writing it for myself, and that would be just fine :) I really enjoy reading the blogs I am subscribed to, and if anyone enjoys reading mine that would be great! I would love to inspire others like others have inspired me. Otherwise it will just be a record of my weight loss and whatever else I feel like writing about...

I guess I should introduce myself in case anyone is reading lol. My name is Tina. I am 28 and have been over weight my whole life. After I had my son I steadily gained every year and have been "obese" for sometime now. I have tried dieting and nothing ever worked. This time is different though. While I have always been over weight, now I FEEL very unhealthy. It is hard to do simple things with out my back killing me and running out of breath. I never go to the doctor. Honestly I don't want to know... if I have diabetes or anything else like that I don't even want to know. I don't want to be on all kinds of drugs and I don't need to pay a doctor to tell me how fat I am. I NEED to loose this weight.

It makes me sick to think of all the things I have missed out on, and mostly that my son has missed out on because of my weight. I need to loose the weight to be the best mother I can be, and make sure I'm around a while! I also want to be the woman my fiance deserves. I want him to be proud of me. Last but not least, I would finally be happy and comfortable in my own skin!!!

I am not on a diet. Since January 1st I am trying to change my life. For good. I have been eating smaller portions and getting more exercise. I know i need to do better, and I will. I am no expert and will do the best I can. (Any suggestions are welcome and appreciated.) Slowly but steady.

This blog is going to be nothing but the truth, whether it's pretty or not!!! I am not perfect, but one thing I am, is Honest.
So if anyone is reading this- thank you!!! I can use all the support I can get.
And if not, then it's just us 3! Me myself and I! Either way, here we go!!!