Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Nice Long Walk

Today was beautiful!
The pic is actually from last week after a rain, but hey. I like it. hehe.
Not to mention my camera isn't working at the moment!
 At 1:30 pm today, it was 69 degrees out! Such a nice break from the mid 80s!!! I decided we HAD to go out and enjoy the weather. So I forced my son to stop playing his video games and come take a walk with me :) He only hated it for the first 30 minutes haha. After that we both enjoyed it. We walked to the library and he picked out 2 books (one about reptiles and one about dinosaurs, tried to get him to pick a reading book, but that was a no go. He always gets the science books.) Then we walked all the way back home. It was a LONG walk, but it was very nice. All my muscles hurt now, but I feel good. I know it would have been easier on me if I would have been on the treadmill every day... but before January first of this year, I know I wouldn't have been able to do it. A year ago it would have killed me, I wouldn't even THINK of taking a walk like this. This is out first time walking to the library, but definitely NOT our last! :)

What I ate Today:
Breakfast: (150) 3/4 iced coffee
Lunch: (511) Tuna sandwich (1 can, 1 tbs miracle whip, 1/8 cup cheddar, hot pepper rings) on whole wheat, 5 baby carrots w 1 tbs light ranch, 8 sun chips, Water
Snack: (340) about 1 cup of ice cream
Dinner: (575) left overs- 1 bowl of taco salad, 1 hard shell taco. Water
Snack: (280) bowl of Capn Crunch with 1 cup ff skim milk
Drink: (50) 1/4 iced coffee
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 1906
I forgot to mention yesterday, that this is the first time I didn't have 'double decker' style tacos in a LONG time. EVERYTIME I make tacos, I have a soft shell, with beans and then a hard shell in that, broken in half for more room, and then whatever else I'm putting in the taco. The last few times I only had 2 of these double deckers, but that is still A LOT of calories. This time, I didn't have any :) Today I didn't have any pop either, oh I thought about it! I looked at that pepsi and thought about how good it would be with my taco salad... but I passed :) Today has to be the LEAST I have ever eaten on taco night lol. Woo Hoo!

Walk: 42 minutes there, 36 minutes back. Total 1 hour and 18 minutes of walking.
If I had to guess, I would say it was a mile and 1/2 each way, So total distance 3 miles. We walked a little faster on the way back I think... Actually... the extra 6 minutes on the way is probably because I forgot my library card and had to turn around! haha! And trust me, that did NOT make my son any more happy about the situation!!!!! But it all worked out :)
We had a very nice walk :)
You know I have been having such a hard time getting on the treadmill lately. I'm hoping after today I will look at the treadmill and think "One mile??? Shooooot, that ain't nothin! I can do that!!!" Haha, wish me luck!!!! Hopefully this was the jump start I needed!

I have let my son pretty much play his video games and not got on him to much since he's been out of school. BUT he knows whats coming lol. Today was his jump start too. He has to have some kind of exercise if he wants to sit and play video games. Especially since he doesn't have to walk home from school now, and middle school next year is a little further... I would rather he play outside than get on the treadmill for sure. But there's not a lot of kids his age around here, and I don't force him because of the neighborhood. So if he doesn't play outside he has to get on the treadmill. As of now that's the rules. Outside play, or one mile of treadmill, Or 1/2 half mile of treadmill and Crunches. I want him to stay active, and I don't want him to end up like me. I don't think that's to much, is it??? 1 mile is a little more than he'll be walking home from school next fall. I think it's fine. Maybe we'll work in the Wii Sports into it somehow... we'll see :)

Extra Cleaning, and Extra Munchies

Got back from bringing Ray to work and didn't have a head ache, I actually felt great. So I stayed up and cleaned. I was in our room for an hour and a half. Mostly going through clothes, and hanging up clothes, sorting things I will never wear. I have a lot to do, but I put a dent in it :) I have a whole basket of clothes I will never wear, they are not to big, some are to small, anyway- I just don't wear them. I didn't go through the winter stuff... I figure I'll wait and see how it fits then :)
I did dishes, and made dinner, and now I am pretty sore. No crunches for me tonight, no treadmill either.

What I ate Today:
Breakfast very early: (330) Fiber Plus bar and 9.5 oz iced coffee
Snack: (188) 1/2 slice of whole wheat toast with tiny bit of butter and 1/2 tbs peanut butter, 1/2 cup ff skim milk
Lunch: (700?) 2 slices of leftover pizza, 1 bread stick, water
Dinner: (760) 1 bowl of Taco salad, 1 hard shell taco, 8 oz pepsi
Snack: (43) 1 bite of ice cream
Snack: (180) snickers ice cream bar
Snack: (280) bowl of capn crunch
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 2481
Not the awesome eating I had planned...
I had my 2 favorite things today... tacos and pizza. I did NOT plan that I promise lol. Even though I had a lot of calories, I didn't do to bad with the tacos. Better than I usually do. I knew I already had a lot of calories with the pizza so I tried to do well... but I had a glass of pop too :( Then I got the munchies :(  I thought I was being SO good just having ONE BITE of the ice cream... I was very proud of myself! But I ruined it later when I gave in to snack, then to another. Ugh. Tomorrow will be better!

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Weekend

Didn't do so good this weekend.
Good points, I had a spinach/romaine salad. Got in 60 oz water Saturday and 40 Sunday. Got in exercise and sweated my butt off yesterday as it was Round Two of the flea treatment for all 5 cats. (spraying, rubbing in, waiting 10 minutes, drying off, then brushing x 5) Also took back about $30 in bottles lol, which was also work. Did good with portion sizes most of the time. No Iced coffee all weekend.
The bad points: Had 3 bowls of ice cream over the weekend. Over ate last night- had 4 slices of pizza! Had one 6 oz glass of pepsi. No treadmill.

I have had a headache for the last 2 days. But I feel better this morning :)
It's that time of the month too. I felt kinda crappy yesterday. I really shouldn't complain, I felt 10 times better than I USED to during this time! If I have a 3 day period, it will be the third month in a row!!!! THREE DAY period! That just makes me so happy lol. TMI?? Sorry :) But if you've been reading for a while, you may know that I've always had really long/painful periods (when I had them) including one that lasted 48 days in January. So 3 days is just... mind blowing to me :) If this is my new regular, I am SO happy!

Just wanted to quick catch up. I still have leftovers of the pizza in the fridge so I will struggle with that today. BUT I don't want to gain back ANY of the weight I have lost in the past 2 weeks, so I am going to have to really be careful with the pizza and ice cream that are calling my name. In fact, the first is coming up. I would LOVE to be able to say I lost 40 lbs at my 6 month mark :) That would be so awesome to me! So we'll see!
I would also love to take a picture on the 1st, but don't get me started on my TWO broken cameras!!! We'll see what happens with that also :(  Stupid Cameras... grumble grumble...

Have a good day, I'll be back tonight!

Friday, June 25, 2010

A GOOD Weigh In!?!?!

And the scale says....
Woooooo Hoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's a 2.4 pound loss! 
My new Total lost is 38.4 pounds!!! I'm almost to 40, WOW!
I only got on the treadmill once
 making my Weekly Totals:
Treadmill: 20 minutes/ .76 miles, Crunches: 135

I am SO happy. I lost all of the 5.4 pounds I gained in the last month, AND THEN SOME! I am now at my lowest weight since I started this journey at the beginning of this year. I am feeling WONDERFUL!
Even though I am so happy, I am also very surprised. My eating was far from great this week, and neither was my exercise. I did get in at least 40 oz of water every day, that is the main change last week. I also had a few salads... The only other thing I can think of is how I was sweating my butt off all week in this heat. Any time I did ANYTHING I was sweating like crazy. Which also makes me think, I could gain this 2.4 pounds back VERY easily this week if I don't get my butt in gear!!!! SO, Here's to a AWESOME week ahead!!!!

I didn't post yesterday, so here's a quick run down. GOOD points for yesterday are: 40 oz of water, no pop, no snacks except a freeze pop. BAD points are: I Over ate for dinner. It was pizza and I had 3 slices plus salad and bread sticks, then I had a slice late night. Also I fell into a bad habit that I haven't in a long time:
Momma Do You Want the Rest of This?
That is the name of this bad habit lol. In the past, when ever my son didn't want to finish something (didn't like it, was full), he would say "Momma, do you want the rest of this?" and I would always say "Yeah Sure." I would eat it, mostly so it wouldn't go to waste, almost never because I was hungry. But I have not done this in a LONG time, I always say no! Well, yesterday Ray made us omelets (3 egg, ham, cheese, delicious) and mine was more than enough for me. My son got full and asked me the dreaded question... and I said Yes! Why??? I have NO idea... but just like the pop, it is a habit I do NOT want to be back into, so that was just a mess up, it is NOT turning back into habit! It CAN'T.

Here's what I ate today:
Late Breakfast: (486) 2 small pancakes, 1/8 cup syrup, scrambles eggs/ham (1 1/2 eggs), 6 oz orange juice
Drink: (150) 3/4 bottle of iced coffee
Lunch: (330) Romain/ Carrot salad with 2 tbs light ranch, 3 tbs croutons, 1/4 cup cheddar, water
Snack: (103) 20 Clancy's Onion Rings(mini generic funyons)
Dinner: (600?) 3 homemade enchiladas (from Ray's brother's home that is), 10 tortilla chips, a little salsa, Water
Drink: (50) 1/4 bottle iced coffee
Snack: (320) large bowl of Special K Fruit & Yogurt w ff skim milk
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 2039
Not horrible, but could be improved I know. I am thinking that my salads are way to many calories. I'll start by taking out the cheese next time and see how that goes... it will be hard, I LOVE my cheese you know :) But I think I can do it!

Crunches: 130 (35, 35, 20, 20, 20)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wednesday's Menu

What I ate today:
Breakfast: (325) 1 slice of raisin toast with 1 tbs peanut butter, 1 9.5 oz iced coffee
Lunch: (570) 1 bean and cheese burrito(frozen) with 12 tortilla chips, shredded cheddar/mozzarella and salsa, 1/2 can Mtn Frost (store brand Mtn Dew)
Snack: (26) 5 Clancy's Onion Rings (like mini Funyuns)
Snack: (280) sundae nut cone
Dinner: (825) 1/4 pepperoni pizza, 1/4 cheese pizza (frozen), 1/2 can mtn frost
Snack: (240) 1 bowl (24 pieces) strawberry frosted mini wheats, 3/4 cup ff skim milk
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 2266
Ate CRAP today. I did pay attention to my serving sizes, but that doesn't change the fact that it was all crap today. I have drank one can of pop for 3 days in a row now. That stops NOW. NO POP. It was hard for me to get in the 40 oz today, but I did.

Crunches: 130 (50, 25, 30, 25)
Going to try and do Crunches every other night.

Storms are just south of us tonight. I hope we get rain to keep all the idiots inside, but I don't want storms lol.We might get some later, but nothing like the other night.

I have heart burn, which I rarely get. It might be from eating CRAP all day... hmmm, ya think Tina??? :) Have a good night everyone.


We had storms last night, BAD ones. We put my son to bed at 1am only to make him get back up 10 minutes later when the tornado warning came on the tv. I wasn't scared, but was taking every precaution the meteorologist was telling me to! (Actually, I didn't even know about it, Ray was knocking on the bathroom door telling me there's a tornado and he's the one to get our son out of bed)
We were fine. 7 minutes to the south my brother had his tree fall on to the fence. If the wind had blown the other way it would have been on the trailer! To the north a little bit is where there were funnel clouds and more serious damage. I think some actual tornadoes touched down, but not exactly sure where. We had lots of rain, LOTS of lightning. We went in the basement when the tornado siren went off. Except for tests, I haven't heard that in YEARS. 11 to be exact. It was all totally unexpected. There are supposed to be more storms tomorrow, but not as bad I don't think...
I guess my brother was a little scared, being in the trailer and everything. I had called over there to my other brothers phone after we were in the basement but no one answered. I left out door unlocked in case they had decided to come over. They didn't. Tonight he called to make sure it was ok if he came over if it got bad tonight. Of COURSE it is ok! I think he was more scared last night than he let on... poor thing.

Today was ok. Air conditioner still broke. Maintenance came in when I wasn't home yesterday, and left a note: "AK (i think he meant AC) works fine, remember to set it lower than what the temp of the thermostat says." So even though I have lived in these townhouses since they were installed (at least 15 years ago) he thinks I don't know how to work it... what ever. So I had to call today and explain that I'm not an idiot and tell them exactly what it is doing. Yes it comes on, but it does NOT cool the place off, and the pipe outside was covered in a thick layer of ice Saturday. ICE in this heat. Our bill is going to be horrible, the air conditioner must have been on about 12 hours non stop Saturday night, while NOT cooling anything but the pipe outside!!!!

I didn't have internet. Not because of the storm though, but because Comcast SUCKS. But it's back on now :) Funny how 24 hours without internet seems so bad LOL. I never even owned a computer until about 6 or 7 years ago, and now I can't live without internet LOL. (I guess I could if I had to... my discounted cost ends on August 24, so unless I can con comcast into extending it I might have to!)

My eating has been... OK. Today and yesterday both, I had one ice cream twix and 1 sundae cone. I sure didn't need both! One per day is more than enough. Other then that I have been doing good. Except I over ate at dinner tonight... Ok, to much ice cream, had one can of pop both days and over ate at dinner tonight. Except for that- I did good... oh crap, I didn't really do good at all now that i look at it.
No treadmill, but as I said- not concentrating on the bad...
The good? I had salad yesterday, and half an apple, and no iced coffee. I had 40 oz water yesterday, 60 oz today. Everything I do I sweat my butt off, so that's something lol.

As long as my internet doesn't go out with the storms tomorrow, I will be back to normal post, and list of everything I eat. Have a good day, and stay safe!

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Question of the Day is...

What's your Native American Indian name?
That's the question I saw on a friends facebook today. I usually don't take these stupid quizzes, knowing that if I am honest I will have the stupidest, dorkiest outcomes imaginable. His was something like Lightning Horse... so I was sure if I bothered, mine would be more along the lines of Slow Worm. BUT today for some reason, I gave in... Maybe my Native American instincts told me too??? LOL, ok maybe not :) But I did it, and answered all the questions honestly. This was my result:
Rain Pebble
You are calm and collective, you are able to see past the troubles life may bring.
You are always prepared and have things planned out.
Well... I have to admit that sounds exactly like me. It is so simple, yet I was in shock I have to say. I have been very stressed lately and when I read this, it made me feel better. The second sentence describes me perfectly, but it is the first that made feel good. Those 11 words some how verified for me that I am ok... That even though lately I have become a little detached, it's just my way. It's how I will be able to move on... And even if it is some stupid online quiz... somehow it seemed like someone appreciates these qualities in me, when no one in the real world even notices or cares... I know, I better stop typing before I start to sound CA-RAZY :)
Anyway, Rain Pebble isn't the most awesome Native American name I could dream up... but I kind of like it. I'll take it :) 
If you have a facebook page, I would LOVE to hear what your name turns out to be and why!!!!
K, back to the real world I guess ;)
Today was Father's day, I told Ray and left a nice little poem I thought up in 15 seconds on facebook :) Our son made him a nice card. He slept in and spent most of the day discing, I think he had a good one :) When I get a job I will surprise him with gifts like I used to... I called my dad and that went well. Haven't talked to him in about 6 months... I told my Mom to tell my 'Stepdad' when she called to talk for a minute this morning...
Happy Father's Day to any fathers that might be reading!!! (or any mothers doing both jobs for that matter ;)
Still No Air conditioner, and today wasn't nice like yesterday. It was HOT and sticky. Yuck. On top of that, Ray found 2 fleas on one of our cats. I HATE fleas. I mean with a passion. My house was infested on several occasions when I was growing up, so now any sign and I spring into action!!! My cats are indoor (also because of my hatred of fleas), so it doesn't happen hardly ever. Once when we adopted a kitten (our Gza), I saw one flea on it before we entered the house. So I ran it up to the bathroom and put it in the tub, washed it thoroughly and flea bombed the WHOLE HOUSE... even though she hadn't even set foot in it LOL.
WELL, this time it wasn't as easy. I have 5 grown cats now. Me and Ray chased them all down, had to spray them all and rub it all in. Needless to say, they DID NOT like it. After 10 minutes I had to chase them all down again, and towel them all off. Then I had to chase them all down AGAIN and brush them all. This last part wasn't as hard, only 2 of them hated it but did good, 2 of them sat really good through it, and 1 LOVED it :) So we'll keep our eyes open and fingers crossed, and if they aren't all gone we have to do it all over again next Sunday! I guess that's the joys of having 5 cats LOL (that and the litter.) I was raining sweat when all this was over by the way!!! In all it took about an hour! Not to mention all the laundry and continuous vacuuming I'll be doing this week LOL.
Even through the heat and chasing down cats, I was in a good mood all day :)
What I ate today:
Breakfast: (300) 1/2 bottle iced coffee, 2 slices of raisin toast w/ a little bit of country crock
Lunch: (390) Tuna Sandwich with 1/8 cup cheddar cheese, 1 tbs miracle whip on whole wheat, 5 big baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: (300)  sundae nut cone
Drink: (200) 1 9.5 oz iced coffee (spread through out the whole day)
Dinner: (465) General Tso's Chicken (includes rice, carrots and broccoli. An Asian Specialties frozen Family Meal, VERY good)
Snack: (35) orange freeze pop (you know, those little frozen popsicles in the plastic)
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 1690
No treadmill... I know I have to get focused and stick with the plan! I know this is a major part of my weight loss. But instead of telling you how bad I feel about it every time I don't do it, or telling you reasons why (because they just sound like excuses which I don't like) I will just leave it blank. You will know when the Treadmill in red letters isn't there... that means I didn't do it.  I am going to concentrate on the good, and when I DO do it. Not so much on the bad and when I don't... I hope that makes sense and you understand where I'm coming from on that...
*I did NOT take that picture, it is from the quiz results for me

Sunday, June 20, 2010


What I ate Saturday:
Breakfast: (230) Fiber Plus Bar- Dark Chocolate almond, 1/2 an iced coffee
Lunch: (335) Turkey/pepperoni sandwich with banana pepper rings and 1 tbs miracle whip on whole wheat. 5 big baby carrots w 1/2 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: (170) ice cream twix bar
Dinner @ Mom's: cheese burger on bun, hot dog on bun, about 1 cup potato salad, about 15 potato ships with dip, 1/2 bratwurst no bun, water
Snack @ Mom's: toffee ice cream bar
Total Water: 48 oz
Well, as you can see it was another cookout without good results. Not a huge family cookout, just everyone that lives there and us 3. So at least I didn't have all the extra sides... but I still ate way to much. I brought my water and stayed away from the pop.
I got different bread, didn't go to my regular grocery store but needed bread. It is 10 less calories for 2 slices, but to grainy for me. AND not 100% natural, it will do until I go get my Arnold's Soft Family bread :)

We went to Mom's and it wasn't bad. I told my son he was "NOT spending the night so don't ask" and he didn't. Her boyfriend was back, everything seemed... ok. Of course she hadn't called and told me anything about it so all I knew is what I saw. He wasn't drinking, she didn't smoke any weed while we were there, so it all seemed ok. BUT, she is manic. VERY manic right now. Even though the kitchen was trashed, she was in the living room cleaning up the table, and had my little brothers room all cleaned up for him... (By little, I mean my youngest at 24. NO need for her to clean his room) She is in a Super Good mood, and at the same time snapping at her boy friend for little things... For the most part she is very happy. This will end soon though, she will go around cleaning and doing a lot of unnecessary things... and enjoy her yard while not having a clean dish in the house... and in a few days she will be worn out and look around and it will all hit her... and she will be back to how she was. If she's lucky, she won't be extra depressed... she still expects to have my son over Tuesday, but that's not going to happen. That is right around when I predict she will be done with her manic state and falling down... her weed will continue to calm her at times, but won't fix anything.
Right now she thinks everything is on the way up. She thinks this is the beginning of a change, and all will be well. But I've seen it all before. It's ALL I've seen as far back as I can remember. It would be nice, but it's just now how it is... Sure, she is on her way up- but the higher she goes the further she usually falls...
I love her, and I know a lot of it is her 'bipolar.' But at the moment I am very tired, and don't have the energy to deal with it all. I am able to kind of detach. I've been doing it more and more as I get older. I see it all, but not so much with my daughters eye... more with a clinical eye of someone not even related to her... Like a doctor or nurse I guess.... does that even make sense? It does in my head lol...

We stayed and watched the fights. My son was outside roasting marshmallows with her and his Papa for some of it. I visited a while between fights. Like I said, all in all it was fine. We didn't get home till 1:15, and went straight to bed. I was SO tired.
Didn't get in any treadmill. Ugh.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Lost 3.4 Pounds!!!! Wooo Hooo!!!!!

And the survey says! err, I mean the scale says:
(My camera isn't cooperating today. Don't even get me started on my TWO broken cameras!)
I am happy with that! That's a 3.4 pound loss this week,
I am MORE than happy!!! :)
I wasn't expecting that much, at all!!!!
If I can loose 1.8 pounds this week, I will be back at my
Lowest of 282.2. Woo Hoo, I know I can do it!!!
I got on the treadmill 3 times this week,
making my totals for the treadmill:
56 minutes/ 2.13 miles
That's 10 more minutes than last week,
but a far cry from doing at least a mile EVERY day.
I'm surprised and happy with last week,
and this week will be even better!!!!!

What I ate Today:
Breakfast: (100) 1/2 an iced coffee
Lunch: 2 very small slices of pepperoni pizza, 1 medium slice of pepperoni and banana pepper, water
Snack: (270) rest of the iced coffee and an oatmeal cream pie
Dinner: small bean and cheese burrito (frozen), 12 tortilla chips with cheddar/mozz cheese, 1 baby carrot, Romain salad with cheddar, croutons and 1 1/2 tbs light ranch, 1/2 can of store brand mtn dew
Snack: large bowl of cereal (cocoa krispis/multigrain cheerios) w ff skim milk
Total Water: 40 oz
Even though I ate today, by dinner I was shaky and starving. So it was frozen quick and easy tonight! I had pop :( BUT I didn't even like it, so I only drank half of it. I have a little head ache, maybe from not having any iced coffee yesterday...

Treadmill: 20 minutes/.76 miles   5 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Did it later in the evening :(   That's ok, I'm just glad I got on it.

My engagement ring is very loose lately :) It started in the shower when all of a sudden a couple weeks ago it turned by itself. Now every time I wash my hair it ends up turned to one side. That was not possible EVER before. It was so tight it was a struggle to move it at all!!!
Today I mention it because it is at it's loosest (is that a word). It isn't falling off, but comes off easily when I want it to. I remember we had to get it sized the largest size possible, had to pay extra for all the extra gold... and the day when he finally slipped it on my finger... Well, he didn't slip it at all. It was more like pushed as hard as he could, and then after I said yes and a hug and kiss, I pushed it even more to get it on the rest of the way. WELL, today he could definitely 'slip' it on :)
It may still be the biggest size, but at least it isn't tight anymore. :)

Friday, June 18, 2010

Phone Call from Dear Mother... (A little stress, continued)

You get two post in one night! Woo Hoo! (actually, I'm very sorry lol)
Well, I called it didn't I??? I wrote that my mother would expect my son to stay the night this weekend. After my last post, she called. Enjoy:

I pick up on the first ring, a little annoyed since everyone knows Ray has to be to work at 4am, and it is now almost midnight.
Me: Hello
Mom: Hi, What you doin? (she is in a very good mood. I can tell she must be really high)
Me: Nothing (I can't help but be annoyed, I just got done writing about her in my blog)
Mom: Does my grandson want to spend the night tomorrow?
Me: I don't know, I...
Mom: (interrupting me) Well, I want him later in the day, no earlier then about 2 or 3...
Me: (interrupting her) What's going on with you?
Mom: What do you mean??????????? (Most likely thinking I'm talking about her calling me all blew out)
Me: Well, have you talked to Jeff? Have you been to the doctor? Are you on a bunch of drugs? What's up? I really didn't plan on him staying the night this weekend.
Mom: Oh! I didn't think of any of that.... Jeff was supposed to come over and talk yesterday, and today........ but hasn't........ Yeah..... maybe your right. Maybe it's NOT a good idea! :) (still VERY CHEERY which only annoys me more) I'll have him on Tuesday! :)...... yeah that will be better....... No I didn't get the xanax... but I had a good talk with the doctor about that!!!!!!! Rhonda (another of her cousins) took me and sat in on my appointment. Oh, I have to go. Love you bye.

Holy Crap. Like anything will be better Tuesday!!!!!! Sometimes I just want to scream "Mom! Get your shit together and give me a frickin break!!!!" ugh... but I don't. And I don't get high because someone in this family has to stay sober. I don't drink hardly ever, because I enjoy it to much and am always afraid I won't want to stop... I'm afraid I could become an alcoholic very easily...  my love for my son is the only reason I'm not wasted every frickin day... I'll take this time to let you know that I feel like an outcast in my family because I don't smoke weed 24 hours a day... if only they knew what it was like to deal with the world and not be high... they have no idea what I go through. Life is hard sober.
And that little comment about her cousin taking her? She wants ME to take her. Even though she knows I HATE driving, especially down town. She wants me to go and have an appointment with her. I have mentioned this before, I don't want to. I will take her if I HAVE to, but me going in there will NOT help her! What would come of it??? Tell her counselor she was a shit mom? And that I disagree with her whole "I can't live without weed, it's good for me" self diagnoses. Some people benefit from it, SHE is not one of them. I can't see ANYTHING good coming out of me going in there with her. I'm not doing it.

Ok, now I'm definitely stressed. I'm very happy that there is NO vodka in the house!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A little Stress

Today was a little stressful.
I've mentioned Sherry before, the former aunt that took over my Gramma's life and some how convinced her that she should disown her whole family... well today was her son's birthday. My little cousin is turning 13 today. For the last 2 years my brother, that they still talk to, would bring him a card and money from us. Well today that is ended. She told him not to, so he won't. Whatever. He doesn't like being in the middle...

Can I be honest here??? Of course I can :) I think that if he is still going to go over there, and have a relationship with Sherry, even though she tore our whole family apart... the LEAST he could do is bring the card from me and Ray (or my other 2 brothers or my mother). After the way they hurt our mother, he shouldn't even have anything to do with them, especially Sherry. BUT, I would never tell him this. It is his choice, but I do think he should have told her that it's for AJ, and if we have birthday cards for him, he will be bringing them. Oh well... He is the favorite of the family, and it's easier to do what Sherry says, because he knows I or the rest of us would never disown him, or make him choose. I don't blame him for taking the easy road in all of this... much ;)
  The truth??? This brother has money. That is the ONLY reason Sherry still talks to him, and allows Gramma to. The rest of the family is poor, and she has no need for any of us. She can't borrow money from us... we won't kiss her ass... I have NEVER borrowed money from my little brother. I'm happy that he is successful, and I know he would let me if I needed it, but I just wouldn't feel right. Sherry? No shame, I'm sure he GIVES them money and she uses her son as leverage to get it. Sherry doesn't know the meaning of the word poor, yet complains all the time about what she doesn't have....
   Well, she thinks AJ will just believe everything she tells him. That we just didn't send money or cards this year because we all hate him (YES, she actually tells her son since he was 10 that we all hate him). I guess she doesn't know about Xbox Live. He plays with my brothers once in a while, and they will let him know what happened I'm sure. Ray sent him a message wishing him a happy birthday. I haven't sent mine yet... still deciding what to write... I don't want him to think we just don't care, but I also can't write about what a horrible bitch his mother is lol. So we'll see.
   On top of that, I can't get a hold of my mom. She and her boyfriend (like a step dad to us for about 24 years now) are fighting. He has been doing really good with his drinking for about a year, but fell off the wagon about 3 weeks ago. He hasn't been seen since last Friday. She wanted my son over last Saturday night but I said no. I don't know how drunk he will be when he decides to show up, and I'm not risking my son being there. Now I'm sure she will want him this weekend. I've decided we will go visit her but he will not stay. There is just no reason. I had to put up with all that when I was a kid, because I had no choice. My son has good parents, and there is no reason for him to be exposed to that. I'm sure he won't even show up, because who knows what my 2 brothers that live there will do... But it doesn't matter, there's that little chance that he will and I'm not taking it. Especially since the last time we were there for the fireworks, she got high 4 times that day. And the last time I talked to her, she was saying how she needs some xanax and she is trying to get some from her doctor. "Ok Mom, you get high and take xanax and wait for your drunk boy friend to get home. I'll leave my 11 year old here with you." I don't think so. I don't even really want to go at all, but I feel like I should check on her. My brother invited us over to watch some ufc fights Saturday night... but we don't have to stay long...

While I'm on the subject... I am going to get this off my chest. Last weekend you know I was at the cookout at my mom's cousins. We had a good time. Me and my son went back to my moms (in the same trailer park) to hang out till the fire works. She had got high twice while me and my son were out. We weren't there long and my cousin comes over with her husband(that I can't stand) and another guy. They are like 24, 25 years old. they ask my mom if she wants to smoke a joint with them. So she goes out on the porch and does! They couldn't do it at her cousins because she don't play that shit, especially since her grand kids were there... but they know they can do it at my mom's house, even though HER grandson is there! My Mom doesn't even think like that! All she thinks is "Oh, free weed!!! Who cares if my daughter and grandson are here to visit me!" and then she wonders why I don't like my son over there... ugh.
   Soo... now you want to know about where I live right??? And our horrible money problems at the moment??? LOL. Ok, I'll save that for another time. I really didn't plan on writing all that. I was going to put what I ate and go to bed lol. Sorry! I am glad to get it off my chest though. I still don't feel depressed... but I feel stressed. I hope I can keep cool and just get through all this without going into a depression. I feel surprisingly good considering...

Now to My Day.
I felt exhausted all day. I had to bring Ray to his plasma appointment and missed my treadmill time. I planned on doing it later, but fell asleep in the chair. So I never did do it, but I sweat-ed my butt off doing dishes and laundry. That's something right lol? (still holding out on the air, will have to turn it on tomorrow though, HOT and RAINY= NASTY.) Now I'm still so tired that I'm going to bed as soon shortly.

I didn't eat much today, but what I did eat wasn't the best. Then I was really hungry at dinner and over ate... but I'm ok with today. I'll just do better tomorrow!
Here's what I ate today:
Lunch: asparagus stuffed chicken and 1 cup of broccoli cheese rice, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: 1 bite of ice cream
Snack: bowl of cocoa krispies w ff skim milk
Dinner: 2 medium slices of pizza, 2 small slices, water
Snack: about 1 cup ice cream
Total water: 45 oz
No iced coffee ALL DAY, and no pop even though I wanted some real bad! :)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

New Walking Plan

I was doing so well with my walking plan for aver 2 months straight, on it EVERY day. I slowly started missing a few days here and there... until the last couple weeks when I only did about 2 days each! I was even walking for longer periods once per week during my 'Biggest Looser Walks.' Working up to 3.2 miles the last time. BUT, since The Biggest Looser went off, I haven't done any long walks, even though I planned too... For some reason I am having a very hard time getting motivated to get on the treadmill. There is never anything on tv anymore to keep me entertained, though that shouldn't be a reason not to get on it I know lol. So anyway, it's time for a new plan!

I am going to get on the treadmill every MORNING. The 2 times I actually did it, I felt better and happy knowing it was out of the way. I didn't wake myself up, like usual when it's getting late and I have to get it done...
AND I found the perfect show. What is on everyday week day without fail? What is perky and always happy? You got it, The Price Is Right!!! What better show to get me in a good mood and motivated to walk on the treadmill! With all of its cheery contestants, bright colors and fun games... I think this is just what I needed lol. So every morning at 11am, you can find me on the treadmill :) I will aim for 1 mile per day. Since this is an hour show, after I get back into the swing of things, I don't think doing more some days will be a problem. I would eventually like to work it up to 10 miles per week. That would be 1.43 miles per day. Like I said, eventually :) As for the Biggest Looser walks, maybe I'll wait till the show comes back on and see how I feel! As for the weekends, I might not enjoy it as much without The Price Is Right, but I need to do it anyway!

Here's what I ate today:
Breakfast: fried egg with cheese on a sour dough muffin
Lunch: tuna sandwich with 1 tbs miracle whip and hot pepper rings on whole wheat, 8 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: 1 oz almonds, 9.5 oz iced coffee
Snack: 1 oatmeal cream pie
Dinner: 2 cups creamy broccoli tuna helper, 3/4 cup small peas, 1 slice of whole wheat parmesan toast, 1 1/2 cup ff skim milk
Snack: chocolate eclair ice cream bar
Snack: about 1 cup of salsa/cheese/chili with about 12 tortilla chips
Snack: 1 bite of cantaloupe (I don't think it's any good anymore, had to throw it out)
Total Water: 40 oz Plus 10 oz Sobe LifeWater
I ate more then I should have, but I paid attention to what and how much... will do better tomorrow. The eclair bars are gone :)
I tried my sandwich without the shredded cheddar usually have in it. I figured it would cut calories and maybe I wouldn't miss it... well I missed it. I'll keep it in mind for down the road, but for now there will be cheddar! :)
I only had ONE iced coffee today :)

Treadmill: 26 minutes/ 1 mile   8 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Definitely the easiest it's been in a couple weeks. Watching a fun show like that helps me keep my mind off of it :) And it's such a good feeling having it done!
It's 11pm, and I am prety tired. Since I have the treadmill done, I can just go to bed! Woo Hoo!

Yesterday- BAD, Today... BETTER

Yesterday I ate, and ate, and ate some more!!! I wasn't thinking it at the time, but I think I hit rock bottom. I think I was actually back to where I was before Jan 1st 2010. I ate whatever I wanted, whether I was hungry or not. It was HORRIBLE.
I can't even remember everything I ate... as painful as it is, I will try!

Here's what I ate yesterday:
5am snack: Large Bowl of cocoa  krispies ff skim milk
Breakfast: Fiber One bar with 9.5 oz iced coffee
Snack: A lot of pasta salad
Snack: 1/2 cup (only because that's all there was left of) crap salad with 3 large crackers
Snack: large bowl of ice cream
Lunch: 1/2 frozen pizza with light ranch
Snack: iced coffee
Snack: a few tortilla chips
Dinner: about 20 tortilla chips and cheese, 2 cups of taco soup, ff skim milk
Snack: another large bowl of ice cream
Total Water: 40 oz

Ugh, it was horrible. But I didn't think so at the time, I thought it tasted good and I didn't care. WHY? I have NO idea. BUT today I felt awful about it. Knowing that this is the first time I actually feel like I am right back where I started. So today I didn't want to over eat. I want to start over.
I definitely need to improve, but I did better. I went to the store where they sell those cookies I was eating the last few days (the best chocolate chips cookies I ever had) but I walked right by them. I KNEW that if I bought them I would eat all of them.

So here's what I ate today:
Breakfast: Fiber Plus Bar, 9.5 oz iced coffee (which I nursed for about 2 hours)
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat, 7 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: 1/2 cup pasta salad
Snack: about 1 cup of ice cream
Dinner: Romain Salad with cheddar, croutons and 2 tbs light ranch, 2 medium slices of pepperoni pizza (take home and bake from grocery store) water
Snack: Chocolate eclair ice cream bar
Drink: iced coffee
Total water: 40 oz

I definitely need to improve, but I don't feel like it was just mindless eating of the last few days. I am not going to return to that.

If you have been reading what I eat at all, you will know that I used to have these 9.5 oz bottles of Beaumont iced coffee (cheaper but just as delicious version as a starbucks frappuccino) once in a while as a treat. Then everyday. Now it's twice a day an usually with something else sweet!!!! That HAS to stop. ONE a day for now, and with NOTHING. It is a treat by itself and I don't need cookies or anything else with it! I need to ween myself off of those things!!!

It is SOO hot and humid today. I am having trouble staying away from the ice cream. I bought those little freeze pops tonight, and am hoping that will satisfy the cold sugar cravings. Not the best thing, but a lot less calories then ice cream! I know, have to start eating my fruits!!

It is raining right now, which is good. It is bad because there is no way I can get on the treadmill tonight, I would not be able to breath because it is so humid. I swear to you I am sweating just sitting here writing this. But it is good because it keeps all the ignorant pieces of shit that live here inside! I haven't talked about where I live yet... and I'm not going to in detail right now. I just get so angry, these people should be thankful they have somewhere to live- but instead they are out causing trouble, ruining this place. It gets worse every summer. I don't complain often (I think this is the first time since I started this blog) because I KNOW there are worse places to live. Even though I am frustrated with it at the moment, I am thankful to have a roof over our heads believe me. I guess it's because it's summer, and that brings out all the idiots... So even though it's hot and miserable, I am very happy when it rains at night. Keeps things quiet around here. Ok, sorry about that- enough complaining for one night :)

We will probably turn the air on tomorrow, so I will be on the treadmill for sure!!!!

Thanks again for all of your comments on my last post. It really meant a lot to me.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I'm NOT Depressed

I feel good... But tonight I realized my behavior and eating is how it gets when I am depressed... It is 1am and I am just starting my blog, not even sure if I'll go to bed... I can't stop snacking on everything... I buy stuff in the store that I know I shouldn't bring into the house because I will eat it all!!! These are all things I do when I get depressed... but I'm not depressed! Really, I feel fine!

If I were to sit and think about it, of course there is SO much to be depressed about right now... but that doesn't do me any good. I am glad that I don't feel depressed at all... So why am I acting like I am??? I hope I'm not about to go off the deep end soon or something!!!

Well, as far as I know, I am perfectly fine right now and will stay that way. I have to get my eating under control or I will gain all my weight back, then I would be depressed for sure! Today was bad... AGAIN. The only good news is that I got in all my water. Also, all the cookies are gone. (those might have been the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever had!) and I am throwing out the macaroni salad.

Here's what I ate today:
Lunch: chili dog, 8 tortilla chips with cheese and chili, 3/4 cup macaroni salad, water
Snack: 3/4 bottle of iced coffee, 1 chocolate chip cookie
Dinner: chimichanga and 10 tortilla chips with cheese and salsa, Romain salad with 2 tbs light ranch and cheddar cheese, water
Snack: 1/2 cup crab salad with 2 1/2 large crackers, water
Snack: 1/4 bottle of iced coffee with 1 chocolate chip cookie
Snack: 1 cup of mint moose tracks ice cream
Total Water: 40 oz  Plus 10 oz Sobe LifeWater

Total Treadmill: 14 minutes/ .52 miles
I got on the treadmill, wasn't much but better than nothing! It was so hot and humid today, I really didn't want to do it at all!

I think that if I read someones blog and EVERY day they did horrible, and ALWAYS said tomorrow will be better... I might get a little discouraged... and wonder about how much that person really wants it... maybe start to think about whether this person is serious or not...
Well, just know that I DO really want it and am dead serious... I guess it is harder to get back on the wagon than I thought, but I'm slowly making that climb back up... as of now I have lost 32.6 pounds, and I do NOT want to gain again. I know what I have to do, it's just DOING IT that's the problem... before when I would have a bad day or even 2, I could bounce back easy. This time it feels like it has been WEEKS, and it's not as easy... but I will! And tomorrow really WILL be better... thanks for not giving up on me... and I WILL NOT give up on myself.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Saturday's Cookout

WELL. It was a long day but lots of fun :)
I went grocery shopping at 4am, that's the best time to go lol. Went back to bed a couple hours, picked up Ray form work later, made my pasta salad and had that delicious breakfast that was horrible for me and a bad idea, got showered and ready, and we were off!
We had a good time at the cookout. I didn't do so well with the eating though :( I really thought I would do well, but I didn't. I was extra hungry which didn't help matters.
Fireworks were short, but we enjoyed them. We ended up not going over to the 'carnival' part, because we stayed at the cookout most of the day and my son was having to much fun in the little pool with all the other kids lol. They didn't have much over there this year, and what they did have was to expensive!!! It sucks having no money.
Over all I had a great day. My eating was horrible, it started  off bad, and ended bad. Summer is proving to be very hard for me. Especially these cookouts! I don't know why, I guess it's because Summer+Family+Friends has always equaled food for me. I hope by the next one I am back to eating better and have enough will power to finally be able to say "I was at a cookout and I did GOOD!"
 Here's what I ate today:
Breakfast: Iced coffee and 2 chocolate chip cookies
Lunch: 1 hot dog on a bun, 1/2 a cheese burger on bun, about 2 cups total of 3 different pasta salads, bout 1/4 cup of potato salad, handful of potato chips, 1/2 cup baked beans, 1/2 cup pistachio pudding, Water.
Drink: 1 can of root beer
Snack late: 3/4 cup of my pasta salad
Snack later: 2 chocolate chip cookies and an iced coffee
Total Water: about 46 oz

I didn't get home till about 11pm, and knew I wasn't going to do the treadmill. BUT I went to 2 different stores today, and walked back and forth from my brothers to my cousins twice. I should have done it anyway, but it was just so late. I will give myself some slack on busy days like today, but I need to try and do it in the mornings, that way it will be done even if I do get home late!!!
I know, today was a disaster as far as eating, but I'm not giving up or throwing in the towel. Just have to do better... MUCH better.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Glad THAT'S Over With!!!

Today was my weekly weigh in... it seems like FOR EVER since I stepped on the scale, but it's only been since last Friday! I was dreading today... and for good reason! The scale says...
Yes... that's a gain. A 4.4 pound gain.
I weighed 287 pounds 7 weeks ago! SEVEN!!!
It's like I have wasted 7 weeks!
This week I only did 2 days of treadmill, making my totals:
46 minutes/ 1.8 miles
Needless to say, I am disappointed in myself... but I knew this was coming today, that's why I was dreading it. BUT it's done with, and it's time to move on!!!

I have the same plan of attack I started out with on January 1st 2010. Except I didn't have my goal of 1 mile a day on the treadmill. Now that I have been off it for at least 5 days now, I am a little worried it will be hard for me to do the whole mile. But I will get on it anyway, and hope for the best! Anything is better than nothing right? Blogging every day even if it's just to record my food, will be mandatory! K, I think those are the main things I have to remember...

A new reason to make sure I loose weight, is my blood pressure. I actually went to a doctor today!!! WIERD RIGHT? I don't do doctors, well it was actually the med center, because I don't have a doctor. I won't go into to much detail, but I got bit up at my mom's 2 weeks ago tomorrow. There were biting flies out and mosquitoes, and they got me. Well, long story short, I have large rash like spots on my legs still. After going on the Internet and scaring myself into thinking I had ring worm, I forced myself to go in today. It is not ring worm, but an allergic reaction to the fly bites... but anyway, back to the point.
My blood pressure is ONE away from being high. I'm not sure of the numbers, but I think it was 139, and high is over 140. I feel extremely lucky that I don't have really high blood pressure, diabetes(that I know of), asthma, or any other serious condition. Especially at my weight! I mean that, I am SO THANKFUL.  I also had to weigh in twice lol. The scale there said 290, and I had my flip flops and clothes on, so I think my scale must be pretty accurate.

Here's what I ate today:
Breakfast: (200) 9.5 oz bottle of iced coffee
Lunch: (709) Tuna sandwich with 1 tbs miracle whip, 1 slice of 2% cheese, pickle slices, on whole wheat. 3/4 cup macaroni salad, 5 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch.
Snack: (355) .5 oz almonds, .5 oz cinnamon almonds, 9.5 oz iced coffee
Snack: (130) Hearts of Romain Salad with 3 tbs croutons and 2 tbs thousand island dressing
Dinner: (590) 1 broccoli stuffed chicken, 1 cup broccoli cheese rice, Water
Snack: (15) 6 small pieces of watermelon
Total Water: 50 oz
Total Calories: 1999
Could have been better, but it could have been worse, like the total binging of the last week!!! I was HUNGRY a lot of today :( But I know once I am eating small portions, my stomach will shrink back up and it won't take as much to fill it. I don't know what made me buy thousand island dressing, just trying something new. I know a lot of people love it... well, I thought it tasted like ketchup, miracle whip and pickles. lol, I would eat it on a burger, but probably not on another salad :) This week I have drank one or 2 of those ice coffees every day. I need to cut down on those, WAY down.

Treadmill: 16 minutes/ .61 miles
Was a little harder than I though. Even though it was only 16 minutes, I was a little out of breath and worked up a sweat. Sad... I know.

Tomorrow is the fun day they have every year, over where my brother lives. My son won't do any of the little rides, no matter how I try to talk him into it! He looks forward to the elephant ears though. As much as I wish it was the fun rides and things, it is only one and only once a year. They are pretty good lol. There will be a lot of walking. There are fireworks in the evening and a cook out at my cousins. Now, I have already had 3 cook outs this summer, and I over ate at ALL of them. Tomorrow I want to be able to say I did good, and be proud of myself! It will be hard, but I'm up to the challenge :) Wish me luck!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

DREADING the Weigh In

So my eating has still been pretty bad. Snacking especially. I even ate doritos straight out of the bag without counting, definitely an old habit I never wanted to see again... just mindless eating. So needless to say, I am dreading facing the scale tomorrow. But, no matter how much I've gained, I will not get discouraged. I am ready to get back at it. I fell off the wagon, big time, but I'm ready to jump back on it! Tomorrow will be great :)

I just have to get back to where I was a few weeks ago. On the treadmill every day and eating smaller portions. Counting calories seems to help (thanks Tessa), and drinking a lot of water. The only thing I've been doing lately is getting in enough water, at least 40 oz a day. 50 yesterday... which makes my over eating that much worse! I'm sure my stomach is stretched back out, so this next week or so I may be VERY hungry :( It will probably be almost like starting over... even though I have been over eating, it still hasn't been as much as before Jan 1 2010, but it's been close!!!!!
I NEED to blog everyday, even if it's just to put down my food. I stopped because blogger wouldn't let me... but I shouldn't have let that give m an excuse to eat like I have been! Next time, if that happens again I will write on the computer just like it's my blog. Then post it when it comes back up! Just like the treadmill, one day off just completely derailed me. One turns into 2, into 3 into 5... I need to do these things EVERY DAY. Even though it's only been since Friday night that the eating got SO bad... it really has been sneaking up on me for a while... eating a little more here and there... buying snacks I was keeping out of the house... and now I just finally fell right off the wagon. Maybe Tessa's challenge being over had something to do with it... I knew it was great motivation. But I guess it was more then that, it held me accountable, and made it so I HAD to write what I eat every day, weather I wanted to or not! Thanks to Tessa and Byron, I never even thought about NOT doing it... I need to hold myself to that same standard now. I did it before the challenge, and I can do it again!
And of course there is everyone else that has joined me on my journey. All the comments and well wishes... I can't keep going on like I have been this week. I would let everyone down!!! I would let myself down!

Yes. I fell off the wagon, BUT I knew I was getting close to the edge, and it's my own fault I didn't stop it! There is no excuse, and I know that. I could have backed away from the edge at anytime...

It's already 9:32pm. Nothing I can do about today, or the past week, but I will make sure the rest of the night is good. Tomorrow is another day, another chance to do a good job. I'm climbing back up on that wagon and staying there! Of course there will be bumps in the road, but I'm just going to have to get a grip and hold on tight!!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I'm Back

Not that anyone noticed I was gone LOL. It wasn't for that long, but I've posted EVERY day for a long time, so for me it was :) Blogger wouldn't let me write! When I tried to post it would say "Blogger unavailable at this time. We are sorry for any inconvenience." I thought it was just down, but then saw that everyone else I follow was posting, so it was just me??? Crazy!

This weekend was an eating disaster! Friday night during the movie it started. Saturday the same: I was doing a lot of snacking. A LOT. Doritos and mini chocolate doughnuts somehow got into the house (ok I bought them...) and that was my main problem. BUT I was in a good mood... In fact I was in a GREAT mood. I wasn't eating out of depression or anything. My house was clean, I felt good. I had done the treadmill in the morning and it was out of the way- wonderful! I even went over to my Mom's and did a bunch of her dishes. I don't ever just go over there and do that! But she was having a cookout Sunday for her Birthday and I knew her house was trashed, so I decided to help. She really appreciate it :)
Sunday I stuck with ONE hot dog at the cookout, but managed to over eat anyway, with all the tasty sides everyone brought, I ended up with 2 plates. AND a piece of my Mom's birthday cake. A lot of family was there, it was nice. I brought fruit dip and cut up a bunch of fruit for it. Cantaloupe, grapes, and strawberries. I also brought watermelon, but that I bought already cut up, no room in my fridge for a watermelon lol. Mom sent home some of the sides with us, and I snacked on them instead of all my fruit... I did remember my water so I wasn't drinking pop the whole time. I did have 2 sips of ray's though...
Monday wasn't any better.
It was also my sons graduation dinner. I had to much dinner, and then had cake. That's 2 pieces of cake in 2 days!
Yep, my son graduated the 5th grade... how did he get so old so fast???
Here's a picture of after we got home :)

Is he taller then me??? No... he can't be...

I gotta tell you, I have been so antisocial for a long time, and things like Sarah visiting, cookouts and graduation dinners are very stressful for me. Once I'm there, it's fine. But waiting for them sucks. Hopefully that will get better....

Right after this picture was taken I went and changed into my '1st of the month picture' shirt, and got that over with too lol. So there is a new picture I have to post over in those pages. Of course, it was with the old camera... and I washed the shirt and I think it shrunk a little... So over all, taking my pic in the same outfit every month isn't having the effect I hoped for. Oh well lol.

So over all, these last few days have been good, but eating BAD. The good part? I got in at LEAST 40 oz of water everyday, 70 oz yesterday! The worst part? On top of all the snacking? I didn't do the treadmill Sunday OR Monday. Also, Since Friday, I have not done ANYTHING to this house. If we weren't eating somewhere else so much, the dishes would be HORRIBLE, but right now they are just.. semi horrible.

Today my son had another exciting day :) And he was exited! We had to get up at 5:40am. He had to be at school by at 6:15 for his class trip. They don't get back till 6:00pm. I'm happy he gets do go do that. I hope he has a great time :)
(I won't mention that they waited till the end of the year to cram EVERYTHING into these last 2 weeks. The only down side is all the money they want now at one time! But we won't get into any personal problems right now, a few came up this weekend, but I'd rather just keep it about the weekends good stuff today. The bad eating is enough bad news, no? Money? Bills? This place I live in? That's no fun to talk about lol.)

So anyway. My plan was to get back in gear today. Stop with all the snacking, and get my butt on the treadmill! Get to cleaning too!!! That is still my plan, but I haven't started yet. When I did get up, instead of digging in, I got on the computer. I became addicted to the game Collapse on facebook over the weekend too. I used to be very addicted to this game. On Xbox Live a few years ago I was actually #1 in the world :) I promised myself I wouldn't play ANY games on facebook, but I did... ugh. But I'll keep it to Collapse and Bejeweled... none of those farming, or zoo games that will keep me on it for HOURS at a time lol.
Now I have a head ache, but hopefully it will be gone soon.

I am still sticking to the plan! Especially getting back on the treadmill!!! I feel like I have pretty much wasted about 3 weeks when I could have lost another 8-10 pounds by now!!! Back at it today!!! I want to continue posting what I eat everyday...  I think not having to post it this weekend with the blogger not working may have had a part in all my snacking. I didn't think it at the time, looking back, would I have ate so much if I had to write it down??? Not sure... So anyway, here it is

What I ate today:
Breakfast: bagel with cream cheese and 3 strawberries, 1/2 iced coffee.
Snack: small handful of cinnamon almonds and the rest of the iced coffee
Lunch: 1 cheeseburger, a little bit of: pasta salad, another type of pasta salad, baked beans. Water
Dinner: 2 helpings of broccoli tuna helper, about 3/4 cup of peas, 1 slice whole wheat Parmesan toast, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: about 15 cinnamon almonds
total water: 40 oz

Well, bad news. My head ache just kept getting worse. I did some laundry but that's it. The food doesn't look great, but is so much better then the last few days. Going to bed. I feel pretty crappy, and just want to unload a bunch of emotional baggage... but I know it's mostly because I have a horrible head ache, and am so very disappointed in myself. So I won't. I'll go to bed and hope tomorrow is better. If it's not better... get your trash bags ready, because all my emotional garbage will be at your disposal!!! :)
lol, I think going to bed is a good idea, since I can't decide whether I'm in a horrible mood or in a funny mood. Good night. Don't worry, I think tomorrow will be fine, I guess you can put those bags back :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

My Friend, My Weigh In and My Treadmill!

I was pretty worried, but the scale says...
On the dot.
That's a .2 pound loss since last Friday, and I'll take it!
All the cleaning I have been doing must have paid off,
 because my eating hasn't been great,
and I only got on the treadmill twice.
Making my treadmill totals for the week:
52 minutes/ 2.01 miles
The LEAST amount of time/ distance on it
since I started walking in February.
Total weight loss: 37 Pounds

So my best friend stopped back over for a little bit again today with her fiance. She really is so cute. Ray somehow got my old camera to work, by putting in the new alkaline batteries I bought for the new one in the old one... but it's only supposed to take lithium batteries! I don't get it. So anyway, I did get a few pictures. I had Ray take this one of me and her.

Even though she is 6 months pregnant I'm still wider... depressing! She wants me to put it on facebook, but I am not going to. I don't have any pictures of myself on my facebook page. Like I want everyone to see how fat I got?!?!? Maybe after I loose some more weight... oh and I AM short, but she also has shoes on!!! lol.
She has to leave at 6am tomorrow :( It was so nice to see her. I really am so happy for her, and proud of her. She is an ER nurse and loves it. He is a firefighter. They are going to have a little girl and have picked out a beautiful name. They are going to be getting married next April. I have never been on a plane before, but I might have to now! I hope I can loose a lot more weight by then... it's 10 months away, so let me rephrase that: I WILL LOOSE A LOT MORE WEIGHT BY THEN :)

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing (took a short nap)
Lunch: Turkey/pepperoni sandwich with hot pepper rings, 1 tbs miracle whip, lettuce on whole wheat. 10 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch. Water
Snack: .5 oz almonds, .5 oz cinnamon almonds
Dinner: 1 tostada, about 10 tortilla chips with cheese, taco meat, and tomatoes, 5 oz cherry coke.
Snack: Fiber One Bar
Total Water: 50 oz
Gotta stop with the pop... tomorrow I will stop, meaning the next day I will probably have a head ache :( BUT, it's my own fault for starting back up drinking it!!!
Treadmill: 20 minutes/ .78 miles
Oh my goodness, being off it so much has really messed me up! I couldn't do a whole mile, but anything is better than nothing right? I think the weather has a lot to do with it too. We've had our air off for a couple days, it was beautiful yesterday. Today it is hot and humid- YUCK. When I was done I was sweating like crazy. No matter, on it everyday now- no matter what!
This last week I got more sleep than usual, I think it's because in the evening I didn't do the treadmill. So I was able to stay tired and sleep better. I would really like to start doing the treadmill in the morning, to get it out of the way, but mostly so I can relax in the evening and hopefully keep being able to get to bed :) I've always wanted to do it in the morning, but just never could get into the habit. But I'm really going to try. I think it will be better all around.

Going to go watch the rest of Click with my son, and then get to bed. Goodnight!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Best Friends and Broken Cameras

My best friend Sarah flew in today. Her and her fiance came over, it was so nice to see her, and to meet him. I haven't seen her in 5 years I guess! I didn't think it was that long, but she said it was. She is pregnant too, and so cute. Ahh... I have to admit I'm a little jealous of her. She is here for the 10 year high school reunion. I didn't graduate, and most of my friends didn't keep in touch after I had a baby. She just bought a house, they both have great jobs, how nice that would be!!! BUT, I am so happy for her, that the tiny bit of jealousy I may have is pretty much gone...

On to my life lol: Ray is donating plasma to try and make ends meet here. I have to get a job, that's all there is to it. I get so discouraged when I look for a job, because there are none- and if there is, I just feel I have no chance in getting it over other applicants. I would be donating too, but I have TINY veins, so they won't let me.

I didn't eat much today, I guess a little bit of nerves? Mostly it was because between Ray's Bio Life appointment and Sarah visiting, I just didn't have time! I should have grabbed a fiber plus bar, but the nerves made it so I wasn't even hungry and didn't think about it. But by dinner time I was VERY hungry and over ate.

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (375) Bagel with cream cheese
Dinner: (957) large bowl of taco salad (12 tortilla chips, 1/4 cup cheddar cheese, 4.6 oz 97% lean beef, lots of lettuce) 1 cup of red beans and rice, 1 soft shelled taco, 8 oz cherry coke
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 1350
The taco salad was a last minute decision, and is missing some stuff like beans that we usually have in it but didn't have in the house this time. The 12 chips, weren't all actually in the taco salad. Some were, but I admit to snacking on the chips while making it. So 12 is the total chips I had.

Oh, I forgot. You may remember my camera that I loved broke. So then I got a new one, about 2 months ago. WELL, it worked fine last night, and is broke this morning!!! When I really needed it! Of course it would be on the day Sarah comes to town after 5 years.. UGH! So I don't know if I'll be able to post my weight tomorrow. But you can trust me LOL, I'll tell the truth. No matter how much I gain!!! I also didn't get my first of the month pics either...
I don't know why I have such bad luck with cameras. It's crazy. I had the same 110 film camera for almost 10 years... it never did break, I just needed to get with the times and get a 35 mm. I went through 2 of those in 2 years. Both broke. Then on to digital. This is my second one broke in 5 years and they are NOT cheap!!! UGH! I never dropped them or anything!!!
Taking pictures is something I love and helps me relieve stress, so I am upset. Hopefully this one has some sort of warranty, since I haven't had it that long... This one is a GE and wasn't as expensive as my Kodak I loved, but still! I expect more than 2 monthes out of it!!!!!!!


Here's My Day:
Brunch: leftover chicken alfredo and medium slice of pepperoni pizza, 8 oz pepsi
Snack: Fudge round
Dinner: 4 chicken strips, 1 cup masked potatoes, 1/2 cup gravy, 1/4 cup creamed corn, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: 47 grams (3) strawberries, 95 grams (about 10) grapes with 3 tbs fruit dip
Snack: bowl of Raisin Bran Extra with ff skim milk
Snack: about 12 chips, cheese and salsa. raspberry iced tea
Total Water: 45 oz
I had pop :( I guess I talked myself into it, because I didn't have any iced coffee today, and am afraid of having a caffeine withdrawal head ache tomorrow. I am stressed out enough with out a head ache on top of it. At least I didn't have Mtn Dew though...

I have to get off this computer and get back to cleaning.
My best friend is coming tomorrow, haven't seen her in at least 4 years. I should be happy, but really I'm just stressed out. been cleaning like crazy this week. Oh, my brother never did come get his crap!!! Didn't even call to say so either!!!! Ugh... just comes with the territory of being an under appreciated older sister I guess.
When all this stress and cleaning is done, I'm back on the treadmill no matter what on Friday.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Sunny Tuesday

What I woke up to this morning.
Even though I woke up late, and my son was late for school,
it was nice to walk out and see these in my yard :)
My Mom planted these and a bunch of other flowers last summer. She has a beautiful yard, and wanted to bring over extra flowers that had to be separated and thinned out. I told her no, because I wouldn't take care of them... but she did anyway, saying she would come weed them or whatever. Of course, it is all over grown now- and out of control lol. But when some bloom, it sure is pretty :)
I may seem complicated sometimes, but it really doesn't take much to make me happy :)

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: 1/2 iced coffee and a fudge round (I know... not good)
Lunch: turkey, pepperoni, hot pepper ring sandwich with 1 tbs miracle whip on whole wheat, water
Snack: .7 oz almonds, .4 oz cinnamon almonds
Dinner: Romain and carrot salad with 1/8 cup cheddar and 2 tbs light ranch, 1 portion of chicken alfredo, 2 bread sticks, water
Snack: an apple and about 3 tbs fruit dip
Total Water: 50 oz
I don't feel very good, I think because I over ate. Even though it was only one serving of dinner, it was more than enough. That with the salad and bread made me full. Then the snack? I didn't need it.  I wanted something sweet even though I wasn't hungry. An apple and dip was better then the 300 calorie fudge round, BUT I wasn't hungry and shouldn't have had ANYTHING. I'm probably full of water too. I have been doing very well getting in at least 40 oz since I started drinking out of my water bottles.
Being full is part of the reason I didn't get on the treadmill. But mostly because I am just soo tired tonight. I did do a good amount of housework today, so I'm going to take advantage of actually being tired and go to bed. Even though it means missing Betty White on Jimmy Falon tonight. LOL, that woman cracks me up :)

I watched Loosing It with Jillian tonight. It was very good. Didn't know if I would like it because I have mixed feelings towards Jillian I guess LOL. But I did like it. Was a tear jerker too. Did you watch it? What did you think?