Monday, June 14, 2010

I'm NOT Depressed

I feel good... But tonight I realized my behavior and eating is how it gets when I am depressed... It is 1am and I am just starting my blog, not even sure if I'll go to bed... I can't stop snacking on everything... I buy stuff in the store that I know I shouldn't bring into the house because I will eat it all!!! These are all things I do when I get depressed... but I'm not depressed! Really, I feel fine!

If I were to sit and think about it, of course there is SO much to be depressed about right now... but that doesn't do me any good. I am glad that I don't feel depressed at all... So why am I acting like I am??? I hope I'm not about to go off the deep end soon or something!!!

Well, as far as I know, I am perfectly fine right now and will stay that way. I have to get my eating under control or I will gain all my weight back, then I would be depressed for sure! Today was bad... AGAIN. The only good news is that I got in all my water. Also, all the cookies are gone. (those might have been the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever had!) and I am throwing out the macaroni salad.

Here's what I ate today:
Lunch: chili dog, 8 tortilla chips with cheese and chili, 3/4 cup macaroni salad, water
Snack: 3/4 bottle of iced coffee, 1 chocolate chip cookie
Dinner: chimichanga and 10 tortilla chips with cheese and salsa, Romain salad with 2 tbs light ranch and cheddar cheese, water
Snack: 1/2 cup crab salad with 2 1/2 large crackers, water
Snack: 1/4 bottle of iced coffee with 1 chocolate chip cookie
Snack: 1 cup of mint moose tracks ice cream
Total Water: 40 oz  Plus 10 oz Sobe LifeWater

Total Treadmill: 14 minutes/ .52 miles
I got on the treadmill, wasn't much but better than nothing! It was so hot and humid today, I really didn't want to do it at all!

I think that if I read someones blog and EVERY day they did horrible, and ALWAYS said tomorrow will be better... I might get a little discouraged... and wonder about how much that person really wants it... maybe start to think about whether this person is serious or not...
Well, just know that I DO really want it and am dead serious... I guess it is harder to get back on the wagon than I thought, but I'm slowly making that climb back up... as of now I have lost 32.6 pounds, and I do NOT want to gain again. I know what I have to do, it's just DOING IT that's the problem... before when I would have a bad day or even 2, I could bounce back easy. This time it feels like it has been WEEKS, and it's not as easy... but I will! And tomorrow really WILL be better... thanks for not giving up on me... and I WILL NOT give up on myself.


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  2. YOU CAN DO THIS! We all have bad days, or even bad weeks. Before you put something into your shopping cart or into your mouth, think about how hard you've worked and how far you've come. Getting healthy and feeling better about yourself is so much better than how good anything could possibly taste. Keep your chin up and keep your eye on the prize! WE can do this!

  3. Ugh. I hate days like that - and let's face it, we've all had them!

    Good luck in trying to figure out what is actually going on - I have all the faith that you will figure it out!

  4. You don't discourage me. We've all been in your shoes. This past month has been absolute hell on me in my personal life and it's still throwing curve balls in my direction...not fun. It's made sticking to my diet almost impossible. From my holiday back East to school thing after another. I'm always hoping that tomorrow will be better..easier. Sadly it's so hard to stick to a diet when for most of my life when things got hard I turned to food. If I were thinner I could turn more to exercise...but since it's a huge chore to do that at this weight....*shrug* I know how you feel, girl. I believe in you. We got to all stick together on this one!

  5. No one is going anywhere, don't you worry about that. :)

    I just feel bad for the struggle that it is. I wish it was easier for you.

    I know since I got out of the hospital that I read ingredients of everything that I eat [for the sodium] because I have to and I am finding I eat better and better. One false move, one slip up and I can end up back in ICU because I can't breath from my lungs retaining the water. What I mean is that my effects, if I was to make bad choices, are immediate. And I guess that if we could see down the road that the day we overeat what the outcome would be then we would make better choices, right? Does that make sense? [excuse me while I ramble. heehee]

    I have to say the best thing someone said to me was food is the one addiction we can't live without [unlike alcohol, drugs or cigarettes]and that is so true. And it is hard to make healthy choices when we are so accustomed to eating unhealthy - but if we were going to die tomorrow from over indulging wouldn't we stop today?

    Just hang in there and no worries. It will get better. You have been doing it for 6 months - you will do it again. With us right here rooting you on.

  6. Thank you all sooo very much!!!
    It really makes me feel so much better to see these comments. I never knew how much the support of others would help me.
    You're right, we all go through days like this... mine just happened to turn into weeks... but I CAN do this :)
    Thanks for not giving up on me!!!!