What is GOING ON?

I don't know what is going on... everyday I say tomorrow will be better, and something else happens.
Today I woke up with a horrible head ache. I didn't realize it at first, but it IS my 2nd day without pop. So it was probably a caffeine withdrawal. The MAIN reason I have to stop drinking Mtn Dew. The head ache soon turned into a migraine and I was in bed until about 1pm. (except the one time I had to get up and be sick) So it wasn't the perfect start to my starting over, but I did ok...
I was SO HUNGRY all day, I think by over eating (especially yesterday and Sunday) I stretched my stomach back out. Seriously. I was hungry ALL day. I didn't give in though. I grabbed a bag of chips and literally thought "No! What are you doing!" and put it back after 2. I tried to do good with my portions and have some veggies. I need to do better, but I'm ok with how I did today.

As you saw yesterday, I gained 2.8 pounds. Ugh, depressing. The only good thing is that it wasn't my Friday weigh in, so I still have time to fix it before it goes permanently on my weight record! BUT it was still a bummer :( Big time. When I weighed in last Monday, I knew it wasn't really accurate, because I had been so sick. So I figured I hadn't really lost. BUT if I would have done well this week, I could have lost again, or at least kept it the same!!!!
Now Tessa's challenge only has 3 weeks left!!! I can't believe it has gone by so fast! So to get to my target for the challenge I will have to loose 15.75 pounds!!! That would be 5.25 per week... that's a LOT. I don't loose that much per week. I don't think I can do it, but I want to try my hardest. If I come close to that I will be happy. If I try my hardest and don't make it, I will be ok with that. I can't change how crappy I have done in the past, but I can try harder now :) (oh, I'm not even going to mention I am in competition with Emaciated Asphyxiation, I'm just going to pretend all I have to do is get to 271.85 pounds, and am only against myself LOL!!! Less stress that way haha)

I have actually been getting pretty depressed. Being sick and burnt threw my eating all off, and kept me off the treadmill. Later in the week, some of that was just an excuse, no doubt about it. On top of all that, I haven't been doing anything I have to do. It's like ever since Sunday I have been on autopilot. I was just getting through the days... I can't really explain it, I can't really remember most of the week, I can't believe it has been 9 days because it doesn't seem like it... I'm actually going to read my blog entries because I just can't really remember much... it's weird. Just because I was tired and down I guess... I know I had ZERO ambition, the few days I got on the treadmill were forced, but I'm glad I did. I haven't been keeping up with housework either... my house is trashed and that always depresses me.
OH! Today I realized 3 of my bills are late! I never do that! Last week I just didn't do anything I needed to do! Now I gained, and hate the thought of getting on the treadmill. My house is a mess. On top of all that, 3 $30 late fees on the bills I missed, UGH!!!

I guess I just got overwhelmed and shut down... that's the only way I can explain it. It is times like this that I really fear I am more like my mother then I want to admit. I hate it, and it only depresses me more...  I hate this feeling.
I especially hate that I fell back into old habbits that easily... maybe not as bad as before, but I was getting there- FAST.

All I can do is move forward. Tomorrow get started on all the laundry and dishes that are piled up. Ray did start on the laundry for me today, even did a little dishes. I don't know if he felt bad because I had a migraine, or if my mood scared him into it? lol, either way, it helped a lot and I'll get my butt back in gear tomorrow.

Here's My Day:
Lunch: (437) Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat, 10 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: (9) 2 sunchips
Dinner: (590) 1 1/2 cup hamburger helper(with 96% lean beef), 1/2 cup mixed veggies (canned), 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (100) chocolate sundae cup
Snack: (260) strawberry frosted mini wheats with 1 cup ff skim milk
Total Water: 35 oz
Total Calories: 1396
I am hungry right now, but I know I don't need anything! It's going to be hard, because I can tell my stomach isn't like was before I started over eating again last week :( I know I can't keep eating though. I am pretty sure I will need that 4 am snack that I haven't needed in a while now... if I have to have one, I will make it small, just so I can go back to bed.

Treadmill: 64 minutes/2.5 miles
Tonight was The Biggest Looser. That show is such a motivation to me. I'm sure it gets old for some people, not me! Maybe because the people on it are actually my size, and to see them work so hard makes me realize I can do more. I try to walk a little more every week on Tuesdays while I watch it. WELL that is another thing I ruined this week. I couldn't go farther then my last record of 3.18 miles. In fact I couldn't even go that far. BUT I will next week :)

Today was OK, Tomorrow will be even better!!!