Grandmama Drama, and Catch Up

Hello! First let me say hi to a couple new 'followers.' To Bouncin Barb and Pengu, Thank you for joining me in my day!

Sorry I've been gone a few days again. I still am a little down I guess, but I am doing ok :) I have just been sleeping a lot. A LOT. So I haven't had time to write. I actually went to bed at 9 Monday night! Crazy right? Then when I get up in the morning, every day it seems I don't feel good :( I thought something had passed me by and I lucked out since I only felt feverish one day... but I don't know. I hardly ever get sick, so I'm hoping it passes without much hassle!

My computer is all fixed, so that's good :)

Not much new here.

My Grandmother's surgery is today. It's major surgery, very dangerous I hear. The top two vertebrae in her spine are completely gone. I guess she's been doing pretty bad. This is all news to me this last week, since my mother tells me NOTHING important. I guess she cries all the time because of the pain, and has fallen a lot lately because she can't hardly use her legs...
Now, I don't really feel anything about it. At first I was stressed and worried a little... but now? I really don't care. It may sound cold, but she has put my family through so much... she is no longer the grandmother we all knew and loved. That person was gone WAY before any of this started happening.
Without getting into everything that happened, the quick version is this: 3 years ago her spoiled selfish daughter finally convinced my grandmother to ban me from her house. Then to disown me, my mother (her other daughter!) my brothers, even her own sister. It was ridiculous. I mean, the stuff you see on talk shows, NOT in real life... NOT in MY family! It was all devastating... I loved my grandmother. I would have done anything for her. She was the one person in the world I knew would always be there for me. Then she changed...
It took a while but now my grandmother and her sister (my great Aunt) are back to being best friends. Even my mother talks to her now... kind of. She brought up about 6 months ago "I wish I could come see you sometimes." Her mother said "That's between you and Sherry (the spoiled bitch)." That right there shows ME that nothing has changed. Sherry still runs her life and her house. Sherry is still number one no matter what. So I really gave up any hope of ever having any kind of relationship with her. I haven't seen her in 3 years, since she hung up on me after disowning me.
Now to the present.
I had been stressing about this surgery. Should I send a card at least? But I decided that would be pointless. I already morned the loss of my Gramma 3 years ago, and she is not the same person anymore. This woman is NOT her. So what would be the point? There isn't one.
So last night my mother called her, (can't go see her cause she's not allowed- Sherry says so) and it's the last conversation Mom is going to have with her mother before this life threatening surgery. My grandmother could have said anything. She could have said she was sorry for disowning her. Or sorry for calling her and her family names, or sorry for letting Sherry take over her life and push everyone else out... but no. She tells my Mom "I just can't forget the horrible names you called me." My Mom did go off on her, AFTER everything else. Because my Grandmother had called her and hurt her more than she'd ever been hurt in her life... So my Mom apologizes for the things she said. Does Grandmother? Of course not. She finally says, "well I guess we should just let all this go." And of course my Mom is fine with this. So they are fine. Mom will be happy just seeing her once in a while (when they both visit my Great Aunt who lives close by.) Never being able to just call, or come over. Never being important again, now that Sherry rules everything. In fact, when my grandmother told my Great Aunt to tell my mother what time her surgery was, she said "But don't let Sherry know we told her, because I don't want her stressed out before surgery." wtf?
Grandmother thinks she is being the bigger person for 'letting it go' because she thinks she has done no wrong. I know for a fact that whatever Sherry decided is the version of what happened, has been pumped into Grandmothers brain for 3 years and she probably doesn't even know half of what really went on! But whatever.
I won't get in the way of my mother and her mother... but ME? I will not put up with that shit. People say life is to short to hold a grudge or not forgive someone. I say life is to short to allow people into your life that will turn on you at the drop of a hat. To give your heart to people that will stomp all over it. My mother will most likely be hurt in the future by her. I will not go down that road again.

My son has overheard a lot of what has been said the last couple days, so I told him about the surgery. And asked if he would like to make her a card or anything. He decided he wanted me to buy one for him to sign. He didn't get emotional or anything, he hasn't seen her in 3 years either. She does send him a card for his birthday and Christmas though. I told him he didn't have to, and no one expects him to. But he wanted to. He's a sweet boy, and he must miss her... I miss her too, but I miss what she USED to be. That woman is gone. So no matter what happens in surgery, I won't mourn her, I don't even know her.

Here's what the last few days have looked like:
Sunday-
Coffee: 105
with 3 tbs pumpkin spice creamer
Breakfast: 90
Special K vanilla Crisp bar
Lunch: 448
Tuna sandwich on whole wheat with 1 tbs miracle whip, jalapenos, cheddar cheese. 8 veggie chips, 5 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch. Water.
Dinner: 425
6 oz chicken, 1 cup red beans and rice, 1/2 cup ff skim milk
Snack: 230
Little Debbie Christmas Tree cake and 1/2 cup ff skim milk
Snack LATE night: 263
33 grams veggie chips, 1/4 cup cheddar, salsa. water
Total Water: 44 oz
Total Calories: 1561
Treadmill: 26 minutes/ 1 mile, Incline 2. Carrying 2 lb weights for 5 minutes

Monday-
Coffee: 53
Half of my cup with 1.5 tbs pumpkin spice creamer (3 tbs total)
Lunch: 464
Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat with 1 tbs miracle whip, 1 slice munster cheese, jalapenos. 15 grams veggie chips, 5 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch. water
Dinner: ?
3 slices of pizza, 2 bread sticks, water
Total Water: 35 oz

Tuesday-
Lunch: ?
2 slices of pizza, 1 bread stick, water
Iced coffee: 105
coffee, ice, 3 tbs hazelnut creamer
Dinner: ?
1 Parmesan stuffed chicken, 1 cup pasta
Snack: 23
1 Werther's
Snack: 235
Cereal- 1 1/2 cup frosted puffed wheat, 1 cup ff skim milk
Total Water: 38 oz
Treadmill: 26 minutes/ 1 mile, Incline 2. Carrying 2 lb weights for 5 minutes

I found this pumpkin spice liquid creamer at Aldi's, I LOVE it. Really, it is so good! I'm sure it's seasonal, so I'm going to have to stock up! The hazzlenut, not so much. It takes 4 tbs to get it good, and I onlt like it in ice coffee. Once it's gone, I won't be getting that again I don't think.
Found some whole wheat bread that is 50 calories per slice... but I don't like it as much as my normal (70 per slice)...
These Veggie Chips I also found at Aldi's. All natural, 130 calories for 28 grams (more than enough) and they are pretty good!
As you can see, it isn't horrible but I NEED to do better.
I didn't record all of the calories, but I'm trying to get back into the habit. I DID record EVERYTHING I ate though :)
Today is... ok so far, Ray has the night off and I'll be up late I'm sure. I will try not to eat anything else though, as I over ate for dinner (tacos) and I'm kind of full. I'll be back tomorrow with a full report.

SURGERY UPDATE:
She didn't get into surgery as soon as she was supposed to. So my Great Aunt didn't make it up there, but will see her tomorrow and give her my sons card. Now that she's out of the woods, I guess I'm glad. I still don't want anything to do with her. I know she doesn't want anything to do with me either, so it's all good. The card? I hope it makes her feel like the shitty 'Great' grandmother she is... I know it might not be right, but you know me! Honest to a fault, and I can't help how I feel.  

I feel really good though. I got a gift mailed out for my best friends baby today. Renewed my stupid license. They took my picture, and it looks HORRIBLE, but I think they are supposed to lol. She asked "Is this ok?" I said yes... because who makes them retake it??? But I should have, now I have to live with that picture! lol, oh well. Also, it asked my weight... my weight has never been on my license before! I hope it isn't now...
Ray has the morning off, so I don't have to get up at 3:30am! Woo Hoo!
ALSO I got a blog award from colenic, now that is enough to make a girl smile! I'll get to that soon. As soon as I can come up with the answers to the question! :) I also have some questions to answer from Tessa, so I have some thinking to do :)

Have a great night everyone!