Thursday, September 2, 2010


I had a really long day yesterday. I didn't go to bed, deciding that if I had to drive Ray to work I might as well do my grocery shopping. Then I wouldn't have to make a separate trip. I'm trying to drive the car only when I absolutely have to. And if it were to break down, at least there is no traffic at 4am. And no one in the store so that's cool too hehe.

So my day went like this: No sleep, bring Ray to work, grocery shopping, get home around 5am, (dark and deserted and some strange guy hurrying up to me while I'm going in the house, I hurry and get in and shut the door and he left without knocking or anything) scan all the groceries (I don't think I've mentioned that before, I am a member of this HomeScan thing, supposedly helps all you consumers when I scan EVERYTHING that is bought from this household lol) Take a 4 hour nap, Get up and clean my house because MIL is coming over, get pissed at Ray, make up with Ray. MIL is a no show, a bunch of unnecessary stress with the car because of Ray's brother and my step dad both just being sooooo unreliable, Mom calls and gives me more stress, realize I truly have no one I can count on (besides Ray), go to my sons school orientation, come home Ray makes dinner and it's delicious, over eat and feel like shit, forget to to the treadmill till about 11:30pm, am so full that I almost don't get on it (but I did it!), Play this stupid game my son has me addicted to now, time to do blog but too tired, go to bed. The End :)

My son is going to be in middle school!!! That is just... crazy!!! 6th graders are on the 3rd floor, yes that means I had to walk all the way up there. It wasn't to bad, I was sweating some after a while but it was just hot I think... Saw a couple teachers that taught when I went there, so crazy. One remembered me, that was nice! She remembered the names of my brothers too. She said "I would always think, Why can't you be more like your sister?!?!?!" haha, that was funny. She said "You were the good one." I said "At least SOMEONE realizes that!" haha, she gave me a hug and everything. It was weird... but also really nice. So surprised she remembered me. She probably felt bad realizing I had to go home and live with these bad ass kids!!! LOL.
My son will be going to 6th grade camp at the end of THIS month. I had forgotten all about it! So he will be starting middle school and leaving me for 3 days all in the same month!!!!! He is getting too old... I just don't know how this happened, really. Where did the time go???

I was so busy and wasn't hungry at all. That has been the pattern lately... I wonder if it's the coffee??? I only recently started drinking it and maybe it helps with the hunger? Always hungry by dinner time though... and last night I did not do well. I'm sure you know by now that pizza and tacos are my downfall....

What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast @3:30am before I left: 'Italian' Sandwich, 5 baby carrots, 3/4 tbs light ranch (That's what I was hungry for lol...) water
Iced Coffee
Lunch: 1 serving of crab salad with Special K Crackers
Dinner: 1 soft taco, 1 hard taco, taco salad, 1 1/2 cup spanish rice, water
Snack: 1 hard taco, 1/2 cup spanish rice, water
Total Water: about 50 oz
First time trying the Special K crackers... I got Savory Herb. I really like them. Not so much with the crab salad because the flavor is pretty strong, but plain. Or if I can remember to buy some laughing cow cheese!! Been going to try it and always forget! There are 90 calories per 17 crackers, it says so on the front of the box LOL. But a serving size is 24 which is 120 cal. I'll go with the 17 crackers, that should be plenty :)
That snack was very shortly after I had eaten dinner. So really I guess it was more like a delayed second helping, and I DID NOT need it. Oh I was sooo stuffed. I haven't felt like that in a long time. I felt sick. You know that time when you drank to much and you said "I'm never drinking again"... well maybe you don't lol. But it was like that. Of course it's not the same, because I have to eat... but I'm going to really start eating SMALL portions. I don't ever want to feel like that again!!!

Even though I felt I might puke, and made the kid tie my shoes, I got on the treadmill :)
15 minutes/ .52 mile
Total days in a row: 23
I want to up the miles a little every week. I committed to that last week and figured I would do it naturally, since I was going to try and do a mile a day... but that didn't happen this week. SO if I want to make this weeks total more than last weeks, I have 1.67 miles to walk today. I am going to try my best... maybe even get on it twice if I have to :)


  1. I am just now catching up on my blog reading, but thank you so much for coming to visit my blog yesterday (and for your support! :-))
    I just wanted to tell you quickly how TOTALLY INSPIRING your exercise run is!!!! 23 days in a row! You are such a winner! Honestly, even if you don't up your miles you should be soooo proud of yourself! I am really inspired to do the same, so a MAJOR thank you to you for the inspiration!!!

  2. Since leaving school, I have never returned. They'll never get me back in that place :)

    With the treadmill, just gently work it up. 1.67 miles is three times what you would normally do and it may be too much of a jump. How about working in 0.25 increments? Aim for 0.75 and do that for a few days. If that seems ok, push it up to a mile and do that for a few days etc.

    There's no need to rush this, because you've already got the routine nailed. It would be a shame to injure yourself which would mean having to stop completely while you recover.

  3. One day, and it will be soon, can we play with your food choices ??

  4. awesome job on continuing the exercise streak!

  5. Congrats on burning 90 calories for your 1/2 mile! That should make up for at least one taco. WOOT. [I have no idea what the calories are in fast food, so I took a guess. Ask me the sodium tho - I got that down pat!]

    I know how hard it is for you to even step on the dang treadmill what with the back pain, late nights, not wanting to wake your son, feeling full, driving Ray to work and needing a nap. Did I miss anything? :D but you continue to get it done. That is awesome.

    With that said, I have to say this....

    Start writing down the money you spend per week and I know you will find that it is in the realm of possibility to save that money. I said "A little over three months" and there is a five week month included in that. Whatever. As much as I care for you the constant denial of the situation is hard to watch. It is the combination of your food choices and the complaints about money. Yes, you HAVE to eat, I get that, but you do not have to spend excess money on fast food. That is a choice you make.

    I have tried to say things like this before, but it doesn't make a difference. Everytime I point out something obvious you have an instant deflection. [The money, not so much the food - well the food too - I cringe everytime you write "5 small pieces of pizza. Really? Small makes the number 5 better?] - you just can't have it both ways. You can't complain about being near bankruptcy but continue to eat out. It doesn't jive - but your blog, your rules.

    I have to say I don't think I can keep up with your charade anymore. Your honesty was refreshing at one point - and I hope you continue as it is your blog, but I have run out of [supportive] things to say.

    I truly want to be supportive but you make it damn near impossible.

    I told you once "please don't make me miss you" but that is exactly what you are headed for. I have to go now. I don't need to miss another dead person. I would just rather miss you while I knew you were still alive.

    Hugs & love.

  6. Lala, thank you so much! (You're supportive words made it a little more bearable to read the comment I didn't know was coming... but that's besides the point...)
    Thanks so much for your support, so glad to see you are doing so well :)

    Hi Mark, thank you :) Oh, you're right about that, I really want to take baby steps. My end of the week weigh in is Friday, and on that day I record how much treadmill I did for the whole week and I would need to do 1.67 miles tonight if I wanted that number to increase .01 mile from last week lol. It is a little much compared to what I have been doing... I think I will just be happy with my streak and try for a mile today, and make sure I increase the total NEXT week. Thanks for your suggestion!

    Thank you Tricia!

  7. Wow SkippyMom... not sure where to start...
    The first part was encouraging... so thanks??? Thanks for your support, and sorry I won't have it anymore?
    I'm really not even sure what to say.

    FIRST just because I am having tacos, doesn't mean it's fast food. If it's taco bell you will see 'Taco Bell.' I think I've had Taco bell about 4 times since January 1st.

    Tonight was another of many nights we have had tacos. Ray is Mexican, we like Mexican food... sue me. I use 97% lean whenever I make anything at home with ground beef (I have mentioned that before). I over ate, I WAY over ate... and I made that clear in the post...

    I had to go back and reread my comment from yesterday, thinking I must have really come off defensive... I have to say I was QUITE surprised when I read it. Here it is, exactly what I said, copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure:

    "I for sure have to stop with the pizza. FOR SURE lol. While we don't spend close to $400 per month on it, it would still save us a lot of money, and of course calories! I am going to try really hard to stay away from ordering food. Went grocery shopping, so that should help! :)"

    I'm sorry it got you so upset, but I fail to see why. Is it when I say your right I have to stop ordering pizza? Is it when I say your right it will save me money and calories??? Is it because I said I don't spend $400 a month on fast food??? WELL, sorry but I don't. I still know I have to stop ordering it... but no I don't spend $400 per month on fast food. It's not a deflection, it's just the truth. So is the fact that I need to stop ordering it anyway... as I already said...
    maybe it's when I said I will try hard to stay away from it??? Well, I am and I will... still confused about what the problem with that is...

    Do I complain about money that much? I guess I should get a grip on that... I didn't realize I did it a lot. I know I have mentioned it when I'm really stressed out about it... but maybe I am the only one with money problems in the blogger world.... ooops! My bad!

    Hmm... I'm sorry my honesty isn't "refreshing" anymore. Most blogs I read do NOT write everything they eat, especially on a bad day. But that's fine, this is just how I have decided to do it. I'm nothing if not honest and will continue to be. Mainly because I know there are others that have the same problems and do understand. I could have left it blank... but that's not how I do things.

    What's that line "You can't handle the truth!" yeah... some people can't and that's ok. I understand. I am struggling and if it's to hard to see, then that's ok. I'm actually pretty happy with my little victories, but if they are not enough for you I understand. I have lost 41 pounds because I have worked hard. This last couple months have been really rough for me, and I wouldn't want to stress you out. So I'm not going to be mad that you think I am running some kind of "charades" or that you can no longer support me. You do what's best for you.

    I am not upset, just surprised. I actually consider you a friend and really am caught off guard by your 'goodbye.'

    Well, I'm sorry Ive stressed you out and made it so hard to be supportive... I really had no idea you felt this way. Sorry my "charade" is to much for you.
    Since we are 'friends' I am surprised you didn't tell me how you felt about my "charade" and me making it impossible to be supportive in an email, but that's ok too.


  8. Hello Allen. I am going to try really hard to get my eating back to being a LOT better. I know I have to do better, much much better!
    Thanks :)

  9. Hey Kiddo,

    I like your honesty and I understand the ups & downs of life and dieting. After all, this is your blog to work things out and hopefully get some constructive criticism from the rest of us. Tough love works sometimes, but it mostly just makes me want to stop blogging. Anyway, keep your chin up. You are doing the best you can with what you have to work with - at the moment.

    I haven't been carefully analyzing your food choices but I do have one comment - when you are depressed --- sometimes, unfortunately, you resort to fast food - am I right? Being will do better. (hugs)

  10. Thanks Just Me
    Thanks, I'm going to stay positive and do my best :)

    You are SOO right, I do worse when I'm depressed. Thankfully I have been keeping with the treadmill and even though I've been really stressed, I actually do feel pretty good emotionally. Now to get the eating under control!!!
    Thanks for the support Hugs!