Ray's Chicken Wraps... Mmmmm

I still feel great :) Still on a cloud from hitting that 40 pound mark! Thanks again for all of your happy congrats!!!!
I have to warn you, today was a high calorie day, but it just goes that way sometimes. I promise it's not that I have lost my ambition or anything, and it will not turn into an everyday thing. It CAN'T, because as I said: I don't ever want to see the 280s ever again. EVER!

What I ate today:
Drink: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Breakfast: (423) 1 bagel with cream cheese, 6 oz orange juice
Snack: (33) 1 bite of ice cream (low fat french silk)
Lunch: (615) Frozen Tuna Noodle Casserole meal, Romaine Salad with croutons, 2 tbs light ranch and 1/8 cup mozz
Dinner: (1070) Ray's Chicken Wraps- fried chicken, cheddar and jalapeno monterey jack cheese, lettuce and light ranch in a burrito size tortilla, with 15 sunchips, water
Snack: (260) 1 cup of light french silk ice cream
Total Water: 36 oz
Total Calories: 2501
Oh, I could have done SO much better. I should have only had half that bagel, 4 oz of orange juice. I should have had one of the lean frozen entrees instead of the stoufers one. I should have only had 1/2 cup of ice cream, yesterday I was completely satisfied with 1/2 cup.
Now to the dinner, I had no idea the wraps were that many calories! 310 calories in cheese alone!!! We don't have them often, but when ray makes them they are delicious. I wouldn't doubt it if we have them again for lunch tomorrow... I am going to do my best to see how I can cut that 1070 down. It will actually be easy. I'll give him a measuring cup an cut the cheese down, do my own ranch, eat half the chips... and that will help a lot right there! What I should do is just eat half of one... but I don't know if I have that much will power... we'll see lol. I didn't have pop though! The only thing that would have made the wraps better is some pop, and I didn't give in! :)

Crunches: 100 (40, 40, 20)

I am NOT hungry at all. I should be able to go without eating anything till bed. If I do get hungry I will have some grapes. NOT the sunchips that are calling my name...
See you tomorrow!

I have lost 40 pounds!!! 40!!! Yeah, like 4-0, FORTY!!!!!!

Can you believe it?!?!?!? I can't!!!! 40 seems like such huge number, and it was starting to feel like I would bounce around and never hit it!!! BUT I DID!!!!! Woooo Hooooo!!!!!!! I wasn't going to mess with the stupid camera, but this is the first time in... I don't know how long, that the scale has been in the 270s! So I had to take one! Here you go:

Ha! Look at THAT!!!! I still can't believe it!

So that's a 2.2 pound loss this week,

for a total of 40.6 pounds, GONE.

This week I did 200 Crunches

I have been on top of the world since I saw that this morning. Ray came down and saw me smiling, and asked "what?" When I told him I have lost 40 pounds, he was really happy for me. He told me he is proud of me :) 

Later I showed him my ring and asked him if he knew why it was turned like that, he said "because your hands are wet?" (Which they were lol) I said "NO, it's because... I LOST 40 POUNDS!"

I just want to announce it to the world... but I can't, I don't really want my family to know about it... still fear that I won't really do it? Or that I won't keep it off? I don't know... But I WILL keep it off :)
When it's more noticeable, I'm sure they'll say something, and I won't have a problem telling them how much I've lost then :)
I'm so glad I have you all to share it with!!!! You and Ray know my great joy today :) And of course my son is here to hear me gushing LOL.

I made it to the store finally! Got some good stuff, mostly good stuff :) I also went over my budget, which I never do... but we won't talk about that! Let's pretend money doesn't even exist for a while so I can stay happy lol.

What I ate today:
Breakfast: Nothing (picking Ray up then shopping- I did well even with the empty stomach!)
Lunch: (392) Tuna sandwich (1can tuna, 1 tbs mw, 1/8 cup cheddar, Romain lettuce) on whole wheat, 8 baby carrots, 1 1/2 tbs light ranch, 8 sun chips, water
Snack: (130) 1/2 cup ice cream (Edy's light French Silk)
Drink: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Dinner: (538) 1 cup hamburger helper (made with ground sirloin 90/10), 1 slice buttered whole wheat toast, 1/3 cup peas, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: (23) Werther's
Snack: (150) 1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese, 1/2 cup pineapple
Snack: (300) bowl of cereal- corn chex and honey bunches of oats
Total Water: 60 oz
Total Calories: 1633
I am pretty happy with today. I really tried to think about what I was eating.
I LOVE that french silk ice cream, even before I started trying to loose weight. It's one of my favorites. I got a half cup, and sat down and ate it OUT OF the measuring cup lol. I enjoyed every second, and I was satisfied :)
They didn't have my Arnold's bread, but I got another new kind, and I like it just fine.
I also got cottage cheese... I actually love it but hardly ever eat it because it gives me head aches, but I feel fine right now, so we'll see! :)
I'm really hungry right now, about to eat that cereal I included up there. I am up to late again! I only got about 3 1/2 hours last night... so I don't know why I'm not tired. Just wired??? Because... I LOST 40 POUNDS! Haha, maybe...

I hope I'm not sounding obnoxious, I am just happy and want to share it lol :) I know it looked REAL bad for a while there... but thanks for sticking with me, and being so supportive. I feel rededicated :) I can only hope and pray that this feeling lasts.

I have to do well this week, because I am out of the 280s, and I never want to see them again!!!!!!! On to the next 40!!!!!!

Back On Track!

So as I mentioned, my brother was here till about 1:30 am. So I was up way to late, and got hungry and ate another slice of pizza and a pop tart. :( So I have to go back and add that to my eating for yesterday. (Imagine me spitting that out REAL fast, and taking a sigh of relief to be done with it!) No matter, that was yesterday and today is a new day.


Today didn't start that great, as I slept in way to late. I am happy to say that Ray took our son to the park to practice throwing a disc, for frisbee golf. I have been bothering him about not spending any quality time with his son, and I think he is finally understanding what I mean. He will be grown before we know it and Ray will look back and wish he would have done this or that (I already do!)
I also didn't make it to the store, but tomorrow FOR SURE lol.

What I DID do, is listen to my body today. And only ate when I was hungry. And really think about it first.

What I ate today:
Breakfast: asleep
Drink: (200) iced coffee
Lunch: (180) Protein Meal Bar (was getting kind of close to dinner)
Dinner: (451) 4.7 oz chicken with 1 cup red beans and rice, 1 1/2 cups skim milk
Snack: (23) 1 Werther's
Snack: (23) 1 Werther's
Total Water: 36 oz
Total Calories: 877
It was not planned to eat so little, I just wasn't hungry and didn't do much to work up an appetite today. 877 calories will not be the norm. I think on a normal day I would be starving, and I don't DO starving :)

I have to say that I do feel a lot more motivated to do well today. I was really loosing it and even though hadn't given up, was making really bad choices. Going without eating fast food, and then eating all kinds of it like that was sort of like hitting rock bottom I guess. I think that has helped me see that I need to do better, a LOT better.

Of course, besides that, I am lucky to have found blogger friends who care about me :) And I care about them too and don't want to let them down. So before I force Tessa to challenge me again, or SkippyMom to give me a tongue lashing (just kidding lol) I am going to get my a** in gear!!!!!! :)
I feel great about my new found... desire. And even though I have been doing poorly with my eating, My mood is very good and I am going to hope it stays this way :) Even if it's a gain tomorrow I will be ok. BUT I don't expect a gain. I KNOW I ate crap this week, but I also got extra exercise with the zoo and laundry problems. The way my body feels, I don't think I gained... we will see!!! Wish me luck!!! Now I just need to get my butt back on that treadmill...

Phone Call from Mom

NOTE: That's all this is, an explanation of the phone call from my Mom last night. Will be back in 5 minutes with your normally scheduled program :) Feel free to skip this if you don't care about my mama drama LOL!

WELL, last night I mentioned my Mom called... to tell me it was my little brother's birthday! At 9pm! I feel like crap because I forgot, I remembered all last week and then completely forgot!!! But we all try and remind each other when it's one of our birthdays, just to make sure. I'm surprised no one called me... But still it's my own fault.

The thing is, I was expecting my Mom to have a cook out and just knew we'd be going over there for it. I guess I was relying on that for a reminder also. But she didn't. I asked why and she said "I don't know." But I think about it, and she did have on last year and it was a disaster. We almost left. She was all stressed out, her and her boyfriend were arguing all day. My brother was in a bad mood because of how she was acting, and then she had the nerve to say to him "All this! All this stress and everything, it's all for YOU." My brother had left the room at that point and I let her have it. I told her what a messed up thing that was to say to him after how she's been acting all day.
The year before she didn't do anything for him either... But you see, EVERY YEAR she has a cookout for HER birthday. SOOOOO without any more rambling or ranting about how selfish she is, here's the facts: My LITTLE brother lets my mom, our stepdad (her boyfriend), and another brother live with him. My mother has herself a big cookout EVERY year at HIS house and gets her birthday money and has a good ole time. But when HIS birthday comes around, she couldn't care less. That's all I have to say about that.

So I ran to the store and got some scratch off tickets and drew/wrote on an envelope for him as a card. He came by after he got out of work at 10. He stayed till 1:30 in the morning lol. Even though no one made a big deal of his birthday, he said it was good. So I felt better. I am not letting my annoyance with her ruin my mood or my new desire to get back to loosing the weight and getting healthy! 

BUT I think next summer when she starts talking about HER birthday cookout, I'll just let her know "If you aren't going to have the energy or desire to do anything for your son's birthday, maybe you should skip your party this year."

Mon/Tues/Wed

I haven't posted since we went to the zoo (see last post for pics). I've been so tired ever since!!!

My eating hasn't been that great. I was happy with Monday, we went out for lunch but that was expected.
What I ate Monday:
Breakfast: (180) Protein Meal Bar (Fit & Active- Chocolate Peanut Butter)
Lunch: Abacus Chinese Buffet- ONLY ONE PLATE- 1/2 cup Mongolian beef, 1/3 cup broccoli chicken, 1/2 cup veg/egg fried rice, about 6 little battered chicken w sesame sauce, 1 egg role, 3 crab cheese and sweet and sour sauce, tiny bit of a chicken wing, sushi type thing, water. Dessert: 3 little... balls, 1 little fried... thing :)
Snack: (10?) freeze pop
Dinner: 1 1/2 cup soup with 1 slice buttered whole wheat bread
Snack: (23) 1 werther's
Total Water: at least 40 oz
I was happy with this day. It's the best I've ever done at our favorite Chinese restaurant :) One plate! Go Me!!!
Was VERY tired, went to bed early and got the most sleep I've gotten since... I don't  remember when!

Tuesday:
Snack: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Lunch: (400) Tuna sandwich (tuna, light ranch, 1/8 cup mozz on white bread), 8 baby carrots with 1 tbs ranch, water
Snack: (10?) freeze pop
Snack: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Dinner: (1140) Papa Murphy's- 5 medium slices of pizza *wince* 2 chicken garlic, 2 DeLITE bbq chicken, 1 pepperoni, water.
Snack: (110) vanilla pudding cup
Snack: (70) 3 Werther's throughout the day
Snack Late night: (50?) about 25 grapes
Total Water: 60 oz
Total Calories: 1980
The total Calories didn't come out as bad as I thought, but I made a pig of myself for dinner. The medium pieces are pretty small, but still. No excuse for eating that much!
I had to go to the laundry mat. It really wasn't that bad, only took 32 minutes to dry what would have taken forever at home. Costed $3. I was tired when I was done though and gave into the pizza, still no excuse I know.
Was exhausted. Had to fight to stay up past 8pm, went to bed at 9. BUT got back up at 11:30, couldn't go back to sleep. Tried again at 1:30 and laid awake till Ray's alarm went off at 3am. Controlled myself when I got up in the night, but was pretty hungry by then...

What I ate today:
Breakfast @ 3am: (300) chex/ honey bunches of oats cereal with skim milk
Snack: (200) 1 bottle of iced coffee
Snack: (23) 1 Werther's
Lunch: (360) 2 slices of leftover bbq DeLITE pizza, water
Snack: (160) Ice cream Sandwich
Dinner: (700?) Ordered Out- 2 large slices of taco pizza, about 8 fries and ketchup, water
Snack: (160) Ice cream sandwich
Snack: (200) 1 bottle iced coffee.
LATE NIGHT Snack: (300?) 1 more slice of pizza
LATE NIGHT Snack: (150)? pop tart (I had to come back and add these late night snacks, they were at about 2am and 2:30am. AND change my calorie total)
Total Water: 48 oz (so far)
Total Calories: 2553

Whew! Glad that's over! It's true, once I started ordering take out, it's like I couldn't stop!!! Tonight was the last night, I do NOT WANT to order anymore. I know it is unrealistic for me to say never again, but I am really going to try to go a long time before it happens again...

Even though my eating has been bad, my mood is good. Usually when I'm eating like that, it's because of a lot of stress or depression. I guess all the same things are still stressing me out, but I don't really care as much right now. I feel good. Going to the zoo and even the laundry mat, got me out of the house and that's good for me.
Tomorrow I have to go to the store. HAVE TO. I'm out of fruit, and about everything else (the junk you see is stuff I quick pick up at the easy store) I already have my list! Tomorrow for sure!!! No more ordering in!
OH! The one thing I can say for myself, I still haven't had any pop :) I'll have to go back and see how long it's been. I think a week! Woo Hooo!!!!

Oh my goodness. I spoke to soon about my good mood. My mother just called. Ugh... I'm not going to let her ruin my mood though. See you tomorrow!

The Zoo

I have been super tired ever since we went to the zoo lol. So anyway lets start there.
It was cleaning day at the zoo, and apparently they don't do it BEFORE the zoo opens at 9am. I think it must be cut backs because this is the first time we have ever had teenagers in our way while petting the sting rays. Or walk in and were greeted by a nasty smell, or watched people hose down empty enclosures... After the first 10 minutes though, I forgot about all this and had a great time :) PLUS all the walking was great exercise of course!
As you know, I have the stupidest cameras ever, so I couldn't take any pictures. We did get a few short videos though. I can't seem to upload them for some reason. But here's some of my favorite pictures from last year of a little bit of what we saw today. (There are about 200 pictures from last year alone LOL)

I love frogs lol. Have a lot of frog pics,

but I'll spare you and just post the 2 :)

To get to where you can see the male lion well, you have

to walk up a LOT of stairs. It was a WORK OUT.

I am happy to say that when I was done I was a little out of breath,

but that's all. Last year I had to sit down and rest(for the first and LAST time!)

Those 2 are from the 'sting ray touch.'

This is a ray coming out of the water at me :)

Big parrots kind of scare me... but it's a good pic lol.

There you go Shauna! :)

The mountain lions are my favorite.

I have better pictures, but not sure where

 (out of the thousands of pics on my computer)

This year they were active, and got good video :)

Last but not least. We got some sad news about this one.

I'm pretty sure it's some kind of goat...

anyway, he was in the petting zoo. I don't know how long these goats live,

but I'm almost positive I have seen this one EVERY time since I was a kid.

FOR SURE since my son was a baby.

He was real nice and would come right up to you.

Last time I noticed green snot and told Ray he looks sick...

This time he wasn't there!

I asked and a girl said that some had recently died of old age :(

I am actually pretty sad about it...

 Rest In Peace Old Brown Goat!

Going to the zoo is our favorite thing to do in the summer. It used to be $4 for adults and $3 for kids. Sometimes we would go twice! It's not far at all obviously, if you know how much I HATE driving. This year it is $7.50 for adults and $6 for kids. SO a total of $21 just to get in. The sting rays are another $ each. Not the cheap trip it used to be, but still reasonable. Totally worth it :) I don't feel ripped off like I do when I leave the movies that's for sure!!! (although, I would if it was cleaning day every time I went...)

So anyway, we had a good time :) I hope you enjoyed the pictures!!!! Just don't use them for profit! (all you money hungry picture stealing people who follow my blog hahahaha) I think if I could do anything it would be a wildlife photographer. Wouldn't that be so awesome?

K, I'll be back for the missed menus and stuff. Have a great day!!!!!

Feeling so... blah

I felt so great on weigh day, so motivated. Now I feel pretty crappy to be honest. All Yesterday and today have just been hard for me. It is my time of the month now... maybe that's it. I really don't know. It seems I've been struggling a lot these last couple weeks with my mood... the whole dryer situation might have a lot to do with it too...

Tonight we ordered out. I KNOW- it's bad :( BUT I did make it the whole week for Tessa, a week and a day in fact! It wasn't planned, I just felt so crappy and never did make it to the store. I plan on going at least another week now though. So wish me luck!

Tomorrow will be a better day. It is going to be a little more bearable, at 82 degrees, so we have decided to go to the zoo. We like to go right when they open so we can spend as much time petting the sting rays as we want since it's not packed yet :) Also, it won't be to hot out yet either. It upsets me terrible that I won't have a camera, you have no idea!!!! I LOVE to take pictures, and going to the zoo without being able to take any is just horrible for me!!! I am going to really concentrate on having a good time and not thinking 'that would be a great picture' every 2 minutes... stupid cameras... grumble grumble...

What I ate today:
Drink: (67) 1/3 iced coffee
Breakfast: (615) 2 eggs on 1 bagel (one per half) with cheese, 8 oz orange juice
Snack: (23) Werther's
Drink: (200) 9.5 oz iced coffee
Lunch: (390) 1 serving hash, water
Snack: (23) Werther's
Dinner: (650?) 1 taco, chips and cheese deluxe, 8 french fries, 1 tbs ketchup, water
Snack: (110) vanilla pudding
Snack: (23) Werther's
Total Water: 55 oz
Total Calories: about 2101 (1451 + Dinner?)
Total mess I know. Tomorrow after the zoo we will probably go out for lunch, but I will try to be good. Even though I desperately need to go to the store, I DO have grapes. So I have no excuse for snacking badly.

Between yesterday and today I have done a lot of house work, and a lot of hanging of clothes all around the house that I'm not used to lol. Tomorrow LOTS of walking. So hopefully it will make up for today's horrible eating...
I have to get back on the treadmill. I KNOW I felt so much better when I was doing it everyday. For those 2 months, I was no where near as moody. I KNOW what I have to do... it's just doing it! Hopefully all the walking at the zoo will be the start I need...

Crunches: 100 (5 sets of 20)
Going to bed early tonight. I am pretty tired so that's good! See you tomorrow. I hope you have a wonderful day! I know I AM going to, Dammit!!!! lol  :)

Headache

Woke up with a really bad headache today. It is just starting to feel better and it is 9:40 pm. I will be going to bed within the hour I'm sure, I am pretty tired. Having that kind of head ache really wears me out! It may be a caffeine withdraw headache, I usually get those on the second day without Mtn Dew. No More pop for me!

Here's what I ate today:
Lunch: (416) Leftovers- 1 cup red beans and rice with 1.8 oz chicken, 1 cup ff skim milk
Drink: (133) 2/3 bottle iced coffee
Snack: (400) 4 cookies, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: (23) Werther's
Dinner: (646) 2 cups broccoli tuna helper, 1 slice Parmesan whole wheat toast, 1/2 cup peas, 1 cup ff skim milk
Snack: (160) 2 cookies
Total Water: 20 oz
Total Calories: 1778
Didn't need that 2nd cup of tuna helper. The cookies are gone now, I just have to try not to buy anymore :) When I make myself get to the store, I have to buy more fruits to snack on.

I am still excited to take some measurements and see what kind of difference I have made. Just couldn't do it today with my headache. Couldn't do much at all. After a good nights rest I should feel better tomorrow... as long as I don't wake up at 4am and not be able to get back to sleep! Goodnight all!

Weigh In... Surprise!

So today is weigh in day... you're not even going to believe it! I made sure to turn off all the lights and take a picture so I have proof!!! LOL. (For those of you who don't know, my camera only takes pictures in pitch black, so I don't include to many pics lately) So anyway, the scale said...

WOOOO HOOOO!!!!

That is a 3.2 pound loss this week!

This means I am back to 38.4 pounds lost total,

which is my lowest weight!!! YEAH!

I am SO happy!!! It's like I'm out of the red!!!! :)

I knew I would have a loss. As I mentioned last night, my eating wasn't great this week, but SO MUCH better than last weeks binges. I was hoping for a loss, I figured a pound at the most! I mean, you saw what I ate! And I didn't get on the treadmill once this week. So yes, I'm pretty shocked. I guess that even though I didn't eat the best this week, my calories were down. AND thanks to Tessa's challenge to me, I have not ordered any fast food since last Saturday, So I made it the whole week!!! WOO HOO! And I plan on continuing that too. (I craved it for the first time today, but I didn't give in!)

This week I have been very stressed out and depressed. I have a hard time getting enough sleep anyway, but this week was bad. Really bad. I was running on little and no sleep almost all week. I am guessing that that must have had something to do with this loss also. That was NOT intentional I promise you. I am trying to get back on a schedule, and no sleep is not good for me. I'm just taking a guess here, that it helped to burn more calories...

What I ate today:

Breakfast: (263) 1/2 piece of lasagna, water

Lunch: (422) 2 1/2 small pancakes, eggs and ham (2 eggs, 1 oz ham), 1 cup ff skim milk

Snack: (23) Werther's

Drink: (200) 9.5 oz bottle iced coffee

Snack: (240) 3 chocolate chip cookies

Dinner: (252) 2.1 oz chicken, 1/2 cup red beans and rice, 1 cup ff skim milk

Snack: (400) 4 cookies, 1 cup skim milk

Snack: (23) Werther's

Total Water: 40 oz

Total Calories: 1823

I was proud of myself for only having half of that last piece of lasagna, that's a first. Also for eating so little at dinner. I wasn't that hungry because I had a heavy lunch, so I only got a little. I guess I ruined all that though by the unhealthy snack choices. But I'm happy with the calorie total, so I'm not mad at myself, I'll just do better tomorrow!

I'm not going to keep track of the time for now, it's just a little much for me to do. Just the calories is enough for me right now. I am going to listen to my body and really try to stick with the original plan and only eat when I'm hungry. My scedual is way to messed up anyway at the moment...

Crunches: 100 (40, 25, 35) Yes, I actually got on the floor and did some crunches again. I'm going to try and get back to doing them every other day... I shouldn't say 'get back to' because I never stuck with that plan long... But today I had a little motivation :)

Yep! I have another surprise :)

I don't have many shorts to choose from right now, (because of the dryer situation) and just the bottom of the drawer left. I grabbed these gray shorts to put on and I haven't wore them in at least 2 years because they are just way to tight. WELL, I figured just till I get to bed. I put them on after my shower and... They fit PERFECT!!!! I wasn't expecting that at all!!! It was a great pick me up. It also reminded me of the Pants I ordered and tried on in February and how disappointed I was that they wouldn't button... I should try those on!!!!!!!!! ALSO, I never mentioned this because I really try not to think about it... but I did take some measurements back in January before I started this blog. The first measurements I've ever taken in my life LOL. Anyway... it's been 6 months... so I think I'll take some new ones! There has to be at least SOME difference :) I'll try tomorrow!!!!!

K :) See you then!

My Menu (insert scream here)

First I have 2 new 'followers' to welcome! Nicole CoWallis and notofthisworld, a big THANK YOU for joining me in my day!

We are having storms here. Not TO bad yet, but it's supposed to get worse. We have 5 hours left till the tornado watch is over. We have had I think about 20 tornadoes here in Michigan this year, compared to 3 last year. WIERD. So anyway, I am going to make this quick and turn the computer off.

Here's my menu for the last few days.
TUESDAY
1pm Lunch: Tuna Sandwich, pickle spear, baby carrots
1:40 pm Snack: 1 werther's hard candy
2pm drink: 1/2 bottle iced coffee
2:46 pm Snack: 1 Werther's hard candy
6pm Dinner: 2 cups Soup (Campbell's Chunky Fajita Chicken w rice and beans) 2 slices whole wheat bread and butter
8 pm Snack: Sundae Nut Cone
10 pm Snack: large bowl of cereal (corn chex + honey bunches of oats) ff skim milk
Total Water: 35 oz
WEDNESDAY:
5:30am Snack: 1 1/2 cups cottage cheese
6:15am Breakfast: Cereal
2pm Snack: pop tart and 1/2 bottle of iced coffee
7:30pm Dinner: 1 piece of my 3 cheese & tomato 'lasanga' pasta bake, 1 cheese stick, pop (plus test spoonfulls while making it)
Drink: More Pop :(
2am Snack: piece of lasagna... pop :(
Total Water: 20 oz :(

TODAY:
Noon Lunch: (525) 1 piece of lasagna, water
1:30pm Snack: (280) sundae nut cone
Drink: (200) 9.5 oz bottle of iced coffee
5:46pm Snack: (23) 1 Werther's
6:27pm Dinner?: (149) 1 chicken strip and 1 tbs bbq sauce
8pm 2nd Dinner?: (290) open faced tuna sandwich (1/8 cup mozz, 1 tbs light ranch) on whole wheat, 7 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch, water
10:45pm Snack: (23) Werther's
11:00pm Snack: (310) Lg bowl of cereal (corn chex and honey bunches of oats) w ff skim milk
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 1800
I tried to do well today. I had a plan! MargieM was writing about 'Scan and Plan' yesterday. So today when I got up, before I ate anything, I planned out my day.
WELL as soon as Ray heated up leftover lasagna the smell ruined my plan. BUT I still tried to eat less all day since I knew that probably had a LOT of calories. (and i just added them up lol, not as bad as I thought but still a LOT) I have been having to many sweets lately, have to work on that. The werther's where purchased for that reason- to curb my sweet cravings. I usually don't have that to bad, but I do right now.

Even though it hasn't been great, it is better than last weeks binges. SO I'm hoping for a loss tomorrow. Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it :)

Win $150!

Go to th Smaller Fun Pants blog post for today for more details, or go here:
http://funpants-reviews.blogspot.com/2010/07/learn-from-me-and-win-150.html#comments
and you could win $150 from The Laughing Cow/ BlogHer. Read the post (Which is GREAT) and then follow instructions! Good luck!

(Isn't that funny that it's from the laughing cow, since I woke up to my cow experience today? LOL! Total coincidence! I saw this AFTER writing my post!)

Spilled Cows

It wasn't even pouring that hard... That's how I feel when I look back at yesterday. I felt so depressed and knew it would take at least a few days to ge out of it, but now I'm fine. Thank you for supporting me... I never really had that before. It's weird! haha :) You all are great.

This morning at about 5:45 breaking news came on the tv, it was scrolling across the bottom of the screen in a red bar. It said a semi had rolled over and it was carrying cattle, and had "spilled the animals all over the highway." yeah, it spilled COWS all over the place. Crazy right? At first I was thinking about the cows and hoping everyone was ok. Then I just wanted to laugh. I know it sounds disturbing lol. But that's when I started pulling out of my depression. There was a video of a female officer trying to corral this cow... lol. I know that the cows must have been scared, especially since it was 3 hours later! But it just looked so funny.

ANYWAY, enough of my craziness.
Yesterday everything that could go wrong, DID. But it still isn't that bad. I'm no worse off today than the day before.
One thing was my step dad (mom's boyfriend) and Mom where supposed to come over and he was to fix the dryer Monday morning. So we didn't go to the lake. They never came never called, then at 5 he showed up. Without her of course. He was complaining about the type of pipe it was and how it was cheap, and how they should ahve used such and such pipe... but wait a minute. HE IS THE ONE THAT DID ALL THAT! Anyway... Once I saw him pulling lint out of the pipe I KNEW that wasn't it. There was hardly anything there! So then we go outside cause it must be the vent thing. Well that is secured to the building and no way to get the screen out... so he cuts around the seal and pulls it off of the building! I will have to call and have maintenece come seal it back up and explain how it got that way... OK fine, whatever it takes. He pulls a little fluff out and again, NOT enough to make my dryer not work, but he said it was, even though I knew it wasn't. But I hoped anyway. He left knowing it would work and- it didn't. So my Mom tells me they will be here the next day (yesterday) and he will look in the back more (why didn't he do that the first time? He is notorious for taking the easiest way out of anything and making it 10 times harder in the end). SOOOO, yesterday she calls me at about 2 saying they would be there after his nap. And she will come because she hasn't seen my son in a while. They never came, and never even called. Today either. I can understand not being able to make it (because of being to busy doing nothing) but they can't even call me? Whatever. So I am just sick of my mom at the moment, both of them...
This is on top of starting the day with no toilet paper, having to run to the store first thing in the morning. Coming home to find out Ray's bank account is over drawn. Directly after Ray tells me this he leaves to go disc golfing. He is gone until 5pm, and does not answer my calls or texts. He finally gets home and I have to hurry and run him to the bank before they close. There is a dent in my hood (probably from piece of shit people here sitting on it). We don't make it to the bank on time. Oh, and after discing Ray had spent 2 hours at my brothers/mom's. Which just pisses me off even more. While he's there my mom never even mentions coming over! Ugh.

But that's not THAT bad, honestly anything that has to do with my mom just pisses me off. I'm so sick of all of it. Her and her boyfriend are just on my last nerve. So anyway, I'm not going to keep begging them to come over, obviously he doesn't want to look at the dryer anymore. And they don't want to see their grandson. So whatever. You would think Ray belonged in the family, and I was the daughter in law. The daughter in law with someone elses kid! Ha! (seriously) I just get tired of being an after thought. No one in my family really cares about me, not really. I'm not just saying that... it's true. And that's on top of me being the black sheep because I don't smoke weed. ugh...I just have to get used to it.

I will have to see if anyone else knows anything about dryers, maybe call a repair man... If it is to expensive maybe check out Craigslist like SkippyMom said :) I just hate to get a dryer when I bought this one BRAND NEW in 2003.

Ignore all this griping, I really am a lot better today. I have to stop concentrating so much on my messed up life and concentrating on the good. AND on loosing weight. The first 4 months I was doing so well! I was loosing steadily and that had me so happy, that I guess I forgot how screwed up my life is lol :) I really do think getting on the treadmill everyday made me feel better too. Gotta get back at it. So I'm going to try to write more about the positive, less about the negative and concentrate on loosing weight! Also to shorten the post up a little lol. (Of course, when I get depressed again, all that will probably be forgotten lol. But hopefully it won't be soon :) Like Tessa said, this is great therapy.)

I got out of the house today (I haven't except to bring ray to and from work) so that helped too. My son and I went to return those library books. The PLAN was to walk them back haha, but it was about 88 degrees and that's to hot to walk that far. Maybe next time :) Bad news is that the library is moving in august, not sure where... but that sucks.
I made my 3 cheese tomato lasagna type stuff lol. And I only had ONE piece :) The first time EVER I only had one. Oh it was a big piece, but it's usually a 2 piece minimum. My eating has been bad otherwise, but tomorrow will be better. (I know, I keep saying that...) I wrote it all down and will type it out for you tomorrow.

I never did go to bed last night. I had a 4 hour nap today, and am getting tired. Ray has tonight off so I'm not sure when I'll get to bed.
Have a good night!

when it rains it pours

i'm not feeling well today. I am very depressed. My day started off bad and just got worse and worse. i swear, it's just one thing after another. I really do try to stay positive and remind myself it could always be worse, but it didn't work today.  Of all day's, today it should have worked, considering what others around me are going through! It makes me feel even worse about myself that i am so depressed when others have so much more to be depressed about... but i can't help it. I'm going to keep this short because I will probably be fine tomorrow or the next day, and i don't want to say anything i'lll regret.
Like on my facebook tonight. I put my status as: Tina "knows that when it rains it pours." that's how I kept it. What it DID say before I changed it was:

When it rains it pours
and no one gives a shit.
That's just the way it goes,
I should be used to it.

but i erased it, I don't want my cousins or other fb friends writing and assuring me how much they care. (the same goes for you lol. I know you all care... and I do so appreciate it!) I know some do, but anyway. I took it down because I don't go fishing for things like that. I just got off face book all together because it's dangerous to be writing things when i feel this depressed... especially on something so public as facebook. I shouldn't even be on here probably!!!
I doubt I will sleep much tonight. It is almost impossible for me to sleep when I am this way.
I wrote down what i ate all day so I'll post ti tomorrow. I ate a little much at dinner but I didn't binge or anything.

Ray found out a little more about what happened yesterday. He didn't just choke on his vomit from drinking alcohol like we thought. He was probably on other drugs, but what he died of was a methadone overdose. It makes me sick, because he probably got it from the methadone clinic downtown. I don't know all the details, I'm no drug expert, but I always thought the clinic was somewhere to go if you are trying to get off some shit. That They give you a shot or whatever at the clinic and send you on your way. WELL, I found out a few months ago (from my cousin who's boy friend would go to get it), if you pay upfront they give you a few days worth to take home and use daily! WHAT THE F***? They give drug addicts methadone, and trust them to take daily at a certain time like it's just aspirin or something?!?!?! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! You know the government is getting a lot of money from it or it wouldn't be legal. They don't care about the addicts. Obviously.
Anyway... I got off track...
I'm fine, I feel bad about a young man (24) dying like that like anyone would, and i feel bad for his family and ray. But Ray is fine today. He hadn't seen him in a long time, and I think he's taking it ok...

If you are the praying type, please pray for the young mans his family and for Ray's cousin D. He isn't doing good at all. He can't get the image of his friends face out of his mind. It was in his house and he is having a really hard time. I am very worried he will turn to drinking to try and get through this... he is a good guy and has some problems with alchohol. and I am so scared he might not recover from this. He could ruin his whole life.

I said I would keep this short, sorry. I NEVER keep it short it seems. Im going to try and work on that... I don't talk a lot, like you would think from these rambling post...
The worse i feel the more I write so that doesn't help.
And him dying isn't why I'm so depressed. I don't think. I didn't know him, so I'm fine.
Please pray for D. Thanks everyone. I'll be back as soon as i feel like myself.

Here One Minute, Gone the Next

I tried, I really did. I was in bed at 10:58pm last night. When the phone rang, I thought it was HOURS later! But it was only 11:25pm. I couldn't get back to sleep... I ended up downstairs watching TV, and had a bowl of cereal. I'm still happy with how I did yesterday over all.

About that phone call. It was Ray's cousin D. He was over at ray's brother's (which is in here, a 1 minute walk away) with another friend and I'm sure wanted Ray to come over and hang out. Ray hasn't seen the friend in about 5 years. But Ray was sleeping since he had to work this morning.
WELL, Ray gets another call today, this time from his brother. He tells ray how They had all been drinking, and sometime last night D and the other friend went home to D's house. This morning the friend didn't want to get up at about 10 when D checked on him. The next time he checked on him was a couple hours later. He was foaming at the mouth and his face was blue. He was dead.
Ray didn't say much. He just sat, and texted his cousin (who isn't doing very well I hear) and got no response.
I just tried to give him space. When I looked at him I could tell he was crying and I felt so bad. The friend must only be about 25 years old... it's just so crazy and so sudden. Ray didn't say so, but I wonder if he feels bad that he didn't go over there last night... I am feeling that he thinks it was his last chance to see him, and he should have been there... but he was sleeping. He never even heard the phone rang...
It just really makes you think. A healthy young boy like that, here one minute- gone the next.

What I ate today:
10:30am? Drink: 1/3 iced coffee
12:30pm Lunch: Tuna Sandwich (1 tbs MW, pickles, 1/8 cup mozz) on whole wheat, 8 baby carrots, 1 tbs light ranch, water
7pm Dinner: 2 cups broccoli tuna helper, 1 slice parmesan toast (whole wheat bread, country crock, Parmesan) 3/4 cup peas.
9pm Snack: 6 oz yogurt- strawberry shortcake
10:20pm Snack: bagel with cream cheese
Total Water: 50 oz
Tuna for lunch and dinner wasn't planned. But you know I love tuna anyway :) Didn't need 2 plates at dinner. I am over all ok with today except for the bagel. I wish I didn't have that, should have had grapes...
Tomorrow will be better. I am determined to get on the treadmill tomorrow!
Going to watch a movie with Ray. Will be up late but he has the morning off so I will get some sleep. have a good night everyone.

Another One Bites the Dust...

I wonder what the statistics are... Of obese people that TRY to loose weight and never do. How many succeed? How many go on and NEVER loose the weight?
 Let's start from the beginning...

The very FIRST weight loss blog I started following was in October of last year. We will call her S. I found S because she wanted to loose weight so badly, she even went on Good Morning America and said she was doing this blog and going to loose weight in front of the whole nation. I thought that was so brave and awesome! I hadn't seen that before (and wasn't in touch with the world of blogging AT ALL) So I followed her blog. WELL. Even though she had all this free stuff from the TV show, even though she had a free gym membership, even though she had the support of her husband and was a stay at home mom, she couldn't do it. At first I sympathised, I hadn't started my weight loss journey yet, and I just admired her for trying... but it wasn't long before she wasn't trying. Don't get me wrong! I have had a HORRIBLE 2 months, but I am still trying, still posting what I eat even though it is embarrassing at times. I KNOW this is hard work and is going to be a life long commitment for sure. But the main problem I had with S was all the excuses. Excuse after excuse after excuse. She should have been honest with us, and just told us that it was harder than she though it would be. Acknowledging that she could have done better... Or admitted that she was addicted to fast food, that would be fine... Even if she said 'this is what happened and I headed to the fridge because of how it made me feel' that would be understandable to most of us! But that wasn't the case. It was more like 'I CAN'T because... or 'or it's IMPOSSIBLE to eat right because of THIS'. Or 'I did the BEST I could with the circumstances.'
So ANYWAY, I think it was about January when she took her blog down for good. Leaving a note saying that even though she wants to be held accountable... she really doesn't want to be held accountable.... not in those words of course lol.
It's to bad, and I wish nothing but good things for her. I'm sure she was quite embarrassed that she failed in front of America. (I know I would be!!!) My HOPE is that she dusted herself off and is doing great! Honestly! I found her on Facebook, and would LOVE to hear that she is going string... if she answers me I'll let you know!
(I hope this didn't sound to judgemental, I was just sharing my thoughts. I am in NO position to judge... I just think we need to be honest with our selves and each other if we ever want to change. This blog is about "My Life, My Weight Loss Journey, and Whatever else I want to Ramble About." So I do write about my life sometimes. My stresses. While these things sometimes make loosing weight harder, I KNOW it is up to me to make the right decisions. And I SO HOPE that they don't look like excuses... They are just parts of my life that may contribute to my problem. Sometimes I give in and eat like crazy, but I KNOW that was MY doing, and MINE alone...)

So from the comments on that blog, I came across 2 other bloggers. One being Tessa. She already had a blog and after checking it out I decided to read it all and follow her journey! She is going through this weight loss battle like a lot of us. She has good days and bad days like a lot of us. She is HONEST about her mistakes and most important, keeps on trying. She has become a dear blogger friend to me, and I am so thankful for her support and encouragement :) So thankful that we found each other.

The other blogger I started following at that same time we'll call M. She, like myself, had decided to start her own blog and try to loose the weight. She is about my age with a total opposite life. She is one BUSY lady. She has 2 jobs, (one being a lawyer) and a young daughter. I followed her blog from the start. She started off SO GREAT, loosing very fast. She would take little breaks from blogging, but come back to catch us up. She gained a little when she was away, but was ready to try again each time and I respected her for that. The last 2 times she came back, it didn't last long. Last time I think she had gained almost all her weight back. BUT she wanted it so bad, and was still trying! Well, the other day I realized it had been a while since she had posted that she was "back." I'm guessing 3 weeks? I went to her blog to see any comments and if I somehow missed any new entries.
THE BLOG YOU WERE LOOKING FOR WAS NOT FOUND
:( That truly made me sad. I can only think that she has given up on her weight loss journey, and my heart breaks for her. She wants to be able to play with her young child, to feel good about herself. All the things I want. It just goes to show how hard this is, and reinforce to me that I HAVE to do better before I wake up one day and have gained ALL my weight back. What would I do then? Give up??? I hate to say it, but yes. I probably would!


Anyway, S is the one that inspired me to do a blog in the first place. If it weren't for her I wouldn't be here. So even with all the excuses, I wish NOTHING but good things for her.
I hope M does go back to her weight loss journey. Whether she blogs about it or not, I really hope she is somewhere right now taking positive steps for her future.

So out of those first 3 blogs and mine, there is only Tessa and I. What does that say? 50%? I hope more than half the people that really try DO succeed! I am determined to be one of them! I will fall sometimes, but as long as I get back up and keep going- that's all that matters.

Almost all of the other blogs I follow about weight loss have been at it a long time. Have lost a lot and are still loosing, or even maintaining a great loss. They are doing awesome... but I wonder how many there are out there that start and don't finish? Out of the very few that I follow that are new to loosing weight, One more has already given up...
I started following a new blog yesterday. She JUST started last month. I kind of feel like I shouldn't get attatched... does that make sense??? BUT I caught up on all her post anyway, and am very interested and exited about her new journey :) I know she can do it!!!! I hope that everyone I follow succeeds and looses the weight!!! Maybe it's not realistic, but I TRULY hope it happens!!!!!! That includes me of course lol :)

What I ate today:
10am Drink: (67) 1/3 bottle iced coffee
Noon Brunch: (428) Scrambled eggs and ham (1 1/2 egg, 1 1/2 oz ham), slice of whole wheat buttered toast, 1 cup 2% milk
1:30pm Snack: (440) 4 choco chip cookies, 1 cup 2% milk
5pm Dinner: (550) 2 slices leftover bbq chicken DeLITE pizza, large romaine salad with 2 tbs sun dried tomato dressing, 5 croutons, 1/4 cup mozz cheese. Water. Pinch of mozz cheese ;)
9pm Snack: (71) 25 grapes (106 grams)
Total Water: 40oz
Total Calories: 1556
Definitely could be better, but I am fine with it :) The cookies are gone, so that's good lol.

I am going to try SO hard to get on a better schedule. I told my son that during the week we ARE going to go to bed at a descent time. No more staying up till I bring Ray to work, that is NOT working. So I will be going to bed soon, and if I do end up eating before then (i am hungry right now) it will be grapes, and I'll com back and write it tomorrow.

It's funny how invested I got into those blogs... I didn't know M or S and still was So disappointed! Have you had similar experiences? have you followed someone that gave up? How did it affect you???

PS: I ended up awake late again (more on that in next post), but I gave in and had a bowl of cereal. Still not to bad today over all...

Feeling Better

Today I feel much better... I just get overwhelmed sometimes, but I have to remember that it's not the end of the world, and It could ALWAYS be worse!
Yeah the dryer is screwed, BUT it's temporary(hopefully) and at least the washer works!
Yeah we have fleas, BUT it's temporary and at least they are only in the basement!
Yeah I have to bring Ray to work, BUT at least he has a job!
Yeah I am sick of this place BUT at least we aren't out on the streets!
Yeah my Mom's a pot head, BUT at least... she's not on crack?  Yeah! LOL
Yeah I've gained some weight back, BUT I've still lost over 35 pounds!!!
Life isn't that bad :)

The fast food HAS TO STOP. Tessa challenged me to a week with NO fast food. I accept the challenge! (starting tomorrow cause I already ruined that today)

We got Papa Murphy's and it was very good. A great last meal lol. I have to admit, after how I've been feeling I was ready to just binge and start over tomorrow. Especially since the rest of the day wasn't to great as far as eating. I bought chocolate chip cookies that I have been craving too. BUT once I started eating dinner, I got full and didn't go TO over board. Of course it could have been better... but it could have been worse. I realized that going on a binge on purpose would NOT make me feel better, so I got a hold of myself before it was to late. That means there is a lot of left overs for the fridge...

What I ate today:
Breakfast @about 6am: (300) 1 slice of pizza
Snack @about 6:45am: (245) bowl of Corn Chex/Capn Crunch w ff skim milk (...I don't know why. There was only a tiny bit of the Capn Crunch left so I put it with the other...)
Drink @about 1pm: (67) 1/3 bottle iced coffee
Snack @about 7pm: (410) 4 choc chip cookies, 1 cup ff skim milk
Dinner @about 8pm: (990) Papa Murphy's- 1 medium slice garlic chicken pizza, 1 medium slice pepperoni, 2 large slices of BBQ chicken 'DeLITE', 8 oz mtn Dew
Drink @about 10pm: (83) 6 oz mtn dew
Snack @about midnight: (410) 4 more cookies and 1 cup skim milk... *cringe*
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 2049 (from 2095) I didn't eat the crust on ANY of the 4 slices of pizza for dinner. I took off 15 for 2, and 8 for the 2 DeLITEs... not sure how accurate that is... but not eating the crust has to save me SOME calories right? lol. Anyone???

The DeLITE bbq chicken pizza is very good. It has thinner crust and is only 180 calories per large slice. A VERY nice surprise! Papa Murphy's has a great online nutrition fact sheet that I downloaded so I have it :) If I DO have any leftovers tomorrow, it will be ONLY that... hopefully that's cool. Since it's better AND I won't actually be getting fast food...lol. But that's it! No more fast food after that, for a week! (hopefully longer)
And NO MORE POP. Starting NOW.AND I will try very hard not to eat early in the morning when I get home from dropping Ray. If I do have to have something, it will be something healthy. Water and a little fruit. Or yogurt. I'll do my very best!

I still feel great. I have about 45 minutes till I am to watch Saturday Night Live with my guys. I think I'll get off the computer and do some more dishes :)
Have a great night!
*Man, I did NOT want to come back and add those cookies!!!! But I'm nothing if not honest...

Getting Overwhelmed

The scale says:

284.8

That's a gain of 1.8 pounds this week.

Bringing my total lost back down to 35.2 pounds

Got on the treadmill twice, making my Weekly totals:

about 40 minutes/ 1.57 miles

Of course I knew it would be a gain. 3 weeks of no losses. I don't like it  :(

Today didn't go as planned. I stayed up way to late last night (until about 4:20). Ray got out early, which meant I went and got him after about 3 and a half hours sleep. So I went back to bed instead of staying up and going grocery shopping. I slept way to late, woke up with a head ache. Didn't do ANYTHING today.

We looked at the dryer and aren't sure what to do with it. The 'clamp' is on it pretty weird, and Ray is afraid that even if he gets it off, he won't be able to get it back on. My step dad (mom's boyfriend) is the one who hooked it up, so I have been trying to get ahold of him. With no luck of course. I'll probably have to go over there I guess. I haven't talked to my mom at all since the cookout last Saturday.

I am very tired. Also, I am getting depressed. All of a sudden my house is a mess, the dryer isn't working, I'm sick of driving Ray to work. I don't want to go anywhere, including the grocery store.

As you may know my cats have fleas. They are indoor cats and I ha vent had to really deal with this before. Now that we have treated the cats with front line, I thought the fleas were about gone. UNTIL I went in the basement today and found that they are down there! So I will have to bomb the house now, and I have to do that BEFORE I have my step dad come over and look at the dryer. I can't have him bringing fleas home. In the meantime, I have a truck load of laundry piling up! My cousin said I could come over there, but I wouldn't want to risk bringing her fleas either!

I guess you could say I am feeling overwhelmed... I know exactly what I need to do to feel better. I need to clean this house. Just flea bomb the whole place and get over with, and get on the treadmill everyday, and start eating right! I know these things, but at the moment I have no energy. Maybe because I don't sleep much... I don't know. But Tomorrow I am going to have to gut my butt up and do what needs to be done...

What I ate today:

Breakfast: 1 slice of pizza

Lunch: 2 slices of pizza, water

Dinner: General Tso's Chicken (chicken, rice, carrots, broccoli- frozen) 1 1/2 cup ff skim milk

Snack: large bowl MultiGrain Cheerios w ff skim milk

Total Water: 35 oz

I know, it sucks.

It's midnight. Not early, but better than lately. So I'm going to bed and going to try to do things right tomorrow.

Stupid Camera!

Why is everything around me broke???? The air conditioner, the dryer, BOTH cameras... I could go on lol. The air conditioner is actually working good right now so I shouldn't complain. And the dryer is probably just clogged up like you guys said :) So it will be fine!!!! I hope...

Anyway, I figured out that the new camera can take video. Kind of by accident I also found out, it can take pictures in the dark! Any other time the pictures come out yellow, or with yellow lines, whether it's sun light or indoor lights... Isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard of??? BUT if you take a picture in pitch dark, they come out fine.
SO last night I had Ray take my monthly pics. No difference since I haven't lost anything this month, but I'll put them on the picture pages anyway. He also took this one, yes with all the lights off lol!

I can see a little difference in my chin but that's it.

That and I'm tanner lol. I have my summer freckles on my face now lol,

that just started a couple years ago! Crazy.

When I get to 45 pounds lost, I will post one on the side of my blog with the other one :)

I'll even brush my hair for that one LOL.

I had a few drinks last night, and woke up with a bad headache. It's 1:02am and it's finally gone. I planned on going to bed early tonight... don't know what happened! Must have been the nap I had earlier.
My eating was good until dinner. Yep...pizza :(  I told Ray that after tonight I really don't want to order out anymore. Today would have been one of those days that could be an exception, because I felt kinda crappy, but it's NOT an exception when we do it all the time!!!


What I ate today:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: Tuna (1 can, 1/8 cup mozz, 1 tbs miracle whip, hot pepper rings) on whole grain white bread, 8 baby carrots with 1 tbs light ranch, water
Dinner: 4 large slices of pizza (size large, but weren't that big. Also very thin crust) didn't eat the crusts, 3 small bread sticks, 6 oz sprite
Total Water: 40 oz
I have to get my whole wheat bread, I like it so much better. Used mozz again instead of cheddar. I could get used to it :)
I'm sure it will be a gain for me tomorrow. That's ok. Tomorrow I start fresh :) I'll wake up without a headache, go grocery shopping and have a great day :) I have to get back into the swing of things! Enough waisting time!!!
See you tomorrow!

Despicable Me

Yes, my relationship with food has been rather despicable lately...

but that is not what I'm talking about! :)

We went and saw Despicable Me, the movie.

The review? Ok, you asked for it: It was cute, but a bit slow. Without giving away anything, it just seemed to take a long time for the cute and funny parts, and they were a few and far between. MAYBE it's because I was really tired, but it was just kind of boring for me. Don't get me wrong, the cure parts WERE cute. The 3D wasn't that great, there was one part I was impressed with. But if you stay at the end when the credits start, there is an extra little bit that looked kind of cool. I would say 3 out 5.  I could tell my son was kind of bored too for at least the first 30 minutes. After it was done though, he said he liked it a lot :) That's what matters.

Even though I was pretty tired, we had a great time. (and besides the fact that it cost $31 for just the 3 of us!!! No food, JUST TO WATCH IT!!! For the first show of the day too!!! Holy CRAP!)

Afterwards we went to my sons favorite place, East Garden Buffet. It was pretty good. I know he loved it.

I ate about the same as I have been when I go to a buffet (this year), but I was SOOO full when we left. I didn't feel good. So for the rest of the day I didn't eat much.

Here's the Damage for Today:

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch @about 1pm: PLATE ONE- 3 crab rangoon w/ sweet n sour, 1 egg role, baked chicken 3 oz?, 1/4 cup jalapeno chicken, 1/3 cup broccoli beef, 1 cup hawaiian chicken, 1 cup rice. PLATE TWO- 1 piece of garlic bread, 1 cup parmesan chicken, 1/2 cup crab stuff, baked chicken 2 oz?, DESSERT: 1 tiny bite size choco/coffee/? cake, 1/2 cup pudding, 1 cup ice cream. About 15 oz water.

Drink @about 3pm: 9.5 oz iced coffee (took about an hour to drink)

Dinner @ about 9pm: Romain salad with mozz cheese, 2 tbs light ranch and croutons. Water

Total Water: 35 oz

Maybe I didn't feel good because I drank more water then usual. Maybe I ate more too... I didn't think so, but it looks like it now that I wrote it down lol.

Used Mozzarella cheese again where I would usually use cheddar for my salad. Less calories. It was good :)

I think I'll try and write what time I'm eating. Maybe that will help me say to myself: "Self- you just ate an hour ago, do you really need that?" :)

Over all a great day. My son is ungrounded, so he is pretty happy about that. If I could get him to play outside that would be good (he actually is allowed outside even when grounded, but didn't go at all). We'll have to go to the lake again soon. 

Ray has tonight (tomorrow morning) off. He has been getting a lot more hours lately. Good money wise! He has been looking forward to a night off. Me too :) I will NOT be up at 3:45am. At least I hope not lol. Sometimes I get up at that time anyway and can't fall asleep. I am having a couple drinks (left over from fight night) and that might help me sleep better ;)

Good Night Everybody! :)

Stupid Dryer... Stupid Man... Ugh.

Yesterday I did not do well with eating at all. Today was much better but still needs improvement big time.
Breakfast early @ 7am: 1/2 bagel with cream cheese, 6 oz orange juice, bowl of multigrain cheerios w ff skim milk
Snack @ normal breakfast time 10:30: 1 egg w cheese on 1/2 english muffin, water
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich (1 can tuna, 1/4 cup mozz, hot pepper rings, 1 tbs miracle whip on white bread w whole grains), pickle spear, 6 baby carrots w 1 tbs light ranch, water
Dinner: 2 servings chicken Alfredo pasta, 1 1/2 cheese stick, 1 can mtn frost
Drink: iced coffee
Total Water: 40 oz
Took Shauna's advise and used mozz cheese on my tuna sandwich. It was pretty good, I could do that sometimes to cut a few calories :) I do like my cheddar better though lol. I am also not using my normal bread. Gotta go grocery shopping!

Treadmill: 24:52 / 1 mile that has to be my fastest mile. I really wanted to get off the thing...
I forced myself onto the treadmill. It sucked, but I'm glad I did it.

I'm very tired. But once again Ray waited till the last minute to throw his work clothes in the washer. There were clothes in there so he put them in the dryer. I just went to switch loads on my way to bed, but that load is still wet. After an hour, still not dry. So I will have to stay up until it's dry and put his clothes in and then I better stay up and at least turn them on once more or he will have wet pants for work.
It was bad enough that he always does that, but now I'm pretty mad. He KNOWS the dryer isn't working right. WHY would he wait like that??? I guess he was to busy on face book and playing xbox to think about work clothes earlier... UGH.
We are supposed to go to the movies in the morning and out to lunch to surprise our son (and unground him) But I am going to be falling asleep!!!!!!!! This is ridiculous!!!! I will be up at least another 2 hours, so I might as well stay up until I bring him. So the earliest I will be to bed is 4:15am. How am I supposed to enjoy a family day out if I can't even stay awake??? Ugh. This is so stupid.
So I'm in a bad mood. AND I'm starving. i can't believe he waited till he went to bed to do this crap. OH! and after he put his clothes in the washer, he actually played xbox for another hour, then went to bed without switching the loads! i don't mind doing laundry, I'm not working and I feel it's my responsibility. But not in the middle of the night!!!! And he knows this!!!!!!!! he also knows I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to bring him to work!!! UGH, I'm getting myself so mad, I wanna go wake him up and ask him what the f*** his problem is!!!!!
The dryer breaking was the LAST thing I needed right now. Especially since we are trying to get rid of fleas! The clothes are warm, but not dry. I don't know what is going on with it!!!!!!!!! I bought it brand new 7 years ago, they're supposed to last longer than that aren't they!?!?!?!?!

OK. I'm back. I feel better. I have to write this now, because I sure don't want to think about it tomorrow! I have to tell you what I ate... and I really don't want to. I debated just not writing it, but I have to. have to stay honest with myself and with you who support me. So lets get this over with.
Frozen burrito with cheese, about 15 tortilla chips with cheese, 1/2 can mtn frost
1/2 bagel with cream cheese
bowl of lucky charms
1/2 can mtn frost
all within about an hour and a half. and why do I feel better??? I don't know, but I do. Even though I am SO embarrassed about binging like that... it's over now. All I can do is be honest about it and move on. Maybe everyone that is going to read this already did... and will miss this part??? I don't know what got into me... ugh.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'm glad I wrote this tonight, it is behind me and will not ruin my day.
Good night everyone. Hang in there with me... even though it may be hard sometimes...

Picture Time!

Well, I got about an hour of sleep, took Ray to work in the pouring rain, couldn't sleep and here I am. I was on facebook, uploading some pictures because my friend Sarah wanted me to put the ones I took up (from back in June when she visited). Well, I got side tracked and put up a little more that that lol. You know I hadn't put ANY of my pics on my facebook, well I have now! Here's what I put up:

Now I HAVE to get back on track and loose weight! Now people that I haven't seen in 10 years will see how much I've gained... but that's ok. Because then they can appreciate when I post more later after I have lost!!!! :)

I even posted some from back when my son was a baby. There's a friend that I haven't seen since before I got pregnant, and she mentioned that she never even got to see him, so I was thinking of her.... I posted about 15 pics in that album, here a few:

1998

Ah, those were the days :) He is growing up so fast, it really does seem like only yesterday... it is just so crazy to me that my baby is going to be 12 this year!!! I can hardly believe it! He graduated 5th grade, next thing you know he'll be graduating high school!!!!! I hope I can handle it! lol :)

Those right after I had him, must be the palest I had ever been in my life! haha :)

So as you can see, I was NEVER skinny. But what I wouldn't give to be whatever I was back then!!! I know I still had about 20 pounds to go before I lost all my pregnancy pounds in that first picture, so yeah. 20 pounds lighter than that would be so awesome!!! You ever hear that saying "I wish I weighed what I did when I thought I was fat!" LOL, that's me. I NEVER thought myself pretty and always knew I was over weight, but I was ok with that. But now Looking back, I would be THRILLED with that haha... some day :) Sooner than later!!!

I hope you enjoyed the pictures :) It's 6:38am. I'm going to try and go to bed now. I'm dry, and I'm tired. The sun is coming out, the birds are chirping like crazy... so wish me luck!!!

Yesterdays Cookout, WARNING: more Momplaining

You like that? MOMplaining??? Made it up myself. haha... ugh...
The cookout went ...ok. It was us 3, my brother, my Mom, her boy friend, my Dad and step mom. My other brother that lives there left before my Dad and step mom got there! *rolling my eyes* We only see them once or twice a year, so that was nice.

My Mom just gets on my last nerve... I try to just ignore it. She just acts so loopy when people are around. I think it's nerves, but she just talks out of her ass sometimes... a lot of times...
Like she carried on and on about the neighbors fat dog. It is VERY fat, but she didn't have to go on and on about it! We are not blind, we can see it! Since the dog was out peeing, that means the owners were right on the porch somewhere probably listening to her talk about how they must feed it to much and blah blah blah. I finally said "yeah mom we get it." Then she's telling my dad and step mom how her dog only gets a certain amount of people food per day (which is a complete lie). 5 minutes later she tells them how she used to feed her fried eggs and tuna, and can't figure out why she threw up all the time!!! (I recently listened to her tell a neighbor the same thing) I just sit and listen to all this nonsense... I try not to let it bother me but omg, it gets so annoying...
She brought up something that happened 11 years ago with my brothers, and I had to set her straight about how it really went... how it got turned around on me even though I had NOTHING to do with it (another story for another time)
Then she went and got my son grounded. I don't know if I can explain how it went and make sense... He was sitting by me and wanted to go back in (he hadn't been out long) because he was bored. I told him no. He can sit and visit for a while, it won't kill him. So next thing I know he's across the way, standing next to my Mom. After a minute of him just standing there, I asked him "what are you doing." and he didn't answer me. My brother said "probably hoping mom will tell him to go inside." I said "She knows better than that." and my son is just standing there awkwardly... I tell him to come sit down. I planned on him visiting a little longer and letting him go back in... so my step mom asked him something about his summer, and he doesn't say anything... I look at him and I can tell he's trying not to cry. I'm like WTF (i didn't say that) and say "get in the house. No games, no tv." i was pissed off. That is NOTHING to cry about, having to sit and visit his grandfather once or twice a year isn't to much to ask. No one saw that he was about to cry. So I looked like an asshole. So when my Dad is questioning me about it, I have to explain why I sent him in the house. All the while my Mom says nothing. Not when I first asked him what he was doing, and not now. So I asked her "what? he just walked over there?" Then she decides to say that no, she called him over with her finger and asked him "Is your Mom making you stay out here?" and then just let him stand there... Now that changes everything. I got mad. I said "He was fine!" but whatever. She's an idiot. So while I was mad because he started crying about having to sit out there, that wasn't it at all.

He is still grounded, because he is about to be 12 and does NOT need to be crying like a little girl about it. BUT, it probably won't be for as long as I first thought, because now I feel bad because it's my mom's fault. He is already SO shy, and sitting there and answering the occasional question was bad enough, but he could deal with it. And he was doing fine. Then she has him come over and gives him the hope that she will let him go inside (since she has no respect or anything I say). Then when she doesn't say anything more, he stands there not sure what to do, then I draw attention to him by asking what he's doing. Then telling him to get back over here, so then he is  bummed out because he though he was on his way to escaping this outdoor prison of adults, but mostly embarrassed... well that's what I figure anyway. And I figure it's her fault. I figure she is an idiot. Why she called him over? To tell him to go inside... but then decided not to and then... just stopped talking to him? Leaving him standing there kind of lost... I don't know. It's hard to explain. But now I feel really bad knowing that I made the situation worse. I had no idea she called him over there... Ugh, oh well. Like I said, he's still grounded because I don't deal with crying over nothing very well. I've told him before that it's ok to cry if he's hurt, or something hurts his feelings like someone dying... but not just because something doesn't go his way... I'm sticking with it, don't know for how long. I don't mind hearing your thoughts on it either, whether you think I was right, or wrong, to hard on him, or to hard on her... 

I love him so much, and I do feel bad about it. I'm mostly just mad at Mom for ruining a perfectly fine day. Of course I'm sure she has no idea, like always. I am getting so sick of her. Some days it's fine. But like right now- I can't stand the thought of seeing her or even speaking to her. I know it sounds bad, especially to those of you that have lost your mother or have no relationship... but I can't help it sometimes... I am just so overwhelmed with her lately....

Ugh.... anyway. Done venting for now. How about we talk about the food?
Here's what I ate yesterday:
Breakfast: 3 pickle wraps as I made them for the cookout
Lunch: 1 hot dog, a little bit of bbq ribs(about 4 oz?), 3 bbq meatballs, 1/3 cup macaroni salad, 3 pickle wraps, water
Dinner @ about 8:30: Tuna sandwich, 6 baby carrots with light ranch, pickle spear, water
Snack: tortilla chips (about 20?) with salsa con queso
Snack: iced coffee and an ice cream cup
Total water: 73 oz
I did over eat a little at lunch, but not to bad. I thought I did good for dinner, then came the snack attack in the middle of the night. We had come home exhausted and all fell asleep! till about 8:00. that really threw me off.
What I are today:
Breakfast: nothing
lunch: rib tips, french fries, cold slaw and mtn frost pop
Snack: bowl of lucky charms w ff skim milk
total water: 12 oz so far
I'll update this later or tomorrow...
Dinner @ 11pm: 1 frozen burrito, about 9 chips and cheese, roamin salad w cheese, croutons 2 tbs light ranch.
Snack: lg bowl of special K fruit&yogurt
8 more oz of water
I have tried to be in a good mood. It is hard, my son is grounded and bored out of his mind, Ray has to go to work after only having one day off in the last 5 days (which isn't that bad lol, but he's not used to it) and mad because the dryer is acting up. Now I have to stay up and get his clothes done, because he likes to wait till JUST before bed to think about work clothes... and did I mention i am starving??? I am going to try not to give into the huge urge to eat junk and make myself feel better... I REALLY want to go get some taco bell!!!! That would be SO good right now! But I won't... probably won't...
My son wants me to watch a movie with him, so that's what we'll do. A movie I like of course since he is grounded ;)
Just updated the food. Even though the burrito wasn't the best choice, it took care of my taco bell craving for a lot less calories...