I haven't posted since we went to the zoo (see last post for pics). I've been so tired ever since!!!
My eating hasn't been that great. I was happy with Monday, we went out for lunch but that was expected.
What I ate Monday:
Breakfast: (180) Protein Meal Bar (Fit & Active- Chocolate Peanut Butter)
Lunch: Abacus Chinese Buffet- ONLY ONE PLATE- 1/2 cup Mongolian beef, 1/3 cup broccoli chicken, 1/2 cup veg/egg fried rice, about 6 little battered chicken w sesame sauce, 1 egg role, 3 crab cheese and sweet and sour sauce, tiny bit of a chicken wing, sushi type thing, water. Dessert: 3 little... balls, 1 little fried... thing :)
Snack: (10?) freeze pop
Dinner: 1 1/2 cup soup with 1 slice buttered whole wheat bread
Snack: (23) 1 werther's
Total Water: at least 40 oz
I was happy with this day. It's the best I've ever done at our favorite Chinese restaurant :) One plate! Go Me!!!
Was VERY tired, went to bed early and got the most sleep I've gotten since... I don't remember when!
Tuesday:
Snack: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Lunch: (400) Tuna sandwich (tuna, light ranch, 1/8 cup mozz on white bread), 8 baby carrots with 1 tbs ranch, water
Snack: (10?) freeze pop
Snack: (100) 1/2 bottle iced coffee
Dinner: (1140) Papa Murphy's- 5 medium slices of pizza *wince* 2 chicken garlic, 2 DeLITE bbq chicken, 1 pepperoni, water.
Snack: (110) vanilla pudding cup
Snack: (70) 3 Werther's throughout the day
Snack Late night: (50?) about 25 grapes
Total Water: 60 oz
Total Calories: 1980
The total Calories didn't come out as bad as I thought, but I made a pig of myself for dinner. The medium pieces are pretty small, but still. No excuse for eating that much!
I had to go to the laundry mat. It really wasn't that bad, only took 32 minutes to dry what would have taken forever at home. Costed $3. I was tired when I was done though and gave into the pizza, still no excuse I know.
Was exhausted. Had to fight to stay up past 8pm, went to bed at 9. BUT got back up at 11:30, couldn't go back to sleep. Tried again at 1:30 and laid awake till Ray's alarm went off at 3am. Controlled myself when I got up in the night, but was pretty hungry by then...
What I ate today:
Breakfast @ 3am: (300) chex/ honey bunches of oats cereal with skim milk
Snack: (200) 1 bottle of iced coffee
Snack: (23) 1 Werther's
Lunch: (360) 2 slices of leftover bbq DeLITE pizza, water
Snack: (160) Ice cream Sandwich
Dinner: (700?) Ordered Out- 2 large slices of taco pizza, about 8 fries and ketchup, water
Snack: (160) Ice cream sandwich
Snack: (200) 1 bottle iced coffee.
LATE NIGHT Snack: (300?) 1 more slice of pizza
LATE NIGHT Snack: (150)? pop tart (I had to come back and add these late night snacks, they were at about 2am and 2:30am. AND change my calorie total)
Total Water: 48 oz (so far)
Total Calories: 2553
Whew! Glad that's over! It's true, once I started ordering take out, it's like I couldn't stop!!! Tonight was the last night, I do NOT WANT to order anymore. I know it is unrealistic for me to say never again, but I am really going to try to go a long time before it happens again...
Even though my eating has been bad, my mood is good. Usually when I'm eating like that, it's because of a lot of stress or depression. I guess all the same things are still stressing me out, but I don't really care as much right now. I feel good. Going to the zoo and even the laundry mat, got me out of the house and that's good for me.
Tomorrow I have to go to the store. HAVE TO. I'm out of fruit, and about everything else (the junk you see is stuff I quick pick up at the easy store) I already have my list! Tomorrow for sure!!! No more ordering in!
OH! The one thing I can say for myself, I still haven't had any pop :) I'll have to go back and see how long it's been. I think a week! Woo Hooo!!!!
Oh my goodness. I spoke to soon about my good mood. My mother just called. Ugh... I'm not going to let her ruin my mood though. See you tomorrow!
getting ready
6 hours ago
Hmm, what can I say other than I have totally been there with you the past few days. I'm sure if my furniture was edible it would have gone the way of everything else I managed to stuff in my craw. I must say though I do manage to avoid the fast food and buffet's cuz I know they are murder for me. But look out peanut butter jar, hard cheese w/crackers, chips w/dip, etc., etc. Only difference is that I manage to have enough stuff in the house that is considered healthy that I can still consume during a binge. I can actually gain just by over consuming fresh fruit. I haven't drank pop in a long time as once I start I can't stop and then I go through case upon case. Not only is it not healthy, it's very expensive. Glad you had a few good days and don't let your mom spoil them for you. Do you need another challenge for the fast food ...lol. Hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteboy i missed reading your blog [honest!] but i was sad when i came back here.
ReplyDeleteno offense tina, b/c you know i love you - but i think you are mistaken if you calculate the calories for the day you ate 5 pieces of pizza [delite or not] at 1980. i know you ate that in the servings of pizza alone.
i honestly can't say if i think you are even trying anymore. and that doesn't make me doubt your intentions or your want to do this -you seem to want to - but i guess i thought that what i go through, having to eat a low sodium diet, would somehow show you that what you are doing is killing yourself. if i "binge" or "indulge" in something like pepperoni or hotdogs or popcorn or my [beloved!] baked beans [all in my house right now] then i am off to the hospital the next day because i have retained too much water [from sodium] and i cannot breath. not breathing sucks. i would imagine dying because my heart couldn't keep up with my lungs would suck even worse.
what i am saying is this - i can kill myself in one day with what i eat - no question - sounds dramatic, but it isn't - it scares the hell out of me. what you can't see is that you are doing the exact same thing over a period of years with the same result.
you are killing yourself by not getting control of this - exactly as if i didn't either - but mine is so immediate i know not to do it. you, on the other hand are going to suffer the consequences sometime, somewhere down the road....and that makes me heartbroken.
i fight the addition of lupus in my life - which is where i have been the past 6 days - and as i said - i missed the heck out of reading your blog - that is the truth.
don't make me miss reading you forever. 'kay?
i love you. i hope i haven't stepped out of line.
[sorry for the typing - easier on my hands :) ]
Thanks Tessa! My mood is actually great today. I still feel fine :) I hope you do too! I think we are a lot alike, and we will both get through this!!! Don't worry, even if we ate the kitchen table, as long as we don't give up that's what matters :) I AM forcing myself to go to the store today so I have more healthy options (and will try my best to ignore the tasty delicious unhealthy options around every corner...)
ReplyDeleteSippyMom, I'm soooo glad to see you are feeling better! I will be even more happy to see some 'shifts' :) NOT because I mind the lowercase letters, but because it will show you feel even BETTER.
I know you only mean well, and I really do feel like you care about me, so I am doing my best to ignore the sting of you saying you don't think I'm trying anymore... I also totally see how it looks that way. But I assure you, I am trying.
It is so hard to explain, but food really is an addiction to me. My depression? It has been great. I have felt good and I hate to admit it, but I'm sure giving into the fast food is part of that reason. (But I was SERIOUS when I wrote that I do not want to order out anymore. I am going to try my best)
As far as the calories, when I calculate the calories I try to be exact. If I can't find the exact calories I do my best and put a ? next to it, like the freeze pops (10?). If it doesn't have a question mark that means I looked it up or found on the pkg or whatever. I did make a 40 calorie mistake. I didn't double check since I was trying to get 3 days done, and I messed up by 40, and only 40.
As I mentioned, the pizzas are mediums, but VERY small mediums (I also didn't think it was an excuse, so didn't elaborate, but I will-) I put medium because that is what we said when we ordered, but their medium is definitely a SMALL from anywhere else. The total for that pizza dinner is 1180 (instead of 1140 that I originally thought) The break down is this: Each slice of DeLITE is 180 calories (actually only comes in one size), Each medium Garlic chicken slice is 280, and the one medium pepperoni was 260. Directly from the Papa Murphy's website.
Seeing what you have to go through, really does make me want to do better. It makes me feel bad that I am NOT doing better. Not only eating but everything else in my life. What you have to deal with and still take care of your family, keep your house up, and cook great dinners is an inspiration (has been since I started reading). Honestly, it makes me feel so lazy, as I do not have all the set backs, only my weight. (and upbringing I guess)
I AM trying to do better, and I know I need to try harder.
Please don't feel sad when you come to my blog. That really makes ME sad. Feel proud of me that I'm telling the truth. That I'm honest with you who read it and with MYSELF. Feel happy for how far I've come and for my future. Know that one day I'll look back and say "Damn! I used to eat like that!!!" Even though it's hard to believe, I already do SkippyMom. I look back at before Jan 1 2010 and see what an improvement I've made. It's only going to get better.
You have not stepped out of line :) I know you care and you are just being honest about your feelings, and I wouldn't ask for any different. If I didn't want honesty, I wouldn't be so honest.
These last few days (well... longer) have been a set back (as far as getting healthy and my weight loss), but I won't let them get me down.
I won't EVER give up. I'm going to do better. Starting... at 3:00am this morning :)
Thanks SkippyMom, and I love you too :)
I can relate on eating out and going crazy wanting more til I'm satisfied, then I realize what a terrible thing I've done. All the calories and carbs. I hate those times. :(
ReplyDeletenever forget i am proud of you - you put yourself out there - you answer every comment, honestly - and you write every blogpost with sincerity.
ReplyDeleteyou are the little sister i always wanted. i couldn't ask for anyone more caring or as sweet as you. i want a good life for you - and i want you around so i can visit in the years to come.
sorry if i sounded anything but supportive - i don't do so well in web speak - but everytime i get scared/pained/flare/whatever lol [like this weekend] it makes other situations clearer to me and i want to stop it - to help where i can, if i can. does that make sense?
i think i need to keep my ideas and opinions to myself.
i just don't want to lose you. 'kay?
It makes perfect sense!
ReplyDeletePLEASE don't feel you need to keep your ideas and opinions to yourself ok? Like you said, it's blog speak, and I tried to answer you in the only way I know how... and I hope it didn't come off angry, because I really am not angry at all. It may have looked a little defensive now that I read it... but I really don't want you to think I'm mad or anything...
I appreciate your comments, and only expect honesty from you! And that's what I got! And I appreciate it sooo very much :) HONEST.
Really, thank you. And don't keep your opinions to yourself :) I want to hear them, and like I said, it stung a little. But I'm so over that now, and know that it was nothing but GOOD for me. Ok?
Thank you for all your support, it means so much to me :)