Monday, July 5, 2010

I Feel Better

To those of you who were unfortunate enough to read my long rambling post yesterday, I'm sorry and Thank you for all of your support. This blog has turned out to be kind of a journal... but that's what it says "A blog about my weight loss journey, my life, and what ever else I want to ramble about." and yesterday was one of those rambling days... I almost didn't write at all. In fact I was thinking- I am to stressed out, and I need to get my life in order. Maybe I should take a break from the whole weight thing... But today I know that would be the WORST possible thing I could do, and it would help NOTHING. In fact, it would only make things worse.

I want to let you know I do feel a lot better today. At least a little less depressed! My head ache is going away, and I am thinking more clear. I did start the day off with a slice and a half of pizza, but I have heart burn punishing me for that... so I'm not going to punish myself more by being mad about it. I am just going to start new RIGHT NOW :)

Since my mind is so much clearer right now, I have come to a decision about my mother. She wants him to come over and swim in the kiddy pool, and he wants to. Now, I think that's only because he thinks I'll let him go play games and not really play outside... but no matter. We will go over there and he can play outside. It is 90 degrees and there is no reason for him to stay the night. We will visit and come home. This goes for the future also. We will go visit and then come home. She doesn't live far, and I will visit more often if I have to, but he doesn't need ot spend the night. She can come over here and visit (she always could, but never does) if she wants more time with him. I think that is more than fair. I don't know how much of the reasoning I am going to get into with her today... but I'm not worried about it. That's how it is going to be for now. I have made my decision.

I am also more clear about what I need to do. I need to quit being so lazy. And i have been lazy. Now 37 pounds lighter, I do feel better. I can go do things with him. We need to get out of the house more. I need to keep my house clean, because it depresses me when it's not. I need to concentrate on loosing weight and getting healthier. I need to stop with the fast food because it is bad for us and is putting us deeper in debt! I am doing SO much better that before, but that's still not good enough. I need to Keep track of what I'm eating everyday no matter what. Keep blogging because it helps me.
I need to be clear about what I want from Ray, as far as more activities with his son. (ray is wonderful. but he is also addicted to video games, and that's all they do together, which isn't very often either)
I need to stop being so upset about this place I live in. It is hard because it is summer, and a lot more goes on. BUT I feel bad complaining about it. It's far better than some places! If you were to drive by these townhouses you might thing it looks kind of nice in fact. There are yards and the grass is nice. The old brick buildings are in pretty good shape and had new siding put in a few years ago. It's loud and more dangerous at night, but my son is never out at night. During the day not much happens. Loud music and some fights sometimes. Some dealing, but I think that has gotten better... I want better for my son. But I have to make the best of what we have because there is nothing I can do about it right now. I can make sure our home is clean and safe and a nice place to be on the inside.

I have always said: It Could Always Be Worse. That is what I live by. I just forgot that for a while yesterday. Yesterday I was only thinking about how much better it could be. And feeling the guilt for that... All those what ifs. I just have to make due with what I have right now. Try to look for the bright side in things. Do what I can to make things better for now and for the future.


  1. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better today. You are the one in charge of your son and if you think being at your Mom's house is having a bad influence on him, then you must not allow him to go as often...and especially spend the night there. You can, and should, have the most influence on him and be mindful of how impressionable young men are today. They can easily fall into bad situations. Perhaps that boyfriend of your Mom's isn't the best influence on him either, I don't know.

    Also, if you want to save money stop ordering pizza. It really gets expensive and isn't healthy to have so many times in a week. Even if Ray and your son are at a normal weight all the fat and cholesterol in pizza will have a detrimental effect on their health.

    Tina you are really, really making great efforts to improve your life and I can tell that by reading your blog every time you post. You have a lot going for you and your family of 3! Life is so hard and having to deal with weight issues on top of everything else can get overwhelming.

    I think you'll make it, girl. You sound like you are back on track. Go out now and fight for the great life you want your family to have!!! I'll be rooting for you and "listening". Have a great day!

    Margie M. writes at:

  2. Isn't the world a little brighter when we realize what we have is not so bad after all. Good for you for making the decision to take your son to visit your mom but not to leave him there overnight. It is the first step to you showing your independence as a mother making the best decisions for her child. You are in control and you have to decide what is best. Be thankful for the home that you have even if it is not the best, and make it a home filled with love and warmth no matter what.

    I agree with Margie about the pizza. Take that money and buy some fresh fruit and vegetables and ingredients to make fast, nutritional meals. They don't have to be fancy but home cooked tastes so much better than take out.

    You can do this Tina and don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of your success. What you have lost so far is such an accomplishment and I know you can do more.

    Remember that all organizations that deal with children require their volunteers to provide a criminal record check and you have the right to see that check (at least in Canada you do). Don't be afraid to ask questions if you decide to enroll him in something. There should be lots of free programs in your area. Also, how about having him help you spruce up the yard maybe with some painted rocks (paints are cheap at Walmart). I'm sure there are lots of things that you can think of to have him do. Even have him help you clean the house by making up games as you go from room to room.
    Hang in there Tina you can do it!!! Hugs.

  3. Thank you both for all your support. It really does mean so much to me.

    You are absolutely right about the pizza. I was doing SO good and now all of a sudden I have been ordering it again. Even though this might make NO SENSE: we order pizza MORE when we are out of money! I Know, that is just crazy stupid. But this is how it works, I don't PLAN on spending the money, because we don't have any. When we have food money, I buy groceries, and fruits (that I try to eat, but mostly make my son eat). It's when I have no money to go to the store, we end up ordering pizza. Mostly because I am being lazy, or just giving into Ray wanting it, or whatever. You want to know what makes it 100 times worse? We put it on a credit card!!! That is the only way we can afford it! I KNOW- It is so STUPID. It's part stupid and part being addicted to fast food... part because I'm like- fine, we're already so deep in dept what is $10 going to hurt. either way, I know it has to stop. It is so stupid and embarrassing, but I'm nothing if not honest! And you are so right about the health part. As if the money part wasn't bad enough, I know it's not good for us. I have to do better!

    Tessa, that rock idea is great! My son would actually love that!

    Thanks for your comments! Hugs!

  4. Tina, you are no different than a milluon other people in the world struggling to make ends meet. Credit cards are a convenient way for people to get the things they want and worry about the consequences later. I suggest you put that card away for when you really need it in the case of an emergency. I know, been there, done that have the T-shirt. When I was on my own with the kids I did exactly the same thing because I thought we all needed a treat. Then one day I needed some repairs to my car so I could get to work and guess credit card was maxed out. I had to do some fast scrambling to get out of that jamb and from that point forward I never put anything on that card that was not a neccessity. If you want to make smart choices take that card go to the store and buy $10 worth of food and see how many meals you can make out of it. I bet you could get at least 2 healthy meals out of $10 and you would be that much ahead.
    It is so uncanny of how much of myself I see in you and your situation. I think we were meant to do this journey together. So here is a list of what you should be able to get for $10 to make two meals:
    1 pound ground beef
    1 onion
    1 box pasta
    1 jar spaghetti sauce
    1 bag frozen vegetables

    Mix first 4 ingredients, cook for half an hour. Split into 2 and put half away for the next meal. Cook half the bag of vegetables. Now you have a nutritional sound meal for under $5 or 2 for $10. If you have any money left over from the $10 you can add some canned fruit and cheese.

    I think your grocery prices are lower in the States than ours here in Canada.
    Being hungry and not knowing where the next meal is coming from can be a real stresser. I used to sit down at the beginning of each month and plan a menu for each day. Then I bought only the things I needed for that menu. We ate a lot of pasta and canned fruit (it was cheaper than fresh). I would add lots of onions, celery and carrots to the meat dishes at it helped to stretch the meat out for more than one meal. I still buy canned fruit in the winter time as it is always cheaper. My mom always said if you had onions, celery and carrots you could make a meal fit for a king and no one would know the difference. I learnt lots from her, I watched her many times add extra ingredients to a dish when unexpected company would come by at meal time and no one ever knew that she hadn't planned it that way. Homemade soups are a good way to stretch your budget as well.
    Hope these hints help you in some way. You can do this Tina, I know you can and I an right here beside you every step of the way. Hugs!!!

  5. "I know, been there, done that have the T-shirt." I love that :)

    I don't know what the difference in grocery prices are... when I buy ground beef I only by 97% lean and it's about 4.89 a pound. (I try to get more at a time when it's on sale though) But the rest of that meal should be pretty cheap! :) Thanks so much for your suggestions, I really appreciate them!!!

    That's nice you learned so much from your mom. My mom could make some good dinners sometimes, but I wasn't included ever. I have to start experimenting and making more home cooked meals. For sure.
    I would love to make some home made soups, I decided that after reading a post from Margie sometime ago... and kind of forgot lol. Thanks for reminding me :) Thanks for all your support Tessa!!!