To those of you who were unfortunate enough to read my long rambling post yesterday, I'm sorry and Thank you for all of your support. This blog has turned out to be kind of a journal... but that's what it says "A blog about my weight loss journey, my life, and what ever else I want to ramble about." and yesterday was one of those rambling days... I almost didn't write at all. In fact I was thinking- I am to stressed out, and I need to get my life in order. Maybe I should take a break from the whole weight thing... But today I know that would be the WORST possible thing I could do, and it would help NOTHING. In fact, it would only make things worse.
I want to let you know I do feel a lot better today. At least a little less depressed! My head ache is going away, and I am thinking more clear. I did start the day off with a slice and a half of pizza, but I have heart burn punishing me for that... so I'm not going to punish myself more by being mad about it. I am just going to start new RIGHT NOW :)
Since my mind is so much clearer right now, I have come to a decision about my mother. She wants him to come over and swim in the kiddy pool, and he wants to. Now, I think that's only because he thinks I'll let him go play games and not really play outside... but no matter. We will go over there and he can play outside. It is 90 degrees and there is no reason for him to stay the night. We will visit and come home. This goes for the future also. We will go visit and then come home. She doesn't live far, and I will visit more often if I have to, but he doesn't need ot spend the night. She can come over here and visit (she always could, but never does) if she wants more time with him. I think that is more than fair. I don't know how much of the reasoning I am going to get into with her today... but I'm not worried about it. That's how it is going to be for now. I have made my decision.
I am also more clear about what I need to do. I need to quit being so lazy. And i have been lazy. Now 37 pounds lighter, I do feel better. I can go do things with him. We need to get out of the house more. I need to keep my house clean, because it depresses me when it's not. I need to concentrate on loosing weight and getting healthier. I need to stop with the fast food because it is bad for us and is putting us deeper in debt! I am doing SO much better that before, but that's still not good enough. I need to Keep track of what I'm eating everyday no matter what. Keep blogging because it helps me.
I need to be clear about what I want from Ray, as far as more activities with his son. (ray is wonderful. but he is also addicted to video games, and that's all they do together, which isn't very often either)
I need to stop being so upset about this place I live in. It is hard because it is summer, and a lot more goes on. BUT I feel bad complaining about it. It's far better than some places! If you were to drive by these townhouses you might thing it looks kind of nice in fact. There are yards and the grass is nice. The old brick buildings are in pretty good shape and had new siding put in a few years ago. It's loud and more dangerous at night, but my son is never out at night. During the day not much happens. Loud music and some fights sometimes. Some dealing, but I think that has gotten better... I want better for my son. But I have to make the best of what we have because there is nothing I can do about it right now. I can make sure our home is clean and safe and a nice place to be on the inside.
I have always said: It Could Always Be Worse. That is what I live by. I just forgot that for a while yesterday. Yesterday I was only thinking about how much better it could be. And feeling the guilt for that... All those what ifs. I just have to make due with what I have right now. Try to look for the bright side in things. Do what I can to make things better for now and for the future.
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