Monday, March 15, 2010

WTF is Wrong with Me?!?

My Day started of great. I didn't make the best choice for lunch, but I was still fine. I actually put on a bra from the back of my drawer (because it no longer fit around me)- and it fit!!!! I couldn't believe it!!! I was SO happy! Then I came across Tessa's Challenge, and I was even more determined to start off this week right and really get going! I was on top of the world!!! My son and I did a little running and went to the pet store and I got a light for one of my aquariums that I have needed for months. I even got us a new fish. I was in a very good mood. We were running a little late so I stopped at Arby's. I thought I was doing good by only getting one sub and a TINY shake... but then I got home and ate it... I realized "What am I doing???" and it all went down from there...
Even though I had been on top of the world, I had got fast food anyway, knowing I shouldn't. Even though I looked at it and didn't want it, I ate it and felt guilty the whole time. Then I said Screw it i already messed up- and had a 400 calorie pie thing... My good mood- GONE. My motivation- GONE.
What is wrong with me? My Mom likes to tell me I'm bipolar (yeah, nice right?) and I always deny it. But it's times like today that I wonder. I mean my mood went STRAIGHT down.
But we all have bad days, and I really think it was just the guilt and the disappointment in myself... I had been SO exited and then- POOF I ruined it. Oh and if my mood wasn't bad enough, I felt SICK. I mean really sick, and nauseous. I don't know if it was all the sugar, or because I didn't have CLOSE to the amount of water I usually have, or both. I had a piece of bread and milk hoping it would help...  Right now the thought of pies, or shakes or even pizza sounds just disgusting! I can't believe I just wrote that, but it's true! If I could keep those thoughts after tonight- it would be a miracle!
Even though I felt so horrible physically AND mentally, I said I would do the treadmill no matter what. If it weren't for this blog- I would NOT have. So I dragged myself onto it to do the 20 minutes I promised myself. I also drank about 10 oz of water, and guess what... I felt better! I got to 20 minutes and felt good so I did 30 :) I'm so glad I got on it. right now my stomach feels sick again, but emotionally I am good. I am ready to get back on track AND take on Tessa's challenge :)

Tomorrow is going to be a huge test. My fiance and I are going out to lunch with his mom. We are going to out FAVORITE place, which is a buffet... Scary right? At this moment, I don't even want to go. But in the morning when I don't feel sick, I will probably want it and my new problem will be controlling myself... What I usually have is: 2 plates PLUS 2 egg roles and 5 or 6 crab Rangoon... Now, I KNOW I can't eat even close to that much... I am going to have to concentrate really hard to try and do good tomorrow.... I will think of my blog and how I will have to write down everything I eat... I will think of Tessa's challenge... I will think of how sick I feel at this moment.... Yes- I can do this!!! I can go to my favorite restaurant and control myself!!!! Right?????????
Oh wow... Sorry for rambling on so much....

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing (got up pretty late today)
Lunch: (761) 1 piece of leftover pizza, 2 small cheese sticks, Water
Snack: (230) Fiber One Bar- Chocolate Mocha and 1 cup of FF Skim Milk
Dinner: (805) Arby's- Turkey Bacon Club Sub, 1/2 a Value size Jamocha Shake (smaller then a small?)
Dessert: (635) other 1/2 of shake and an apple pie
Snack: (145) 1 slice of whole wheat bread with a tiny bit of FF ICBINB and 1 cup of FF skim milk
Total Water for Today: 22 oz (try to get another 6 before I go to bed)
Total Calories Today: 2576 UGH!

Treadmill: 30 minutes (1 mile)


  1. hey tina, sorry about your day not going well...heh...mine went eXACTLY the same way. how weird is that! Plus, the whole, "since I already ate one bad thing I might as well eat everything I've been denying myself" feeling is totally one I am familiar with! Apparently it visits me every two week! ugh. heh. I'm glad this blog helped you stay motivated to get on the treadmill. I hope that you have a lot of success tomorrow at the buffet.

    jenny :)

  2. Good morning Tina, and welcome to my challenge. We all have bad days but the way I look at it is if they are fewer than the good days, we are making progress. Buffets are murder on people with a weight problem and I wish you well with it. I avoid them like the plague because even though I tell myself that I won't overeat, I always do. Personally I think they should be outlawed, that way the temptation would not be there. Have a freat day and will check in on you later.

  3. Thank you both :)
    Today I am feeling much better, but I don't have good news about the buffet. While I did a LITTLE better, it was still bad...