The Munchies

Today I just wanted to snack ALL day! Ugh! I did watch portions, but just kind of... grazed most of the day. This is something that used to be the norm for me, but not in a long time! Well... at least not in about 4 monthes, which is long for me lol.

Just a little while ago I realized I have to weigh in tomorrow!!! Ahhh!!! I usually weigh in early afternoon. (sometimes a few times a on Friday morning and go with the lowest one lol) But tomorrow I will have to weigh in as soon as I get up and go with that. I have to head out to the yard sale and won't get a chance to weigh in at my regular time :( I'm a little worried... I feel like snacking right now, but I won't. To be down I have to loose at least 1.5 pounds while I sleep... I don't know if that is going to happen. But I'm hoping!

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (130) Fiber One Bar
Lunch: (450) 1/2 bagel with 1/3 less fat cream cheese and 1/2 cup of crab salad, Water
Snack: (130) 1/4 cup crab salad (all gone now)
Snack: (140) 15 Sun Chips
Snack: (355) 1/2 Donut 1 cup chocolate milk
Dinner: (540) 1 asparagus stuffed chicken, 1/2 cup broccoli rice (from pkg), 4 baby carrots, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (10) 1 slice of apple
Snack: (245) 1 1/2 cup MultiGrain Cheerios with 1 cup FF skim milk
Total Water: 23 oz
Total Calories: 2000
Not enough water today and I SHOULD have been snacking on fruits. I really don't know what got into me.

Can I blame it on PMS?? Please?? I am kind of new to having a regular period... well if you can call it regular, and it should be coming soon... I am having some cramps tonight(TMI?)  The other blogs I read say they crave certain things at that time, so I'm going with that! Maybe it really is the reason for all my snacking...
I can say, even though I was snacking, I wasn't mindlessly eating. I still measured and counted and was paying attention to how much I was consuming. I said yesterday I would be SO proud of myself if I could resist having another donut... well... as you can see I ate 1/2 of one :) I made the conscious effort to get a knife and cut it in half... so I guess I'm HALF proud of myself??? lol... I know I need to do better, but I'm on my way :)
Treadmill: 28 minutes/1.03 miles   with 2 LB weights for 8 minutes
Going to try and get to bed early, since I have a lot to do in the morning. I'm off to loose 1.5 pounds in my sleep! Wish me luck!!!

Wednesday

Today was a little hectic, and I didn't eat very well. My portions weren't to bad, but didn't make the best choices, AT ALL. I know I need to get in my fruits and veggies! I'm going to really try to work on that more starting tomorrow. I got grapes and plenty of apples to help me out with that. And as always, carrot sticks.

I went to the store this morning, hungry. That is never a good idea. So I also ended up getting things I don't normally get, like crab salad- that is delicious. Also the chocolate milk. I only got a half gallon so I won't have to fight with it for TO long... my son doesn't even like chocolate milk! So hopefully Ray drinks most of it lol. The donuts were Ray's idea. I had one today, and there are still some left. If I could resist having anymore, I would be so proud of myself :) I'm not making any promises... except that I won't have another one today!

Here's My Day:
Snack 4am: (90) low fat oatmeal raisin granola bar
Breakfast: (525) 1 egg with 1/8 cup of cheddar on a sour dough english muffin, 1 sausage patty, 8 oz orange juice
Lunch: (270) 1/4 cup crab salad with 2 (8 little) crackers, Water
Snack: (480) 1 custard filled, chocolate topped doughnut with 1 cup Chocolate milk
Snack: (200) 1/4 cup crab salad with 1 (4 small) cracker, water
Dinner: (740) left over taco meat, beans, cheese, lettuce, salsa, light sour cream on about 16 chips. 8 oz mtn dew.
Total Water: 44 oz
Total Calories: 2305
I HAVE to stop drinking pop... I have had it 3 times in the last week, even though once was only 2 drinks- It could easily become a habit again. Pop is NO good for me. NO POP for me from now on. It's pretty much the only thing I am depriving myself of, because I know once I start I can't stop. (that and cheddar flavored chex mix!)
Treadmill: 26 minutes/1.01 miles

I have been petty distracted this week. I joined facebook. I'm not sure why, I don't really like people that much LOL! But come to find out, It's pretty addicting! (I'm probably the last of my friends/fam that joined it...)
Also this weekend I promised my cousin I would come over and have a yard sale with her. I've been dreading getting stuff together and secretly hoping it would rain. The weather keeps looking better and better though, so looks like I'm stuck! Tomorrow I will have to get everything ready because I put it off all week. Friday and Saturday I'll be gone all day. I'll make sure to report what I ate :)

Tonight was my sons music concert. It is his last year in elementary school so this is it unless he joins band or choir. (I'm trying to get him to join band, we will see) They played the recorder and sang, it was nice :) I just can't believe how old he is getting...

Are you kidding me?

I am very upset. I now understand that all my photos I have posted on here are in some Google Picasa photo album online. Now to post any I have to upload them to this online album first, and to do that I have to install an add on from this 'picasa' to my computer?!? I am very pissed off right now. I have actually made the jump to post pictures of my weight loss, and now I don't even want too! I actually want to remove all pictures form this blog... I have invested a lot of time and effort though, and this blog is important to me. I don't know, I am NOT happy...

A Buffet- Ahhhh! The Horror!

Haha, I know buffets are scary, and today was no different. We tried this new place that is really close, it's not new- just new to us. It wasn't planned either, Ray and I were on our way home and hungry, so we stopped. It was a Chinese buffet and very good. It was a smaller place with fewer selections then we're used to, but that helped me not get so much :) The first plate was VERY small. Pretty much a bite of a few different things plus 3 crab rangoons. The second plate was more, but still not a heaping plate at all. Then one more small plate. I didn't really care for the rice, so only bout a quarter cup of that. I tried my best to add up the calories, and it came out to more then I thought it would. That's because I forgot about all the crab rangoon :) I was full ALL day.

Dinner was leftover tacos... oh my goodness it smelled so good! I ain't gonna lie, I wanted some SOOO bad. I was still full from lunch though! I was still going to have a little bit... but I didn't :) I decided I could have some tomorrow, I knew I didn't need it. ALSO I had to do my Biggest Looser Walk yet, and if I would have had any, I would have been to full to do it! So I resisted temptation :)
I got hungry about 10 pm. The old me would have gotten that stuff out of the fridge in a heart beat. The new me decided to have some grapes and water :) I'm not hungry now, I bet I will be after I take Ray though so expect a 4am snack on tomorrows menu lol.
Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (210) Fiber Plus Bar- Dark Chocolate Almond and 1 cup of FF skim milk
Lunch: (1481) 1/4 cup fried rice, 6 little pieces of chicken and 6 crab rangoons with less then 1/2 cup sweet and sour, about 1 cup of Broccoli chicken stuff, 1/8 cup of broccoli beef, 1/8 cup creamy chicken stuff, 2 small halves of egg role, Water
Dinner: Nothing
Snack: (30) 15 Grapes (some were HUGE so it may be a little more calories...)
Total Water: 40 oz
Total Calories: 1721
Hey, what the heck is up with this thing! I took a picture of one of my giant grapes and I can't figure out how to post it!!! They changed it and it's stupid :(
Total Treadmill: 86 minutes/ 3.18 miles A new distance record. Yes, it's only .01 more then last week, SO WHAT! It's still more! LOL :)

Monday Weigh In

And the scale says...

Woo Hoo!!!!

I am VERY surprised at this. I mentioned last night that I

was hoping to loose and not gain.

Well, I lost 1.6 pounds since last Monday! :)

I don't anymore good news for today. We had tacos, and while I did... OK... for dinner, I went and had more later! I didn't make good choices at all today.

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: leftover medium slice of taco pizza with low fat sour cream and taco sauce, 2 drinks of pop, water.

Lunch: Fiber Plus Bar and 1 cup FF skim milk

Snack: 4 starburst jelly beans (still from Easter! lol)

Dinner: 2 tacos 'double decker' style, 1/2 cup red beans rice and salsa, Water

Snack: 1 double decker taco and 1/2 cup of red beans, rice and salsa, water

Total Water: 45 oz

Total Calories:

I have a head ache, so I'm not going to add up the calories right now. I want to know how much I racked up today, I KNOW it's bad. So I'll do it tomorrow and post it here.

Treadmill: 28 minutes/1.01 miles   15 minutes with 2 LB weights :)

I forgot to write yesterday about my fast food achievement! We stopped at Burger King, and since I wasn't hungry, AND since the last 2 times I had burger King I got sick, I didn't want any! A whopper did sound REALLY good, but I was like "Nope, I don't need it." So for the first time, I think EVER, I went to a fast food place and didn't get anything :) yay me!

If only I would have done that tonight!!! Even though the tacos where sooo good, I didn't need all that. One for dinner would have been plenty! I'll have tomorrow to get through with leftovers... I have to control myself!

HOW I WILL KEEP IT OFF THIS TIME

Baby Steps, Baby Steps, Baby Steps, Baby Steps,
Baby Steps!

That is why I have lost 33 pounds and will continue to keep loosing. It is the basis of my WHOLE plan. It is what is working for me and what I would recommend to anyone else trying to loose weight for good. (At the same time, I know we are all different and what works for me might not for you)

When I say Baby Steps, I MEAN Baby Steps.

I think I speak for A LOT of us fat people when I say "I have tried to loose weight so many times... I do well at first but then I gain or just loose motivation." And we just keep trying. We say- OK, on 'this' date I am going to stop eating all 'this' stuff, and work out 'this' many hours and only eat 'this' many calories. Right? EVERY time. At least for me, that's how it always went. (except for the calorie counting) I would start it, I would loose a little, then I would eat one of those things I forbid myself from eating. I would get mad at myself, and pick a new date to start since I ruined that whole week anyway.... and the cycle goes over and over and over again. This time is different...

I KNOW I AM NOT GOING TO GAIN ALL MY WEIGHT BACK. I am not even worried about this, AT ALL. Why? Because this time I am doing it smart. Because I refuse to keep doing the same things and expecting different results. Because I will NEVER go on a diet again. This time is so completely different from any other time I have tried to loose weight. It is different in SO many ways. I'll go more into all the differences other posts, but this one is about Baby Steps...

I have a LOT of weight to loose. I didn't gain this weight over night, and I can't change everything over night either. I do not have a goal weight, and this is on purpose. It would take me so long to get to a goal, that I might get discouraged or disappointed in how long it takes. I enjoy the milestones as I get to them. My next one will be getting out of the 280s, and it will take as long as it takes :) I am concentrating on one day at a time. I am trying to improve one week at a time. One of the main ways is the treadmill. I have gone a little longer or farther every week. It has been a slow climb, but that's part of taking baby steps. I am not overwhelming myself. Or making it so I will get to a point that I am bored with it and quit.

I have no delusions about my eating. I know it's FAR from perfect. I also know that without the treadmill I wouldn't have lost 33 pounds so far. I would have lost, but not as fast. In the first 5 weeks I did not exercise or do the treadmill ONCE. I lost 10 pounds anyway. After the 5 weeks I started on the treadmill, about 15 minutes when I could, and it wasn't every day. Then I made the goal of doing it EVERY day even if only for 10 minutes. (Then 15, Then 20, then 22.) Soon after, I started my Biggest Looser Walks, and went as long as I could while watching Biggest Looser once a week. I worked myself up to an hour, then more, till I got to 90 minutes. This took until last week, baby steps. Also this week I have worked my waking up to 1 mile a day. I didn't start there, I took small steps to get there. I think that has made all the difference.

Changing my eating is also happening in baby steps. On January 1st I started writing down everything I ate. For those first 5 weeks I had stopped drinking all pop, started drinking water and concentrated on smaller portions and THATS IT. I knew if I jumped in on the 1st, all gung ho and deprived myself of everything I love (like every other time) I would fail. Since I was doing so well, I then added walking. I made a food change, instead of chips I eat baby carrots. After a while, MORE changes. 'ONLY ONE' is a goal of mine when eating pizza or other foods like that. I don't always follow it, sometimes it's 2, but it's NEVER 5 anymore. Eventually I replaced white bread with 100% natural whole wheat. I started eating salads. I have slowly been adding more fruits and veggies. Very slowly, but surely. I drink only Fat free skim milk (unless I run out for a day, or am somewhere else that doesn't have it). I started keeping track of my calories, I don't have a limit, but it's good for me to know how many I have. These are all changes I have made gradually. I have a lot to work on with my eating, and I will. Slowly. I am over all OK with my eating right now. The main thing I need to work on now is fast food. 

I welcome and appreciate all comments and suggestions. I have taken a lot of them and changed, like the counting calories, eating whole wheat etc. Everything else I might not do right now like cutting out cabs, because I'm just not ready to. 'Why fix it if it ain't broken' is what comes to mind. Everyone that has a LOT to loose like me, seems to hit a point where nothing is working, and they can't loose anymore. I figure I am no different. I continue to improve slowly and continue to loose. When I come to that point, 'Plateau' is what most call it, THEN I might have to make more drastic changes. Such as cutting way down on carbs or quit eating cereal all the time, stop adding the cheese to my salads (and everything else lol). I know that day will come eventually. For now I have to concentrate on cutting back on the fast foods, eat more fruits and make sure I keep those portions in check. When I check those (or some of those) off my mental list, I will add something else and make more improvements. 

So that's the plan! So far so Good! Of COURSE I have bad days, where I eat to much or have fast food. The difference is, even on those bad days, I am conscious of HOW MUCH I'm eating not just mindlessly shoving it in my mouth. Also, one bad day doesn't ruin my whole outlook anymore either. 'Tomorrow is another day' is a good one, but for the first time I'm thinking "Dinner is another meal" and a chance to eat well even if I messed up for lunch. Not only do I not let these mistakes ruin my week, but I TRY not to let it ruin my day either.

One day at a time.

Moral of the Story: I'm not taking giant leaps and risking falling on my ass. I am making sure I don't fall, even if it takes longer- with Baby Steps.

OK, I think I am done rambling now :) So...
Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing (slept in... WAY in lol)
Lunch: (473) Tuna Sandwich on whole wheat, 7 sun chips, 5 baby carrots 1 1/2 tbs light ranch, water
Snack: (450?)1/2 piece of chocolate cake with 1/2 cup ice cream, 6 oz whole milk
Dinner: (248) Large Romaine, carrot and broccoli salad with cheddar, croutons and 2 1/2 tbs light ranch, Water
Snack: (200) 1 cup MultiGrain Cheerios with 1 cup Fat Free Skim milk
Total Water: 24 oz (not enough)
Total Calories: 1371
A little less calories then usual. Not on purpose but it's fine with me! I got up late so I didn't have breakfast. After being at my mom's (where I ate the cake) I actually got into a bad mood, and didn't have an appetite. I ate the salad because I thought I should since I hadn't had much and still had to get on the treadmill. I did get hungry at about midnight and had the cheerios...
Treadmill: 27 minutes/1.01 miles
Tomorrow is Monday Weigh In, as I mentioned last week I am a little worried that my big loss means a little loss this week. Any loss will be fine with me, even a .1! I just hope I don't gain!!!

Saturday's Menu/Treadmill

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: 2 eggs on 1/2s of 1 English muffin with cheddar cheese and taco sauce, 8 oz Orange Juice
Lunch: 1 bite of a turkey slice, 3 sunchips, large Romaine and Spinach salad
Snack: (150) about 15 doritos (at moms)
Drink: (80) 8 oz brisk lemon iced tea
Dinner: 1 small and 1 medium slice of taco pizza, 6 nachos, 1 can of pop (store brand Mtn dew)
Snack: (100) chocolate Ice cream sundae cup
Total Water: about 22 oz
Total Calories: a lot
Treadmill: 27 minutes/1.01 miles
I did get about 4 hours sleep last night, and took an hour nap today. I am really tired now though, and am going to try again to get a good nights sleep. No work for Ray and no school, so I should be able to! Going now. G'Night!

Guilty Feelings and The Weigh In

Today the scale says...

Woo Hoo! A loss of 2.4 Pounds this week and a total of 33 Pounds!!!

My totals for the week are:

Treadmill: 3hrs 55 minutes/ 8.33 miles
(new week distance record)

0 Crunches... I have no idea why,
just slipped my mind all week!

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: (300) Strawberry Frosted Mini Wheats with 1 cup 2% milk

Lunch: (1074) ordered a Wet burrito with 8 tortilla chips, with my own low fat sour cream, 5 oz mtn dew

Snack: (180) chocolate eclair bar

"Dinner:" (540) Large bowl of Strawberry Frosted mini wheats with 2% milk

Total Water: 26 oz

Total Calories: 2094
Yeah... I don't know what got into me with lunch.
I ended up with 2 hours of sleep last night, I think that had a lot to do with it. I was tired, and starving and gave in to temptation. I was only going to eat half of it! BUT I ate the whole thing, AND had pop... ugh. I felt disgusting afterwards! I was stuffed and full all day until I had some more cereal later. Yep, a mess of a day as far as food. I'm out of my skim milk, will try and remember to grab some tomorrow!

I ended up taking a 2 hour nap today. So I'm still running on 4 hours, so hopefully I can go to sleep tonight. I kind of feel like I'm getting depressed... not at the moment because I'm so happy about my loss :) But I have gone a while without getting to bad... and now I'm just starting to feel a little overwhelmed with my mom and other things... and not sleeping is one of the first signs for me. I'm hoping it will just pass and everything will be just fine :) Maybe I'm just overly tired lately... I'll take a break from watching the animals tonight and see if that helps me go to bed!

Treadmill: 27 minutes/ 1.02 miles   10 minutes of it with 2LB weights
For the last couple weeks I was making sure to do 22 minutes a day (the time gradually got to that) but as I mentioned Tuesday, I think I will start focusing more on distance instead of time. If I keep adding time, eventually I will add to much and dread doing it more often, and quit... we don't want that! My 22 minutes are hard to do sometimes, just because I don't want to. BUT it has become pretty easy physically, I hardly even sweat at all, and am never out of breath. Even though I love not sweating ;) I know it's time to up it a bit. From now on I'll do a mile a day. How long it takes me will just depend on how I feel I guess :)

I was reading Megan's blog today, and it really hit me.
This is such a long and hard journey, and people get so discouraged you know? It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel guilty that I can have such a crappy eating day like today and still loose weight, when others are struggling so hard... I guess it's because I have SO much to loose, and I'm sure I wouldn't be doing well without walking everyday... but it still made me think. Think of how I could have gained weight back, got discouraged and given up by now...

I'm just so thankful. I really feel blessed that I am making such progress so far. This time is SO much different than any other time I've tried to loose weight. I can't even explain it. I have my bad days, but with support and the motivation I have, I just know I'm going to stick with it this time! I'll take my baby steps and keep improving!

So right now I feel bad, blessed, guilty and GREAT all at the same time...
No wonder I am worrying about my mind! I'll get some sleep and all will be well... Goodnight!

My Thursday:

Breakfast: (310) 1 bagel with 1/3 less fat cream cheese
Lunch: (393) Tuna Sandwich on Whole Wheat, 5 baby carrots, 1/4 cup fresh broccoli, 1 tbs ranch. water
Dinner: (705) 2 slices of Jack's Frozen Cheese Pizza, 1 slice of pepperoni (about 1 1/2 servings), roman salad with cheddar, light ranch and 6 croutons, water
Snack: (180) Chocolate Eclair ice cream bar
Drink: (200) Beaumont iced coffee- french vanilla
Total Water: 44 oz
Total Calories: 1788

Treadmill: 22 minutes/.77 mile

Pretty tired tonight. Going to try and actually go to bed at a decent hour!

Physical Changes

Here's a picture of the new red tailed hawks. She is feeding them. They were just hatched about 48 hours ago. There is still one egg left. They are SO Cute!

It is crazy how fast baby birds grow and change! I wish I could see changes in myself that fast!

I have some good news :) Ray was rubbing my back and commented that it feels a lot tighter then it used to. It's always nice to hear something like that :) I can tell too, I am hoping I'll be able to see a little difference next time I take my 1st of the month pictures... if I can't, that will be fine too, because I can feel it. It would just be SO nice to be able to see it too!
Some not so good news? The Chest area LOL. Yes, they are... deflating. I think a lot big women can sympathise. It's always the FIRST place I loose weight. Not exactly motivating! This time around I'm actually ok with that too though... it's worse then ever, but that's because I've lost more than I ever have! I knew it would happen and it just shows that I am making progress. The other place that is good AND bad is my arms... or the wings under them I should say. They were already hideous, but now they are hanging even worse! The more I loose I think the worse it's going to look!!!! If only we could pick where that progress showed...  Ah well, such is life.

I slept all day again. I'm staying up way to late and then going back to bed after I pick up Ray/drop my son off. It started on spring break and just keeps getting worse!

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: (408) Tuna Sandwich(1 can, 1 tbs miracle whip, 1/8 cup cheddar) on whole wheat, 5 carrots, 1 1/2 tbs light ranch
Dinner: (535) 1 cheeseburger (1/8 cheddar, olives, ketchup) on white bun, 1/2 cup of baked beans, water
Snack: (100) 4 oz  strawberry sundae cup
Snack Late: (420)1 1/2 cups leftover broccoli rice with 1/4 cup mozzarella cheese and taco bell sauce. 1/2 can of Mountain Frost (cheap Mtn dew) I know, bad choice of late night snack again!
Drink: (90) the rest (1/2 can) Mountain Frost
Total Water: 44 oz
Total Calories: 1553
Not the best choices today. I definitely have to be careful, eating meals at night used to be one of my biggest problems. I can't fall back into that! One more reason I have to start going to bed!!!
I don't know if I've mentioned it, but we always use lean ground beef, for EVERYTHING. Today it was 93% instead of our usual 97%, got it at a different store and didn't realize the difference. We have also been using Natural ketchup, doesn't taste any different :)
Treadmill: 22 minutes/.77 mile    2 LB weights for 5 minutes
I will be up late tonight. Ray and I have to watch one of our favorite shows Breaking Bad at 1:30am.

I'll leave you with this :)

It's a picture of the little bear that visits the Florida Animal Cam. He was pretty interested in those turkeys today!

Is That Sandwich For Real!?!?

Ok, confessions first lol.
I knew Ray was going to try KFC's "Double Down" today. I didn't really want anything to do with it, have you seen this thing? When Ray told me about it I thought he was joking!!! It's a sandwich... I guess... So we get there and he tells me it's only $1.00, and I HAD to try one. SO I did. I thought of Tessa when I got it home, I know she thinks I eat to much bread (and she's absolutely right!) So check this out:

LOL! Yes it is exactly what it looks like... a sandwich with 2 pieces of chicken for the bun, and 2 slices of cheese and a strip of bacon. Some kind of orange sauce also.  It was NOT a dollar either. It was $4.99!!! I am not going to lie, it was VERY good. (I sat down with a fork and enjoyed it, I didn't eat it like a sandwich lol) BUT, it was NOT worth 4.99, not at all. It tasted good, but at 540 calories was not worth the guilt. AND I was hungry 10 minutes after I ate the thing! It's not as big as it looks. Definitely a first and last for me.

All I can say in my defense is... at least there's not bread??? LOL, I know that's a sad attempt to make it better. I can say that I resisted the urge to order their mashed potatoes and gravy, which I LOVE. I am proud of myself for that.

K, confession time out of the way.

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: (130) Fiber Plus Bar- dark chocolate almond, water

Lunch: (615) heart attack sandwich... err.. I mean... KCF Double Down, romaine salad with 1 tbs light tomato dressing and 1/8 cup cheddar, water

Snack: (123) 1 yoplait yogurt- apple turnover with 1/8 cup kashi go lean

Dinner: (680) 1 stuffed chicken- asparagus, 1 cup broccoli cheese rice (from pkg), 1 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (400) 1 piece of chocolate cake, 1 ice cream cup, 1/2 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (320) 1 1/2 cup Apple Cinomon Cheerios with 1 cup FF skim milk

Total Water: 44 oz

Total Calories: 2268

I bought these little single serving sundae cups of ice cream. In chocolate and strawberry. Each one 100 calories so that's cool :) It will help me not over do it with ice cream.

Tonight was Tuesday, The Biggest Looser was on. As you may know, I go for my long walk every Tuesday while watching it. Today I walked for 90 minutes non stop! Wooo hooo! 90 minutes was kind of a goal of mine... and now I've reached it. I have proved to myself that I can do it, I have built up endurance that I didn't have before. I could have NEVER stayed on it for 90 minutes before 2010.

Treadmill: 90 minutes/ 3.17 miles   Wooo hooo!

Now that I have reached my time goal, I am going to start concentrating on distance for my Biggest Loser walks. That is a long time, and I don't want to end up dreading it by making it any longer!! I'll try to go a little farther each week, and if I don't want to be on it 90 minutes, I guess I better speed it up!

I don't know if anyone has checked out the animal cams at all, but the red tailed hawk's chicks hatched this morning, 2 of them. There is still an egg left. Since there is no night vision on that one, I'll have to wait till the morning to see if it hatched. Exciting stuff! Well...for us at least :-) And no, this new addiction is NOT helping with my schedule AT ALL...

A 4 Pound Loss?!?!?

Time for the Monday Weigh In...

And the scale says:

Yay! That is a loss of 4 pounds since last Monday!

I AM happy,

but it I think it is because I slept all day... and not really because I am down that much!

I will be really happy if next week comes and it's another loss :) That will mean this wasn't just a fluke...

So expect a Wooooo Hoooo next week :) HOPEFULLY

I'll be back later for my usual post.

I hope everyone is having a great day!

Ok, I'm back :)

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: Nothing (sleeping)

Lunch: Nothing (still sleeping)

Snack: (50?)1 large bit of cake

Snack: (8) 2 starburst jelly beans

Dinner: (589) Large Romaine and Fresh broccoli salad (12 croutons, 1/8 cup cheddar, 2 tbs light tomato dressing), 1 cup cheese tuna casserole, 1 slice whole wheat toast with 1/3 tbs country crock and little Parmesan, 1 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (60?) 1 larger bite of cake

Snack: tiny slice of apple
Snack (402) Late night: 11 pizza rolls

Total Water: 38 oz

Total Calories: 1109

I tried a new salad dressing, light Sun dried tomato (Fit &Active brand) and it was OK. I still love light ranch, but this wasn't bad at all. It's also half the calories of light ranch. I do love my ranch though lol...

As I mentioned, after I got home this morning, I went back to bed. I then slept ALL day! Till 3:30! So I didn't eat very much and when dinner came around I was starving, but I don't think I did To bad. I'm pretty hungry again now, I would like some cereal but am out of milk, I'll have to get some in the morning. Being out of milk is also keeping me from eating anymore of the cake (which is DELICIOUS), so that's a good thing I guess! If I do eat anything I'll come back and record it...I'm sure I'll have more water to add to today's total before I go to bed. Ray has the morning off so I'm sure I'll be staying up way to late again, especially since I had about a 6 hour nap!!!!!!!!

Treadmill: 27 minutes/1.01 miles
K, I'm going to bed now. Had to come back and add 14 oz of water and my pizza rolls... yeah I know, not the best choice for a midnight snack! NO midnight snack would be best, but I should have chosen better. K, off to bed... if I can pull myself away from these animal cams that is LOL.

Cake

My son visited his grandmother. When he came home, he brought something with him. KNOWING I am trying to loose weight my mother decided to send this:

As you can see, it is almost a WHOLE FRICKIN CAKE. To be fair, my son decorated some of it. He made the sun and some of the grass and flowers. He said he really wanted me to see it... So I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, and say she is just being nice making sure I didn't miss this great art work... and NOT trying to sabotage me lol. So now this will be around the house a few days and I have to try and be good.

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: Nothing (sleeping)

Lunch: (185) leftover stir fry (about 3/4 cup) and brown rice(about 1/4 cup), Water

Snack: (150) 1 cup MultiGrain Cheerios with 1/2 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (20) 1 starburst (also brought home from my mom's)

Dinner: (550) 2 cups of Viola- Chicken Garlic(with noodles, carrots, corn and broccoli) 1 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (315?) 1 medium piece of cake and 1 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (280) 1 1/2 cups Honey Smacks with 1 cup FF skim milk

Total Water: 39 oz

Total Calories: 1500 better then I thought! (unless I miss judged the cake)

I really didn't need 2 cups of the Viola. Last time I had it was before 2010 and I ate 3/4 of a bag myself. BUT now 1 cup was actually filling enough, 2 was over doing it. 

Treadmill: 22 minutes/ .77 mile (2 LB wts 10 minutes)

If you can't tell, I am completely obsessed with these animal cams lol. It is so calming and exiting when something new happens. Check them out if you have time! There is a whole list of them once you get there. The actual site is sportsmansparadise.com or something like that... I have a link yesterday's post or check it out from the video. In the last 24 hours I have seen deer, bear, eagles, owls, raccoons, opossums, humming birds, an impala, and lots of song birds. Ray got to see elephants but I missed it. The most exiting thing so far was the cardinals, but theres been lots of stuff :) The bald eagles are so amazing to watch. I know, I'm a big animal nerd lol... laugh away :)

Animal Live-Cam

I am HOOKED.
I checked out my newest follower's (V-Dizzle) blog and found a link in one of her post. It was a live video feed of an owl and her chicks. I watched it for a long time lol. Then I saw the "for other wild life cams" under it and yes, I was on the computer an hour and a half switching back and forth between the owl cam, different deer feeders (that had LOTS of raccoons, one opossum, no deer lol) an African cam (not good quality, but the sounds are good lol) and the eagle cam. Now today I checked first thing this morning, and WOW. I watched for another hour and a half! Mostly watching the bald eagle cams. It is so interesting. Got to see her feed the babies a bird and then the dad brought a fish. It is really awesome, especially to a nature lover like me. Then this afternoon I checked on a cardinal nest and one baby was gone! I thought it had fell. That is, until I got to see the others jump on there own! Never saw baby birds leave the nest before, or the parents coaxing them to do it! Needless to say this 1/2 hour was the highlight of my day LOL.
This is something I can watch and it is very calming. BUT I can't sit and watch it all day every day, haha. It's easier to do then you would think! lol.
This is the link to the Bald Eagle Cam. You can look at the whole list though once you get there. Oh, and scroll down to see another nest on the same island with younger babies, only days old. Awesome:
http://www.sportsmansparadiseonline.com/Bald_Eagle_Nest_Cam_P0SF.html

Here's My Day (besides watching animal cams for hours LOL)
Breakfast: (335) 1 egg muffin sandwich(egg,english muffin, 1/8 cup cheese), 1 cup FF skim milk
Lunch: (220) 1/2 Tuna Sandwich, 5 baby carrots, 1 tbs ranch, Water
Dinner: (600) Papa Murphy's: 1 large slice of gourmet chicken garlic, 1 large slice gourmet italian, Water
Snack: (280) 1 1/2 cups Honey smacks with 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (460) 1 slice chicken garlic pizza, 8 oz Mtn Dew
Drink: (500?) about 1 cup (last of the) Irish cream, and some vodka (about 1 cup... so far lol)
Total Water: 22 oz
Total Calories: 2395
I tried to watch my calories today because I knew we were going to get Papa Murphy's tonight. I had forgot until today, but Ray wanted some to go along with the MMA fights that are on tonight. I was going to be so good and order their lite BBQ Chicken pizza... and they didn't have them! not till summer I guess :(  But I did ok anyway. I ordered the large instead of the family for one, and stuck to my ONE SLICE PER PLATE rule. I ended up with 2 for dinner. Not exactly my Only One Rule, but I can live with that today. I was bad and went back for leftovers later during the fights though... and pop *wince*
Then we ended up drinking. I knew he was but I wasn't going to, peer pressure! LOL I don't know how much calories is in vodka, and I'm a little buzzed and don't feel like looking it up.... I wouldn't think it would be very much at all...
Treadmill: 30 minutes/ 1.07 miles
It was really cool today, I wasn't sweating hardly at all so I went for the mile :)

Friday, WEIGH DAY

And the scale says...

That is a loss of 1.2 pounds for the week...30.6 total!

Know what else?

I am out of the 290s! FOREVER!!! Woo Hoo!!!

My Totals for the week are:

Treadmill: 3 hours 48 minutes/ 8.04 miles (new week distance record)

Crunches: 400

Of course I am very happy right now, but his was actually the 3rd week in a row I was afraid I might gain. I'm tired of worrying about that! 

I guess all my walking paid off :) Now I just have to keep my eating under control and I'll loose even more! Yeah! No more worrying about gaining for me! I'm back on the wagon! lol. I've lost 30 pounds, it's a big number. And 40 is an even BIGGER number. 40 pounds here I come!

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: (415) leftover tuna helper and one slice of whole wheat toast w 1/3 tbs country crock, 1 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (280) about 1 1/2 cups Honey Smacks with 1 cup FF skim milk

Lunch: Nothing (was napping, didn't sleep well last night)

Snack: (90) Quaker low fat oatmeal raisin granola bar

Dinner: (551) 1 1/4 cup Chicken Stir fry (used frozen stir fry veggies- red, green, yellow peppers and onions. kikkoman stir fry sauce) with 1 cup brown rice. 1 cup FF skim milk

Snack: (50) a couple more bites of dinner as I put it away

Snack: (280) 1 1/2 cups of Honey Smacks with 1 cup ff skim milk

Drink: (200) Beaumont Iced coffee- french vanilla

Total Water: 20 oz (not enough, I know)

Total Calories: 1866

Went and got my son's hair cut today. Literally right next door is a Little Caesars. It's a dreary windy day, felt pretty blah, and thought of how easy it would be to "pick up a large pizza, bread sticks and sauce for only 7.99..." (yeah, exact words of the sign lol) BUT I didn't do it! I thought of how happy I am to have lost over 30 pounds, AND how I would have to write and tell you all what I had done LOL. So I didn't give in!
I came home and made dinner, and it was pretty good if I do say so myself! In fact, my son even liked it! (It's a little hard to get him to eat many veggies that aren't from a can) I got seconds that I really didn't need, but still less calories then if I would have had the pizza!
I have to say I'm not in love with the brown rice, it's my first time making it... I'll go through this bag before I give up on it though :) I'll compare it with white rice, and the health benefits will probably win me over. I don't have any white rice now so I'm not sure what differences there are, but I'll check it out.

Treadmill: 22 minutes/.77 mile  5 minutes w 2LB weights
I think I know why it's been so hard to get on the treadmill. I have to FORCE myself every night lately. I think it's because I have been waiting to long! I'm tired and don't want to do it, I have to get back to doing it earlier in the evening while I'm watching something, don't know why I haven't been the last few days...

You have to Watch This

I found this great link I think might help motivate some of us. I found it on an old post at Laura's Blog. What an inspiration!!!!  I would encourage everyone to watch the video of her story. http://mybodmod.blogspot.com/2008/12/transformation.html

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (100) 1/2 Beaumont Iced Coffee- French Vanilla
Lunch: (820) Leftover Chicken Alfredo and cheese stick from pizza hut, Water
Snack: (180) 3/4 cup of Honey Smacks with 1 cup FF skim milk
Drink: (100) the rest of the iced coffee
Dinner: (450) 1 cup of broccoli tuna helper, 1/2 cup of Broccoli, 1 cup FF skim milk, 1 slice of whole wheat toast with 1/3 tbs country crock, 1 tbs Parmesan
Snack: (280) 1 1/2 cup of Honey Smacks with 1 cup FF skim milk
Total Water: 30 oz
Total Calories: 1930
I think I did OK today... I definitely have to work on adding more fruits and veggies again! Why I eat so much cereal latley I do not know...
I couldn't finish that last loaf of whole what bread, gross. But I have the one I like again :) The world is a better place now lol. It's Arnold's 100% Whole Wheat Bread- Soft Family. no Artificial anything, 65 calories per slice. I did notice that the 3 grams of fiber are per 2 slices though, when I thought is was per slice. I like it though, and that's what I'm sticking with for now.

We went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D. It was... different lol. I like it, it's probably one of those that will grow on me, the more I see it the more I'll like it. That's how it works for me with some Tim Burton/Johnny Depp movies. Sweeny Todd is actually one of my FAVORITE movies lol. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one that grew on me :)

Treadmill: 24 minutes/.88 minutes   15 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
I didn't want to to the treadmill again tonight, I don't know what's up with that lately! BUT I did it and I'm glad I did. I am trying to do farther each week. Tonight I looked back and did the MINIMUM to do better then last week lol, but it's still farther even if only by a tiny bit :)
I have to weigh in tomorrow, hopefully the treadmill has helped! I don't know what to expect, I wasn't eating well for a while there... so we'll see! I'm hoping to loose... 1/2 pound. I would be happy with that :) I really don't want to gain!!! I'll take anything this week!!!!! Wish me luck! lol.

Thank You

I want to acknowledge another new follower! V-Dizzle thank you for joining me in My Day! It surprises (and delights) me when that little number goes up one lol. I really appreciate all who are supporting me in my journey :)
Speaking of new followers, Tricia joined My Day yesterday. I swung over to her blog and she is actually in a blogger contest. It only takes 1 minute. If you can- help her out :) Here's a link to her post about it.
http://enduranceisntonlyphysical.blogspot.com/2010/04/pledge-for-better-health-and-giveaway.html
follow her instructions (it's so simple) all you do is make a pledge. My pledge is to walk at LEAST 7 miles every week. That is an average of 1 mile per day (less if I keep up the 3 miles on Tuesdays!) Not only will it help her out, but the pledge we make is great motivation also!!!

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (180) Bagel THIN with 1/3 less fat cream cheese
Lunch: (200) 1 cup taco soup, 1 cup FF skim milk (I'm not sure of the calories, next time I make it I will measure it all and find out the exact calories per cup and record it on the recipe)
Dinner: (1104) Chicken Wrap, 17 french fries, 2 tbs natural ketchup, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (330) about 2 cups of Honey Smacks with about 1 1/2 cups FF skim milk
Drink: (200) 9.5 oz Beamount Iced Coffee- french vanilla
Snack: (17) 1 cracker
Total Water: 35 oz
Total Calories: 2031
I knew we where having the wraps for dinner, so I tried to eat lighter the rest of the day. Definitely room for improvement! I did NOT need the giant bowl of cereal for one thing! I would like to start making chicken wraps healthier, these are Ray's chicken wraps- DELICOUS but not healthy. He melted about a cup of cheese on my tortilla for one thing!!! lol, I let him know that's to much for me now though :)

Treadmill: 22 minutes/ .73 mile

Before I go, I have to thank you Asphyxiated Emancipation and Tessa for your comments. I really do feel like I have support and it pushes me to do better. Thank you both.

AE asked if I sabotage myself, because deep down I don't think I deserve this. Deserve to be healthy and to have a better life. At first it was an automatic NO- that's not it... But I have thought about it today and I don't know for sure... In the past, why have I let it get so out of control? DID I subconsciously sabotage myself??? I think the answer might be yes... The more I thought about it, the more clear it became... I never stuck with loosing weight, and gained so many unhealthy eating habits, and never changed them... I WAS sabotaging myself... I don't think it was because I believed I didn't deserve better, I think it was because I just didn't have the confidence that I could do anything about it. I didn't have any support, I didn't have the will power... I just thought I wasn't strong enough to change. So I would just say "Why bother." BUT that's the old me.

This is the new me, and I am still sabatoging myself... now it's because of habit, and an addicton to fast food... but that is going to stop! Even though I fell off the wagon this last week... I still want this SO bad... So I got RIGHT back on... I have the support of my fiance this time, AND the people that support me here. I do not feel so alone in my struggle because I have you to go through it with. I have the support and knowledge that others are struggling just like I am, and getting through it! I have motivation! This time I KNOW I can do this, and I will not let anything, even deep down within myself, tell me otherwise.

I know I deserve this. And my fiance deserves to be able to be proud of me. Most important my son deserves a healthy mother that will be there for him. It will be a long journey full of ups and downs but I CAN do it, and I WILL.

A Girl???

I logged on today... and there was something different... it was... a new follower! I have to take a second and say thank you to Tricia for joining me in My day! I really appreciate all of you who support me. It really has made the difference.

I had a good day today, but realized I have gone backwards a little in the past 2 weeks. Well, if you go by eating fast food- I have gone backwards a LOT. I was on the treadmill and it just hit me, If I am going to eat like I have been, why am I on the treadmill??? All this hard work and I waste it by eating take out... I HAVE to get back to where I was a few weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of how far I have come, and even this last week was better then before 2010... but it is slowly getting back there... and I don't want to EVER get back there. I have to take control now, before that happens! I am NOT saying that I will never have fast food again, that's just not possible for me right now... but I NEED to stop thinking about it daily, and thinking of it as a meal option for 'whenever.' Otherwise all my hard work will be wasted.

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (330) Fiber Plus Bar- Dark chocolate almond, 9.5 oz mocha iced coffee
Lunch: (940) Chicken wrap(Tyson's breaded chicken fillet cut up, lettuce, cheddar and pepper jack cheeses, light ranch, flour burrito size tortilla), 15 cheddar sunchips, Water
Drink: (60) 6 oz Brisk lemon iced tea
Snack: (300) about 1 cup ice cream- Kodiak Island Fudge
Dinner: (820) Pizza Hut- 1 portion (1/2 of the small 'pan')  of chicken Alfredo, 1 cheese stick, Water
Drink: (200) 9.5 oz french vanilla iced coffee (why? I already can't sleep... smart right?)
Total Water: 37 oz
Total Calories: 2650
Yeah, that's a lot of calories :(  I am proud of myself for sticking with the Just ONE rule for the pizza hut :) It was really hard for me, cause that stuff was SO good...
Treadmill: 88 minutes/3.07 miles (had to take a potty break at 48 minutes, but still a new time AND distance record for my biggest looser walk! woo HOO!)
Crunches: 160 (70,30,30,30)

Well, I am going to share this because it's on my mind...
my son likes a girl! Ahhh!!!! He told me though, so that's good :) but... wasn't he just 3 years old?  He can't like a girl!!!
He is 11, but so much younger then I was when I was 11. I just... was shocked lol. He told me she's in his class and I had to pry out of him that she is blond. That's all the info I could get... a name was non negotiable... I'll set up the chair and bright light in the basement for an interrogation tomorrow...
haha. no not really.
After my initial shock (that I didn't show) I guess it's kinda cute...I think it's just an innocent crush... but it raises so many worries for the future...
I have already told him he can come to me about anything... I've used tv as a segway, I try to monitor what we watch, but stuff just jumps out when you least expect it! the things they say on tv... it's crazy... but I have a couple times asked if he knew 'what that meant' when he glanced at me... he says no and I say do you want to know? And he says NO... so I say "Well, if you decide you do want to know, let me know. If you ever have any questions you can ask me ok? You can talk to me about anything." I'm sure he KNOWS he can talk to me about anything... but that doesn't mean he WILL... My mom never talked to me about ANYTHING, so it's brand new to me...(when I was 15 and told my mom I wanted birth control, she said "no you don't" and it was never brought up again)...but I think I'm doing the right thing.... He told me he likes a girl... so that's a start right??? :) that does make me happy. He is such a great kid. We have such a good relationship, and I can only hope and pray it stays that way as he gets older... he will be a teenager sooner then later.... OMG... I can't talk about that right now... scary...

MONDAY

I am so tired.
I'm still stressed about the whole Mom situation, talking to my brother today did NOT help. No one wants to see anything from my (or my son's) point of view. Do you know how many grandparents WISH they could see there grand kids more? But can't because they live to far, or work, or whatever... She lives 7 minutes away. Does not work. Doesn't do anything, well except play poker online and smoke all day. Instead of being grateful she is even aloud to see my son, she takes it for granted. For his spring break all he wanted was to go over there, and you know how many times she seen him? NONE.

You know, I used to handle stress alot better. Now it is just bothering me everyday. It's been since Tuesday I think... and I'm still all mad about it! BUT it hasn't been since Tuesday has it? It has been a LONG time coming. It will never change either... that's the worst part.
It would be fine with me if he never went over there again, but her and her boyfriend are my sons grandparents. He loves them. I'm just so tired of this, tired of them. She could never understand how I feel, because she never cared about her kids the way I do my son. In fact, why am I surprised at her? Her own kids were never enough to make her happy... why would her grand child be any different?
Oh well...
I know I'm not talking about it with anyone anymore. She will probably call me in a couple weeks and act like nothing happened. My brother just wants to defend her, and my Ray listens and is so supportive- but I'm sure he has heard enough after 6 days lol.

This morning I was out grocery shopping before I had anything to eat, which is a big mistake. Ray and I stopped at Burger King and grabbed some of those new muffin sandwiches (that they ripped off from McDonald's- great commercial by the way) and we got home and ate them. He didn't like his at all, so he didn't want his second one. I was good and only ordered one, but then ate his cause he didn't want it- not good. I don't know what it is about Burger King, but it made me sick, AGAIN. Last time it was a whopper. So anyway, I am guessing I kept mine in my stomach and not his... and this is not normal for me. I don't get sick like that. Stress? or just the Burger King?
I felt sick ALL day. Then this evening I felt better and like I was starving! I hadn't had dinner, so Ray made me a chicken wrap, at 11:00 pm... yeah, my eating was pretty bad today. I didn't drink hardly any water till the last couple hours...
Here it is:
Breakfast: (?) 2 Burger King muffin sandwiches(like a sausage mcmuffin) ONE stayed in my stomach I think...
(200) 1 Beaumont iced coffee
Snack: (310) tuna salad and crackers
Snack: (22) 3 starburst jelly beans
Snack: slice of apple
Snack: (270) swiss rolls
Dinner: (820) Chicken Wrap and Sunchips
Total Water: 35 oz
Calories: 1627 Plus Burger King
I feel sick again now, shouldn't have eaten the wrap (or all the other junk I ate!) I am going to go to bed, but probably won't be able to sleep. My schedule is wrecked plus being to stressed to sleep...

Oh! I DO have some good news for today. I only started feeling stressed since I talked to my brother. Before that, even though I didn't feel good I was having a good day. After school the 3 of us went to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. (I know we are late lol. It was part of the family movie thing they do for the movies that are getting old, so it was $3.50 for me and Ray and free for our son.) We had a nice time. Cute movie, it had me laughing a few times :) we all enjoyed it. Mr. T did a good job :)
ALSO, even though I felt like crap, I forced myself to get on the treadmill. Didn't make me feel ANY better, but I'll be glad I did it tomorrow.
Treadmill: 22 minutes/.77 mile (10 minutes of it with 2LB weights)

Well, it IS a loss...

It's Monday, time to weigh in for Tessa's Challenge...

That's a loss of .2 from last Monday

(I won't say what it is since my Friday weigh in!)

I can't say I'm suprised! With the way I ate last week I am lucky I didn't gain!

I'll be back later for my usual post!

SUNDAY

I'm tired again today. I should be in bed right now, but my schedule is all messed up from spring break. I stay up way to late lately! Tomorrow is Monday and we'll be back into the swing of things (until summer break that is...)

My Honey Crisp Apple

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (260) Bagel THIN with 1/3 less fat cream cheese, 1 cup FF skim milk
Lunch: (300?) 1 1/2 cup of Taco Soup (recipe here)1 flour tortilla, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (150) 1/2 cup of ice cream- Kodiak Island Fudge
Drink: (80) 8 oz Brisk Lemon iced tea
Dinner: (440) 1/8 cup leftover cheese instant potatoes with gravy, 3 chicken strips, 1/4 cup peas, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (150) 1/2 large Apple (above)
Snack: (180) Bagel Thin with 1/3 less fat cream cheese
Snack: (400) 2 cups of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios with 1 cup FF skim milk
Total Water: 41 oz
Total Calories: 1960
I could get used to the 1/3 less cream cheese. It's not to bad I guess. The Bagel THINS are another story though. I don't really like them. I think I would rather have half of a regular bagel then a whole 'THIN.' They don't taste the same. So when I get bagels again (not planning on it being soon lol) I am getting regular. Don't ask me why I had 2 today if I don't like them... because I really don't have an answer for that lol. I guess I just over snacked today. I was hungry all day. I did a lot of extra house work yesterday and today, maybe that's why I'm hungry... and hopefully will help get rid of those calories :)
I put a picture of my taco soup on the taco soup recipe page for you. I will try and do it from now on, if I post anymore recipes. I love to take pictures anyway! Sounds like a good idea to me :)
Treadmill: 28 minutes/1.02 miles 10 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Crunches: 120 (3 sets of 40)
I was so relieved not to have gained weight on Friday that I haven't thought of the scale since. So I have NO idea where I stand for my weigh in for Tessa's challenge tomorrow. Don't have a clue what to expect. I'm hoping the housework will help me :) Wish me luck!

Crap. It's after Midnight!

I'll leave you with a picture of My Son's apple from yesterday :)

Saturday

Here's My Day:
Brunch: (400) 1 egg and 1 slice of 2% kraft cheese on a Bagel "thins" 1 cup 2% milk
Snack: (100) 6 oz cup of yoplait light yogurt
Snack: (15) 2 jelly beans
Dinner: (685) 5 chicken strips, 3/4 cup cheesy instant potatoes with gravy, 1/2 cup of peas, 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (150) 1/2 cup ice cream- country fresh Kodiak island fudge
Total Water: 16 oz
Total Calories: 1350 (plus the drink I'm having. just a little of the irish cream, but it's a lot of calories I'm sure...)
I found these "bagel THINS" today, I was so happy! They are 110 calories per whole bagel. I love bagels and cream cheese... but when I had the bagel today I wasn't impressed :(  When I try it with the cream cheese I'll let you know if it's good :)  I also bought 1/3 less fat cream cheese, I was going to go for the fat free, but it had all these extra unidentifiable ingredients, where the 1/3 less has the exact same as regular. I hope I like it!
Treadmill: 22 minutes/.77 mile   8 minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Gonna relax a little while and go to bed. I'm pretty tired. Being so stressed out latley really drains me I guess. I didn't want to do the treadmill at all, but I have to have a pretty good streak going for doing it everyday, and I didn't want to ruin that! I'll have to see how long its been tomorrow :)

The Weigh In and Family Life

First things first! I would like to thank Michaela for joining me in My Day! It really has helped me more then I could have ever thought to have people supporting me! You happened to come at a time when I REALLY need it too! So thanks :)
In my title it says this would be "about my weight loss journey, my life and whatever else I feel like rambling about"... I do get to rambling lol. But I haven't really talked about my life to much until lately. ACTUALLY My weight loss is so much of my life right now! Maybe that's part of it. I've always been pretty private, but I realize as I get older, that if I would have talked to someone in other stages of my life, they might have been easier to get through... Back to My Life in a minute.

Now it's time for the weigh in! And the scale says:

A loss of .8 pounds! I really thought I would gain this week. I know it's normal to go up and down a little,

but I really don't think a gain would have been good for my motivation right now!

So I am pretty happy, relieved I guess  :)

Woo Hoo! lol, ever see someone so happy to loose 0.8 pounds? LOL

That brings my grand total to: 29.4 Pounds Lost!

My Totals for this week are:

Treadmill: 3 hours 50 minutes/8.03 miles

(new record distance for me)

Crunches: 240

Trying to get used to the new camera... It's darker then the other one. Not sure how to crop pictures the way I want to either, I'll figure it out though!

So I really fell off the wagon as far as fast food this week. It was spring break, and I had done the 'no fast food' the week before. I think that really messed me up! Not to mention it didn't help with the weight loss... BUT that is no excuse. I shouldn't have eaten so much fast food this week either way!!!!

I am going to go back to the original plan, and not deprive myself of things I want, but really watch my portions. I think I was getting ahead of myself and my baby steps.

I won't be saying "I'm not going to do this all week." Or "no more buffets for me." These things only make me want them even more!!! I think that's why after last week I completely went overboard with the fast food this week. I NEED to cut down on fast food anyway, I know it's not healthy and besides that I don't want to waste the money on it!

Today is the last week day of Spring break, and we went to a buffet for lunch. I did ok, one plate would be excellent, but 2 is ok. I got really small portions and didn't finish anything I didn't want to (in the past I would eat it all, whether I liked it or not). I don't plan on making buffets a habit again, but today that's what we did.

This week I have been going without breakfast a lot. It's not on purpose, I am going to still try and have SOMETHING for breakfast. It's because of spring break, and getting up later. I end up just waiting for lunch. Monday we will be back into a routine!

Here's My Day:

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: (about 1400) East Garden Buffet(2 plates, small portions) 1/4 cup white rice, pineapple chicken, baked chicken, jalapeno chicken, 3 crab cheese, 1 small egg role, about 1/4 cup sweet and sour sauce, Parmesan chicken, 1/2 piece of garlic bread, crab salad, 1/4 cup chocolate pudding. And a bout a half cup soft serve ice cream. Water.

Dinner: (430) 1 slice of leftover Italian gourmet pizza, small salad with 1/2 tbs light ranch, less then 1/8 cup mozzarella cheese, 1/2 tbs almond accents. Water

Snack: (75) 1/8 cup starburst jelly beans

Total Water: 36 oz

Total Calories: about 1905

Treadmill: 22 minutes/.8 mile  10 minutes of that with 2 LB weights

Crunches: 120

I have to thank everyone that left a comment yesterday, I was actually really upset. Haven't heard from my Mom today, but that's fine. My son of course wants to go over there tomorrow, but I doubt that's going to happen... It would really be less stress on me if he never went over there again... 

Asphyxiated Emancipation said: "Sometimes, the people who are supposed to be our support network just bring despair and anxiety into our lives." That is so true. It doesn't seem fair- but the truth isn't always fair I guess.

To answer a question from the comments, Yes I did grow up in a smoke filled place full of grouchy people. It wasn't a trailer, it was my moms 3 bedroom townhouse, which she was evicted from about 5 years ago when the police raided it (another story for another time). It wasn't very big and it was her, her boy friend, me and my 3 brothers. (For about 2 years my baby also, till we got the hell out of there!)
How did I survive it? Well, I never even smelled the smoke, even when my 6th grade teacher pulled me aside because she thought I had been smoking, from the smell of my clothes. We grew up in it and it was just everyday, we didn't ever know how bad it was. The walls were yellow, my brother had asthma, so I guess that should have given someone a clue!!!

As far as the anger in the house all the time, I survived that by being just as angry as everybody else. I started drinking when I was about 14(not heavy, it could have been a lot worse). I would get depressed a lot, mostly I was just a B****. Not because I wanted to be, because I had to be.

I like to think I was always a good person deep down... I couldn't do the things my brothers did, even though I was the oldest lol. It made me feel bad to steal, so my first time was my last (they made a career of it) I could never do a lot of things they did... (I love my brothers, it wasn't all bad, and wasn't really their fault) I just wanted out of there as soon as possible.

Maybe having my son is how I really survived it... that completely changed me. All of a sudden all I wanted in life was to be a good mother. I calmed down so much, was no longer the B**** I used to be. I didn't want to drink anymore, and once we got out of there everything was SO much better.

So that's how I survived it - the short version lol. BUT as you can see, I am 290.6 pounds, so if I really want to survive it I have to do something about that!!! and I am :)

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's my mom's fault I'm fat... I have ALWAYS been over weight, but it's been the last 10 years I have gained steadily. The last 5 probably the worst... Maybe deep down it starts with her, but I could say that about ANY problem in my life... I'm an adult and I could have fixed this a long time ago. I take full responsibility for my weight and that's why it's my responsibility to change it!

There. Some 'weight loss journey', some 'my life' and some 'rambling'. I hit all three of them! lol.

:) thanks for listening.

ugh... whatever

Well, me and my mom got into it a little today. She is such a trip... it is just crazy the way she sees things. On top of it I ran into my youngest brother at the store and he was mad at me too! Since he is mad at me, the whole trailer is probably mad at me! (my mom, her boy friend, my brother all live with my youngest brother) He texted me to say he was sorry, haven't spoken to my mom though. Whatever, it's better this way because if I did, I would tell her off and it would be even worse then it already is... I'm sorry, I just think my son deserves a grandparent that gives a damn... that's just me I guess.... when she is done being mad, she will call and no matter what day or time I will be expected to drop everything and bring my son to see her... who cares if we have plans or are busy... whatever. And NO WAY she could come over here and see him... my house is to stable and maybe the clean air without all the smoke is just to much for her... ugh WHATEVER.
So I am VERY stressed out. Usually stress makes me just give in to whatever I want, and say "who cares" and I did do that a little... but I controlled my portions ok. Of course it could have been better, but it could have been worse too...

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: (630) stuffed chicken- asparagus, 1 cup of broccoli cheese rice (packaged), 1 cup FF skim milk
Snack: (230) 3 store brand oreos 1 cup FF skim milk
Dinner: (610) Papa Murphy's- 1 large slice of Italian gourmet, 1 med slice of pepperoni, Water
Snack: (257) 1 cup of lucky charms with 1 cup 2% milk
Total Water: 34 oz
Total Calories: 1727
I had a hard time resisting more pizza, but I did it. I just kept thinking about weighing in tomorrow... I may have gained anyway, it's ok. I'm glad I didn't eat anymore :) I am having a hard time with sugary cereal lately! I was doing so good with that! I really messed up a lot this week, and I fear it will show on the scale... of course I am hoping to luck out yet again... but this time my luck might have really run out!!! Tomorrow is weigh in and marks the new week for me, I have to get back on track!!!
Treadmill: 29 minutes/ 1.03 miles 5 minutes of that with 2 LB weights

Oh Well

My mom is stressing me out... you know, it's so funny how people can be SO different. I mean, sometimes I think I must be adopted.
My family is my life, and there is NOTHING I wouldn't do for my child... and then there's people that just don't see it that way... I know, she's bipolar, but sometimes that just isn't enough of an excuse for me... sometimes I just think it's just plain selfishness... I mean, I'm used to it, and have got pretty desensitised to it I guess... but when she lets my son down, it really pisses me off. I just think, my God- she messed up so bad with her own kids, you'd think she would be grateful to even be in my son's life. But no... that's just not how she thinks i guess...
I'm a phone call away. An email away, a text away, a yahoo messenger away... but she can't take the time for any of that... even though she is sitting there doing absolutely nothing...just let my son wonder... he was counting on visiting today... but obviously he's not going to since it is 11:42pm... and she never did answer my text... oh well.
OH! WAIT! Maybe she is busy! I forgot, she is addicted to playing poker online... yes, now I see what is so important she can't ever call here... yes, very important indeed.
Maybe it's for the best. I'm sure she will expect to make it another day, tomorrow if it's convenient for her... who cares what our plans are... I wouldn't have a problem at all, telling her no, but he will want to go over there... I'd rather he just stay home...
Sorry, rambled a little there. That's just what's on my mind...

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: Ordered out- 1/2 an order of chips and cheese deluxe(about 11 chips, cheese, taco meat- this place ALSO has NO Tomatoes) medium chocolate malt, soft chicken taco
Snack: about 1 1/2 cups of lucky charms with 1 cup of FF skim milk
Snack: half a pop tart- cookies and cream
Dinner LATE: egg salad(1 egg,one egg yoke son didn't like, 1 tbs miracle whip) on 1 slice of white bread
Total Water: about 41 oz
I know, another mess of a day.
Treadmill: 27 minutes/1 mile  6minutes of that with 2 LB weights
Crunches: 120 (2 sets of 60)
I woke up with my ear all clogged up and a head ache. Me ear cleared up after a shower but now it kind of hurts... I hope I don't have a ear infection or something... My head still hurts... I'm in an ok mood, just a little stressed. I don't feel like counting calories tonight.
Tomorrow I need to get back to eating better! Or I will gain for sure! It might already be to late, Friday might be my first gain since I've started this blog... ugh.

A GREAT Day, if you don't count the eating...

Let's get the bad stuff out of the way. We were out and about for a good 5 hours, and I stopped at Burger King. I only got a whopper though. BUT at the next stop I did grab some funyuns... so lunch was pretty unhealthy. For dinner was leftovers from Hungry Howie's, but less then half of what I ate last night... I'm trying to see the positive side, but honestly- I did pretty bad eating again, no doubt about it.

Here's My Day:
Breakfast: (140) Fiber One Bar- chocolate Mocha and water
Lunch: (810) Whopper -onion(still have no tomatoes, is this shortage everywhere?), about 1/2 bag of Funyuns, 2 fries, water
Snack: (140) about 1/2 bag of Funyuns
Snack: (42) 1 snickers mini
Dinner: (542) Leftover Hungry Howie's- 1/4 turkey club sub(no mayo), 2 small cheese sticks, iceberg mix salad with 1 tbs light ranch and 1/8 cup mozzarella cheese. Water
Snack: (75) 1/8 cup of starburst jelly beans
Snack: (420) 36 biscuits (1 1/2 servings) of frosted mini wheats with about 1 1/2 cups of FF skim milk
Total Water: 60 oz
Total Calories: 2169
Now to the good parts of the day :)
I got my new camera, and so far I like it! I'm so happy! I LOVE to take pictures, and I had this nice Kodak camera for about 2 years an I just loved it, until it started acting funny about a year ago. Now it just works when it wants to. It is SO stressful to me. I ordered another Kodak, when it came I was so mad. It was a cheap piece of plastic that didn't have near the features it should have for the price, I sent it back- disgusted. (I really don't see why everything cost more and more, and is made cheaper and cheaper... doesn't make sense to me!)
The one I got today is actually a GE, and I don't know anything about their cameras... but so far I really like it :) Now I have a camera that I know will stay on and work when I need it! The old Kodak was twice what I payed for this one, I hope this one last longer though!!!! (I bought a 2 year warranty lol) Wish me luck!

We had to go to JC Penny today, got my sons pictures taken. We are a little late on that, but better late then never! It's his 11 year old pics, he is getting so old...Even though he wanted to dress casual, and NOT get a hair cut, they came out real nice :) So then I had to go pick up the camera from Sears. It is on THE OTHER SIDE of the mall. I mean direct opposites lol. Since I parked right at the JC Penny portrait part, and the pick up was in the back of sears with convenient parking... it would make sense to drive around. BUT, I figured me and my son could use the exercise and we walked it :) It was a LOT of walking, at a good pace too since I didn't stop at any stores, but we did it! I'm proud of myself for that. Just so you know, I NEVER go to the mall. I haven't went and walked around the mall in a few years, because I couldn't walk that much anymore! But now I know I can :) and that feels great.

This is My son, my World  :)

My son didn't put up a fight about walking either, wanna know why? For Easter we got him this new Pokemon game for his Nintendo DS. It comes with a "pokewalker." It's pretty much a pedometer, and it allows him to put a Pokemon from the game in and walk with it. The more time he spends walking with it, the more experience points it earns because of the time he spent with it! When he gets home he transfers the data to his game, so it's like he accomplished something!!! Haha, those of you without children into Pokemon, might not think this is as awesome as I do LOL. But I really think it is SUCH a great idea, especially if you want your child to get some more exercise. I told him he can't bring it to school, so he'll have to walk around outside after he's home or go on the treadmill :) I just love it, if you can't tell LOL. haha, WOW, I should get payed for promoting Nintendo LOL...

All the walking I did today, made me tired. I was a little worried about my biggest looser walk. Usually on Tuesdays I make sure I don't over do it during the day so I can walk a long time at night, NOT today! But I got on the treadmill anyway and hoped for the best! As I was walking, I realized that I would come close to 3 miles if I just did a little more then last week. So that was my goal- 3 miles! During 3 commercial breaks I sped it up and really pushed my self and then walked faster then usual the rest of the time. And I did it!!! 3 miles!!! AND another longest walk record for my biggest looser walks, well ANY walks on the treadmill lol.
Treadmill: 87 minutes/3MILES!
(If may seem to take me a long time, but I am very short- and 291 pounds so cut me some slack LOL)

Ok, now for MORE good news... NOT that anyone cares, but today my period was GONE... I had a 4 day period!!! Maybe that's not a big deal to you, but it is to me! I have NEVER IN MY LIFE had a 4 day period. They are always LONG and HORRIBLE and PAINFULL... with out to much detail- just know that I had a 48 day period in January, and then a 9 day one in February, nothing in March, now this 4 day one... if they actually become normal and 4 days becomes the norm- I will be the happiest person on earth!!!!!!!!!

Ok, that's enough for now. I am exhausted, a good exhausted :)
Being so happy makes me think something bad is about to happen... cause that's how it usually goes for me... but I am going to stay positive and hope that's not the case :)
See you tomorrow!